How can I make my house smell nice? (I have a cellar full of dead bodies)

[morningpaper]

I've got 20 corpses decomposing in my cellar and the house doesn't smell nice anymore.

Will a Glade plug-in make it smell freshly laundered?

. And tea tree oil. Sprinkle the bodies with bicarb...

Febreeze?

I guess you need something stronger, something like a load of concrete.

yes

masking the smell is certainly the best advice you will receive

there are even some sickly new xmas themed ones on the market right now

A sulphuric-acid-and-honey mix. Failing that, get Torchwood in, followed by Kim and Aggie.

kim and aggie will make you some lavendar bags to tie on the toes

Maybe it is just a bit too dusty?

Send Anthea down there...

thats not dust
its a swarm of bluebottles

I think Anthea is down there already

Serioulsy Morningpaper - spray the corpses with fly spray if you can get at them...I have had the bluebottle swarm experience...not nice at all.

Glade plug-ins are fine for nasty niffs like the welcoming aroma of tea in my house or a full nappy that's lain undiscovered in the cupboard under the sink for a few weeks (wondered what that smell was!) but for full on fetid you need Oust mixed with Fabreeze.

Unfortunately rancid bodies do tend to stink the place out and it's not a topic broached by Kim and Aggie so I'm guessing lemon juice and soda crystals just won't cut the mustard (gas).

Next time you must be better prepared and take Chandra's advice with the concrete.

Message withdrawn

A clothes peg and body bags.

why do you have corpses in your cellar?

MorningPaper

Not again, you promised the judge last time.

Are you 'just looking after them for a friend'?

open a window, even if its cold outside.

These body bags cut down on a lot of the smell

These body bags cut down on a lot of the smell

morningpaper, did you murder Anthea Turner again? I think Eammonn Holmes did it first, then Peter wotsisname and Mrs Bovey each had a shot... death does not prevent her from cleaning, you know. in those veins runs pure Cillit Bang...

madmarchhare - excellent idea, especially if it's cold outside! The bodies will freeze and you can start the process of disposing of them without needing breathing apperatus.

burstingbug:

I have corpses in the cellar because they WERE very intelligent company and as pets they are very quiet and don't need walking

A nutradol in each orifice would not only help with the smell, but provide a handy practice run for stuffing the Christmas Turkey (and indeed, on many occasiona Anthea has been a bit of a Turkey).

Whilst body bags are a good idea, surely you can at least manage a Cath Kidston variant? I mean, blue polythne- it's just a complete no-no