I don't want to live like this anymore!

[Poorlyandfedupmum64]

I hope I don't get bashed on here. But it's worth a try. I'm not sure if it's tips I need or a rant. I'm currently poorly. Just a rubbish cold. The kids have also had it. I've just been woken up by my 4 year old to say she's wee'd on her toddler brothers week old mattress.she rarely has an accident now. Probably every six months she sees in her sleep. Genius mum over here hasn't been into town yet for a mattress protector for my son's new bed.

I'm not proud of it but I went downstairs and shouted at my partner. He took our son downstairs to sleep on the sofa around 3am as he was crying hysterically with his cold. The reason I shouted was because all I do is try and keep this house looking respectable. Yet i have a very messy 4 year old. A mischievous 2 year old and a partner who works away alot of the week and isn't home until bedtime. Everyday I do the stuff I need to do. Washing up, laundry, hoovering etc. The rubbish goes out everyday. But I never ever have chance to get it in order. It's such a struggle in the week. My son's so mischievous and he escapes out of pushchairs, highchairs. He can't be left anywhere for five minutes. It's impossible to do simple things like mop a floor or clean a bathroom with him around. I can't iron or anything until the weekends when oh is around. He ends up sitting downstairs all afternoon on a Sunday whilst I iron and try get things done I can't normally. My partner gets home at 7.30. Then my daughter goes up to bed. The two year old is a working progress and won't sleep until 9ish. I am training him the best I can with this! Once he's settled by about 9.30 I am shattered. So shattered! Sometimes my oh will tidy up the living room whilst I do this. Other times he is knackered and will watch tele. He's not a lazy dad. He does nappies, washing up and hoovering. He piles up everything else though so I end up having to seperate everything anyway.

I hate waking up to pots and a messy living room. I wash up 90% after tea but sometimes baths etc mean I leave it hoping oh will do it. But then oh will reheat his dinner and have drinks etc and there's often last night's pots in the morning.

To give you an idea. I can do a crazy 2/3 hour tidy and clean if we have visitors. But usually I'd not want to open the door and let people in unannounced.

There's always clutter on the worktop
Partner's receipts, wallets, small things out of DD toys I find laying around. Her art from school. Letters and post etc. Often pots! I feel I can't ever just have a good quick clean In the kitchen and it drives me crazy. My ovens ready for a clean. All my cupboards need tidying up. They were cleaned a month ago but the food ones always get messy again. Under the sink is a disgrace.

Living room. Fairly cluster free. Toybox that gets emptied. I'm ashamed to say the sofa is in desperate need of a huge hoover and freshen up. Underneath the recliners etc! Behind the sofa DD threw so as of blocks etc. It's a heavy corner sofa. So I need it pulling out by oh so I can get behind it to hoover! The windows are filthy and i want a window cleaner but oh needs to go get some weeds out and sort the grass out abit. We cut it regular in the summer but he never did a final weeding before winter.

All my woodwork needs a Good clean
My living room was painted three months ago. My oh never went to get me another tin so one wall needs another coat! He's annoyed me with this as I can't drive and the diy store is not walkable.

Kids bedrooms are freshly decorated. Ours was decorated a few years ago. It's become a mess. Oh put aload of boxes in one corner containing random books, cables from his work and old paperwork. I usually throw all the washing in here until I can get it out away. I can't remember the last time I cleaned in here. I wash my bedding weekly but the units etc have been neglected.

Our wardrobe needs a huge clear out and everything put back nearly.

Our kitchen is hugely desperate for a fresh coat of paint.

We actually had an extension done in the summer. It's a gorgeous room. Just wish I could get the skylights cleaned etc.

I wish I could live the way I want to live. I've got so behind and in such a rut. There's not enough hours to get caught up on it all. No help with youngest and can't afford Nursery yet for him. He will go in a year though.

Please don't jump on me. I actually feel I'm a tidy person. All our furniture is less than 5 years old. I regularly chuck things out. I just never feel it's a home

The Organised Mum Method.

I...don’t really know what response you want but I didn’t want to read and run
I’m currently pregnant so not got any experience on keeping a tidy fresh house with children yet but I hope you get some good advise . 🌸💕

I don't. Sorry I work full time, long hours and have a 18mth old and I don't. Its drives me mental but I just can't

It sounds like you're so overwhelmed. Can you ease back at all on your lists? Floors don't need mopping every day. Get some floor wipes for spills. Equally houses don't need a Hoover every day either. Do you have a cordless one so you can just get rid of any mess quickly?
In terms of decluttering. I've been setting a timer for ten mins and picking an area. It's amazing what you can do in ten mins.

Try not to be so hard on yourself when they are so young. Probably with investigating in a box each for the kids to put nursery stuff/ art work in, and some sort of tray/ bowl for your DH to put all his receipts/ keys/ wallet etc so it's not all over the place. It sounds like you are mostly on top of the cleaning but maybe signing up to the TOMM app would help? Can you put a bit of money aside every month into a 'decoraying pot'? It may be worth waiting until the kids are a bit older though ( we have drawings and grubby hands all over ours 🙈). Good luck

Does he have a day off? Dimp crap into bags put in car and say take this to the tip and pick up a can of paint on the way?

