Does your DP help around the home?

[Ella1980]

If so, can I borrow them?!! 😉

I've lived with three men in my life and they've all been pretty useless when it comes to housework. I do pretty much all of it. My OH does cook (which he is very good at to give him his due) but will rarely wash up afterwards.

What do your partners do around the house? Not sure this is going to make me feel worse or better!!

Mine does his share. I'm a SAHP and he works nights so when he has days off he wants to do bedtime and look after the kids to spend time with them. He also pulls his weight and just does what needs doing, he lived alone since aged 16 so learnt to be self sufficient and run a home.

In a typical week I clean the walls (our house has a mould problem), all of the vacuuming, food shopping, cleaning bathroom and kitchen, all of the washing up, all of the laundry washing and putting away, ironing, dusting, changing beds.

Dh does loads, probably more than his "share", because I am disabled.

We have (or just had, and will have again soon!) a cleaner who does bathrooms, hoovering, mopping, kitchen once a week.

I keep on top of the day to day stuff when I'm at home (I volunteer 2 days a week at the moment). I meal plan and cook most evenings as I'm in and he works long hours, never really home before 7:30. He does quite a bit of stuff including cooking at the weekend. Things like laundry get done by whoever notices - teenagers are pretty good about that these days!

We tend to have an "everyone mucks in" approach - we all live here, so it's no one persons job. This includes things like walking the dog, cleaning out the guinea pigs.

Right now, when we're cleanerless, teenagers are incentivised to help with jobs like bathrooms!

I'm a SAHM. DS is 20mo.

Our deal is I do housework. He works and does DIY. If I need help, he's happy to oblige.

I don't get maternity pay so I feel like it's my way of earning my way around the house. I hate not paying half of everything which is what we did when I was working and what I will eventually return to.

He never nags me if anything isn't done though and we always help each other out.

I read something recently that said the average single men do approx 2 hrs housework a week and single women do approximately 2 hrs housework a week. But once they're cohabiting the average man's housework time drops to 1hr whereas the woman's increases (surprise, surprise!) to 3 hrs. This is even in young couples.

^^ also true of couples without any kids

Age of children?

I am almost divorced but we all still live together, which is hell, but hopefully not for much longer.

Prior to marriage break down he would do the bins once a week, load and unload dishwasher a few times a week, mow the lawn every 2-3 weeks, cook twice a week, defrost car in morning sometimes, hoover lounge about twice a year.

Now he does nothing leaves it all to me.

In a typical week I clean the walls (our house has a mould problem), all of the vacuuming, food shopping, cleaning bathroom and kitchen, all of the washing up, all of the laundry washing and putting away, ironing, dusting, changing beds.

That's an awful lot for one. Even when my DP was unemployed for 6 months and I was working FT, I didn't expect him to do all that while I twiddled my thumbs.

The share of our chores changes depending on circumstance: he commutes & I wfh so in the week, I do the majority of the cooking, washing up & day-to-day stuff, then he takes over at weekends. But atm he does the majority of the shopping (I'm a pregnant weakling) and... everything. We alternate on cleaning bathroom/kitchen. He does the laundry because I don't care (and sweat less!); I dust & vacuum and rearrange knickknacks because he doesn't care.

How bad is the mould problem that you're cleaning walls weekly?! Open the windows, get some harsh chemicals on there and solve whatever damp/condensation problem is at the root of it.

If you're not working then I think you should do the housework and chores in the week, as you are physically able to, but they should be shared at weekends and evenings.

I think that's what is bothering me. At the weekends he spends ages doing nothing or playing on his tablet. We never go out together, but tbh that is because we can't afford to. I just feel like it would be nice to have a bit of a break from the constant housework.

My kids are 8 and 11 and we have them exactly half of the time as shared custody with my ex. DP has been married before too but no children.

I guess that’s slightly different as you have no pre schoolers so have your days free, so I’d expect you to do the lions share. You shouldn’t be running around in the evenings and at weekends while he sits on his arse however.
Is there actually that much to do in the evenings/weekends if you have your days free?

