Overwhelmed by where to start with my mothers house

[Peopleplease]

Long story short - I grew up on a farm where my mother was too busy on the farm to do much cleaning. The house has always been dirty (I mean proper cow shit on the floor dirty) and cluttered because mum is a borderline hoarder who can’t bear to see anything thrown out (when I lived at home she would go through bin bags to see what I’d thrown out and then ‘rescue’ it - I remember throwing out a pair of cheap earrings because I’d lost the back of one and she took them out of the bin).

Anyway she’s finally accepted she needs help and my in-laws are taking my youngest for 3 hours every week so I can clean.

Current situation is 2 cats, a litter tray, friends who visit mum wearing dirty wellies. Most rooms now are wood or vinyl but still some carpeted.

When do I start? I don’t know if I should do a superficial clean first so floors and surfaces and then do the floors and a deeper clean every week or should I go room by room until it’s done - most rooms would take at least 3 weeks.

I'd start room by room, otherwise you'll just be generally tidying all the time. Good luck!

I think I would take a bin bag into each room first, try and clear the decks as much as you can, then tackle the cleaning.
Good luck.

Room by room I think. Start upstairs and work down.

Room by room and take everything you throw out to the tip so she can’t ‘rescue’ stuff.

Would it be possible to get help with the cleaning it soundsfar too much for one person on their own.

Start with the bathroom. Use a timer on your phone. Allocate 45 mins for clearing and tidying the room, then clean it. Bin bags straight to the car. Good luck and good on you.

I’d room by room declutter first, then deep clean the house room by room.

DH will help with the bigger things like carpet cleaning and getting rid of furniture but I’m on my own for most of it. I’m an only child.

I’m doing to bring most of the bin bags home to stop her going through them and I can use my aunts bins as well. I can’t donate anything because it all smells to be honest.

I know there’s one drawer stuffed with cards i got when I made my first holy communion & confirmation - that’s 30 years ago.

I think floors and cleaning blitz first (there’s empty cat food packets lying around and bowls and general dirt.

Then general bin bag clean - all the clutter and general rubbish to make things ‘seem’ better. Then go deep clean room by room.

I’ll have to do the floors weekly and a general clean.

I want/need to start with the kitchen because that’s where she asked me to help.

Agree with the others that you need to do it room by room so that you can see the progress, and definitely remove everything I need the bin bags to the nearest tip. Is it worth cleaning the carpet if it’s just going to get covered in mud again? Surely even bare boards would be better than that?

OP, it does sound like a massive task but it’s brilliakt she’s asked you for help.

Many people in her situation don’t think there’s a problem, which makes tackling any of it a nightmare.

No advice to add to the good advice already offered - just an acknowledgement that it can be tough being an ‘only’ when faced with this sort of situation. And look after yourself as well as it can be difficult emotionally too.

corridor/transit spaces (Floors), bathroom(s), then kitchen. Reassess after that.

You start where hygiene matters most: kitchen, bathroom, then her bedroom, sitting room. Put a shoerack by front door for visitors and a sign. Obviously when floors are clean enough for feet.

Does budget stretch to a commercial one off clean?

A few things - she won’t change the carpet for wood, people would laugh at me (or be very offended) if I put up a sign about them taking off shoes/wellies (plus mum would take it down) and no way would she allow an actual cleaner in.

She doesn’t think it’s as bad as it is, it’s just gotten a bit much for her. She has a vacuum but has never owned a mop and I doubt she has any cleaning supplies.

Why do you need to do it ? Can't she pay someone to come and do a deep clean then you just keep on top of it ? ( or get her to pay cleaners !!) ..

Can you put down an easy to clean mat where the dirty wellie brigade are likely to walk?

hendricksy a frugal Irish farm woman pay a cleaner???? Or even let one in the house??? Never in a million years.

It's going to be a struggle, you'll be putting things in the bin and she'll be removing them, unless she really does want to change.
Would she accept you taking photographs of the old cards then letting you bin them?
Good luck, I feel you'll need it.

Blimey .. I'd leave her to it !!... my mums house is clean enough but she just doesn't 'see ' the dirt like I do .. I leave her to it ! 🤷‍♀️

Think you might need more than 3 hours a week tbh

Would she let go of the hoarded things better if you could suggest some of her old stuff has 2nd hand value, but you need to sort thru it & get rid of old things so you can find the valuable stuff?

I used to live with a farmer's daughter. She hoarded a million things, too. very useful when we needed a free wardrobe, mind!

Sounds like my dream job and worst nightmare rolled into one.

Depending on how bad the hoarding is id start by getting her to get rid of stuff first. If it’s been that bad for so long a few more weeks won’t make much difference and long term it will be easier to maintain with less stuff.

If you try to deep clean room by room, the next time you go round she will have shifted ‘stuff’ from another room to spaces you have cleared and you will be continuously chasing your tail.

I’d focus on clearing out and specific big things that need cleaning (For example the cooker/fridge/toilet/sofa) if they are really bad so that your work has less chance of being undone between sessions.

Honestly I'd hire a lockable skip so she can't take things back out of it, and have an intensive clearing out weekend and get rid of all the crap. Then hire a cleaning company to come in and do a deep clean.

Not about cleaning but I would check she has working smoke alarms is she has that much stuff as would be increased fire risk. if hoarding then may want to gradually remove stuff (so not too anxiety provoking) if not then may want to do some big items first so can see the difference and increase motivation to carry on.