Time for a bonfire of the clutter? Perhaps not but Fledglings are flying high with the fireworks through November...

[BlueEyeshadow]

Huge thanks to SC (and Bitchy!) for leading the thread throughout October (and to SC for such a copy and paste-able OP)

If you are struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, support and wine and cake along the way.

Flylady link here.

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework, which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

1. start or repeat baby steps

1. repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

1. reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

[And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.]

More info here on getting started and Flying lessons . Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings.

Don't be put off by the barf-tastic language of the site - the underlying system is sound!

Three key points to keep in mind:
(1)No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine
(2)You are never behind just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
(3) It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new; then trying to spend 15mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking lists but don't let that worry you! Do what you can, anything is better then nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

If all else fails, a + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!

Oh and don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey – some of us have been on here for years – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers very, very welcome!

[Grabs Whoknows tea gratefully]

Thank you Whoknowsand Swan. Am grateful - as ever - for your wise words and reassurance. I have calmed down a bit now and taken a beta blocker

Whoknows yes, I hope she will learn from this morning and I agree it probably is normal (she is developing physically so I am sure hormones are playing their part). Definitely need to persist with routines too (although lately there always seems to be illness, or something happening or some other reason that gets in the way). Need to reinstigate firmly. Am I allowed to leave for five years and then come back when adolescence is over?? Have a good day at work!

Swan YY to pre-teens "buzzing" with energy. With dd, she is either grumpy and monosyllabic or totally over the top with no 'stop' button. There is very little in between! Dd is very much the same as your dd wrt to criticism and we have all the "well x has this and y's sister has that" so can really identify with all of that! Will hang firm with getting uniform/kit ready the night before. I know I need to be more consistent. (Very impressive that your dd does her washing too!).

Toffee this would possibly be storing up trouble for Christmases ahead but could you just go with the inevitable and provide kittens with a huge Christmassy looking climbing "trunk" instead of a tradtional tree?

Must go and sort clothes - thanks all- (again!!)

Thanks for advice about the Xmas tree everyone. To be honest, I've gone off Xmas. Never thought it would happen as I used to love it so much, but the last few Christmases have been so stressful and disappointing that I've stopped looking forward to it . DS2 might persuade me otherwise as he'll probably want to do lots of Christmas stuff.

SC - sympathies on stressful times with your DD. It does sound like a teenage thing.

Swan - I hope you're right about us doing more than I think in home ed. This morning, DS2 has been reading a BBC website called 'I wonder' and also sending his Lego people into the air on a toy rocket. Can I call the latter a physics lesson, maybe?

Bitchy - hope meetings and visitors go well today.

Have persuaded DS1 to bath and wash his hair this morning . Also managed to do a quick crisis clean and mop all the floors. Just before DS's teacher came round, I had a call from the manager of MIL's sheltered housing place to say that she's been taken into hospital after having a 'funny turn' at a church concert this morning. So had to phone DH and he's now coming back from work early so he can go over there. She's had a few faints and falls recently, which is a bit worrying.

DS1 is studying Chemistry at the moment and I'm about to do some Maths with DS2.

SC are you in one of those countries where you can get melatonin over the counter? It might be worth considering it just to knock on the head of not sleeping thing. Also with ds he get phases when he is using technology and stuff and thus not giving him a chance to sleep so it might be worth readopting the little kid checking routine (know that paranoid are they still breathing because they are suddenly sleeping one)

Cancelled one meeting and slept. Feeling really off and the meeting this evening is uber important.

castle Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy rather than doing extreme nesting?!

I'll check it out [thanks Bitchy] it could be worth doing if it has a good knock-one effect with all the other stuff (and yes, need to re-instigate regular "sweeps" of dd's bed-room prior to bed-time! All technology is banned but she sometimes smuggles something up there!) Sorry you are feeling so rotten. Hope you can get to the important meeting tonight!

