Autumn leaves flutter as October Fledglings Fly!

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Welcome to the October 2015 Fledgling Flying thread!

Park your broomsticks and cauldrons here!! Or is that just me ?

This is where, from the 1st of the month, we attempt to declutter and follow the 30-step wisdom of Flylady (minus cutesy language and a surfeit of e-mails) with lots of chat and support and mutual motivation (and of course) along the way.

More info available here and here and here.

As usual we will be following a three-pronged approach - and don't worry - we are all at different stages. (Some of us are still stuck at the decluttering stage after quite a few years ):

• repeat or start baby steps (again!)

• repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

And those of you who have decluttered and are really enthusiastic can throw some detailed cleaning in to the mix as well!

The idea is that we focus on short, ring-fenced, daily steps and routines that will help our homes run (more or less!) on "automatic pilot" allowing us to do far more interesting things instead!

This is a very long-running thread so we may appear cliquey but we really aren't! All newcomers, long-termers, lurkers and intermittent returnees not only welcome to join in but positively encouraged to do so!

Helpful pointers: No perfectionism allowed! If it took a while to create the current C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) in your home, then it will probably take a while to reverse the situation (you can't clean clutter!). Small steps are the key! And you are never behind: just jump in where you are at!

Any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Good luck!

< passes >

We went to Sixth Form evening yesterday...ds1 has decided what he wants to do, up to a point, for A Level but two are still in the balance and we have wild fluctuations of plan..one minute Maths, then Drama (which creates difficulties because he has no GSCE in drama) then mad fancies about philosophy (he would be rubbish at that I regret to say) and existential angst from me about whether he really shows the slightest interest in Geography (which in itself is a wonderful A level but not his passion ). His school doesn't really offer all the A levels that are best suited to him so we could change school (several sixth forms round here all bidding for students) but it is all quite a big decision, added to which he actually has to pass gsces!! Ds2 came out of tuition happy enough but the journey home turned into a nightmare; I'd forgotten the downside of school was that everyone is frazzled afterwards, including ME! I'll rephrase that, ds2 was happy whilst at the tuition but then screamed at me the minute I picked him up, when I deviated in the slightest from what he expected to happen next, and when I asked him any questions

Toffee Happy Birthday to your ds1, mine seems like a proto 14 year old still, although it is his 16th this April. Yes as child, 16 year olds were adults, gods, people who knew stuff weren't they? Bravo for the new job, and how lovely that dh is completely taking up the home front slack in the meantime, it will make such a difference to be able to focus on the new routine. I'm sure he will deal perfectly well with everything, even if he has to ask your advice occasionally What a star!

SC just say NO..we say this every season to you, but it makes no difference Don't feel guilty, arrange to meet them in some neutral territory if necessary - send dd to them, anything but don't always be the hostess. Say the house is being renovated for their next visit, NEXT year.

Hi everyone :)

No real flying today, seemed to barely be at home!

ta da
Super Skills Time with DCs
Gym (DD)
High Frequency Words spellings
Made a picnic for dinner the long bus ride to Badgers
Took DCs to Badgers and read while I waited (I found a Wetherspoons to wait in! Comfier chairs and softer lighting than the cafe, and Pepsi on tap :o)
Read to DCs
Watched 2 back to back episodes of Doctor Foster :o (no spoilers please, still have 2 more to go)
Arrange a project I am going to 'run' with friend's DCs as well as my own
Sort out meeting with author... only to have it cancelled as my dad is ill (nothing serious) so we won't be staying at my mum's after all.
BOOKED A HOLIDAY! Haven email came through with a great offer, so we've booked a little getaway in March. Term time, obviously . Sod it, we haven't been away this year and for just over £100 it's well worth it. Quite nearby so just a direct train journey as well.

SC maybe I should say something like that to shut them up. Thing is though, when I actually look at our home ed... it genuinely isn't a challenge. I thought it would be but it's fun and relaxed - we've settled into it and we are really enjoying it all. I don't wake up every day with a crushing sense of impending doom anymore either :o (in all seriousness - this is a massive, massive change, and I've actually only just realised it! As the Facebook meme goes... mind=blown :o).

Maybe I need to somehow 'concede' to finding it difficult just so they don't think I'm lying when I say how much easier it is. I could honestly say it was difficult at first, as that is true. But TBH I don't think they are actually interested in my answer when they ask me anyway - they have their opinion and I don't think anything will change it. I just need to stop letting their judgypanthoiking get to me :o

Good morning!

