I don't want to live like this anymore!

[Poorlyandfedupmum64]

I hope I don't get bashed on here. But it's worth a try. I'm not sure if it's tips I need or a rant. I'm currently poorly. Just a rubbish cold. The kids have also had it. I've just been woken up by my 4 year old to say she's wee'd on her toddler brothers week old mattress.she rarely has an accident now. Probably every six months she sees in her sleep. Genius mum over here hasn't been into town yet for a mattress protector for my son's new bed.

I'm not proud of it but I went downstairs and shouted at my partner. He took our son downstairs to sleep on the sofa around 3am as he was crying hysterically with his cold. The reason I shouted was because all I do is try and keep this house looking respectable. Yet i have a very messy 4 year old. A mischievous 2 year old and a partner who works away alot of the week and isn't home until bedtime. Everyday I do the stuff I need to do. Washing up, laundry, hoovering etc. The rubbish goes out everyday. But I never ever have chance to get it in order. It's such a struggle in the week. My son's so mischievous and he escapes out of pushchairs, highchairs. He can't be left anywhere for five minutes. It's impossible to do simple things like mop a floor or clean a bathroom with him around. I can't iron or anything until the weekends when oh is around. He ends up sitting downstairs all afternoon on a Sunday whilst I iron and try get things done I can't normally. My partner gets home at 7.30. Then my daughter goes up to bed. The two year old is a working progress and won't sleep until 9ish. I am training him the best I can with this! Once he's settled by about 9.30 I am shattered. So shattered! Sometimes my oh will tidy up the living room whilst I do this. Other times he is knackered and will watch tele. He's not a lazy dad. He does nappies, washing up and hoovering. He piles up everything else though so I end up having to seperate everything anyway.

I hate waking up to pots and a messy living room. I wash up 90% after tea but sometimes baths etc mean I leave it hoping oh will do it. But then oh will reheat his dinner and have drinks etc and there's often last night's pots in the morning.

To give you an idea. I can do a crazy 2/3 hour tidy and clean if we have visitors. But usually I'd not want to open the door and let people in unannounced.

There's always clutter on the worktop
Partner's receipts, wallets, small things out of DD toys I find laying around. Her art from school. Letters and post etc. Often pots! I feel I can't ever just have a good quick clean In the kitchen and it drives me crazy. My ovens ready for a clean. All my cupboards need tidying up. They were cleaned a month ago but the food ones always get messy again. Under the sink is a disgrace.

Living room. Fairly cluster free. Toybox that gets emptied. I'm ashamed to say the sofa is in desperate need of a huge hoover and freshen up. Underneath the recliners etc! Behind the sofa DD threw so as of blocks etc. It's a heavy corner sofa. So I need it pulling out by oh so I can get behind it to hoover! The windows are filthy and i want a window cleaner but oh needs to go get some weeds out and sort the grass out abit. We cut it regular in the summer but he never did a final weeding before winter.

All my woodwork needs a Good clean
My living room was painted three months ago. My oh never went to get me another tin so one wall needs another coat! He's annoyed me with this as I can't drive and the diy store is not walkable.

Kids bedrooms are freshly decorated. Ours was decorated a few years ago. It's become a mess. Oh put aload of boxes in one corner containing random books, cables from his work and old paperwork. I usually throw all the washing in here until I can get it out away. I can't remember the last time I cleaned in here. I wash my bedding weekly but the units etc have been neglected.

Our wardrobe needs a huge clear out and everything put back nearly.

Our kitchen is hugely desperate for a fresh coat of paint.

We actually had an extension done in the summer. It's a gorgeous room. Just wish I could get the skylights cleaned etc.

I wish I could live the way I want to live. I've got so behind and in such a rut. There's not enough hours to get caught up on it all. No help with youngest and can't afford Nursery yet for him. He will go in a year though.

Please don't jump on me. I actually feel I'm a tidy person. All our furniture is less than 5 years old. I regularly chuck things out. I just never feel it's a home

@grobagsforevr

I'm sorry where did you get that from? He works long hours and I did say he's not lazy! He only gets weekends. He washes up and Hoover's. He changes nappies and dresses the kids. He goes to get shopping on a regular basis too. He's a great dad snd partner in many ways! He also needs abit of a break at the weekends! It's the big jobs I'm struggling with.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm going to try and get the bathroom done daily so it never gets bad. I'll definitely start asking for an hour each weekend to get something done.

I think I need to write a plan of everything and tick it off maybe?

Yeah I do need to stop thinking the hinchers are better than me. I just wouldn't ever be that perfect even if I didn't stop all day.

I will look into a mini hoover too!

I think I need to just book a window cleaner and not worry about the garden. They just want money so I'm sure they won't care.

