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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Any other MNers raised by wolves?

62 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:08

By which I mean, raised in complete TV-ready squalor?

I grew up in total chaos. As an adult, whenever I brought anyone to visit my parents, I would warn them, over and over, ahead of time, about how messy and gross it was. (And these were all people who'd seen my flat, so you'd think they'd believe me.)

They were all shocked and horrified to see the house.

I do think being raised this way makes me really bad at keeping things orderly, even just basically tidying up after myself.

Any other Romulus and Remus types out there? Have any of you managed to retrain yourselves? (I don't live in squalor now, but then, I have a cleaner. And DH is tidier than me, like 99% of the population.)

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 02/01/2007 10:10

not really sure what u mean properly but
when i was at home the place was a tip, always dirty and messy. I never had anyone round!! Mums changed tho, its lovely there now, occasionally really hairy floors (light carpets dark cats mum hates the vac) and my own house is moderatly tidy and clean. does get in a state every so often

NewMoonOnMonday · 02/01/2007 10:14

I grew up in a very tidy house. My mum NEVER stops cleaning. Hasn't encouraged me to keep on top of the housework though. I'm looking around my living room and feel quite depressed at how shite it looks. My sister is much worse than me and I secretly think that it's a kind of rebellion against our mother - which is quite unfair really!!!

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:17

I think my mom was rebelling against her mom, tbh. I visited my nana for a week when I was 8, and thought I was in heaven. Meals were predictable, and tasty. Things happened on schedule. There was a laundry day. I thought it was great.

My parents never got any better at housekeeping. They had mouse infestations, after I moved out. And the squalor just got worse. My mom is dead now, and I don't think Dad is coping any better. Certainly he was suffering with bed bugs when we were last home. (Not that mice and bedbugs are symptoms of bad housekeeping - but bad housekeeping won't help you get rid of them!)

Food was also really random and wolflike - meals would often get to the table, only for my parents to notice that, whoops, actually, the meat was off, and we'd all go out for dinner.

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NewMoonOnMonday · 02/01/2007 10:22

Blimey that's grim NQC - I'm not at that level but my sister is. Maggots in the kitchen!!!

I think I'm just at the untidy level. My mum did get on my nerves a bit when I lived with her with the constant vacuuming and having to wash up a cup as soon as it was used. I just like to be relaxed about things. Ideally I'd like to experience life in a well lived in home. Having trouble finding the right balance though.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:26

Oh, I absolutely don't want to be cleaning-obsessed! And I think my policy of not ironing at all is perfectly reasonable, and not something I want to change!

We never had maggots, but we had mealworms, a lot.

When I didn't have a cleaner, things were often pretty gross, but never horrid, not since university.

I do try to tidy, and throw things out (parents were big hoarders, as are the (quite tidy) in-laws, for that matter), but it's really an uphill battle.

OP posts:
NewMoonOnMonday · 02/01/2007 10:32

Yes it is an up-hill battle. I keep seeing the FLY threads and I really, really want to jump on board cos really I DO want to be cleaning obsessed, or maybe I should say house proud. I know I'm sick of living like this. I'm amazed at friends who have standards and routines like having to load the dishwasher before bed, changing the sheets on a certain day, a morning routine. I just wonder how these things evolve and I think it's got a lot to do with my mum just bustling around and knackering herself with it all and me thinking that I definetly don't want to be like her. maybe I DO need flylady.

ProfYaffle · 02/01/2007 10:33

I agree with the rebellion theory. Apparently my Nan was a bit of a slattern and my Mum rebelled by being obsessively tidy. I grew up hating the obsessive thing and am now pretty laid back about cleaning. We don't get to the mealworms and bedbugs stage but my house is cluttered and dusty.

I once had a friend round who went to get some cutlery out of the draw, she held up two forks and, aghast, said 'they don't match', and seemed genuinely shocked! She never returned my phone calls after that ...

NewMoonOnMonday · 02/01/2007 10:34

PMSL proyaffle - that would be sad if it wasn't so funny.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:38

Oh, god, I don't think I'd have friends who were that fussy. Some of our cutlery matches, anyway.

I do have a friend whose household chaos horrifies me, but that's more because I've seen her use a kitchen cloth to wipe the floor (the same floor she had me change my kids on), and then put the same cloth back in the sink.

I have another friend whose house is quite chaotic, but doesn't disturb me at all.

I just want things to be in better order, so I spend less time looking for things, and so the cleaner doesn't have to dust so many things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:39

Oh, I too am tempted by the Dark Side (aka the Fly Lady) but find the relentless American bounciness annoying. I am not going to start bloody well polishing my sink, nor am I going to wear lace up shoes every day! I just want less clutter.

I should steal some techniques from them, though, they do seem to have decluttering techniques that might work. Well, they have worked, in the bits I've tried them.

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AuldLangDooDah · 02/01/2007 10:42

my mother's house makes me wince

she starts decorating projects when the house is in complete chaos. when people come round she always has to tidy up for like a day beforehand. I've even seen her, rather than put the bins out, hide a big black bag full of rubbish behind a screen ffs in the kitchen

it makes me want to be tidy; I do do flylady and find it really helpful. don't wear the shoes tho

sunnywong · 02/01/2007 10:45

the FLY lady is both tempting and terrifying to me. I mean do people who have no real hallway just slack off and eat chips while their sisters are tidying theirs? And is FLY an acronym for something and if not why is she named after an insect notorious for spreading disease?

dreamteamgirl · 02/01/2007 10:45

Non matching forks... Shocking Yaffle!!!

