Clutter, emotions, and folding our socks - Kondo thread 6. All welcome!

[SteptoeAndDaughter]

The Book: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo, Cathy Hirano

Summary of the process link from mipmop

Article of top tips by Marie Kondo

Thread 5
Thread 4
Thread 3
Thread 2
Thread 1

And BeCool's copy of Coughles list of ORDER from Thread 2 for everyone:

"ORDER TO DECLUTTER/LOCATE THE JOY*

Clothes folding by rummy
Books
Papers
CDs
DVDs
Skincare products
Make-up
Accessories
Valuables (passports, credit cards, etc.)
Electrical equipment and appliances (digital cameras, electric cords, anything that seems vaguely ‘electric’)
Household equipment (stationery and writing materials, sewing kits, etc.)
Household supplies (expendables like medicine, detergents, tissues, etc.)
Kitchen goods/ food supplies
Other (If you have many items related to a particular interest or hobby, such as ski equipment, then treat these as a single subcategory.)

KonMari stresses that sentimental items should be left till the end. So for example, when you are doing papers, don't include photos of your children, love letters, old school reports etc, leave anything with a sentimental connection for later."

*As discussed in previous threads, your order for decluttering and finding the joy/spark/recognizing may be different to recommendations.

Wow time congrats ;)

Me too re shopping ;) I'm ebaying things now, and I can't help myself browsing a bit. I found a great black dress, but I already have a black dress. So unfortunately I can't have it ;)

What are your thought on outfits for weddings? I have one in May, and I haven't been to one for years. I's a 4pm registry wedding with evening reception. I am unsure of dress code. I have a skirt (nude satin stripe, knee length) that would be suitable, but I need a top for it, and I have never found a top for this skirt, so it's never been worn. Maybe this wedding is my opportunity to find something matching for it! I would really like to wear (ok, buy!) a hat with it as well ;)

Finished my tops! Final tally was 31 to go, 74 to stay. Includes jackets, jumpers, summer vests etc. But not pyjama tops and underwear vests (which I did already). So it's not a massive massive cull but I'm pleased. May go down again in a few months when I stop BF and can decide on some of the ones which don't suit now but may without big boobs.

Time I do exactly the same in online shops - fill a basket, edit it down to just a few bits, then discard it all. Such a waste of time, though at least not money. Though I am known for buying online and returning loads, too, which is even more of a waste of time and often money if returns aren't free.

Wish I could start on bottoms now, but must put things back in order and prep dinner before DC2 returns.

welltidy If dishwasher nearly works but not quite I found soaking some of mine in diluted vinegar got rid of the limescaley stuff. But there's only so much you can do - they got good use obviously so no need to feel bad about discarding.

I'm buying actually nothing

Which is really weird for me.

Can't get over the shame of counting everuthing and realising I had enough clothes already to go 4 months without washing anything.

I think the real issue with kondo that I can see causing problems is the exact meaning of 'bringing joy'. This phrase seems at a causal glance like it is very much open to interpretation and people can easily end up keeping anything that gives them a small feeling of nostalgia or pleasure. I think not really being clear on what you mean by something that beings joy could also lead to problems with thinking you should buy more things because they give you a fleeting feeling of happiness or vicarious pleasure.

It had taken me a few goes at clothes to start to get a handle on what it means to me to say that something brings me joy. It isn't just a fleeting feeling that something is nice to look at for that moment, or brings a nice memory of how comfy it was when I was pregnant. It is a much deeper and more encompassing feeling. It is a meeting of form and function. The feeling that it not only brings me pleasure now, or at a time in the past, but it will bring me joy tomorrow and next week, even next year.

I think the word joy in itself speaks of something much deeper and more complex then simple pleasure. Joy can come with pain and sadness in the case of a necklace that belonged to my mother. Joy can also come from a simple object that does a job well even if it is not exactly pleasurable, such as a small plastic scraper that is great for getting the hard bits of pans. It is so simple yet makes washing up so much easier it brings me joy even though I hate washing up.