Btw, we are not alone, can't link to it right now for some reason, but there is a ladybird thread in 'Active'!

Toffee so sorry to hear about your mil which must be incredibly stressful/worrying. I hope she is OK. And so sorry to hear about (understandable) Christmas blues x

Just back from two hours of sorting rather miserable selection of clothing in rather miserable setting

And now girding my loins for the return of dd (half day today).

[Desperately tries to put on cheery face] [Struggles and contemplates gin bottle instead but too early even for me! ]

Good idea to cancel first meeting if you are that tired, Bitchy. Hope you make the second one ok.

Best of luck with DD this afternoon,SC.

Have managed quite a lot of Maths with DS2. Was going to make him write more thank-you letters, but it's so late now that I've let him off, much to his relief. Have to prepare house for Mum's arrival tomorrow - change bedclothes, etc.

DH is still in hospital with MIL. They are doing loads of tests, so maybe this time someone will actually find out what's wrong and why she keeps fainting.

Evening all!

One more day to survive at school! Hardly any lessons, but more bits and pieces of marking/reports/emails to be sent in the morning than I would like. Still, I'll be there at 7.30 and should have a good chunk of time in the morning to get tings sorted before helping prep the Christmas festival in the afternoon (which I'm normally in charge of) and then a meeting. As of 16.30 I will not be doing anything (hear that students who want me to just look at something on my last day or colleagues who mention at lunchtime today that they need info about something before I go - gah!). Still, have done handover to new colleagues and tidied shelves and cupboards. I predict much merriment tomorrow evening - may even whip up a batch if my new favourite non-alcoholic drink recipe for mulled wine.

sc sorry to hear DD is being so trying.

castle how exciting! enjoy the new house! I have just been planning my tasks for next week (shopping, sleeping and cleaning in that order!)

bitchy I totally missed you magic recipe, will look back to find (this month?) Our grouting in our downstairs bathroom is hideous and needs some serious attention (which I am hoping to do next week).

toffee sorry to hear about MIL. Hope they get some answers.

I am really hoping to enjoy Christmas run up this year - DH is a bit of a humbug but DS is just getting to the age to understand. I want to do things for Christmas for me...so have shortbread, mince pies and Yankee Candles Christmas scents upstairs. Nearly all my Christmas shopping is done but not wrapping or cards atm. I may even get some new decorations next week! once I've cleaned the house that is

Ta da
Work - including last set of tests
washing-up
put washing away
wash on

Was going to do some bits and pieces of work tonight but exhausted and just going to surf t'internet instead.

Well I've done nothing today, DD generously gave me her cold and I slept until after 1.

I'm hoping it's just a 24 hour thing because I feel so dopey (more than normal)

Evening all!

Waves to Castle - nice to see you and glad the new house is nearly there.

SC Yes, it was me who mentioned the Spirited Child book. Hope it’s useful for you. FWIW, DS1 usually reserves his hideous challenging behaviour for the safety of home and people who love him unconditionally too. I think it costs him so much energy keeping it all together at school that he then explodes once the pressure’s off.

Toffee - hope your MIL is OK. All that cooking your DS2 is doing must count as chemistry too, surely?!

Bitchy - hope you’ve survived this evening’s meeting.

Mulled wine sounds good, Engels. Hope tomorrow goes well.

Get well soon, Goth - hands over soothing

Once again no flying has happened – happy to be of assistance, Toffee! – but the Dyson servicing man has been so I may have to do some hoovering tomorrow after all… Also have a big heap of errands to run, in keeping with the daily focus, so at least that’s something!

Babystep is “what’s for dinner?” Very relevant as I wrack my brains for something everyone will eat tomorrow!

Mission is a 27-fling in the living room.

And it’s errands day.

Toffee poor MIL and frustrating and exhausting for dh too - hope they find what is wrong.
And if I had a child like yours I would be happy leaving him to discover things for himself - he seems tremendously motivated - perhaps ds2 was like that once but school knocked it out of him in a way..