I definitely need to find some balance so I feel relaxed. I went to get to a place where Sunday afternoons we can play games and watch films and everything's done to an extent. I'm going to talk to my partner soon and see what we can come up with

@IWillWearTheGreenWillow

Thank you for your reply. My DD actually has started tidying up (badly) but she will sometimes do it for some praise now. She tries to keep her room tidy now too. The only thing is she tends to throw clothes and toys and bits of games all in a box. I'm not obsessive or anything but I hate parts of games being separated as you never will find it again if that makes sense.

I'm going to get a basket for the stairs I think and perhaps a post basket. It's inspiring hearing ideas so thank you!

I think I have got to stop letting it take over my life constantly. I think I need to start writing a plan down so we can work together to get some order back at least. I fear my kids will be grown up before I feel it's a home to be proud of.

It sounds as though your DD might be easily amused by a film or something- could DH take DS out with him to do food shopping or a visit to grandparents so that you can crack on with a few things?

My standards aren't what they were, so i know how you feel. I think it sounds like your DH needs to get better at tidying as he goes though. Those little clutter piles are grating. Simething like using a specific place for his wallet and keys is more of a mindful habit and shouldnt add anything to his workload.

Our house was like that when our DCs were little. We got a cleaner 4-5 hours a week and for 5 minutes just after she'd gone it looked great.

We just had to live like that for a while but once DCs were older 7 or 8, it got so much better.

So basically, it won't always be like this. See if you can stretch to a cleaner. Be RUTHLESS about decluttering, and it will get better, I 100% promise.

@CalamityJune thank you. Yeah we need to start making sure these things get done. I'm going to have a chat with him soon. He's not lazy I just don't think he knows where to put toys and clothes.

It's frustrating isn't it. I am not overly tidy but I like it presentable so people can come in without me being ashamed. I've got an awful cold and feel rubbish today which doesn't help. I'm going to ask my partner to do the bathroom so I can sit with the kids and have a rest.

You honestly don't need to do the bathroom daily. Fair enough if you want to have a quick tidy and wipe down while you're brishing your teeth or something but that's all.

Lists are very Hinchy too. Just decide what your absolute minimum standard is, then anything extra is a bonus.

My minimum standard for end of day is:
One load of washing done (ironing kept to an absolute minimum)
Toys put away
Dishwasher filled and turned on. Nothing left out
Counters wiped down
Quick vacuum of kitchen with cordless hoover
General straighten up (cushions, random bits and pieces put away)

I just then do the bigger jobs here and there when I can. I don't always get to everything but that's ok.

Lower your standards. I say this with The little years don’t last long and then they don’t want to be around you so much.
As long as things are cleanish it’s ok.
Also the organized mum method is really good and helpful.
Also lastly try to praise yourself and be proud of what you achieve. And Tell Your DH! He should also be helping. Even if you only manage a 10 min Blitz.
Guaranteed you are doing better than you think.

Sounds normal. Only iron the essentials. Kids don't care if t shirts etc are ironed. Boxes great idea. If you can just accept its going to be a bit of a tip for a while you might be happier. It won't always be like this

@Poorlyandfedupmum64 it's a really hard time when they're little, it will end! I felt like I'd come up from under water when my littlest started nursery. I think you can get people to help with clutter now too, a colleague left one of my jobs to do it. Personally I'm a slob and just embrace the clutter most of the time, then have a clear out every time we move/ when I get into a rage of some sort.

Also make sure you have enough storage for everything. Our problem was a huge lack of storage, so we got a load of cupboards, drawers etc which made a huge difference.

Because it sounds like he rarely does any childcare or housework in the evenings? A day's work isn't an excuse for not doing the washing up.

Presumably he managed to wash up in the evening before he met you. Not just 'heat up food and have drinks'.

Also you said he's not home til bedtime. But that's not true as younger DC goes to bed at 9.30, so he could take turns doing that.

You said he sounds awful. He drives 90 miles to work. He helps with most things. I agree he could wash up more but then maybe he thinks I'm a stay at home mum so it's my job. They said he's nowhere near as lazy as some men and is hands on. I won't blame him for the situation. It's not his fault really. It's just an all rounder and he's far from awful. He's one of the nicest men I've ever met!

Hi OP. Like you I have a DD 4 and a DS 2. I’m also pregnant with no3 so limited energy for cleaning/tidying. Here are a few things that help me keep on top of things (just!):

1. The biggest one: DECLUTTER. Keeping on top of tidying and cleaning is soooo much easier when you vastly reduce the amount of stuff you have in the house. I still have a bit of a way to go with this but we’ve made a lot of progress over the last few years and it’s made a massive difference.

1. Tidy up at the end of the day. If DH is around for dinner/bath time then one of us will supervise those things while the other tidied up the inevitable disaster zone of toys, books, games and puzzles the kids will have strewn all over the downstairs. We also always tidy the kitchen and put the dishwasher on before bed and it makes a huge difference to my day not to come downstairs to a mess in the kitchen in the mornings.