If you look at all purchases searching for the real spark of joy rather then the tingle of quick pleasure then I think you would find that not much really lives up to the standard and you buy a lot less.

oooo... I've come over all evangelical

That's deep roar, and very well put!

I think the joy thing works well because it allows you to set your parameters. Often decluttering advice has some arbitrary rules like - throw out tops with holes or that haven't been worn for a year. I never got on with that because I am quite frugal and hate idea of throwing out something only to replace it.

So I have kept a top with a hole under the arm because I can mend it and it will give me joy to know I am sticking to my principals. Or I am keeping a jumper which is smart winter wear so I haven't worn it in a year because I was pg last year and this year have no where smart to go with a baby in tow. But it suits me, brings me joy, and I wouldn't want to throw it away only to buy another/similar one next winter.Others might find more joy in giving it away and buying the new one. Kondo adapts, I like that.

*principles

To add, I have also thrown out things which are holey and I know I won;t have the skill to mend; and passed on things which I wore loads recently but actually don't make me feel good. AM not just continuing to hoard in the name of frugality (I hope)

I have been helping my hoarder dd (8) set some stuff today. She wasn't sure about one thing, so we had a maybe pile.

Then she took hold of the next thing and said, 'Ooh, yes, I love this, definitely want to put this in the keep pile!'

I explained to her that SHE CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE between, 'Maybe, okay, meh.' and 'YES! I LOVE IT!'

If we keep all the 'meh' stuff, it gets in the way of the 'I LOVE IT' stuff and we end up in a mess.

She absolutely got it, immediately, with me pointing out the difference in how SHE FEELS about the thing.

Sorry for so many caps. Also evangelical.

Hi everyone! Haven't kondoed much in the last week or so but really looking forward to 3 days of no work or plans so I can get on and make some more progress.

My clothes weren't completed before I moved on to other stuff and it shows so my aim this weekend isto get on top of that.

Bathroom is still looking fabulous, though .

Also, I had to make a start on paperwork so that I could get my tax return done. It is filed and paid now and half of the piles of papers have been kondoed.

Re emails. Over the last week, I have unsubscribed from at least 40 companies . It's made a huge difference to my inbox. I started deleting old messages but only seem to be able to do them individually on the iPad and 49,000 emails are taking quite a while to delete.

My next problem to solve is how to get two sleeping babies, each asleep in single buggies, from my house to the car to do the school run!!

I agree Iqueen it is very hard to change mindsets and patterns of behaving, but I do think that Kondo-ing makes you more mindful about how you behave.

E.g. I've now noticed that I go into a kind of aimless/mindless shopping mode (usually online so no immediate clutter/stuff to dissuade me) to cheer up/distract myself when I'm tired/fed-up/bored/upset/putting off doing something/trying to avoid thinking about something. Often its just window/ research shopping, but all too often it ends with me buying stuff - especially if its 'a bargain'. Its also something I can 'control' - when most of life feels uncontrollable - I just don't like the repercussions that this shopping has on the house. I've also noticed I almost exclusively shop for the DC - so far less guilt than shopping for myself.

Thank goodness the Playmobile damaged box sets had sold out earlier this week, as I rang up intending to buy about 6 different sets - which would have brought temporary joy to me baby DD, but she doesn't 'need' more stuff. :( Them being out of stock saved me from myself!

I guess I need to find other ways to treat/distract/nurture myself that bring joy without buying more stuff.

Or perhaps I need to get a grip and get more on top of stuff so I don't need so much mindless distraction! :(

YY to the mindless distraction

I use online virtual shopping instead of doing happy things!

Like going out or mooching round garden centres

Roar you're so right! Society is all about instant gratification, more considered purchases to bring lasting joy!
Itisnt will definitely try and find something with a purpose.... Think I got a great boost from finishing each section and was able to see the results... I think I might do a small bit of redecoration and then try and find a hobby. Will have lots of time on my hands now that won't be spendings hours shopping and cleaning

Just done towels and bedding. I have decided there is some sort of magic involved here. How is it that I go through all the stuff throwing away the things that don't bring joy (or the closest to joy in the case of my sheets) and end up with exactly the right amount to fit perfectly in the 2 spare boxes I have? It's voodoo I tell you! :o

I have been thinking about my job a lot the last few days. I am on compassionate leave until after the funeral so have a bit of space to think. For a while now I have been feeling generally dissatisfied but haven't been able to pin down the problem. I have realised that though there are bits of my job that I like a lot and I can have days where feel great about what I'm doing, as a whole it just isn't bringing me actual, real joy.