I dont think I would have returned her calls after a comment like that

I grew up in a house that was always clean but not obsessively tidy, mine was lacking in both respects for many years but is doing miles better now, thanks to (hate to say it) Flylady routines

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 10:46

My parents house was a mess when I was growing up and it is a worse mess now. When we three girls were living at home my Mum used to blame the mess on us. Now I manage to maintain a 4 bed/2 bath house without a cleaner (although admittedly DH is reasonably clean and tidy), have two young children and work 3 days a week in a much better state than Mum keeps her house, despite there just being two of them and she works less hours than I do. I bet all our 3 toilets are cleaned more often than her one, for instance. And both my sisters have much tidier/cleaner houses also.

The toilet could be cleaned but most other things are tricky because there is no way to get to them, they are such terrible hoarders. I was drying up there last week and asked her why she had two microwaves lined up in the not very big kitchen. Apparently, it is in case one of them breaks. I know the other one came from my Great Aunt's house. I suggested she store it in the attic, but apparently I haven't seen the state of the attic. I then asked why she had two kettles in the kitchen. When my sister informed me that until that morning there had been 4 , but two had gone to the tip. One of the remaining ones takes 20 mins to boil though, so I failed to see why that had not also gone to the tip.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 10:49

sunnywong the flyzone for the hall also covers the entrance porch and dining room so you can just do those parts. Obviously if you have a smaller house there is less housework to do.

PS managed to make your cherry latice tart and get it to set for the first time on Boxing Day.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 10:50

BTW the most ironic aspect of it all is....my Mum is a cleaner.

dreamteamgirl · 02/01/2007 10:50

FLY is Finally Loving Yourself (cue sick emoticon)

It does work tho... And we ALL have a front door and dumping zone behind it even if no hallway

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 02/01/2007 10:52

No, sorry, that's boaktastic.

I'm from Canada, I have a lower tolerance for American schmaltizness than Brits, I think.

OP posts:
3rdTriMossTer · 02/01/2007 10:56

My parents' house was obsessively tidy when I was growing up and when I lived with them I was so tidy 'cos I was scared of putting a foot out of place!

So as soon as I left, I became a complete slob!! Dh wasn't very tidy either so we lived close to squalor for our first six years together!

Only thing that changed it for us was at the end of 05 when we bought a house together, rather than renting, for the first time.

We now make more of an effort.

Biggest thing that helped us was laminate flooring, throughout on the ground floor, and now in the spare room also (soon to be nursery). It makes getting spills and pet hairs up so much easier. We use a rubber brush! Also I always wash up straight after tea time, make sure I put the washing in the dryer straight after the wash has finished, that kind of thing.

It's still going to be a huge shock to the system when dc1 is born though. I'm going to have to pull up my tidying socks even further!! (Or relax my standards again )

AuldLangDooDah · 02/01/2007 10:59

wrapping paper love the kettles story

my mum recently moved from a three-bedroom detached house to a small terrace cos she didn't need the space. she was meant to be getting rid of stuff

I realised the other day that she had kept the 3 in 1 radio, tv and cassette recorder that my dad bought me for my 15th birthday (I'm now 37).

it's huge (as electrical equipment was then). The tv doesn't work, the radio doesn't work, and the cassette doesn't work.

but still she keeps it

AuldLangDooDah · 02/01/2007 11:01

oh btw, flylady made up the finally loving yourself crap to fit the name much later

it was a username she had on a site she used for flyfishing

of course I'm not tragic enough to know this, it just came to me in a dream

Wilbur · 02/01/2007 11:01

ROFL at the title of this thread! I grew up in a chaotic house, although only parts of it were hopelessly untidy (Mum managed to keep the "public" bits ok). My bedroom was always a tip and I never really learned good strategies to be tidy, although my sister was the opposite and now her house is immaculate. When my dad finally moved out of the family home I was sorting out my room and thinking "I have been tidying this room for 35 years and it's still not done ." Sadly, dh is even untidier than I am - I aspire to order but he doesn't seem to care that much. We are having an extension done at the moment so I am hoping the large cupboards I am having built will help the tidiness level of the house generally. We shall see...

dreamteamgirl · 02/01/2007 11:08

Aha AuldLangDooDah I didnt know that!!

Oooh that makes me less tragic than someone else...

DimpledThighs · 02/01/2007 11:17

I have joined the fly thread without using the actual site and I found it very helpful and motivating.

I amnot housework obsessed and my house is messy and disorganised but slwoly hope to get on top of it with the fly thread.

Come over to tha dark side my friends - the people there have great stories about their before and after lives.

One more thing about the ransacked by wolves thing. Once we lived in flats in Borough. They were broekn into when everyone was out and the woman from upstairs came down and looked in our door and said "OMG they really gave your place a going over, they have thrown stuff everywhere" and I just said "yes it's terrible" but the reality was that they had hardly touched our place as they had been disturbed - but iour place always sported the just burgled look!

sunnywong · 02/01/2007 11:24

Oh good that it set, (are you really GeorginaA?)

right well that is the end FLY even entering my peripheral vision let alone thinkng about doing it. I may have to take epsom salts to eradicate that piece of information.