Cleaner quit and with good reason

[completelyatpointofdespair]

Hi all, feeling very low so please be gentle.

With Covid I have been working for 50+ a day and my house contains my partner, DD who is two and SD (teenager)

I hired a cleaner and she's been with us for about a year and she quit unexpectedly. I asked for her reasoning and she said to her manager basically said our house was to messy, she didn't quit work just our house.

My partner has been depressed so it's been me doing 3 hours of clean up in morning before she comes (starting day at 3am and it's not been enough). The cat keeps being sick (rescue and nervous around anything and that tends to prompt her) and as soon as I see it I clean it up, SD has come on her period and tends to leave sanity products beside the bin (not in it) although again I go around after her I must have missed something and more humiliatingly raised issues with the toilet I have crones so causes issues (I'm usually uber vigilant but must have I missed something as that was commented on too - they don't know I have crones. It's a two story house and I know it's a awful place to clean (because if it wasn't why the cleaner)

I could cry partner says he will try harder but the despression makes it hard for him to stick to anything long term and he won't abs causes a good deal of the mess. I can't mention about SD (she she already causes issues like when she stole from us when we said ok you can't have your PlayStation for a day she called her mum to come get her and DH is worried she won't want to come anymore) also means that she rules the roost. Literally does not pick up after herself (she's 12) and HD won't say anything to risk her not wanting to come back

I got a cleaner to help agaist the war of mess , happily paid way above market rate £20 per hour for 4 hours bi weekly and would have happily paid more if it had been raised with me before, provide own cleaning equipment and any she wanted.

I'm just so ashamed, I fear that I will never get this house under control and I'm losing a fighting battle and that little bit of help just kept my sanity is now gone.

I would normally kick DH into touch but his depression and working all hours gods sends has put a stop to that.

I'm so tired at end of day (dealing with DD who's two and work). I have had my mum over who's hyper critical, and she's said it's really not that bad but it must be if cleaner has quit over it ! It doesn't look bad we aren't hoarders or anything, messy yes and the toilet situation is just mortifying. I check so often so I must have just had a bad day

I just can't. Anyone been in same boat ? Suggestions. Usually I would say get a cleaner but it seems I can't because it's to messy. What must the cleaner think of me ? I'm so ashamed and embarrassed, and have been in tears all day.

My DSD was the same with sanitary products for a while (also hiding them under the bed). I asked her nicely if she'd be happy to pick up my sanitary products when I was on my period. She said no, so I asked her why she thought it was OK for me to clean up hers? I didn't have a go, just left her to think about it. Aside from the (very) occasional wrapper, she hasn't done it since.

As for the rest of it, I would just suggest that you probably had a cleaner who wasn't the right fit. You shouldn't need to clean in preparation for the cleaner. Ok clean up the cat sick, maybe keep on top of some of the mess and maybe have a cleaner come more regularly so the job isn't so overwhelming for them but honestly I think you just need to find someone who understands your situation and is willing to help.

Please ignore people who say to ditch your husband. My partner and I lost a baby late stages too and it's bloody tough. You also need to grieve and have support so maybe spend time together talking and crying about your baby. We both made a promise to go to the other one if we were struggling. Sometimes one of us would be having a good day, in a good mood and the other was struggling and we would still talk about it, console each other and have a cry together, or even go out for a long dog walk together to clear our heads. Your husband will get through it, it's hard but it does get better I promise. Don't let it break the relationship.