Any other MNers raised by wolves?

[NotQuiteCockney]

By which I mean, raised in complete TV-ready squalor?

I grew up in total chaos. As an adult, whenever I brought anyone to visit my parents, I would warn them, over and over, ahead of time, about how messy and gross it was. (And these were all people who'd seen my flat, so you'd think they'd believe me.)

They were all shocked and horrified to see the house.

I do think being raised this way makes me really bad at keeping things orderly, even just basically tidying up after myself.

Any other Romulus and Remus types out there? Have any of you managed to retrain yourselves? (I don't live in squalor now, but then, I have a cleaner. And DH is tidier than me, like 99% of the population.)

Yes, do think it makes me cerap at organising myself. I am always admiringly aghast at people who automatically know what they need to do to keep a place tidy. I can get a place tidy, but I struggle to keep it like that.

The only housework I ever saw my mother doing was ironing. Ironically, I don't bother with this. I get precious little child free time, I'm not wasting it on clothes.

But she never polished, cleaned floors, hoovered etc. She used to rattle on about how hard it was to run a house and cook meals, but in reality she used to drop kids off at school, do crosswords until she picked us up, then sling some chops in the oven for tea, leaving the pots until she got up the next morning.

We used to have screaming rows when I was a teenager because she wanted me to keep my room tidy - with no systems already in place, I didn't know what to do!

Now, my house is often far from tidy, but everyones jeans have a home, dirty washing goes in a specific basket, and we have shelves for the kids' toys, so when they want to play with something, they can find it.

I feel really strongl;y that whining at kids for being untidy when you haven't taught them how to be otherwise is very unfair.

suzy I am not georgina, I am bozza. I used the recipe that you gave georgina but had trouble sourcing arrowroot and morrello cherries in Yorkshire - you suggested Ocado but they don't deliver here but I got them at the mill shop. First two tarts didn't set - too much liquid I think, but they still tasted nice. This one was impressive.

I think we should strt our own basic routine thread, for people who are sickened by flylady

So, today is a kitchen day. Put all food items back in cupboard, wash up nd put pots away. wipe sides down, sweep floor, and put bins out.

If anything doesn't live in the kitchen, take it out of the kitchen.

i am a wolf. i tidy up - first time you come round - after that you sit in the same shit we do.

downstairs is kinda ok sometimes.

lol custy

That seems a bit ambitious to me colditz

my parents were very tidy when we were younger, we were not allwoed to make a mess etc. and on sundays the kdis had to help with the housework.

but now i am a slob. i hate it. I am procrastinating on here when i should be sorting out my room. the main problem is that not everything here has a 'home' and even though we have lived her for 2.5years dh was in/out/in hospital for almost 2 years, so really some of it hasnt been sorted since we moved.

Ah, yes, I had horrible fights with my parents, when I was a kid about me not tidying my room. FGS the entire house was a terrifying tip, how on earth was I meant to tidy my room? I had no clue how to store anything, no real storage space, the whole thing was just scary.

But over and over, they would say "you can't do X unless you tidy your room" and we would fight all day, and I would try to tidy, but hate it, and have no clue how to do it really, and then they would give up and let me go anyway.

Gah, and sometimes there were "room inspections". The whole thing really makes me and even now.

I have brief flashes of usefulness and inspiration, e.g. buying clear plastic zippy bags to store puzzles and toys in, which really does help. And I have fits of trying to throw things out, but DH, although tidy, is a bit of a hoarder, so he argues with me about things, even toys.

Actually, before Xmas, I sorted out part of one of the bookshelves in the main living room, which looked so much better. I think I'll just try to have a big declutter session like that (took about an hour, really ) every few days or something. And over Xmas, I did a bit of toy sorting.

I have gotten better on general tidyness, I often clear all the kitchen surfaces (love my new kitchen). And of course, having a cleaner helps with this.

It is beyond me how things get so messy. I get little clusters of dried playdough, sheets of crumply paper, odd socks, a battery, etc ... but nobody will admit to leaving these things there!

i beat you all with this.

in a house where the lowest age is that of 13

there are 3 boys and 2 girls.

someone wakes up in middle of night with a lob on ( so not me or dd)

goes into bathroom

pissed all over place

puts bog paper over it - it stayed there for ages - i think until i said to dh " you clean it then"

i still have to have the 'talk' about watching where to piss with a lob on - i mean FOR GODS SAKE DH get a fuckin backbone - its me who is catholic not you.

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Oh, no, Pruni, I am never ever ever moving. We knocked into the house next door, so that we wouldn't have to move. Nothing, not even tidyness, is worth the horror that is moving house.

(Well, I do miss the automaticish decluttering that happens when you move ...)

My Mum was never what you would call a housewife, always a tip and sometimes a bit gross, sofa was always piled high with junk and the only thing she really did was cook. She spent 2 years as a student when I was at high school and it looked like a student flat really.

