How can I make my house smell nice? (I have a cellar full of dead bodies)

[morningpaper]

I've got 20 corpses decomposing in my cellar and the house doesn't smell nice anymore.

Will a Glade plug-in make it smell freshly laundered?

Do Lakeland do bodybags in different colours?

Don't body bags come in a variety of colours? Surely there's a niche market for someone to start their own line...

i would bet my arse you can get cath kidson designed body bags somewhere

Boden do a range of funky body bags with fringes and appliqued flowers.

bleach?

ohyes puddle and there are wellies to match, and shovels

or get a cocaine addiction going and you'll lose your sense of smell and/or septum

Expat could lend you some maggots - whcih could solve your problem

Anyway, decomposing bodies in your cellar is a selfish waste when you could let nature take it's course in your garden and use the ground remains as fertiliser for your garden. Haven't you ever heard of blood, fish and bone? Well this is better. Works a treat on roses.

MP you could just get some cath kidson oilcloth and make your own body bag

i think Enid has some

good point ginmummy - stick them in your wormery.

find some medical students and charge them for hiring their very own 'laboratory'

Get Barry in

Tell the police about the bodies, but say that your lodger, who was a very quiet chap, has recently left at very short notice leaving no forwarding address. And that he left some notes saying things like "They all had to go". Hey presto, your local constabulary will deal with the problem - what value for money you'll get from this year's council tax.

Yes and by the time they have finished digging up your garden just to be sure, you will have saved on a gardener as well.

I crawled under our floorboards and removed a smelly dead rat with a dustpan and brush and a Tesco bag. Isn't this sort of thing covered by FlyLady? Tsssk.