We did spelling, handwriting and Elisha this morning and there was a certain amount of sidetracking (more planes) but I suppose not the end of the world. Ds2 is fascinated by geographical borders atm too. San Marino and North Korea especially
On a positive note ds2 and I had an another amazing sociable afternoon where I watched ds2 run around with about 10 other children brandishing sticks and make hideouts and pretend to eat leaves. I cannot believe children like these still exist - they seem to make their own rules up and all behave beautifully to each other even when they have only just met. Various ages from 6-12. I found myself chatting to yet another new face. Everyone I met seems to do a bit of structure in the mornings; has the occasional doubts about their child/children's scholastic concentration but spend the rest of the day outside in one form of another. We were there till darkness fell. Very refreshing.

Then went to Beavers to help with Nativity Play; luckily dd had made a delicious paella which dh was able to reheat for supper, read ds2 more Star of Kazan. One of ds1's old schoolmates was there helping and wearing a leather jacket I cannot imagine my ds1 in a leather jacket, ever..

Need to tidy a bit now though. Mega recycling this morning and put away a few clothes..not trying very hard atm.

Engles Mix bicarb of soda into a paste with bleach. Apply to area and leave 1-2hrs. Ventilate area well.

Made second meeting. Absolutely exhausted so here's hoping that a good night's sleep will be had.

DH arrived home around 8, just as I was serving dinner (chicken cooked in lemon and orange juice, cooked by DS2 again; I added roast tatties and veg). He was exhausted. MIL has been taken home and has to have follow-up tests. They think it might be her heart.

Watched 'The Apprentice' and drank wine.

Blue - yes, chemistry! Hadn't thought of that one!

Yes, Swan, DS2 is motivated in some ways. School has very effectively put him off any group activities, but he is very happy creating stuff on his own, whether it's cooking or art. And I'm happy to stand back and let him do it .

I'm very envious of your social meet ups, though, Swan. DS2 admitted that he missed running around with other children today, but he still stubbornly refuses to meet up with other home-ed children. He knows I'm going to go to the next home-ed meet up, though, and I'm hoping that, eventually, he will make a friend or two there.

Engels - hope your last day goes well - and swiftly.

Bitchy - glad you made second meeting. Have stored that clever recipe in my head for future reference.

My Mum is arriving tomorrow morning, so I have declared the next two days to be a holiday, rather than stressing out and trying to fit in home ed with the visit.

This evening, I managed to declutter and hoover our sitting room. I cleared out all the stuff under the sofas and was shocked at how much we'd accumulated. Sitting room looks lovely and clear now.

Tomorrow morning, I have to finish tidying before mum arrives.

DS1 is being very teenagery. Apparently, I am irritating him all the time. This evening, he ranted at me because one of the cats ran into his room whilst I was taking up a drink and snack for him. In typical teenage fashion, he didn't thank me for the snack, but just berated me for 'letting the cat in' (which triggers his OCD and means he has to tear himself off the computer and wash his hands). Normally, this behaviour slides off me, but I've recently stopped taking my a/ds, so now it makes me cry (not that I let him see, of course). I really must develop a thicker skin.

Off to bed at a decent time tonight, for a change.

toffee just saw your post about ds1 and the cat. Just to reassure you that your ds1 is being extremely teen typical to make that comment about the cat and NOT make a comment about the snack. Ds1 purports to be fond of the cats and will talk about them quite cheerfully but I could hear him one morning in his bedroom screaming Get Out Get Out ( I assumed he was shouting at ds2 ) to them and literally shaking with fear lest they "touch him" -he really does not do close contact with them. Ds2 is a bit more interested and regularily strokes them and dd dotes on them (one sleeps snuggled up under her chin) and carries them around like soft toys, so it does take all sorts to cope with the "presence" of a cat. I think ds1 (who I am realising has many sensory issues) finds them smelly unpredictable and weird close up. He also feels the same about me (cannot bear me sitting next to him) so that is certainly something to cry about although I know he loves me really and loves my snacks

Sorry about the Ad's being so horrid to withdraw from. Hope it slowly improves.

