Running two homes

[Mumtothelittlefella]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum but I’ve looked endlessly for articles and information on the net and can’t find any so thought I’d try here.

Me, DH, our primary age DC will soon be living between two different locations. It’s not a situation we planned to be in but our business has led us here. In addition, our DC needs means we need to find them schools which better suit their requirements. Those options only exist in the new location, which is about 260 miles from where we currently live.

So rough idea is for part of the week DH will be in one home (current home) and me and DC will be in the other. DH will join us for the remainder of the week. Weekends and holidays will be spent with all of us in our current home, with the odd weekend spent in the other for work or visiting friends. Before covid, DH travelled a lot for work and so we’re used to spending time a part, 2-3 nights. This plan will actually reduce the time he spends on the road so that will be a big positive.

It’s an odd situation and I want to get to grips with how to manage the practical side of things eg our clothes and the DC’s toys and other ‘stuff’. I don’t want to be packing up and effectively living out of suitcases every week. Has anyone got any experience of this set up and can offer advice on how to organise ourselves? We simply cannot pick one location as our livelihoods depend on both. Thanks

Until the pandemic we almost did the same.. one of ours being a 'second home' although we didn't just holiday there

Def 2 washing machines, dryers, freezers etc. Separate towels, bed linen etc and some sort of system to stop you forever carrying laundry both ways. I like to leave a place clean and beds changed to go back to but washing on a 'leaving day' doesn't work. I leave the used linen and towels ?make sure they're dry) in the utility until we go back and wash them then.

Underwear, pjs, dressing gowns, slippers, some basics in both. Dogs bed too

Gardening stuff, lawn mowers etc.

I'll warn you its exhausting.
As much as possible leave in one house or the other so you need enough sets of towels and bedding, phone chargers, some toys and books in one some in the other. Basically whatever you use a lot you'll need another one
I always end up moving some food and children's clothing as I don't want the food to waste and I cant justify two sets of clothing for each child. I just split my clothing.

We have two homes in different countries. DH lives mainly in one and I share my time between both (or did before Covid). You just have to get double of everything. I've tried moving stuff backwards and forwards and it doesn't work, except for some clothes (we keep adults coats, boots, nightwear, contact lenses, medication plus a few other items in both houses), special toys and laptops etc.
The answer for us was to keep it as simple as possible do we could move from house to house without drama and hard work.
We also have a permanent list in both houses of things not to forget to take or return (laptops, glasses etc) and we have a book for each house that has all the info we need, bills, reference numbers, tradesmen etc that we always take to each house with us in case there's a need for repairs etc.
Hope that helps.

I have a tote bag I keep stuff in almost all
Of the time and take backwards a forwards, of things essential.. glasses, iPad, kindle, keys, makeup, and a notebook I write lists in endlessly.. often stuff like 'take some matches back'

We did similar for a while and ended up with 2 of lots of things. Random things like wellies and gloves, I can't think what else but there were lots of weird things we kept finding we needed. Phone chargers, pens and colouring books, kids own cups and plates (mine were quite young, this stuff mattered) . There was a kids animal encyclopedia one of them loved and we bought a double of that, a board game they particularly liked. Ds has eczema and the Dr prescribed twice the medication so we always had his creams at both places.
One of ours got really upset at the idea that his teddies were living in an empty house part of the time. But he had so many we couldn't possibly transport them every time. Same duvet covers on kids beds at both places, same smelling soap shower gels, washing powder. Not quite duplicating homes but keeping lots of thi gs similar because the kids did go through periods of finding it unsettling.
But like you we had no choice.

I live away for work normally. I keep a second set of everything (eg shampoo, toothpaste, pants, charger, store cupboard stuff etc) in the flat so when I go home at weekends I take myself. Otherwise I feel like I'm just constantly packing.

We’re doing much the same.

We work it like this:

• Everybody has full sets of clothes, cosmetics, toys, toothbrushes etc in each house. Nothing moves between the two except the clothes we are wearing on the travel day and any prescription drugs,
• basic/long life groceries kept in both places, and we buy fresh stuff little and often for whichever one we’re in.
• we have scanners at both houses and scan any important post so we can both see it/don’t lose it
• our children are young, so have identical bedding in both places, it seems to help them be settled.

We usually do all the laundry overnight or first thing before leaving day then hang it up to dry, so it’s ready when we get back.

We have smart alarms both places (so can monitor on our phones).

Have trusted friends both places who have keys so could deal with an emergency leak or something.

Wow I hadn’t expected so many replies - seems we’re at least not alone on embarking on a slightly unconventional life.

Thank you for your brilliant tips - I hadn’t thought of replicating the kiddies rooms to help them settle. Will definitely be doing this. My youngest had so many soft toys, there’s no way we can take them all each time.

