I can't keep in control of the house. And too messy for a cleaner.

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We go to great pains to tidy, then before you know it, it's totally out of control. Every room. We have too much stuff. But I'm too overwhelmed to de clutter.

Everywhere is chaos and mess. And I can't clean because of the mess. If I tidy it has taken so long I have no time or energy left for cleaning. Dh is fed up and wants a cleaner. I am against cos it's too messy. We had one before and it was so stressful getting it tidy enough for her to come. And often I didn't succeed and had to ask her to ignore certain rooms.

The chaos and mess is depressing. I had time today but was too tired and also v. busy so didn't succeed in getting anything done. How do I discipline and motivate myself.

The kids and dh do help but only when I direct them exactly what to do, especially youngest where I literally have to say now pick up that book and put it on that shelf.... But we are all messy and I can't control it :(

Our house is hopelessly messy but we have a cleaner. I just have the two rooms she can't go in (except to hoover around the stuff ). Everywhere else I pile things up and she clean round the piles.

We always clean the loo before she comes though, get the washing up done, and make sure dirty laundry is in the baskets.

I exaggerate not. My entire house and every horizontal surface in it, without exception, is a problem area. I know we have too much stuff. I can't fix it. Do people have routines? I've tried drawing up a strict plan, I've tried a semi-flexible plan but don't stick to anything. Guess I've not found what suits me. Or I just need to find a way to force myself to do it. :(

no. not hoarding rubbish or broken stuff. Have loads of toys like lego that's never played with but cost loads and keep thinking maybe younger dc will want it, which they might. We have paper and paperwork everywhere. even after it's sorted it's still everywhere. I don't get it? Laundry. cables. dc clothes & socks.books.laundry mountain is insane.

You don't have to have it perfect for a cleaner.

As I said, ours doesn't do any tidying or dusting because we are too cluttered for that, but it is still very much worth our while having a cleaner because she

cleans the bath, shower, basin and bathroom floor

hoovers all the carpets including the stairs

changes sheets when asked

cleans the kitchen surfaces (she has to move clutter around to do this but she does it), hob, sink, draining board

irons

mops the kitchen floor

hangs washing out if she has time, or folds and puts washing away if she has time.

I think you need to grit your teeth and have an enormous push to get to the point where you can let a cleaner come in. Once she is employed you will need to keep going with a certain amount of self discipline, and this is a good thing!

Ok what would happen if you invited some people round for dinner? Would that force you to tackle it, maybe all together as a family? It might help if it's someone you don't know massively well.

The day to day cleaning IS a mountain to climb if every surface is covered, and having a big house does make it harder as you've space for twice as much gubbins to accumulate, and the vacuuming, kitchen floor cleaning etc all take that much longer.

I think you have to be ruthless, try getting rid of 5 items a day, or bin all the old half used bottles in the bathroom, it makes a difference.

Your husband needs to be on board too, if he is, it is so much easier.

Too much stuff syndrome. Forget the cleaning for now and concentrate on de cluttering room by room

Op are you me?
I need someone to declutter the house. It's insane. I'm at the point where I hate my house.
Dh seems to think we can solve it though. He doesn't see that he's part of the problem though.
Apparently I've bred the clutter by myself.
My friend is coming over tomorrow and I can't find the inclination to sort anything :(

big hugs to you.

Its hard.

do you think this might be relevent?

www.today.com/health/how-spot-symptoms-adult-add-I258284

I think a room is too much to think about (though my house is no advertisement for that idea).

I have a list of cupboards and areas to declutter (currently 'my zone' is at the top - a small half shelf where I keep keys, money, purse, work pass and Action Now paperwork and it regularly starts exploding) and I'm ticking them off as I go through it. TBH it's only the ones that bother me most. I'll probably need to start again at the beginning once I finally reach the end, but it will still be worth it, because the surge of accomplishment and energy each time I clear an area is fabulous, and it really does make a difference for a while.

It's possible to have lots of the wrong storage, as well as no storage. A basket full of stuff in the bathroom I'm afraid to me is the wrong sort of storage as not only have you not really got rid of anything, you now also have a basket to clean, and the space under the basket which will be scrofulous and plague ridden. So you've actually added two extra things.

You need DOORS that you actually have to shut, and fewer horizontal surfaces. You also need a commitment from the WHOLE family to join in, even if it's only in a small area, otherwise it's hopeless.

One thing that has really helped me is to recognise that there is no such thing as paperwork i 'might need'. Either I need to do something about it, or it goes, because if I actually need to research a new rug or whatever, I do it online, I don't need to keep that catalogue, no matter how pretty the rugs are.

Another thing that has helped it to stop seeing an empty space on a shelf or anywhere else as a potential place to put things. Space is so important, if you do clear a bit, try to keep it clear.

Locally we have a thing called the 'bring and take' where you take everything you don't need. It's also possible to take stuff away (try to avoid this), and then the organisers take the rest to charity shops. It's a fantastic anti-waste idea. Doesn't sound like you have the energy to do this at the moment, it might be easier just to earmark half a day specifically for a run to charity shops and the dump. Maybe this Saturday? Could you get rid of say 3 bags and one boxful to the dump?

You've described my house, even have to move stuff to flush the loo, frankly it's embarrassing people coming round, I don't get to cleaning as never tidy enough. I found 9 boxes of paperwork in one room today but this thread is changing my life: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/good_housekeeping/a2178442-The-Life-Changing-Magic-of-Tidying-Marie-Kondo
Please check it out, it might be the one for you too.

Branleuse, every single sentence of that applies to me. I know I have ADHD. My children gave it. The I didn't really realise my domestic problems are probably dire try linjed. This para stood out "“I always say that a woman with ADHD is the true ‘Desperate Housewife',” says Dr. Quinn. “They are overwhelmed by day-to-day activities that everybody else seems to be able to do: Getting the laundry done, getting all the kids out in the morning. They have to stay up very late at night to get things done. They may be very messy. They won’t let anyone in their house. And if you don’t invite anyone over, then no one knows the struggle you’re having.”

But I can't take med which I know will help. So feel stuck. I guess what would be brilliant is finding someone who can help me get it in control and teach me how to maintain it. My daily life feels out of control.

Your house sounds like ours. Both DH and I are terribly messy. I don't know if I have ADHD but I certainly can't finish anything ever and that includes tidying, and I can never remember the rules about where things go so it's like every tidying session is a new house storage design session which is a bit tiring!

Get some large and small plastic boxes with lids. Chuck stuff in them. They stack but you can still see what's in them. I put everything in boxes now - it may not be pretty but it's at least it's neater.

And I very regularly purge clothes - I'm quite ruthless now, if I don't 100% like it or I don't wear it often it goes.

We also have rules about flat surfaces. They need to be 100% clear in our house or things accrete. No decorations or knickknacks, because people just put crap there when there's already a thing on the flat surface.

Good luck! And get your whole family involved, it's not your job to solve it alone, you need them to pull their weight too.