With no job and school aged kids you have half the time, housework shouldn't be constant. And presumably you have one weekend in two always just the two of you. What happens then? Do you spend time together?

Is this a housework issue or a disinterested, distracted, emotionally absent spouse issue?

So a typical evening with kids is collect both boys from school and get home around 5pm. I do dinner when we have boys so would do that. DP home around 5.30pm. Eat dinner, help both kids with homework, hear youngest read. Prepare lunches and snacks for next day. Oversee showers/bedtime routine. Then once kids are in bed wash up and tidy kitchen. It does bother me a bit when DP doesn't really do anything in the evenings but perhaps I am being unreasonable?

We kind of do our own things as we don't have a lot in common. Tbh it doesn't bother me that much as he goes out hiking and I'll go for a coffee or something. I think I would just like a bit more help on evenings and at weekends but maybe that is unfair?

If you're cooking he should be washing up, and vice versa, regardless of who's working and who isn't. Exceptions by negotiation for illness/incapacity/massive commutes/whatever.

Have you spoken to him about this? Or tried just... not doing half the stuff you're doing? Would he notice?

We share. DH works 3 days a week, I work 5.

I do most of the cooking, he does most of the washing up.
I do all the laundry.
He tidies all my stuff away where I can't find it
He vacuums and sweeps the floors though sometimes I crack when things get too bad
He does most of the gardening and stockpiling of wood for the stove, although I am pretty much in charge of the veg.
He does the bins.
DS aged 17 cleans the bathrooms and is in charge of bringing the wood in and lighting the fire.
I do the dusting but not very often - ditto the windows and washing the woodwork.

I think if you have that much time during the week then it's certainly fair that you do the lion's share of the house stuff. However, I also think it's important that everyone does a bit themselves (including the children).

I work 2 school days a week. DH does his own laundry, cleans up the kitchen after dinner every night, cooks on Saturdays and hoovers a bit at the weekends. I do everything else but must admit I quite like cleaning so it's no hardship.

I decided a while back that weekends are actually as hard work as weekdays so I now take Fridays "off" and do what I want to do. That way DH can also have some time to himself while I drive the DSs to their Saturday activities (DH can't drive). Then we all do something together on Sundays.

We've been ill in our house the last week and a bit, so only the bare minimum has been done (mainly by DH). So today, after I'd been shopping (I enjoy shopping on my own) we cracked on.
We all put our own washing away
DH stripped and changed our bed and dd (9) bed
I hoovered the stairs
DH cleaned the cat litter tray, and put the bin out
I washed up and tidied the kitchen
DH hoovered and tidied the living room

So I think we did about half each. :)

He gets in at 5.30pm and sits on his arse while you do all the evening routine? Sod that.

Mine does so under instruction.
Which isnt really good enough.

He gets bored by it I think.
Not sure why he thinks I don't...

I am a SAHM with 2 children in secondary school. I obviously do all housework during the week, shopping, laundry and cooking but we all clear the table as a family, and no-one leaves the kitchen until it is all in the dishwasher and any hand-washed stuff done too. We have music on that we sing and dance to.

The DCs are responsible for wiping the table down and drying it.

On weekends, Dh prepares lunch and either he will make dinner or occasionally we do it together.

The ages your children are at they can be doing more, so unpack a dishwasher (mine do) strip their beds, mine also do the bins.

But I do have a chronic fatigue medical condition so on days when I am bad Dh does everything. He doesn't complain, he worries about me.

I think that day time stuff is you, but evenings should involve him.

Dh had a SAHM who taught him to cook and clean. When I worked ft we split the housework. Now I do a lot in the day, but I have a schedule and keep on top of everything. Nobody dies if I don't dust the lounge

I dream of one day owning a dishwasher, but it really is a dream! We can barely afford a kitchen!!!!

Perhaps it doesn't help that we are a family of four in a two-bed because it can feel a little cluttered at times I guess.

I just would like a bit of a break from housework in the weekends I guess but wonder if that's being selfish?

Mine works ft but still pulls his weight when he's home. It's his home and I'm his wife, not the maid.