Sorry not to get back on here last night - school meeting - things are v busy with dh away and visitors' arrival imminent.

Posting links for today now and will be bbl to catch up!

*

Baby-step no. 9 for today, Fri 9th, Oct, is here. It's about it taking 28 days to develop a habit and learning about various decluttering techniques ie room rescue. More info about decluttering 15 mins a day here!

We are still in Zone 2 until the 10th (tomorrow) : Kitchen/ back porch/laundry room/pantry. Here!.

Declutter for 15 mins in Zone 2 (or do a mission!).

If you are at that stage, the detailed cleaning list for Zone 2 is here.

Friday's mission can be found here. Take 15 mins and clean the light fittings in your kitchen.

Friday's daily focus is decluttering and cleaning purses, handbags, cars. And apparently it is "date night" too.

The habit for October is: www.flylady.net/d/habits-of-the-month/october/ decluttering paper clutter!

A summary of the above (which should update itself daily) can be found here in the Flightplan: www.flylady.net/c/fp.php?tzm=-120.

Have a good day everyone!

OK back from school run/dog walk, animals fed, and best of all, my lovely, lovely cleaner is here [garlands with flowers] so things are definitely looking up! And it is a sunny day! Makes such a difference to this house: I can actually see what I am trying to declutter!!

Thanks so much for all the advice yesterday. Think I shall take it and say 'no' for visitors around Christmas (too late for visitors at Christmas itself ifyswim but only a small number) largely because the thought of it makes me (literally) want to dissolve in to tears which is extremely pathetic but there you go. I know I would enjoy their company, it's just the thought of the attendant drudgery before, during and after, that gets me down.

But I feel so horribly guilty saying 'no'. One family member (male of course!) doesn't take it at all graciously on the rare occasions when I, or another family member, turns them and their family down. They say things like "don't worry, we'll all just bunk down on your floor" but in reality are quite difficult/demanding guests.

The second problem is that I feel I bloody well ought to be able to do it given 10 hrs work a week and only one child. In a way it's my "job". So don't quite understand why I feel like this but I do (think it is something to do with the summer we had!) so I am going to say "no" and live with the guilt/fall-out!

As ever, this thread is a life-saver

Well done SC - stand your ground! People need to stop just assuming you'll do everything, it's not fair.

Very sleepy this morning but it's my own fault for staying up late on the computer

No plans today other than a tutor session, so should have time to do a few little houseworky things. Including the daily focus as my bags are long overdue a clear out! And hopefully will get some good home ed done.

I'm disappointed not to be staying at my mum's as planned; it would've been a nice change. But TBH sometimes without DH with us, staying with my parents seems like more effort sometimes (not exactly hands on grandparents!) so it will probably be more restful staying home!

I have promised DCs that if they help me do lots of tidying over the next 2 days then on Sunday - when DH is doing a half marathon so won't be around - I'll take them to one of those cheap Movies for Juniors things.

Blue I hardly dare ask ... .

Grey your London trip sounds a tonic! Hope you became 'unstuck' (Flying-wise not literally!!) yesterday!

Toffee Give it a bit of time and I am sure all those old skills will come flying back! When do you start? Could you do any sort of 'refresher' work in meantime to make the transition easier? Brilliant that your dh is so supportive btw allowing you to truly focus on the job, knowing the boys will be in good hands!

[If it helps at all, my sil had, until v recently, spent 7 yrs away from her v. technical high-power job nursing her parents (pretty heavy duty nursing at that). A month or so back, an opportunity to return to work came up that she couldn't refuse and she leapt back in with much trepidation, but is now back in there enjoying it very much! She is finding it tough (mainly because of accommodation issues, not the job itself) but says everyone is very understanding and supportive and she is really really happy she 'went for it'!! And we are really, really proud of her too!!]

And great that ds2 wants to try new things! He is obviously following his ma's good example !

Hope you are feeling less fatigue today Can'tsee I know from experience that constant plaster dust is v demoralising. Just when you think you've hoovered it all up, another layer settles over everything like snow ... . It seems to deliberately hang in the air until you have put the hoover back in the cupboard!!