1. Deal with things as they come in. So DD’s nursery creations either go into the bin as soon as I unpack them (if they’re particularlt scrappy) or into a small pile in the craft cupboard - I then go through this about once a week and keep a few special bits and bin the rest if she hasn’t asked after it.

Post is dealt with as soon as it is opened. Bills paid that evening, things like medical appointment letters transferred to the diary straight away and then filed, junk mail straight into the recycling.

My house is never going to look like it’s owned by that Hinch woman (but if I’m honest I don’t want it to!) but it stays relatively clean and tidy day to day.

I should add that it helps massively that my DH is really good with cleaning and he has similar standards to me regarding tidiness so he doesn’t make much mess!

Boxes boxes and more boxes!
If you can disguise them as ottomans then even better.

Sort everything into boxes - clothes/toys/paperwork to be filed/miscellaneous/everyday items/summer accessories/winter accessories/stuff to go upstairs etc then sort one box out at a time, putting away, chucking out etc as necessary.

Sort out the boxes in your bedrooms, the books and cables etc.

Personally the garden and outside windows can wait until Sprint/Summer.

Skirting boards, windowsills etc get a rag and some furniture polish and quickly wipe all the way round a room. It'll be easier once you chucked all the loose items into their respective boxes.

I find a check list is useful. It may look overwhelming to start with, but just doing one big job per weekend will get it done.

You sound overwhelmed and in a complete rut, and I suspect chronically sleep deprived. There's nothing like sleep deprivation to turn a drama into a crisis. I would suggest getting out of the house for several hours most days. Cleaning shouldn't be taking over your life, it's fine not to clean the bathroom or hoover every day even if the floor isn't perfect on day 2. I suggest blocking anything Mrs Hinch related, and deliberately focus on changing your to do list to include more things you enjoy and taking the children out of the house. It will get better. This is apparently one of the most depressing weeks of the year - it gets better from here!!

If you can find a place for everything,like the baskets people have mentioned then the house will be less cluttered,look better and make cleaning easier.
I would save and ditch the black carpet too.Dont put a rug on as they tend to creep and buckle never to be flat again.I have one ready to Freecycle ,so money wasted there.
Toddlers are exhausting but this bit won't last forever.
Ironing,if you must when the kitchen D's are in bed Infront of the day TV.
My DD went to bed at 7pm as a toddler but not all children are the same but something to aim for.

And sort your bed room ,you need one tidy oasis of calm.

I know this feeling too well I'm the only tidy person in the house my house could be like a show home one day and a complete tip the next I'm the only one who does anything fp helps but only when asked he works 50 hours a week whare I only work 20 at the moment due to have pgp I'm 7 months pregnant my older boys tidy up as well again only when asked we have a lovely home but it's hard keeping it tidy on my own .

I haven’t rtft (will later for tips) but going to jump in anyway

First, the early years are really tough. Not only is your work never done but it’s constantly undone. Hang in there because it gets better. For me, the youngest turning three was a watershed and things became a bit more manageable.

Second, when I’ve been sick or been through a run of the dc being sick, it all gets on top of me and feels catastrophic and I want to change everything. But it does get better, and more quickly than I’d predict when it’s piling up around me. I’ve learned (the hard way) to just hang in there and not let it affect me mentally (too much).

Now, there’s a definite hierarchy of jobs but it can be hard to see. I used to be constantly doing stuff but still it was always a tip. I got sick and couldn’t lift a finger for three days and dh couldn’t tell the difference.

Once I realised that there were four jobs that have to be done every day without fail and started with those the rest fell into place. They’re not the same for everyone but mine are

1. Do the dishes
2. Cat litter
3. Empty all the bins
4. Pick up and put away around the house.

(Doing a load of laundry might be one)

I don’t have high standards and am happy with a hoover once a week, bathrooms once a week. So these jobs get a day and I don’t worry about them unless it’s the day for it. Trying to do everything and anything gets nothing finished.

I wouldn’t house a carpet that needs daily hoovering. Or pots that can’t be bunged in the dishwasher. Or clothes that can’t go through the washing machine. Keep it simple.

And don’t do unnecessary jobs. I have baskets and boxes in wardrobes to chuck socks (one type each) pants, vests etc in so no folding or pairing required. I ditched my big ironing board and got a table top one in ikea that slides into the space between my drier and counter top. I keep my iron there and quickly run over hems and collars as I pull out a load of laundry and I barely have to iron at all.

What you have there is a fantastic list for a good cleaning company to crack on with.

Could you afford it? Get a company in 2/3staff members to do a massive deep clean and organisation and then have them come back every week to do a standard clean. They may also do ironing or you could hire an ironing service.