Running two homes

[Mumtothelittlefella]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum but I’ve looked endlessly for articles and information on the net and can’t find any so thought I’d try here.

Me, DH, our primary age DC will soon be living between two different locations. It’s not a situation we planned to be in but our business has led us here. In addition, our DC needs means we need to find them schools which better suit their requirements. Those options only exist in the new location, which is about 260 miles from where we currently live.

So rough idea is for part of the week DH will be in one home (current home) and me and DC will be in the other. DH will join us for the remainder of the week. Weekends and holidays will be spent with all of us in our current home, with the odd weekend spent in the other for work or visiting friends. Before covid, DH travelled a lot for work and so we’re used to spending time a part, 2-3 nights. This plan will actually reduce the time he spends on the road so that will be a big positive.

It’s an odd situation and I want to get to grips with how to manage the practical side of things eg our clothes and the DC’s toys and other ‘stuff’. I don’t want to be packing up and effectively living out of suitcases every week. Has anyone got any experience of this set up and can offer advice on how to organise ourselves? We simply cannot pick one location as our livelihoods depend on both. Thanks

You do realise that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and you shouldn’t be moving between 2 homes don’t you?

Yes, thank you Waiting. Appreciate your concern. Absolutely no plans to start the process until we’re all safely able to do so (although we are buying the property now ready). We work with many vulnerable clients, we have DC and we’re quite fond of our families and friends so have no plans jeopardise anyone or to start leaving our home until Drakeford tells us otherwise. However, we must move forward, all this will be over soon and we have a responsibility to our team to make sure we can keep them employed and keep looking after our clients.

Oh Dare I’m so cross for the comments you received. Everyone is so ready to think the worst of others.

I spent years working in the holiday cottage agency industry. Our local community

Sorry, posted to soon. Our local area wouldn’t survive without tourists. We’d have no other major industry and this year has shown how dependent we are on our visitors. I understand some don’t agree, and that fine but I take it they then never rest their heads in a holiday cottage or Airbnb?

Anyway, at least you had some useful responses. I think the heating/HIVE suggestion is a good one. We turned the heating off in our offices at the start of all this and now the paint is starting to peel. It’s back on now but I wish we’d left it on at a low heat. I hope you manage to get back home soon.

@Mumtothelittlefella

Oh Dare I’m so cross for the comments you received. Everyone is so ready to think the worst of others.

I spent years working in the holiday cottage agency industry. Our local community

Thank you but don't be. There's been second home threads before and I did think twice before raising the subject again, but as I'm sure you've realise now we're in an unexpected predicament.

Would have been easy had we just flouted rules and visited anyway, but we haven't. I was just asking for advice from those who had left their second homes for long periods in the past.

We are of course fortunate to have two properties, despite having them due to our own hard work and the loss of loved ones.

Would it make sense for you to declare one place as your main residence and DH to declare the other place as his? I'm thinking that way if there is another pandemic, as doom-mongers are predicting, your children will have the right to be in whichever place you want them to be.

I absolutely understand. We also live between two places. I recommend you to have the same stuff in both two houses. It will save your time and energy on packing every time you change location. I have also installed an Ajax security system in one house. When we are in another one I can monitor the first one through a phone application, so it makes our lives easier. We rent out our second house. So, when we are in the first house, we do not have to worry about another one. I would also recommend you either to install a reliable security system or to find people who will live and take care of your place when you are out (of course if it is important for you).

We bought our longed for holiday home in October (our main home is rented). We've only been able to visit twice as we stick to the rules. I've got a cupboard groaning with washing up racks, kitchen roll holder, bedspreads etc and I can't wait to take it all there. We tried to buy Hive but there were no installers available in December for some time to come. Luckily I thought to leave a key with someone local we had just become friends with. Good luck

We kept different things at different houses. So D.C. knew for example , we did crafts at house A and went swimming at House B. Some DVDs were house A DVDs, others we only watched at House B. Similarly toys. Some special teddies travelled backwards and forwards but most toys stayed in their 'own' homes. It meant that whenever we switched there was something to look forward to at the other end.

For adults my rule of thumb is that if an unforeseen event meant I end up at the 'wrong' house I should have enough essentials there to mean it's not a disaster. So far the only disaster has been someone falling asleep on a late night train and waking up in the wrong city. So we keep enough stuff at each house to get by. For me that means a spare Kindle, iPad and some very basic tools of my trade. DH has monitors, a laptop and a keyboard so he could WFM. There are also duplicate chargers, toiletries, bed linen, clothes, coffee maker etc. It isn't a cheap way to live. We actually divide our time between three places so that's three vacuums, three coffee makers, 3 hearing aid chargers etc etc.

I did this for only 4 months and hated it. The travel cost is high and the travel time is exhausting. Also you never feel that you are settled and relaxed anywhere, you are constantly on the move.

Are you sure Op that you want to do this for YEARS ? How will it work when your kids have after school and weekend activities, or they want to go out with friends?

Is there no way that the children and one parent can stay in one place any the other parent travel back at weekends ?

I’m sure you know that many families try your plan after divorce - with the children being in each home half the time. Almost all of them end up stopping this as the children generally hate it. They go back to having one main home and visiting the other, as the children want a base and to see their friends.