Get the two year old a cleaning set? My son was seriously enthusiastic about cleaning at two that way he is right where you are and you can get stuff done

It honestly just sounds normal for living with kids this age and the lack to time to clear up, so don’t worry about anyone judging you but it’s obviously getting you down.

Agree with previous poster that containment is the key for now - a box or tray to put in stuff that comes home from nursery. Another one for letters and things that are waiting to be dealt with.

Do you really need to iron? No work stuff for you and you don’t need to iron kids stuff, surely? Gardens always look rubbish in the winter, in the spring you can get kids out there helping you to weed and plant etc.

Try not to worry so much

You needed a dumping cupboard for wallets etc. I've now trained everyone to come in and school bags etc, walletd,.phones all go in this cupboard so they are away but can be found for next time

I feel your pain OP!
I have DS7 and DS5 plus a newborn DD. I feel like all I do all day is clean then by the time the next morning comes it’s time to start again.

Thanks for the replies everyone. The box idea is a great idea! I'll do that.

Partner doesn't have a day off but we have the weekends.

I do need to iron in the winter. But in the summer it seems to be alot better as the sun seems to get the creases out. My daughter's polo shirts and cardys seem to need ironing. I do hang them straight on the airer. They are Asda ones and the cardys curl up and crease. Probably because they are cheap lol? I iron oh t shirts as they also seem to crease loads. Also shirts and the odd top of mine and my toddlers if they are really creased. They get creased from waiting in the pile I guess too.

I have a black carpet in my living room. It unfortunately needs hoovering daily. Then I tend to hoover the kitchen to get up bread crumbs and muck that comes of the pushchair wheels.

I guess it's pretty standard for parents of little kids then. Feels like I have a few hinchers on my Instagram and Facebook. There kids go down for a nap and they already have the basics done and they are blitzing the cupboards. Wish I could be that organised.

Did anyone see Stacey Solomon hanging her crisps up yesterday? (Abit if a subject change)

@itsemily congratulations and good luck with the new baby! It's not too bad with one and it's also fairly easy with a baby. It seems to start once they turn one and have Christmas and birthdays lol. I miss those days of being pregnant!

The timer idea is a good idea too!

Thanks for all your kind responses x

Two pre schoolers must make it impossible to keep on top of the housework- I only have 1, work full time which forces me to do the bulk of the house work in the evening. I think the issue is the 2 year old going to bed so late. Wipes out the most productive hours of my day. How are you tackling this?

I also put a gate on the LOs bedroom and the kitchen. Sometimes just need to corner her off to get things done.

I'd suggest lowering your standards and/or getting a cleaner so you have one day off at least.

One thing that worked really well for me when my kids were that age was 'wet play' in the kitchen (after any v. Messy mealtimes) I'd give them some pots of clean warm soapy water plus plastic cups etc for pouring and sit them on the kitchen floor & they'd play while I cleaned the surfaces & upper bit of the kitchen. Then mop up the floor once they'd finished playing and they 'help' by drying it with an old towel as I go along. That was quite fun and the splashes really dislodged floor dirt.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I know it's a nightmare. My eldest is at school but I still struggle. My eldest was a well behaved toddler. She didn't climb or open cupboards or touch plugs. My son on the other hand. He's into everything and is so dangerous. He's already mastered my cupboard locks so I need to rethink those!

We got him a bed a week ago. He was climbing out the cot. He was in our bed for a few months too. I'm taking him up around 8.30 at the moment and laying with him. I'm hoping to keep moving it more towards 8.00.

@traynorbird I wish I could have a cleaner. It's hard though because it's too messy right now. A cleaner wouldn't be able to easily get in some days lol. Thanks for the tips on playing with water. They would love that. Although they squabble alot at the moment which is fun! Great idea for cleaning the floor though

This sounds like me when dd2 was a baby.
One day I just flipped with DH. We sat down and really talked through what the issues were. He didn't see the house in the same way I did, things that bothered me didn't bother him. (Like dirty pots being left overnight).
We drew up a list of who was responsible for which jobs. He was responsible for all the laundry, including washing, drying, ironing and putting clothes away. (It was a great excuse for him to watch the footy every Sunday afternoon whi,st ironing, guilt free). I was responsible for all the food shopping and cooking, he had to clear up before his bed time. (We also bought a dishwasher). I cleaned the bathroom, and did a quick clean every night when DD was in the bath so it never built up. I bought enough storage boxes to hide all the clutter.
I suggest you ask a friend to come and help you to have a good sort out of your wardrobe, throw anything you've not worn in a year in the charity bag.
Go round each room and collect anything that doesn't belong there, is broken, has no use etc and get rid of it! If you can't get to the local tip, put it in bin bags and take it out when the bins are being emptied. Our bin workers can easily be persuaded to take excess rubbish once in a while.
In the kitchen I use plastic baskets from Ikea to keep my food cupboards tidy. The thing is, once you've organised a space, you need to keep on top of it. Get DH to take the kids to soft play on Saturday mornings to give you a couple of hours to do housework. And yes, you could take them and he do the housework, because it's not just a woman's job, but you don't drive, he doesn't seem to be annoyed at the state of the house, and you'd get the satisfaction of organising your home. Plus you have the kids all week!