From your replies I guess there is no avoiding doubling up, especially on the essentials. What do you do about hobby equipment? We have dogs so I’ve got wellies and coats for all weather conditions. So I guess I can’t realistically double up on those. Also things like bikes and scooters etc? Too expensive to duplicate but also a pain to take back and fore. We’ve moved around quite a bit so we luckily don’t have lots as we’ve always been on top of sorting out clothes and toys etc as the kiddies got out grew them. I just home our homes still feel like home if that makes sense?

Great advice on keeping lists of things to take back and what needs replacing in each place. It sounds like it’s going to take a lot of organising and planning ahead. Are there any apps you use to help?

Security does concern me. We have alarms but I think the cameras will be a must too.

OP I don't have young children so can't help you there but I imagine it'll be difficult

I had enough kitchen stuff to just split it mainly... I mean how many casseroles can you make at a time. I even had enough cups plates etc to start off with.

We started with enough towels and bedding too but I replaced most once we'd got straight.

I'd say don't go mad to start with... you'll find things you don't need but things you really must duplicate.

You can pick double things up second hand, if you're moving every week having a spare pair of wellies and a scooter will make a massive difference. Fair enough having 2 bikes is a bit much but I would seriously consider another scooter if you can afford it. Make it as easy as you can on yourself, it's stressful enough.

Sorry to be a downer, but I have been in this situation for around 2 years now... and I absolutely hate it.

Going between homes you always forget something, makeup or medication or some specific toy the DC wants. There will always be a certain coat or boots or gloves you want to wear and remember it's at the other home.

Have a good quality large hold-all or suitcase and make sure you do a quick check around the house you are in before heading to the other, even when you have doubles of things in both houses there are ALWAYS things you need to take between the two. Better to take things in case and have them in the hold-all in the car, rather than think "oh ffs!" when you realise you left something miles away.

My DD is 4 and still quite enjoys the novelty of two homes, she actually likes having different toys in each house, it stops her getting bored as she will go a week or so without seeing one set of toys and be thrilled to "have them back".

My other advice would be to keep the residence you will be in less, as minimal as possible. Not too much clutter or anything fussy, the task of keeping two houses spotless is easier when there isn't lots to be dusting.

Invest in a ring doorbell system or similar. If people know you travel between two places it makes you a potential target for break ins. You can also get special plugs you control from apps that switch lights on and off etc, just something to think about.

It's exhausting. I don't have much choice about it really but I wish things were different. The novelty wore off around the 6 month mark for me. Your mileage may vary.

Good luck op.

Oh...

And when it comes to doubles for the kids like bikes etc, I'm genuinely finding that DD much prefers having different things in each place, it keeps it fun for her. There may be the occasional things she wants to bring with her but that's ok. Again with the holdall/suitcase idea maybe get some fun ones for the kids and let them fill one suitcase each of things to take, they will enjoy it honestly. No need for double bikes and the like.

Just be prepared to have your car and boot always full of things, bags and suitcases going back and forth so you aren't too disappointed it always looks cluttered lol

Thank you. We actually held off on doing this early last year as I could visualise how it would work. I really appreciate a dose or two of reality. We haven’t actually told family yet as I need to be prepared for the inevitable shock and negativity. I don’t blame them - we’re going to have to figure a lot out as we go but we’re trying to prepare as much as we can. The expense of buying our key things twice is concerning and seems extravagant.

On the plus side, the idea of the DC discovering their toys each time they move sounds great! I can imagine it’ll be a novelty each time. They really live on their scooters and bikes so we might have to invest in second hand options.

Those who are doing it, did you have close family and friends in both locations? We have lots of friends in the second location but only one family member; the majority of family are in current location.

Abbey, what’s your long term plan if you don’t mind me asking? I guess we plan to do this until the DC finish school at least. I was hoping for longer than a 6 month itch - for me our current location is very much home. I love our house, our town and having all the family close. However, I’m excited for the possibilities the other location offers.

Don't go overboard with buying 2 of everything. You'll soon find out the things you keep forgetting or wishing you had. Maybe have a bike at one house and scooter at the other and just see how you get on with that?
We did it because Dh got a job secondment 180 miles from our home but the kids didn't want to move school, one has additional needs and was really well supported in school. By co-incidence my parents and my cousin lived near our temporary location so we knew people in both places. So we had weekends and holidays in one place and mid-week in another. That made dividing things up a bit easier, we had scooters in one place for scooting to school and bikes for weekends in another for example.

We have friends in one place and family in the other which works well for us. It’s probably our plan for another 5 years or so and we’ll then hopefully be able to settle fully in the place near family (esp ageing parents).

