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Original poster

Please help me cope with normal family clutter

66 replies

Autumndays14 · 04/11/2018 11:30

Posting because I am at the end of my tether and know I need to trying and adjust my views or I will go mad. We are a family of 5 (7 and 5 year old and a baby). We live in a terrace house and the downstairs is all open plan albeit divided into 3 separate areas. I just cannot cope with the clutter of everyday life. It makes me feel physically sick to see it and I feel stressed just being in the house. Our main problem is that we don't have a hall and so coats, bags, shoes etc all make it into the main living space and seem to take up so much space. I can't embrace the chaos, it just drives me mad. Sorry, I am just venting really. Does anyone have tips of how to deal with clutter? I feel physically lighter when I throw anything away and it makes me so happy. I must just be crazy!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumndays14 · 04/11/2018 18:14

Loving the idea of a bag a week, that's a great idea! At the moment coats are on over door hooks. Really weighs the doors down. We probably have too many coats to be honest which doesn't help. I should probably put away stuff that isn't worn frequently like smart coats etc.

OP posts:
moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 04/11/2018 22:39

Hard to say without a diagram (I know, I'm like a dog with a bone) but are your coats over the doors hanging on the hall side? Can you turn them so they are? We have a box each in a 2 x 2 Kallax unit for shoes, if you went 3x2 (does that exist?) you'd have 5 for shoes and one for gloves, hats, umbrellas, handbags etc. Yes put rarely-worn coats in the wardrobe. Do you have a radiator in the hall? Can you stick a cover on it to give you a bit of shelf for keys etc?
Gotta say, those Kallax units & boxes are the business 👍

fuckitbuckit · 04/11/2018 22:50

Get rid of all your extra crap and buy furniture with storage.

I have OCD and I completely understand how stressful and anxiety inducing clutter/mess is. And I know you feel guilty and mean for not wanting your kids toys all over the place - but still desperately wanting them to play all day without feeling like they're doing something wrong.

Anything you buy needs to have some sort of storage compartment. You need to minimalise what you DO have. And have a space for everything so you know that when you're looking around a room at toys and coats and plates and blankets all over the place, you can put it ALL away and out of sight as soon as the kids are in bed and enjoy a tidy house and actually relax in the evening.

RandomMess · 05/11/2018 09:04

Are you maximising under the beds for storage if you don't have a loft?

You need to be very ruthless with what you keep.

Clothes to hand down - only stuff that is on excellent condition and just the minimum.

Winter/summer stuff needs to be stored away seasonally.

Studies have shown the DC play better when they have fewer toys. Great time declutter them.

Get your DH on board. Start with your bedroom this week an hour or so each evening. It's very cathartic and freeing.

Thanks
Original poster
Autumndays14 · 05/11/2018 11:46

I'm afraid diagrams are a bit beyond me! Basically you come in from the 'hall' into the middle room and then the front room and kitchen are either side of the middle room. So the middle room is essentially like a glorified hall which I hate as you walk in to be confronted by chaos. Buggy has to go in there too as no space in hall even for a tiny umbrella buggy let alone a lovely uppababy or something!

My sister has OCD but hers has manifested itself the opposite way in that she hoards and obsesses about throwing things out. Worried she will need it, has emotional attachment to old stuff (eg her old iron from uni which doesn't work?!), feels sorry for clothes that are too small etc. I don't have that issue - I just feel like storage is my main issue. There isn't a wall in the middle room to put a Kallax unfortunately as there is a chimney Brest and a tv.
I want to get rid of baby stuff but my sister is trying for a baby and I feel I should keep it for her. If I chuck it it's like I am acknowledging they may not manage to have a baby 

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/11/2018 12:06

That is madness to store stuff for what at least 10 months as they are not yet expecting when you don't have room...

Sell it and save the money to give her and let her buy what she likes either new or 2nd hand!