PS I don't think you need a thicker skin with ds1 either. You need to remind him that he needs to thank you when you do something kind for him whether or not he feels annoyed or anxious about the cat. Ds1 is getting much better at this - he can do thankyous but only because I pressed the issue on several occasions.

Thank you, Swan. It's reassuring to know that DS1 is being so typically teenagery. I'm also encouraged to hear about your own Dc's various responses to the cats. DS1 does love them and comes down to cuddle them, but hates the fact that they chew wires and are unpredictable, so won't let them in his room.

To be fair, DS1 is usually very sweet and apologetic if he realises he's upset me.

I'm not getting any side effects from withdrawing from the a/ds, but it's difficult getting used to the ups and downs of my daily emotions again.

So much for a decent bedtime .

Morning all! Rather murky/overcast day here. Dh under huge stress at work and because fil is going through another very bad patch.

Going out to do errands this afternoon but contemplating several very boring tasks right now and trying to decide which is the least tedious. Frankly, every one of them is!!

On a cheeirier note - thank you for your support over dd everyone - yet again! Needn't have worried about her yesterday afternoon (phew!) as she came home all sweetness and light, did her hwk without complaint and (save for a small hiccup over bathing) continued to be very cheery all day. She had us in stitches in the evening doing far-too-accurate impressions of various teachers and priests at her school (which we shouldn't really encourage!) but couldn't help laughing at her incredibly observant renditions of their various gestures and accents...

Flying has been a disaster this week. Haven't even kept up with laundry. All totally self-inflicted I'm afraid and a result of my own laziness/boredom.

Toffee/Swan I was thinking the other day that it is sometimes very very, hard to stay "professionally aloof/cheerful" and not get sucked in to the emotions/behaviour one's child is displaying (because one naturally identifies with them so much); but yet it is sometimes very necessary to do just that in order to preserve one's own mental strength/inner core of confidence/hope/cheerfulness etc (easier said than done of course; I'm terrible at this!).

This is especially the case if one is a SAHM I think, as you are sort of always "there" to be the receptacle for everyone's woes and frustration (much healthier all around to be absent sometimes I think; absence making the heart grow fonder and all of that!) and that is your one and only "job" so you tend to take everything child-related too much to heart, without gaining satisfaction/confidence from the other skills you have. (I find this is particularly the case with having an "only" as everything is already hugely intense and the poor child has all headlights turned in their direction on full blast as it were.)

Given the above, I've been looking for a job of late and was even offered one (but, like everyone here because of the very high taxes/employer insurance obligations etc) they wanted me to work for them on a freelance basis and I'm not sure I want to get sucked back in to doing that full time again with all the attendent admin/hideous deadlines/bureaucracy. Very difficult on the other hand to find a job which gives you 19 weeks holiday a year (which is how long dd's school holidays are - bearing in mind there is no school on Wed afternoons) and allows me to work a six hour day and be available in an instant when dh jets off at a moment's notice on yet another business trip. [sigh] And the subject matter for which I am now qualified is tedious in the extreme ... Decided I am going to have to sort out something though before I go mad ... .

Toffee hope the doctors can get to the bottom of what is wrong with your mil and sort out the appropriate heart/treatment medication as soon as possible. It must be such a blow to her confidence (and worrying for all of you) when she faints so often. Hope you enjoy your ma's visit!

Swan >"10 other children brandishing sticks and make hideouts and pretend to eat leaves." This sounds totally wonderful!!!!

Btw hugely impressed by your respective and extremely talented dc cooking lemon and orange chicken and paella btw!!

Blue bad luck on having the hoover fixed !!! Yes, thx, think that is also the problem with dd; she is so "straight-jacketed" at school - very formal learning with little outlet for creative thinking or imagination - and, as with your ds, it all "explodes" when she gets home!

