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Housekeeping

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Original poster

My stuff is breeding

67 replies

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/12/2017 16:39

I don't think I am a hoarder. I constantly have bags on the go for Charity Shop, Clothes that when the bag is full I weigh in, bags of stuff to take down the tip to recycle and my bins are overflowing and I am using my gardening bins to store the overflow.
Back in September dd decided to help me get on top of the stuff.

We have thrown we have sold everything from large pieces of furniture to small things that we never use anymore, we have recycled and charity shopped.
As an example we cleared partially our lock up and thought we were getting on top of it but now it is fuller than ever. We have 3 other areas that we have stuff and they are now fuller than when we started.

We haven't bought anything.

DD cant understand it.
She took a picture of a particular room before she started and it doesn't look any different.

We took 4 black bags to the charity shop and another 3 of various recycling stuff to the tip last week alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2017 12:57

We are in a bungalow. Hence why it was 2 bedrooms. I have gone up into the loft and changed the dining room into a bedroom.

Yes dd could put the couple of drawers into her room but I doubt it would make much different.

Our last house was similar size to yours Random

This one on paper is bigger but when we moved in our furniture just didn't fit.
I read somewhere that 1950s bugalows were voted the worse designed homes ever.
The previous owners were an older couple who used the 2nd bedroom as a dressing room

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/12/2017 13:17

The harsh reality is that your home is small and the DC need to keep their belongings in their rooms or the lock up.

We had 2 more DC than you, all the baby equipment for the first x years. We kept nothing that wasn't used regularly etc. Financially we were poor so couldn't buy stuff which probably helped.

Even now the DC have few clothes tbh they each only have single rooms now 9'x 7' at best and with the exception of the piano everything is in their rooms.

WitchDancer · 31/12/2017 13:40

How about renting office space? At least that way you'll be able to clear out the business stuff?

GummyGoddess · 31/12/2017 13:47

If no sheds or outbuildings of any type are allowed, can you use something like a converted caravan as an office on the driveway with all work related items in there?

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2017 13:52

Everyone saying I should not buy stuff.

I hate shopping. I find clothes shopping tedious. I get excited over tools and tiles.
Than handbags and hairspray.
The last time I bought myself clothing was I think in April when I bought a pair of jeans because my previous pair had worn through. I have those trousers a pair of leggings, a skirt and a maxi dress for summer and about 10 t.shirts. Oh and a dress if I need to dress up.
I own a pair of trainers a pair of Primark Uggs a pair of flip flops and some low heeled shoes.
I don't own any make up, a purse or a single handbag. I have a couple of hoodies and a winter jacket.
My clothes would fit into one bin bag with space to spare.
I cannot get rid of any more clothes.
If I insisted dd's and ds's clothing and stuff was kept in their own room then dp would have to take his stuff and put it into his room and it wouldn't fit.
He has his own room downstairs as since his illness he can't make it up stairs.

Neither dc go to school so no school paperwork apart from the 7 folders which contain all his books and notes for the 7 gcse's he is doing.

Dp works away usually 6 days in anyone month. Occassionly he works away for 2 weeks at a time.
I don't know whether there is a connection but the house seems tidier when he goes away.
Dd has worked away for 4-5 weeks at a time but it doesn't get any tidier. Dd is a neat freak and her room although piled up everywhere is neatly piled up.

The only way to explain it is if we went through 20 boxes and reduced the load to 10 then stacked those neatly in a corner then turned round to find not a space but 20 more boxes. Where they have come from I don't know because no where has an empty space where 20 boxes were.

It is like a magic trick

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/12/2017 13:56

You can have different rules between yourselves and the DC???

Could you and DP have the largest room downstairs as a shared bedroom? Is it DP that has too much stuff and is refusing to get rid?