Annasgirl · 05/11/2018 12:26

My friend has an open plan house that is clutter free. She has a line of full length cupboards at the end of her kitchen units in the same cream gloss colour and behind these doors is all the clutter - one for coats, one for bags, one for shoes and one for her Hoover and ironing board.

I suggest built ins like this - free standing will not really work in open plan and you can go floor to ceiling.

I also once looked at buying a tiny house where they had cupboards under the stairs in the same colour as the kitchen units, which went almost to the stairs and again they hid all the clutter.

The only way to get rid of clutter with 3 young kids (and I have 3 like this) is to have storage for everything - there is only so much you can get rid of with 3 kids.

Hope this helps.

Annasgirl · 05/11/2018 12:28

Also, open storage really looks cluttered in open plan so I think you need as many cupboards as you can built in to your living area or kitchen.

EyeRolls · 05/11/2018 12:28

Interns of managing the de-clutter, I went on a mission last year to clear out one bag for charity every week. I ended up doing it before bed on a Thursday night, left it by the front door and then took it straight into town on a Friday morning. In six months I got rid of absolutely loads, it wasn't stressful and the nice thing these days is the charity shop often writes to you to tell you how much they raised selling your stuff. Win win.

Boxes under beds for shoes, bags and anything else brought home.

When we were tight for space, I got a big outdoor garden cabinet, several lidded plastic boxes that I labelled, and did a toy rotation every couple of weeks. Meant I only ever had 1-2 boxes of toys actually in the house at any one time. I'd like to think they played with their stuff a bit more effectively because of this too..

Utilise storage wherever you can- even if it means an extra drawer unit in your bathroom for 'odds and ends', or a slim bookcase in the upstairs hallway with boxes for each child to store their random house detritus in at the end of the day.

Then maybe just focus on keeping the kitchen sides clear, so at least you have one room you can go and soothe yourself in when it's all overwhelming. Your kids are very young, too- it gets better as they get older- honestly.

Annasgirl · 05/11/2018 12:29

I actually removed open storage in my kitchen because DH constantly threw odds and ends on it - I couldn't keep it tidy and it never looked like those shelves with the fab all white plates and bowls!

EyeRolls · 05/11/2018 12:29

*interns in terms!!

MoreHairyThanScary · 05/11/2018 13:14

Would you have enough space for a pax wardrobe in the chimney Brest, I'm planning to put a couple in my hallway ( when it gets built) to move stuff out of sight. It's the bags ../ coats/ shoes that bug me the most!

Original poster
Autumndays14 · 05/11/2018 17:45

No room for wardrobes unfortunately because of radiators. A lot of our storage is open and you're right, it looks so messy!! I think one issue is that DH and I are at odds with it. He loves our house and wants it to be homey and relaxing. He was bought up in a house where everything was immaculate, could never leave a game to finish the next day etc and doesn't want our kids to feel so regimented. He doesn't see stuff as clutter

OP posts:
MessySurfaces · 05/11/2018 20:26

How young is the baby? I really felt like that when my second was 12-16 weeks, it felt like we were past the newborn days, so I "should" be able to see the carpet. But of course, it's still early early days and it does get better, you need to give yourself a bit of a free pass. I would imagine that this is all the more true with a third baby in your arms!

Can you have a freestanding hat stand? In our last place we had one and it was brilliant, it easily ate up 3 people's excessive coats, bags etc. When we moved I was absolutely astonished by the number of coats we turned out to own- I've wall hooks now and have to keep some (err lots...) coats in the wardrobes.

Glasgowbound · 05/11/2018 22:02

Old clothes you’re keeping in storage could be in those vacuum bags and stores under a bed or on top of a wardrobe. Have just changed a wardrobe for a Pax one that is higher and has lots more room in it.

Original poster
Autumndays14 · 06/11/2018 08:27

In know what you mean about the number of coats. I moved ' non frequent use' coats upstairs yesterday and I had 5 and my husband had 4, all taking up space downstairs. It's ridiculous! Feels good to have put them upstairs. It seems mad but I am criticizing myself for not having the right storage. Like I have somehow not got it together for not having all this amazing storage which everyone else seems to be able to manage.

