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Housekeeping

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Spilt tea on new ones sofa bed and worried husband will go so angry at me

106 replies

stressingoversofa · 26/01/2019 10:14

Husband bought a new Ikea sofa bed (Friheten) range in dark grey only just last week because we are redecorating and having a new living room. Everything all sorted and nice but we didn't have a side table for drinks/tea coffee yet. So we were all watching a film with kids and it was dark, I had a cup of tea in my hand and my daughter snatched a cushion from me ( she wasn't happy about something) and my tea went everywhere, I tried to hide it from my husband as he would really get angry at me so I got a towel discreetly and tried to soak up the tea. Then we all went to bed and the stain is there. I'm trying to hide with cushions too I find a way of getting it out but how? I've tried using a little bit of soap but it's not working. Please help I don't want to saturate it more. Will the tea have damaged the area underneath to and cause mould ?

OP posts:
stressingoversofa · 26/01/2019 15:30

Thanks again everyone. I think I'm upset because we just do our new living room and this has dampened the excitement because of this spill and also because I know of my DHs reaction which I know of wrong and I need to do something about that because why should I love in fear.
@Pinkginxx how did you go about buying the new section? How did you find the item was it online or in store? Just for my future reference in case I do decide to replace this part. And was it just the cushioned part or the full storage compartment as well? Sorry for all the questions

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 26/01/2019 15:45

OP- are you safe?

O4FS · 26/01/2019 15:54

Stressingoversofa - ring Ikea and ask if they can do a replacement. They’ve been very good in the past when I’ve needed something.

And also take a look at the Freedom Programme. Sometimes we are too accepting of the behaviour of others which is in fact unacceptable.

Pepvixen · 26/01/2019 17:50

OP what happened when your husband got home?

Agree with others that calling Women's Aid is a good idea when you can. They won't make you leave him, they'll give you some strategies to make sure you and DC are safe.

Pinkginxx · 26/01/2019 19:16

I'm not sure online but it's easy enough to buy in store. When you select the sofa it's in 3 bits so you can just get the 'side' part. Then in-flatpack and re-assemble.

Keep trying woman's aid. This is just a sticking plaster Flowers

DropOffArtiste · 26/01/2019 19:45

Are you safe OP?

stressingoversofa · 26/01/2019 20:02

Thanks everyone. I am safe. I'm just hiding it with cushions. I'm going to try some barcardinate soda tomorrow and then vac it up. Not sure if this will have an affect. I have rang woman's aid previously because of some behaviours from him, they gave me good advice and said I could see someone but I would be waiting on a list but it's been months now and I've not heard anything.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 26/01/2019 20:11

he never accepts explanations that it was an accident. Things like this get him angry because he's worked to pay for it.

I am very sorry you find yourself in this relationship. It really is not acceptable behaviour from your husband. You have worked at least equally hard, to enable him to work outside the house. We are all humans, accidents happen, that's life

Glad you have been in touch with woman's aid. Do please keep in touch with them and have a look at their freedom programme.

WellThisIsShit · 27/01/2019 09:24

I highly doubt bicarbonate of soda will work on an already dry stain that’s been hidden, dabbed at then hidden again.

Why have you chosen this method? Beyond all the other methods that have a chance of actually working? Is it because you don’t have to actually wet it or scrub it with stain removers? If so, I’m afraid sprinkling and hoovering will do absolutely nothing against an already dried in stain.

It just won’t, and you’re winding yourself up and up into a fever of failure and panic by making choices that won’t work.

I think you are too scared to even clean the sofa properly, which is not a normal state to be in. I don’t know where you’ve got the idea that wetting the surface will somehow cause longer term mould inside the cushion. It’s highly unlikely, and I mean so highly unlikely that it shouldn’t be part of your decision making right now, unless you’re pouring a bucket of water into it!

It’s concerning that you are making this extremely unlikely slight possibility a major influence in your behaviour right now, when you have actual real worries to focus on.

It kind of feels like you are terrified of the reaction of your husband, and yet you are not making good decisions to put yourself first in this.

You don’t want to leave yet and you want to concentrate on the sofa? Ok, then actually concentrate on it, don’t make half panicked attempts that clearly won’t work... its like you’ve decided you’ll fail already?

I think you might be very anxious and worried to the point where you can’t prioritise or work out what to do.

And if so, that’s your brain showing it’s struggling to function under the constant fear or stress. It’s what happens to even the cleverest, most amazing brains in the world, when that person is living under constant stress and fear. It eats away at you, until you can hardly function anymore. And it traps you because you get afraid that you can’t function on your own (which by the way luckily isn’t true, as you get your abilities back as the fear wears off).