Oh no Goth sorry you are feeling under the weather [passes over hot lemon drink, whisky bottle , fleece, and large winter-weight duvet] Some of these so-called "colds" can make you feel really rotten. Get thee to a doc if you don't feel better soon!

Well done re: the marking/tests and hope you survive your last day Engels (sorry - managed to get day wrong yesterday!!) and that you have a fantastic celebration tonight!!

Hope you managed to catch up on some sleep Bitchy and that last night's meeting went as well as it could do.

Big feathery waves to everyone else!!

Gawd - sorry- written a humungous tedious essay again. Had better get to my chores ....

Meeting went fine. Very reassuring. There really is a lot of support for people involved with that organisation so it really does help. Didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked as I had ds join me. Downside of having a single bed is that ds is also an adult in size and he is still little in his mind. It becomes a bit of a squeeze when he wants to crawl in for a hug. Gave him a hour before evicting him back to his own bed and room.

Today is a kill off craft projects, wrap up presents and laundry kind of day.

Didn't get to bed till 3am because DS1 wanted food at 2am and I ended up cooking him eggy bread and muttering furiously about his melatonin not working. Am very glad he's eating so much at last, though. Managed to cut some of his talons nails after he fell asleep so he looks respectable for DM. Managed to do several, then he pushed me away in his sleep and I had to give up. He refuses to cut them himself or have me cut them when he's awake.

Tried again this morning, but he woke up.

Have phoned MIL; she sounds cheery and feels much better.

DM will be here in an hour, so need to do last-minute tidying before she arrives.

Ta Da!
Been swimming
Aldi shop
Lunch with DH
Other bits of shopping
Picked up things ordered on line
Found one of them was wrong. Grr!
Ages on phone to customer services. Double grr!
Groceries away
Laundry 1,2&3 done
Laundry 1&2 dry
Phoned hairdresser
Another phone call
Hoovering
Dusted sitting room

Still to do
Start dinner
Laundry 3 dry
All laundry away
Work!

Glad MIL is sounding cheery, Toffee and hope you have a nice time with your Mum.

Glad meeting went well, Bitchy.

Glad DD was cheerier too, SC, and good luck with the job search. Personally I love being freelance but I know it's not for everyone.

According to virign mumsnet is over 18 content and should be blocked. If i disappear you will know why

Blue Well done re: your productive day! I have the greatest of respect for anyone who has the self discipline to go swimming for pleasure/exercise in the middle of winter!

Wouldn't hesitate for a moment going freelance again in UK; but bureaucracy/admin here is a different matter altogether and you pay over 50% in tax by the time you have finished which means you have to work ridiculously long hrs to make it pay (atm I am on a tax regime which enables me to work only a few hrs legally). Added to that is the fact that I am mostly confined to an area of work here that bears no relation to the interesting stuff I was doing back in London many moons ago (although need to research this again as I am hoping that technology will have improved things a bit on this front over the past decade or so!)

Glad the meeting went well Bitchy and that mil a bit cheerier Toffee! Just off to pick up dd from hwk club...fingers crossed she will be in a good spirits!

Bitchy I will call Richard Branson personally if we don't here from you in the next 48 hrs ...

Forgot to add yawn-tastic ta da list:
morning routine inc dw, wm, rabbits, s&s
dining room table hot spots
parcels
15 mins decluttering office (painful)
chemist
bank
toy shop
sorted one area of kitchen cabinets
loads of laundry x 3
prepped supper
1 hr ironing

Next 24hrs won't be the problem it will be the issue when the main account holder logs on next

Pancakes for tea here. Got to head out for some late night shopping. Not my idea of fun but needs to be done.

Also as you have a vested interest Blanketgate #2 blanket 1 is wrapped up.

Evening all.

Hectic day. But maternity leave starts now!

Bed beckons.

Be on tomorrow...official lazy day I think!