I too totally recommend The Organised Mum Method it really does work and is much less about having the perfect insta house than others.

Washing hang straight on hangers to dry it makes for much less work. If you have hard water add soda crystals to your machine to soften the water it makes a big difference as does reduce the spin speed.

@soontobe60

Thank you for your reply. We definitely need to discuss this. I feel bad as he's a hard worker. But trying to managed it all with toddlers is virtually impossible. I don't want it to get so bad I can't get back.

Funnily enough I sent them to the park yesterday and got a couple of jobs done. I was feeling rubbish though so also had a rest. I think that's what else gets to me. It's never sorted and I can never rest.

@Inforthelonghaul I didn't know that about soda crystals. Is it safe with kids clothes? Where do I add it? The drum or drawer?

Sounds pretty normal for family life. It is so frustrating when they wreck clean spaces instantly so I understand why you feel stressed.

Are the DCs able to tidy up with you at the end of the day for a small reward from you- sticker or star on a simple chart towatlrds a treat on Fridays? Once the floor and surfaces are tidy it's easier to whizz around and clean.

Hanging wet laundry somewhere dry and warm elimates the need to iron unless it's a smart shirt. We have a clothes rail in the airing cupboard and I hang clothes on there to dry.

Cordless hoover is ideal for crumbs etc as it's so quick to grab it and within seconds the mess is gone.

Can you ask DH to take the DCs to the park for an hour so you can clean the bathroom, or do it when the toddler is in the bath? Uou can be chatting at the same time.

Be kind to yourself and accept that it won't be perfect. Last night I managed to mop the floors downstairs and clean the kitchen after DH destroyed it making a roast (it was a lovely meal though) but I know I have to clean bathrooms this morning. It's not possible to go to bed with a sparkling house every night.

Don't feel guilty about putting a film on and cracking on. But make sure you have a cup of tea and a sit down after a while and snuggle with them dry or the rest of the film. You can't keep going constantly, you'll exhaust yourself and miss out on family time.

One thing I would say is get off Instagram. Those people never show their real lives only the best bits they want you to see. Since I unfollowed a load of people on there I am so much happier. I'll never have their house but I love mine.

So your partner is lazy and messy and you've made that your problem, to the extent you're posting on a housekeeping topic, as if it were the 1950's?

Jesus wept. Made him pull his weight. He sounds awful

A company near me does 1 off deep cleans- 5 hours for £70 or something. Could you book 1 to get on top of the crap jobs- woodwork, windows etc?

The best thing you could do is unfollow that neurotic obsessive Hinch woman. She’s setting you up to fail. The best advice is the setting the timer for tens mins advice. Stop comparing your house to others.

I remember those days well with little ones. Could you scale back the cleaning a little and spend more time on the tidying? I find it really hard to relax when things are really messy, and it sounds as if you do too.

Also try not to deal with something more than once (e.g. put the plate straight in the dishwasher not on the worktop, shred the letter as soon as you have dealt with it). Small things like this make a huge difference.

Oh, you sound so overwhelmed by it all - at least they don't need dusting or putting away!

Up to a point, I think this is about managing until your DS is a bit older. I second the idea for a "just inside the door" basket for keys, change, receipts, phones etc, although you may need to keep it where your OH habitually empties his pockets rather than just inside the door.

What about a big End of Day Tidy Up Box? If your DD is at school they will tidy up there, so she'll have the idea. Just put all toys in it. You can sort it into storage another time, it's just for quick floor clearing. When I was little (back in the Dark Ages) my DPs had 3 stacking boxes that lived behind the TV and were just filled at the end of the day by me and my siblings. No messing about, we just chucked it all in.

About hoovering - I'd suggest you need to sacrifice the aesthetic of your lovely black carpet by putting a patterned rug over it. No absolute need to hoover daily, and you can take it outside and shake it when you're desperate.

Washing up - have you actually talked to DH about it? My DH and I had very different views of what a clean kitchen looked like and we had to talk it through and both compromise.

Ironing - honestly, no-one notices crumpled polo shirts and curled cardigans at infant school. In desperate times I used to get DH's work shirts ironed at the cleaners for a pound a pop. If really pushed, I know they'll launder them too at £2 a go at the moment.

This is really all about survival until your DS is older and understands more. Have you spoken to your OH about what he actually thinks is important? You (collectively) need to prioritise, not flatten your (personal) mental and physical health and damage your relationship based on assumptions.

Oh, and get off Instagram for a bit. It's all very pretty, but it's like Santa's Grotto - none of it is real and there's an army of people invested in keeping it shiny and sparkly that you never see.