March of the Fledglings 2015

[Slingclutter]

Heartfelt thanks to Whoknows for running the February thread during such a stressful time for her (and to Toffee for helping out.)

If you are strugging with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, support and and along the way.

Flylady link link here.

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework, which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

1. start or repeat baby steps

1. repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

1. reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

[And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.]

More info here on getting started and on Flying lessons. Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings.

Don't be put off by the purple prose and barf-tastic language of the site - the underlying system is sound!

Three key points to keep in mind:
(1)No perfectionism allowed (this is harder than you might imagine!)
(2)You are never behind; just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
(3) It didn't get into a mess overnight - it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new; then trying to spend 15 mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking lists but don't let that worry you! Do what you can, anything is better then nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

If all else fails, a brew + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!

Oh and don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey – some of us have been on here for years – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, regulars, oldies and newcomers very, very welcome!

Oh my days SC very very trying indeed.

Ds answer in yeah, meh, and urm. they all fecking sound the same when mumbled. He then gets insanely enraged when I point out he didn't answer the question it is not even yes no kinda questions and claims i am unreasonable for not being a mind reader.

ON a plus note I have finally establish that when ds feels sick he could mean he feels so tired he feels sick, he feels sick, he has a cold, he has earache, he is hungry, he has eaten too much, something hurts. Now all I have to do is convince him to tell me which sick he feels when he says he feels sick

Sounds like you have had an amazing day

That is really infuriating, SC. Is there any way of talking it over with DH without him getting defensive? Tricky, I know.

How on earth did you manage FIVE loads of washing? I didn't even manage one.

I really don't think lack of time to myself is the reason for my ongoing tiredness. I don't really understand it. I've been feeling like this for a while - it's an absolutely overwhelming exhaustion and all I want to do is go to sleep. Then, if I give in to it, I don't just sleep for 20 minutes or so, I fall into a deep sleep for about two or three hours. And last night I had eight hours' sleep and still overslept and then needed more sleep in the afternoon. I'm also quite achey. It's all bizarre. Keep meaning to go to the docs and get a blood test, but never get round to it.

Maybe I'm just very, very lazy!

Bitchy - DS1 does that mumbling thing - it drives me insane. He also uses the word 'sick' to mean all sorts of different things and rarely believes me when I point out which one I think it is (sick with anxiety, sick with hunger, sick because he hasn't taken his pills recently...) because he thinks it always means he's ill.

Maybe you need to get off your ass and get checked out. Thyroid issues is one thing that springs to mind Toffee and there are others. Seriously go get checked out. Please.

Sorry that was blunt. I am tired and crotchey. Please don't brush your health issues under the carpet you have as much right to medical treatment it things are right as the dc. Shame as mothers we rarely remember this. i am totally guilty of this

Keep wondering if it's related to the high ANCA score I had after pnuemonia, Bitchy. Such a faff arranging an appointment though and feel a bit embarrassed to say I just feel tired all the time.

I suffer from CFS and Fibro Toffee being tired all the time is no joking matter. Seriously it is worth the faff. Worst they can say is that it is you are just run down and drained after all the traumas with ds1 when he was at his worst. And if that is the case you will at least have peace of mind that it is nothing serious. If you don't get it check it will always be nagging at you in the back of your brain. And that can build stress and make you feel rubbish. I hate doctors after my last experiences of them, but even I am thinking i need to go back. If i still can't turn my neck properly tomo I will.

Hmm, just read about low thyroid and do match some of those symptoms. You are right that we tend to put ourselves second, Bitchy. Have enough appointments for DS1 without adding more myself. You sounded concerned, by the way, not crotchety. Thank you. Hope you can get some rest now.

Whether I sound crotchety or not I am definitely in a crotchety mood. Ds is keeping a low profile, he can't even approach with coffee to leave and back away from atm as I can't sodding have milk in my coffee which means coffee is now undrinkable as I like it milky and I can't find a milk free alternative which is drinkable in coffee.