Knitting would your ds1 consider attending a sixth form college (if there is a good one locally?). My nephew was similarly undecided about A level subjects and one of the subjects he was interested in, wasn't offered by his school. So he went to sixth form college because of that but the unexpected incidental benefits were huge in terms of self-confidence, maturity, self-discipline etc, new set of friends etc.

Fuzzpig hope your father feels better soon. And I think it is lovely you have something to look forward to in the form of a little holiday. You all deserve a break away! And y y to definitely ignoring any judgey-pant-hoiking You could simply answer, "like everyone else, I am doing what we judge to be best for our family".

Encouraging wing flaps to everyone else!

Right, I really, really, really need to tackle the boudoir. It looks as though a bomb has exploded in the middle of the bed, scattering socks, towels and underpants far and wide!

x post

Thanks Fuzzpig! Have a good day and hope the "bribery" works!

Good for you, SC! But please remember that it's not 'your job' to entertain anyone who wants to come and stay with you. It's your house, your family, your life and you don't have to do these things out of (misplaced) obligation. The guest who just wants to 'bunk down' on your floor sounds astonishingly insensitive, so I'm not surprised he's a difficult person to have to stay.

Helen Mirren said this recently:

'If I’d had children and had a girl, the first words I would have taught her would have been “fuck off” because we weren’t brought up ever to say that to anyone, were we? And it’s quite valuable to have the courage and the confidence to say, “No, fuck off, leave me alone, thank you very much.” You see, I couldn’t help saying “Thank you very much,” I just couldn’t help myself.'

I think we can all learn from that .

fuzz - sympathies on the staying-up-too-late on the computer thing. Have done that myself too many times to count . Good plan to get the DC involved in tidying up.

Wise words, indeed, Toffee!

SC The lawyers are now satisfied, but everything depends on persuading our buyer that he doesn't need a retrospective building regs certificate for work that was done in the '80s. One of his friends has convinced him that he does, and he's currently not listening to anyone else. It is actually beyond belief now.

Crikey, I can see this new job opportunity is empowering you already Toffee

I like it !! [throws knob polishing ephemera in to the air ] And very good point indeed!

I need to teach dd to say "fo" (not literally!) more too as it happens!

It's only now in my 50s that I have started to honestly express opinions and say "no" and I don't want dd to have to wait so long!

I'm finding that people don't like it much if you suddenly start saying what you think having always been "nice" and "compliant" but I've reached an age where I am starting not to care as much.

As HM says, compliance was drilled in to us, but the world has moved on (sometimes too much when it comes to consideration for others I think) but, as ever, there is a happy balance to be had... .

X-post, SC. Very reassuring to hear about your SIL. Am so happy about DS2's willingness to go on a course (three days, full time - something he wouldn't have considered a short while ago) and I'm sure he's had his confidence boosted by going to the new school (and loving it) as well as witnessing DS1 overcome huge anxiety issues.

Right, am meant to be an organised, efficient person, according to my job spec, so had better drag myself off the computer and start getting organised .

But still, there is the lingering Catholic guilt ...

Oh lawd Blue I suppose that's good and bad news all at once! Let's hope yr buyers sees sense (or quickly gets an expert on board to make him see sense). I hate to suggest it, but do you suspect he is stalling for other reasons too? [Getting money together?] I sincerely hope not.

x post Toffee

Yes of course, your ds2 has your ds1's mahoosively inspirational example to follow too bless them! Talk about overcoming adversity and triumphing Brilliant yr Ds2 loves his new school too!

Have a good day!

YY need to shut down computer too!

Yes, it's all that salary negotiation, SC . I basically said "Fuck off" to the first salary offer (obviously as diplomatically and politely as possible). Am surprised at myself, honestly, but DH's business is rocky at the moment so I knew I needed to get us as much money as possible to cover our monthly outgoings. Plus, if I'm going to give up all this lovely free time, I want to get paid for it!

You are right that people don't like it when you become more assertive, SC, but most will respect you for it.

Ah, knob polishing reminds me that I actually haven't polished any knobs for an awfully long time .

It's a gorgeous day, but I can't concentrate on work, and daren't go out in case the phone rings. Gah!

SC The time you spend at "work" is immaterial, as is the number of children you have or the number of bedrooms you have free. If you had no children and a large dormant hotel no one should be allowed to invite themselves to stay!!!! Every hostess likes to do things a certain way, so the idea that someone can breeze in saying oh don't mind us we'll eat pot noodle and sleep on the floor. Btw re: Catholic guilt, someone once said about a friend the following witticism..."the problem with you dear (friend) is that you have Catholic guilt and a Protestant work ethic which makes things very exhausting.."