WitchDancer · 31/12/2017 13:58

Would DH notice if his clothes started disappearing to the charity shop? We had a family member that just kept buying regardless if they had the same clothes again and again and again. We used to sneak in, bin bag some that were at the back of the cupboard and hold it for a month. If they didn't notice it was charity shopped

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2017 14:24

I actually think if he saw a space in a wardrobe he would fill it. That's why I don't get rid of his stuff. I think it is more to do with we use things at least weekly but because space is limited it has no where to go so ends up in a box kicking about the living room

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/12/2017 15:01

Everything to the lock up and it doesn't come back until it has a place to live??? Even if it's stacking labelled up crates to start with?

We had floor to ceiling Ikea trofast in the girls bedroom (3 sharing) proper under bed storage and tall chest of drawers.

GummyGoddess · 31/12/2017 15:27

It sounds like your DH is a hoarder if he would fill up every empty space he saw. If that's the case then I'm not sure you can win the battle against clutter unless he wants and gets some help, and with his diagnosis it's understandable if you don't want to pursue that. Has he always been like this or has it been steadily getting worse since his diagnosis?

WitchDancer · 31/12/2017 16:42

I really think you need to let everyone else have their own stuff in their rooms though - it is completely unfair of your DH to expect everyone else to store his stuff!

NoSquirrels · 01/01/2018 09:03

^If I insisted dd's and ds's clothing and stuff was kept in their own room then dp would have to take his stuff and put it into his room and it wouldn't fit.
He has his own room downstairs as since his illness he can't make it up stairs^

This doesn’t sound unreasonable to me... why does it sound unreasonable to you?

I have not doubt you live with a hoarder, and you buy little yourself, and live in a small house. This is why you need very very firm boundaries and rules, that are inviolable.

Everyone’s personal “things” in their rooms. All paperwork in lock-up etc.

PETRONELLAS · 01/01/2018 09:16

Don’t despair.
You are not moving. You are not going to buy more outside storage. Storage is not the answer.
Get the family involved. The children keep their stuff in their own rooms. Get some cheap industrial shelves to help with DS’s Lego stuff.
Kondo will inspire you that you can do this.
Organise the paperwork so you can get rid of the first year.
Do it. Don’t think about it or be upset or angry. Just keep going.

ohfortuna · 01/01/2018 09:23

Storage will just invite more stuff to come and fill it
As in 'Build It And They Will Come'

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 01/01/2018 10:03

We had a discussion last night. Dp has agreed to move. Although I am not holding my breath. He has a habit of agreeing to things then not agreeing when he has thought about it.

The last time we moved he agreed to sell so on the Monday I phoned a few estate agents at 9am and had them come round at 10 11 and midday. When the last one left we decided on the price and at 1pm we phoned one of the EA back to tell them to sell it.

7 minutes later the EA rang back to ask could we have a viewer as there was a guy standing outside the house who wanted to view.

I beckoned him in and as he stepped through the door he said "I have already offered the full asking price. Please don't sell it to anyone else"
It was sold so quickly and we had a 3 week completion. There was no time for dp to change his mind.

I am looking at seeing if there is anyway we could get a mortgage.

I think we need to see someone who deals in mortgages to guide us.

Not that I hold out much hope. If dp had agreed to this 10 years ago I would have been excited but now i actually don't want to move.
It is going to take a very special house in a very special location for me to get excited about it.

My provisos are I am not leaving the M25 and I don't want anyone at the back of me, or neighbours that speak to you or anywhere near a main road and it has to have 5 beds and /or outbuildings.

Really I want a bigger house in a similar location.

For £200000 less than what we have.

Think I am asking for too much.

That is a whole other thread.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 01/01/2018 20:20

If you do manage to move somewhere larger, are you sure your DH won't start filling it up as soon as you have the keys?

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 01/01/2018 21:20

I have no idea but at least it will give me a fighting chance.
ATM things cant continue.

If we all had jobs outside the house 9-5 and ds went to school I think where we are could work but that is not going to happen.
The house fundamentally is too small for our needs.

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