I am hoping that Olbas oil, hot water bottle and pain killers soothe the earache/really really sore stiff neck enough for proper sleep. If not doctors it is and I am knitting myself an infinity scarf/snood type thing tomo. Don't think sleeping in a scarf is a great idea

That doesn't sound any fun. Olbas oil, etc sounds like a good plan though - I hope it works.

You could have a Post Viral Fatigue type thing then Toffee if you had pneumonia - it sometimes takes a long time to get these things out of our system. Or it could be something easily fixed like a deficiency in iron, vitamin D or something.

So I shall join Bitchy in poking you til you get to the GP!

Yesterday:
ta da
Put towel wash on before work (didn't switch it on til after, oops!)
Make sandwich to take for lunch
Tumble dryer on
Decent dinner (must get a sauce out of the freezer) even hid some flaked salmon in the sauce MWAHAHA
Put dry clothes away nope! Went to bed really early before dryer finished. Must do today
Read more finished the book I've been reading for MONTHS! ("The Highly Sensitive Child" - would recommend)

Plan for today:
to do
As much laundry as possible
Some home ed with DCs
Shower
Home ed form

Ds is in school with minimal fuss, running late but I overslept and he was being 10. I have done that rare thing of put something in a safe place whilst rearranging things and I know where what I want is. Most un heard of Currently walking around with a heat pack thingy on my neck. As the pain lessened whilst doing the school run I can only assume that I actually took the pain killers I couldn't remember if I had taken You know those days when you think it would be kinder to be taken out back and shot?

Thanks for the extra prod, Peg. The pneumonia was a couple of years ago, but I had a high ANCA score when I had a blood test afterwards, which sent all the drs into a sudden frenzy of action (although, funnily enough, I felt fine by then!). It's meant to indicate an autoimmune condition, but they decided it was just a response to the pneumonia in the end. I always worry when I feel this tired, though, in case there's something else going on.

I have that book too, by the way. There's also one for adults which I found very interesting and relevant.

Bitchy - keep taking those pain killers. If it's ibuprofen, it'll reduce inflammation too. Hope things improve.

Both children were woken up by cats this morning. DS2 said he was having a lovely dream about being in a field full of poppies, then it suddenly became very windy and he woke up to find one of the cats sniffing his face . He's decided a cat alarm is a good way to be woken up.

Starting home ed shortly. Not sure I can face Maths again though, as it is met with such resistance.

Toffee get thee to a blood test straightaway! That really could be thyroid issues...hypo (low thyroid) causes aches and pains tiredness treacly tiredness I mean, excerbation of any anxiety. And it it also ties into severe Vit D deficiency. They should check your T3 and T4 as well as your TSH. (Thryoid stimulating hormone - which would be high if your thyroid glandwas having trouble)(okayI'm not quite sure about the technicalitiesbut there is more than just checking your TSH)

Drove dd to school, made her make her own packed lunch[triumphant]
Dh has sent off the deposit for the garden building
Ds1 to school with PE kit
Ds2 has done spelling, and is now copying out some Wordsworth. I also just sent him on an errand to buy a bucket.

House a tip. Have mopped round the loo.
Put some washing on
Put other washing away
measured out for shed again [garden very lovely at the time of year despite mud]

Bookclub this evening. Sigh. Have tocook smart supper. My bête noire. Will have try and buy something on the way to Judo wth ds2 at 12.30.

SC oh that is a familiar horror (disagreeing how to handle a scene which is in full throttle) Tbh I find dh and I keep veering between good cop and bad cop so it is never as simple as the parenting manuals might suggest. She is very sweet atm bouncy and lovely but when she gets in a grump about her "rights" we are still working out what the boundaries are. At the moment what we are working on is her rude outbursts - we are trying obviously to avoid the triggers but when she has them we have managed to have a joint strategy which is not to lose our temper and start telling her off. We just try and refuse to engage when she is like that. And ask her pick up whatever she has thrown on the floor (for example) or leave the room if she is screaming. I would say she is much better than she was 2 years ago and better at communicating what she wants and needs rather than just winding herself up into a state and screaming at us about all and sundry.