OP posts:
MessySurfaces · 06/11/2018 08:47

No, everyone else is shouting at coats too!!! We all have far too much stuff, and I don't think anyone cracks it once and for all!

Your family has just grown too, so the ground has shifted in your house, big time. Of course the storage is out of whack! Job 1 is looking after yourself, recovering from the pregnancy and birth (which takes lots longer than we ever allow for it) and the change, and cherishing yourself and your lovely family. Storage will come, it will. You can't have headspace for everything right now all at once.

RandomMess · 06/11/2018 08:48

Stop the self criticism!!!!

Change the mind set... you have identified an issue;
Now you are home all day the clutter and chaos is adding to your stress.

You have identified a solution;
Sort the clutter/chaos out

You are researching options;
Taking ideas from others and implementing them!

I really think if your DH was Home 24/7 and keeping the house clean became his responsibility he would be bothered by it more.

Well done on shifting 9 coats out the way!! Onwards and upwards.

I think we got to the point where the DC toys had a place to live downstairs so a game etc could be left out. Everything else has a place otherwise organising 3 DC is a nightmare - perhaps that is what you need to tell DH.

NoSquirrels · 06/11/2018 09:00

Have you seen the YouTuber Clutterbug? She’s really helpful on types of storage and managing how to live with people who like things on display, and people who like things hidden. She has a quiz to find out what ‘type’ you are and then helpful ideas on what to do to make things easier.

I like things uncluttered, and my DH likes things on display. What really helps the most is having a place for everything and bring consistent- my DC each have a basket on the stairs where I chuck their left-lying-about bits and pieces - it means I don’t nag people constantly but there’s somewhere I know to put things and they know to look.

And you can definitely get rid of more than you think is possible.

Original poster
Autumndays14 · 06/11/2018 09:04

Thanks so much for your kind words. I am not an 'embrace the chaos' person but probably need to relax my standards slightly. It doesn't help that I live in a very affluent area and so know how other people live and have seen their homes and they seem so organized and people get bespoke storage built by carpenters but I got a quote and it was thousands! So not possible. Interestingly these people though often have DH who are near freaks and so probably consider it money well spent. I guess comparison is a terrible thing to do though, always ends badly!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 06/11/2018 09:05

And what Random says above is really wise - it’s nit a problem to do with you, it’s just an issue looking for a solution.

I really think if your DH was Home 24/7 and keeping the house clean became his responsibility he would be bothered by it more.

Also YY to this! I say I like things uncluttered- actually I’m really drawn to places with loads of trinkets and paintings and eclectic bits arranged beautifully but I know I won’t dust and clean and look after all those things so in my home it wouldn’t work. As soon as I give my DH the responsibility for a task that’s annoying (cleaning the bathroom for example) he’s suddenly rather more interested in whether the DC learn to hang up flannels or wipe up after teeth cleaning...

WitchyMcWitchface · 06/11/2018 09:08

Do you have a garage. If so I would put occasional use coats there then chuck if never brought in.
I would aim for lovely tidy front room area. 1 nice ornament/ potplant, 2 cushions ( not lots of throws etc). No coats, shoes and only toys that can be taken out when finished play or no toys at all. Then you have a relaxing place to sit in the evenings.

WitchyMcWitchface · 06/11/2018 09:10

Could coats hang from hooks fitted to the bannister somehow.

Glasgowbound · 06/11/2018 09:16

All the storage in the world won’t help if you are the only one using it. If everyone just picked up their own bloody stuff it would be half the battle

startingafresh1 · 06/11/2018 09:34

Autumndays14 are you planning on doing any tidying or decluttering today?? I need to do some and thought maybe we could support each other?

I'm going to sort my washing into piles, hang up a load and put another load on and then I'll be back to check this post....

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