I can't keep in control of the house. And too messy for a cleaner.

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We go to great pains to tidy, then before you know it, it's totally out of control. Every room. We have too much stuff. But I'm too overwhelmed to de clutter.

Everywhere is chaos and mess. And I can't clean because of the mess. If I tidy it has taken so long I have no time or energy left for cleaning. Dh is fed up and wants a cleaner. I am against cos it's too messy. We had one before and it was so stressful getting it tidy enough for her to come. And often I didn't succeed and had to ask her to ignore certain rooms.

The chaos and mess is depressing. I had time today but was too tired and also v. busy so didn't succeed in getting anything done. How do I discipline and motivate myself.

The kids and dh do help but only when I direct them exactly what to do, especially youngest where I literally have to say now pick up that book and put it on that shelf.... But we are all messy and I can't control it :(

Hop over here. We all feel just like you, but find the Flylady system, combined with the support of others, really helps.

And if you can afford a cleaner, you should. My cleaner has just left , but she was so lovely and never minded the mess. Sounds like you need a cleaner who is happy to tidy up, as well as clean.

I'm rubbish at linking on iPad but come and join us on the Magic Art of Tidying thread which is also in Good Housekeeping. It's working well for lots of us.

I know just what you mean about tidying for the cleaner. I do the same. I figure I'm paying to have my house cleaned not tidied but if it's not tidy then it can't be cleaned. DH and DS laugh at me.

If you can afford a cleaner, can you afford a couple of visits from a professional declutterer? You can google for the nearest ones to you. Maybe a life coach if you feel you need extra help. The decluttering threads on mn are great too.

how do you motivate yourself to do something though? It gets me down every single day. But every single day I fail to do even the bare minimum and feel a failure. Don't know if I am just super lazy or somehow lacking the house proud gene. I dread people coming to my door :(

I really really relate to this as feel exactly the same. I think it's harder in our flat than we've ever had as there just so little space or storage.
I'm investing in a storage bed to help move bulky stuff I don't want to look at, and I've been starting to get ruthless about recycling unused things. But it's still out of control and not yet at a stage where I think I want a cleaner as I clean loads, it's the clutter that destroys me!

Re motivation, I find dance music is my friend

Can you start with just one room and aim to keep just that room (prob your bedroom as the DC are least likely to mess it up) clean and tidy for a month. Then add in another room the next month etc. Perhaps then it won't seem like such an overwhelming task.

I don't always feel motivated. It's bloody boring doing the same stuff all the time day in day out. But keeping on top of it so that it isn't a huge job is really worth it.

Having less clutter. Having a place for everything. And having an easy routine of tidying - and it is easy if there is less TO tidy and a place to put everything - will mean it's less of a chore. You will feel more in control. And less of a failure. Which isn't good for your self esteem.

I was going to suggest a professional declutterer too. I thought about it but then figured I didn't really need it. I have gradually tidied certain rooms so that they are easy to give a quick tidy up before the cleaner comes.

It's getting you down because you're expecting too much of yourself. And you are trying to keep on top of four (or more?) people's mess, not just your own.

Start by doing one small thing. Maybe spend 15 minutes tidying the sitting room or do the washing up. Then stop and have a cup of tea. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

And report back to us when you've done it!

Cider - your tip about getting a professional declutterer got me googling services in my area. There is someone just round the corner who offers this service at an affordable price. I'm going to contact them.

I wish someone would come and sort me out!

Get a cleaner, it is a great way of motivating yourself to tidy! And also it is nice to be able to really thrown yourself into tidying up, knowing that then someone else is going to come and get rid of the actual dirt

Do you have a close friend who could come round and help you out one day, op?

I pay my cleaner an extra hour to tidy too. Worth every penny.

Can you hire a skip to force you to have a clear out?

I found when I had a cleaner it just actually made me feel so stressed. getting tidy in the first place, then there'd be little things broken or gone wrong and I would just feel stressed and angry. Between us we should be able to do it, but unless I really push it doesn't happen. And I don't have the energy to push.

No, no close friends :(

How big is your house, how many rooms?

Do you have a lot of stuff?

5 bedrooms. An open plan kitchen/sitting room which is permanently messy. Tons and tons of shit stuff

Every bedroom is a mess. The kitchen is a mess. The study/den/office is a mess. The bathroom is messy. I can't keep on top of it. I make a herculean effort eg is we have guests. And before the end of the day everywhere is a tip again. I have agreed to get a cleaner. But I need to get the house in order and keep it that way. I am too overwhelmed with the whole thing.

You sound like me! No advice except try a bit each day. I'm trying to focus on a room each day, or maybe upstairs for a few days then downstairs for a few. See I can't even stick to one system! One day my house will be sorted... Just not sure when!

You have too much stuff. Flylady says, "You can't clean clutter" and she's right. You just end up shifting stuff around the house all the time and it's terribly demoralising.

I'm sorry you feel so bad about it. I get really fed up by the whole thing too. I do a huge tidy up and feel brilliant, then a day later everything is a mess again .

What helps me is having small goals. In the morning I will fill the kettle up and put it on to boil. Whilst it is boiling I will whizz round and do as much as I can. Put all rubbish in bin, put the pots in sink to soak, sweep up etc. you would be suprised!
Or if something is gong to start on the tv in 10 minutes I can usually fly round putting childrens toys away, clearing pots, moving shoes and sometimes quick Hoover.

Also, my friend usually pops round for a cuppa unless she is at work and knowing she is coming is enough of an incentive to get the place sorted-then when she comes I'm all like, oh not really been doing much...whilst secretly sweating!

Have you any problem areas? I enjoy decluttering, where do you live?

The Marie Kondo thread is good for inspiration, or join us on the minimalising thread.

I'm no expert but I find the bathroom the easiest place to start. I think it's because everything has a place there. Or how about clearing one kitchen cupboard and putting a couple of baskets in to stash odds and ends or piles of paper? Not a solution but might get you out of a rut.
I found Flylady overwhelming but the one thing I took from it was the home blessing hour. Might be worth a look.

Tackle the clutter bit by bit. Get a couple of big carriers, choose a room and fill the bags with clutter- next time you leave the house takes the bags with you to the charity shop. Alternatively if you really have lots of rubbish fill a couple of bin bags. I think the key is to get used to leaving the house with a couple of bags of things to get rid of - whether it's children's clothes to pass on to a friends, bags of books to the OXFAM bookshop, old magazines to the dentist/doctor's surgery. I'm not sure where you live, but where I used to love in London you could leave things out on the pavement and people would take them. The point is to keep taking stuff out a bit at a time. Once you start it becomes quite addictive - it's the opposite of shopping. Instead of acquiring things to bring into the house you go round the room looking for things to take out.

Op, are you at the stage where you are actually hoarding rubbish, broken things and mouldy food ... or is it less drastic than that?