I am in a pissed off and grumpy mood, it is not good for pacing. Great for burnout induced just getting on with it. Shame it is not anti procrastination day then

Am impressed by how much you did before 10am, Swan. Point taken about blood test. I remember your tiredness turned out to be down to thyroid issues, didn't it?

Felt fine first thing, but am beginning to feel exhausted again and could happily go back to bed . I just had a big battle with DS2 over settling down to some work. He is being generally unco-operative at the moment and I know that's partly my fault for not sticking to a strict schedule. Trouble is, I don't like strict schedules myself.

We have done some English comprehension and discussed a poem. One of the questions was, "How does this poem make you feel?" DS2 replied, "Bored" . (He had a point, actually, it was quite a dull poem).

We are now moving from working at the table in the cool dining-room to sitting on DS2's bed in the sunshine, reading about vertebrates and invertebrates. Hopefully, that will make learning easier. Then we need to take a walk to get some Vitamin D and cheer ourselves up.

Have another visit to DS1's prospective school this afternoon.

A slight improvement with DD1 here today - in line with Toffee's therapy advice and similar to what we've had to do before, she agreed to go in this morning as long as DH stayed in the car park so that if she ran out in a panic he would be there! This of course generally means that she doesn't get in a panic because she feels safer. She managed to stay for an hour, which I think was very good in the circumstances. TBH she doesn't really need much supervision at home - she is a quiet introvert (like me and DH) so she is quite happy reading, on her laptop, in the garden with the rabbits or whatever and she will do some learning on her own. It's just that I know there will be a bit of pressure on a nice day especially to take her to the stables instead of waiting till the evening, or if she wants to go shopping or something.

SC Sorry you are having hysterical DD troubles! Hope you are both feeling better today.

Done:
Booked music camp for DD2
Filled in form for dressage camp for DD1 and emailed to ask a question so I can complete it.
Deleted some old emails
Done a very much needed Tesco order for delivery tomorrow
Done 1 load of washing and hung out

Hello, hello everyone! Apologies for leaving thread mid-way conversation last night. Felt brain dead! Have been trying to get back on here all morning but have had various people in the house, at the door, on the phone and then dh popping back for lunch (poor man can't win; I'm usually complaining about him being away!!).

Hope everyone OK! Have just spoken to my sil who had decluttered four boxes of her late parents' papers between 8.30 and 10.30 am this morning. This made me feel extremely guilty as it is exactly what I should have been doing today. (Have had shamefully unproductive morning: have just faddled about with dw, wm and rabbits.)

I need to be much more disciplined about decluttering. Weeks are speeding past with no progress being made. And boudoir is starting to take back on it's old chaotic dusty look. Just felt a bit wiped out after shenigans of yesterday and can't focus (mainly 'crap parent thoughts' floating through my head!!) But there's always one excuse or another!!

Really, really shouldn't be on here making excuses, especially as it is a beautiful spring day which is usually hugely helpful when it comes to decluttering!!

And thankfully, dd went off to school happy as Larry this morning, as if nothign had happened

Anyway, enough of my musings, how are all of you fine fledglings?

Toffee Lazy you are NOT!! Poor you, that level of tiredness does sound more serious than "just" (don't really mean "just" at all ) parenting stress, age, etc. Agree with Bitchy and others. It's definitely worth going to the doc's to check it out. It could be hormonal or you may have something else going on. As Bitchy says, worrying about it will be tiring in itself and although I'm sure it is a stress to have to make arrangements for the boys/sort the appt etc esp when you are already back and forth with ds1; this is definitely one time it is worth putting yourself at the top of the priority list!! And don't be tempted to under-play the symptoms once you get there!!!

Btw, I like that therapist's advice about taking a step back. And well done to ds1 on his academic progress!! Also, had to laugh at you doing the colouring-in. I do that sometimes with dd's poetry illustrations!!

Sorry you are having "one of those days" Bitchy too and are in pain. Simply don't know how you withstand it, day after day. Hope the olbas oil works xxx And hope you find the important thing you are looking for. Oh and arrggh at little faces peering out at you from freezer!!!!