Abbey, what’s your long term plan if you don’t mind me asking? I guess we plan to do this until the DC finish school at least.

Similar to yourself I think! At least until the kids are out of school as one of the homes is in a fantastic catchment area for wonderful schools, but the other is necessary for DH work. I hope I didn't put you off too much, I mean it does have its perks. Unfortunately I was reading your original post on the long car journey back to the other house 😂 so wasn't feeling particularly enamoured at the time lol.

You'll figure out your own routine in no time, and if nothing else it will be an adventure and a learning curve! X

Agree with what everyone has said about doubling up with white goods and kitchen equipment, bedding, toys, cleaning equipment and toiletries etc. Despite our best efforts and having done this, , we never seem to have reached the point where we just get in the car without taking a load of bags and boxes with us! But maybe that's just us! ( Also, we are going between city and country so different things required for each location which makes a difference.)

Personally, after five years, cleaning two properties was my biggest bugbear, especially as it always needs to be done when you are leaving and in a rush so my main tip would be (if financially possible) to engage a cleaner in your second property to come in and clean when you are not there. Ours comes once a fortnight to our second home (which we will be moving to permanently in a few years) and I can't tell you the difference it has made in lessening my stress in particular! We can also just enjoy the time we are there now without having the leaving clean to think about (well tbh it was only me that stressed about it, but that was part of the issue. I had to put my foot down about it in the end). It's also good from a security, emergency leaking roof sort of situation, to have someone you trust with a key nearby.

I also have numerous copies of a photocopied list (old school) in a hall drawer in both locations that I tick off when leaving that says things like : remember to lock shed door, close bathroom window, remember X's phone charger, and y's pills.

Good luck! And good luck with your business. Presumably you will have proper office facilities in both locations? We run our own business and have found that to be vital.

Thanks, Shameful. Our situation is similar - from county and coast to town life. So today I’ve been making a mental note of the things we use throughout the day - that we will need two of. And whether we’d need the same or a cheaper version. Honestly, at home it’s jeans, trainers and wellies. Very rarely get dressed up as we’re in wetsuits or walking. That does mean a lot of more smarter clothes can go into the other home.

I suspect, we much as we try to cut it down, a boot full will be hard to avoid - just with the kids things alone. But thinking about what we do in each location helps a great deal.

I love the idea of a cleaner but will have to wait and see how we get on before committing to one/two. I can imagine it’s so nice to walk into a freshly clean home. As you say, the security aspect must be a bonus.

Business wise we’ve been going for ten years but growing. It’s split 50/50 between each location and one is dependent on the other. I’ve considered selling up in one location but it would have a detrimental effect on the location and the team. We have offices in the current location but bizarrely no office in the other. That might well change but for now it’s one step at a time. Our work is paperless so we just need a scanner and our laptops for now.

We have offices in the current location but bizarrely no office in the other. That might well change but for now it’s one step at a time. Our work is paperless so we just need a scanner and our laptops for now.

Yes current tech makes everything so much easier, but there have been occasions when we have been unexpectedly stuck in one location owing to bad weather or dc illness, and having two offices has lessened the stress of those situations so it's something to consider for the future.

That’s one of our biggest concerns right now given Covid. How would we have managed? Likely would have all decamped to our current location on the presumption that the DC would be home schooling but would we be allowed? Presumably, even though we are living between two places, we’d still have to declare one as our main residence? Tech has changed the business model dramatically however when we can go back to face to face meetings, we will. It’s worth us having a contingency plan for both personal and business. Thank you for highlighting some of the pitfalls.

OP I started a post a day or so ago on Chat asking how people are managing their second homes during this pandemic.

Like you we wouldn't normally have been away for many days but travel restrictions have caught us out.

You might find it interesting... although brace yourself for the usual anti second home brigade

Oh brilliant, thank you Dare, I’ll take a look at your post.

How are you managing? Is it a holiday let and if so, are you finding the agents are assisting more with maintenance etc. Also, how do you manage insurance with the property being unoccupied for so long?

Yes Mumtothelittlefellas that's true really difficult to predict when/if business will ever go back to how it was before, prudent to have some in-built flexibility! I'm not in UK so can't advise on tax/primary residence (one nearest school?) issues but perhaps your accountant could help with that one? Good luck!

@Mumtothelittlefella

Oh brilliant, thank you Dare, I’ll take a look at your post.

How are you managing? Is it a holiday let and if so, are you finding the agents are assisting more with maintenance etc. Also, how do you manage insurance with the property being unoccupied for so long?

No not a holiday let. Before the pandemic we spent about 40% of our time there but have stayed away.

Hope you find the thread interesting