Ds2 has gone off to Home Ed football by himself on the bus, and I've done following

driven dd to school
did small grocery shop for odds and ends
put washing upstairs
hung out washing
rescued kitchen before cleaning lady arrived
made ds2 have a bath

generally felt a bit depressed about state of house, but boo to that and I am now going out, having squirted jif at the bath and abandoned it.. Too much to do, and it is a beautiful sunny day so I am going to follow ds to "football" park, and get some more exercise (have already done a lot of walking to shops and back)

Much too calorific lunch break ...

Thanks KNitting and arf at witticism

The ridiculous thing is that I say exactly the same thing to other family members who are coming under pressure from this particular person and really mean it when I say "you shouldn't feel guilty", "you've bent over backwards in the past for very little thanks" , "his behaviour is rather entitled" (or words to that effect) and yet I can't seem to apply them to myself, well apply them happily anyway.

Congrats on your very productive day (your morning lists alway make me feel quite weak at the knees) and hurrah to abandoning chores and heading out in to sunshine! (Although football park doesn't sound exactly relaxing!!)

Oh it's horrible that you are still forced to be on tenterhooks Blue. Hope the phone does ring though!

Toffee absolutely right that you should claim a decent wage. You are giving up a lot for the job. It's got to be worth your while. Bravo to you! And remember you will be bringing a lot of new skills to the post such as wisdom and patience gained from home edding/multi-tasking, in addition to your past experience.

Am also having a lunch break now, SC. You're right that it's easy to give good advice to others, but less easy to apply it to ourselves. Thank you for your reminders about the positive things I'll be bringing to the job. Am trying not to worry about also bringing things with me that I didn't have to think about last time I worked full time: family responsibilities; reading glasses; wrinkles; keeping regular hair appointments to stop my grey roots showing through; and, of course, the menopause lurking round the corner...

Everyone in the office where I'll be working looks 20+ years younger than me. It will make me feel terribly old!

blue - that's really rubbish. So sorry you're still waiting.

knitting - you've got your priorities right. There is always cleaning to be done, but the sunshine is less predictable and it's good to make the most of it.

ta da

knob polishing
Wiped down front door
Dealt with huge pile of washing up in kitchen
Wiped down cooker and kitchen surfaces
Cleared out and cleaned kitchen drawer
Hoovered kitchen, dining room, stairs and hallway
Took delivery of more uniform for DS1 (so he has enough to keep him going all week if necessary, without washing)
General tidy up
Emptied kitchen rubbish bin
Hung washing out on line (repaired by DH after the disaster the other day)

Going to collect DS2 around 3, then have to stay for a school meeting whilst DH goes on to collect DS1. I'm going to miss so many meetings and appointments once I start work, although DH will be able to go to some of them (it'll feel weird leaving all that to him). Have always wondered what working parents do when they are asked to school meetings in school hours. There seems to be an assumption that at least one parent will be available.

Think I'm getting DH's streamer of a cold. Oh well, at least I'll get it out of the way before the new job starts.

Off to nap before school pick up now. Wonder if they'll let me nap at new workplace ?

Finally got a call, and they've finally agreed to the indemnity they were offered a week ago, so we should finally be able to exchange on Monday. If this doesn't happen then, I think I really will go spare!!

Hello all! Back again as am waiting for DS to finish after school club and I am (as always!) ridiculously early...

Congratulations on the job Toffee and fingers crossed for the exchange Blue. Well I remember the stress from May/June .

Today I've done no flying, but had a sort of "me" day. Went shopping and bought new PJ's and a gonk (see photo) which is for Christmas but I can see taking up permanent residence! Also got my hair cut and did my eyebrows and nails so I feel more groomed.

PIL are treating us to Chinese takeaway and wine this evening and I'm not unhappy at this plan. Tomorrow is rugby and more alcohol!!! Come on Scotland even if you have no chance!

I went into down to do some shopping. It was exhausting so I attempted a nap but was twarted by road works nearby. Thankfully ds' wardrobe was not too bad when I went through it for too small stuff. Lots removed but enough left to avoid having to do a specific shop. Just school disco and late night training to survive before we have a PJ weekend. Can't wait! TV and knitting sounds amazing right now!

[canters through with a bad case of gonk envy]