Not squalor so much, but i grew up in general untidiness. DS, on the other hand, will have a different story to tell! (squalor is a good word!!)
I just get so bored with the whole cleaning thing.
and then it just gets messy again. HOnestly. I spent an hour cleaning the kitchen this morning. it's an effing tip agian.
what's the point?!!

Oh, I'm totally with you, re: the boringness of cleaning. It's breathtakingly dull.

These days, I do tidy up a bit before the cleaner comes, not to maintain my reputation as a stellar housewife (ha!), but to make sure that things that I want put away in a specific way, are. Well, and because I'd rather she had more time for ironing etc, which I refuse to do, rather than tidying, which I am capable of doing.

(That being said, she's coming tomorrow, after nearly two weeks away, and the place is a total tip. )

My Mum was brought up by a neurotically houseproud woman. She herself worried about cleaning and nagged us to help but didn't show us how to do it - just shouted at us (well, mainly me - I'm the eldest) for not getting it right. When the handle on the oven door broke, it stayed broken for 15 years and she tied the door shut with string.

The house was presentable and her cooking was hygienic but the thing I hated was the bathroom - stale smelly towels and slimy facecloths.

There were four of us and she worked full-time from when the youngest was six, so you might think I'm being unsympathetic - but she also had a (wait for it) full-time cleaner/housekeeper who came with the job.

I can do much better and I love our fresh fluffy towels and facecloths. But I had to teach myself a method and flylady helped a lot. You can tune out the American sentimentality and just take what helps.

The most helpful thing was to stop being over-thorough. Mum's motto was 'if a thing's worth doing it's worth doing well'. That can be terribly inhibiting - if you haven't got time to do a perfect job that's a good reason not to start. My new motto is 'if a thing's worth doing it's worth half-doing'.

I learned in a few weeks how to stop making heavy weather of housework and just bloody well get it done. When it gets a bit out of hand (like now, because I've been ill for the last 4 weeks) I know I can easily get it back under control again. And I'm teaching this confidence to my daughter - by example, not by nagging.

My sister, on the other hand, has internalised Mum's defeatism. She lives in a squalid tip and screams at her kids to tidy up when she can't do it herself. She has huge exhausting blitzes and it's all fine for a couple of days then back to square one.

Maybe it's also partly personality - my sister's been teaching for decades but it still seems to come as a shock to her every time she has reports to write.

Anyway, for those who find it all a struggle, flylady's definitely worth a look and it won't turn you into a scary Stepford clone. Must go and fold the dry clothes now (to save ironing them)

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Not read whole thread... I grew up in mild chaos - no dirt, just a bit messy. I now live in extreme chaos

Was discussing with DH that there are those people who's thought patterns go drink coffee, wash and put away cup, those who drink coffee and leave cup where it is, and all the variants in between... we are BOTH the latter kind = hell.

I am with you on the boaktastic, and low tolerance for American schmaltziness, NQC - and I am american!
I do think we inherit cleaning patterns to a large degree - it becomes the fall back position. I would describe my mum as very tidy but not hugely clean, iyswim. I think I am pretty much the same, and I am sure my friend from the north is sometimes disturbed a bit by my lacksical use of bleach.

I was raised by a very tidy and houseproud mum, and I don't do housework or tidying. Because I don't really give a toss if the house is a bit of a mess. Life is too short to tidy things that are oinly going to get untidy again, all I bother with is laundry and washing up when there is enough of iether to make it worth doing.

www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30226&l=dfd0b&id=588764107
This is my house right now Its like this all the time.

I was brought up in Genteel Semi-slatternity - you know, the sort of house which is never, ever painted and where Damp Patches encroach menacingly in the corners. With a very grubby sink.

The Inferiority Complex bears a distinct, and alarming, resemblance to aspects of said Genteel Semi-slaternity but the sink is cleaner.

CC - looks a little untdy, but it looks clean! Mine looks neither right now...
Put it this way, went with my boss to interview a person with long-term mental health problems and I was warned ''try not to be shocked at the state of the house...''
Erm, it was only a little bit worse than mine this week

FMV: I've had similar to that - some TV programme about a bloke with a messy house which made me think, oh well, mine's not that bad. Only they were threatening to section him for his untidiness...
WHile I appreciate that it's verydifficult to live with someone who is at the opposite end of the tidy scale to you, I do think there's far too much fuss made about tidiness and housework. Life should be about prioritising the enjoyable stuff and keeping the boring shitwork stuff to the minimum.

Clean? Must be the camera lying DD1 found her pet rat curled up in some clothes on the floor this morning. THAT chatotic here.
I justify it but being INCREDIBLY ratty when I do bother to tidy, I HATE IT, and its makes me pissed off and stressed...to waste time tidying and cleaning.
So its a happy messy house IYKWIM.

exactly!
My kids are happy and well-cared for, there are clean clothes available (just not neccessarily ironed or hung up!), our home is comfortable and we never run out of loo roll
I work 4 days a week so when we are togehter as a family, my priority is hardly gonna be ''ooh, must clean the skirting boards!''

Talking of which, we're off out in the campervan now