Hmm... Lots to think about there I think!

Well, I thought about it and phoned up someone at the college round the corner from me and now have an application to do an evening course I have been thinking about for over a year now. I didn't do it before because it has no connection with my current job. If I want to make it into a career it would take years and involve a huge reduction in wage, so I did a different course that brought me no joy but immediately useful instead.

The application is asking me why I want to do the course, do you think it would be reasonable to just put 'because it would bring me joy!' :o

Hi, to all the MNetters who responded to my post on MK's Achilles' heel

I get philosophical at times! I really ought to have paid tribute to all of you who have noticed a mind-change on shopping, whose earlier posts helped me reach my conclusion.

The comments about 'what is joy' are really interesting and I think you hit the nail on the head. Kondoing helps us recognise the 'spark' in the things we already have, but we need to seriously question 'sparks' which entice us on the High Street, or the Internet.

I'm a great one for virtual shopping - notched up nearly £300 (£106 sale price!) in an online sale a couple of days ago, but bought nothing! Even when I do see something that I think I need online, I never buy late in the evening and always wait at least a day, before purchasing to avoid impulse buying.

HearMyRoar I reckon, if the joyful times, in employment, don't out-weigh the unjoyful, then changes need to be made. Applies to anything really.

You may have noticed that I don't really do 'light conversation' - drives my adult children mad! I'm trying to train myself to recognise when they start glazing over!

The application is asking me why I want to do the course, do you think it would be reasonable to just put 'because it would bring me joy!'

Unless they've read The Book, they might think you are flibbertigibbet!

That is an amazing word Iqueen and one that is not used nearly enough :o

I have completed it with something a but more serious sounding and sent off. Now I just have to pay for it...whoops...what was that we were saying about spending money..:)

Roar very deep re joy, but also really useful, made me think!

Well, having kondoed my tools the other day must have made my unconsciousness work - I only went and put pegs up in the kitchen and took down down some metal pink monkey over doors hooks (!) that I realised I really hate because the rattle, they are pink, and the monkeys look at me! Now I have a nice white wooden peg rack up, and it looks so much better. So I also finally put a lock on the bathroom door and a peg at DS's wash-basin (former B&B, wash-basins in all rooms) for his wash cloth. And then I repaired the door handle on the kitchen door. I feel great, it's obviously anti-procrastination day! Might help that I haven't had much work on all week ;)

I have just kondoed my job

I work sort of for my husband but for someone who works for him. And the dynamic has shifted. Think because her partner now also works there. Where things were relaxed and casual they are now fraught and tense.
I've got to tidy up some outstanding stuff then that's it.

Weight suddenly lifted.

JKS well done! Mr Stiffstink will be informed that he is not the only job-kondoer!

Oh, oh, oh... Too many interesting posts to reply to! Got to blitz out a response before it all falls out of my head.

Vert - I love your audit post. I was totally there with buying stuff when all I needed to do was wash some stuff

On mindful shopping - it has to be part of the long-term solution, surely? The whole tidying exercise is like a kind of boot camp to retrain the way you feel about stuff. I don't mind taking a while over it... It's more likely to become ingrained. And I'm saving a packet already

On interpretation of joy - I think Roar said it better than I can but, for me, this is the genius of the method! I think we each have different thresholds for form and function, and they vary by category, or even byy item. I suspect our different takes on what sparks joy lead us to the right balance of stuff and space that's unique to us. If you like to live with more stuff around, your joy-thresholds are probably lower, and if you're all about the space, you'll set much more stringent standards.

And JKS - congratulations on your decision!