And you can tell me to buzz off of course, but I’m worried that this is happening to you too...

Even when you’re telling us the story of the stain on here, you say it’s your fault... but when you explain what happened, it’s clearly not your fault - it’s actually the fault of your daughter.

I’m not sure what’s happening here, it could be that you are protecting your children from your husband, but I’m worried it isn’t actually. I’m worried that it’s actually that you get given the blame for everything that happens? And you’re started to believe that it’s your fault even when it clearly isn’t?

stressingoversofa · 27/01/2019 16:21

@WellThisIsShit I think your right about a lot of things here. Firstly I didn't want to get my child in trouble that's why I hid it, as well as he will find a way to blame me too. I was worried about cleaning it whilst he was around and I was worried about getting it more wet during cleaning. But the thing I was most worried about is the actually tea seeping through sofa causing the mould, not the cleaning itself.

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 27/01/2019 17:35

It won’t go mouldy - I’m very clumsy so I have a lot of experience. I even managed to spill a huge glass or red wine down a newly painted white wall, coffee down a pale blue wall, tea over a 200 year old chair... as well a chipped a brand new porcelain sink, set fire to the top of a new kitchen cabinet...

God I’m a danger!

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 27/01/2019 17:43

OP, his behaviour is over the top, when you have kids, you have spillages and accidents. He may work hard for his money, but don't we all.

Also, I would ask why you don't have contents insurance if he is that worried about his possessions. It makes no sense.

Parky04 · 27/01/2019 18:18

Just put a nice throw on it. I would never dream of being cross with my DW if she damaged something by accident. We had a new carpet and within a few days she burnt a hole in it (faulty Christmas tree lights apparently). We just bought a rug to cover it up! Although a few months later I spilt chocolate milkshake on it! Accidents happen!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 27/01/2019 18:31

I’ve burn carpets too. DBIL spilled a glass of orange over their new silk rug...

These things happen - they really do. He has no bloody right to get angry about it. Ok I’d be pissed off but I know that these things happen and no one lives in fear around me for gods sake.

DropOffArtiste · 29/01/2019 10:21

How are you OP?

BertrandRussell · 29/01/2019 13:43

I keep coming back to this. OP-are you all right?

Pinotwoman82 · 29/01/2019 13:49

OP are you ok? Xx

Maryjoyce · 29/01/2019 16:44

Hope things are going ok as like others say you need to help yourself to not live this way and be in fear it’s not a good way to live

bigandbumpy · 29/01/2019 16:52

Jeez what a crazy over reaction to spilling tea, and the irrational fear of mould growing! I've spilt curry before on my sofa - just used baby wipes and cleaned it right off.

Ikea wouldn't be my first choice for a sofa and the material looks abit shiny/cheap which is maybe why it's not cleaning up?

stressingoversofa · 29/01/2019 17:51

Hiya
Thank you everyone for your concern. The stain had faded slight but not completely gone. He's not noticed yet and we have cushions on sofa so it's covering whatever is left. I think it's the material that's why it won't come off. I liven ring ilea tomoorow to see if they have some specialty cleaning care for their sofas.

As for my DH, he's always been critical of me. Always finds a way to twist me to get blame in most Things. He will very rarely admit he's wrong, and if he does wrong he always finds an excuse

OP posts:
bigandbumpy · 29/01/2019 18:07

Your DH sounds like a horrible individual!

TheBoots · 29/01/2019 18:15

I've had great success getting mystery stains (some had been there over a year Confused) out of a pale grey sofa with HG extra strong stain spray, you can get it online or from somewhere like Robert Dyas. We got the sofa before DD made an unexpected appearance and it's been covered in all sorts since but I've got it looking really good again. Hope this helps, I also agree with PPs concerns about your husband. Flowers

mumsastudent · 29/01/2019 18:22

tea needs cold water if you use warm it will set - use a little washing up liquid on a slightly damp "j" clothe or soft clothe work in circles from middle & use another clothe to take up damp (tea addict :) ) check on web whether cover can be cleaned (can it be reversed - is the pattern on bottom? if so turn upside down!)

mumsastudent · 29/01/2019 18:24

ps give him tea & get dc to "accidentally" knock him - " Oh dear love -never mind"

mummyhaschangedhername · 29/01/2019 18:30

Do you not see the problem with the statement "I didn't want to get her in trouble" ... you do realise that's not normal don't you?

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