Swan thank you (again!!) for wise words. We do indeed have very similar issues here. I emphatically know that I have contributed to the problem with my Irish temper and dd has unfortunately learnt from a master ! To think I actually thought of myself as a patient person before I had a child . I know that if I can refuse to engage as you describe, then that will help enormously. If you could see some of her facial expressions though (the insolent ones) they would drive a saint over the edge !! And added to this is the fact that she is at the same time highly sensitive and lacking in confidence (so much so sometimes that your heart breaks for her) and all in all it's a very tricky combination to handle and I've simply got to get better at it!! Thanks for giving me hope that things will improve in a year or two!!

And thank you for dieting advice too! I know I musn'tt let set-backs put me off, esp as my chocolate biscuit quota definitely goes up and down in relation to dd's moods!!

How is your thyroid now btw Swan if you don't mind me asking? I know you had difficulties with balancing the medication levels at one point. Hope it is all sorted now anyway.

Agree with others about dc definitely being seen and heard at the table. DD barely says a word when eating out with unfamiliar people; I would welcome it very much if she was a bit more chatty. I'm sure your ds2 will learn to moderate himself a little more as time goes on; but (stressful as this may be for your dh) mightn't it be harder for him to learn these skills if he is banned from speaking completely in these social situations? Having said that, I have to say I cheat a bit here because although I dislike (intensely) the idea of "putting children on a separate table to eat" (as have lovely childhood memories of all ages sitting down together) when friends come over, now the dc are a bit older, they all want to sit together. So the dc naturally tend to be at one end of the table and the adults at the other. Maybe that could that serve as a mid-way compromise (on your own territory anway)?

Pegleg I must get back to that book too!! And how very about the little girl's mother being stoned. Very difficult to find yourself in the middle of that situation. Are they getting any 'official' help?

Fizrim hope your dd is feeling better today!

Bless hope your dd1 is feeling a bit less stressed today!

Whoknows Think we should swap dh's when it comes to culinary matters! Mine is very hot on flavourings and sauces!! (I would quite relish some good plain fare for a while!!) Think it is terrific how you are including your dc in meal planning and that they are taking it in turns to cook and yy to respect mission!

Well done for submitting that application Greymalkin!!!

Carpe has your dh received formal offer yet??? Hope so and you can get stuck in with planning etc.

Right, going to alternate watching Cheltenham Festival (although feels like a guilty crime watching telly on a beautiful sunny day like this - never, ever watch tv in day-time normally!) with tidying the boudoir and carrying on with yet more washing!

Take care everyone!

x posts

Arf Toffee at your ds2's poetry analysis!! Hope ds1's school visit goes well again! Have you made that doc appt for yourself yet?

Swan how very exciting about your 'outside room'!

Thank you Bless! Very good to hear that your dd1 is feeling a bit happier today too! Well done to her for going back to school for a bit today which must have taken courage. You may have already looked in to it, but if your dd loves horses, I wonder if Equine Assisted Therapy would help her with her anxiety levels?? (I know someone for whom it worked extremely well.)

Bless btw, I don't suppose you had time, but did you see poor Nina Carberry crash out through the rails during the Glenfarclas Handicap yesterday after the French favourite slewed left ? Heard her being interviewed this morning, and she was remarkably sanguine about it.

[Btw have just re-read a few of my posts on here and feel rather that I am posting so many negatives about dd. She really is a delightful child, it's just that one always tends to post about the difficult situations that happen and not all the lovely ones!!]

[Really am scuttling off to get back to chores now ... ]

You are not the only one guilty of that. If you read my posts about ds you would think he was some sort of devil child. He is not. Just a bit challenging sometimes.

I took time out of doing stuff to have a soak in a hot bath and run a few errands. More need doing but I will do those tomo when I am in that town rather than making a special trip. Realised when I was out that I forgot to eat lunch so in process of putting that right. Big bowl of broccoli and butter and some seasoning. Dreadfully healthy and BIWI would be proud. But it was just what I fancied except it would be nice to chuck some cheese sauce over the top. Ah well can't have it all.