The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

[Solo]

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.

Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.

I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

Fuzzy Everything you have said is so 'enlightened'? You have really thought about this and it has 'clicked'. You really 'get' why it's important to do this and you are doing it for yourself, not because anyone is putting pressure on you to do it - it makes such a difference. It is really good that DH has got up to speed very quickly and isn't holding you back. Mentally decluttering the rooms helps, it's sort of half the job done when you know what can go, even if you can't physically do it right there and then... and you have to be careful not to make yourself 'bad'.

I'm lucky really in that I have never been one for lots of material possessions really, I don't 'do' bags, shoes, clothes or 'collecting things'. I do get very attached to the things I do own and find it hard to throw stuff away, so my 'control factor' is that I don't 'buy' stuff in the first place and that I hate clutter. My one weakness is kitchen stuff - however, I have quite a small kitchen and (as I said I hate clutter) so I have to think a) am I ever going to use it

I also love the idea of having only what I need and love. I similarly don't buy anymore just for the sake of buying and try to only buy what I love or need. I've been tempted to buy the Marie Kondo book too, but am holding off for the time being.

Today's progress has been two big bags to the charity shop and I have shrunk about 4 shoe boxes of crap (does anyone else just have boxes of crap?) into one, along with just general binning of bits of crap. The space once things are gone is quite therapuetic.

I'm also someone who can't just tip a whole box into the bin. I have to go through it all first. But I am being quite ruthless, not just moving it all around.

What I have also realised today is that we need a dehumidifier. I found a bit of mold in the the higher shelves in the wardrobe today and I'm sick of that damp, musty smell. I've reserved the Ebac 2850e to pick up from argos this weekend www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/4111067.htm as it has good reviews and extracts water at a higher rate than others I've looked at. It's quite £££ though!!

Do dehumidifiers "suck" that damp/mildewy smell out of clothes/fabric? I have a few unwashable items that smell just slightly.

Captain Evening :) Re the book - do you have a kindle? If so, you can get it on there. I just checked the library again but both copies are out on loan for ages. You'd think there would be a lot of second hand copies on eBay, but there aren't!?

Good progress today :) Ruthless not shuffling is good!

You asked if anyone had boxes of 'crap' - can you be a bit more specific? What kind of things were/are in there?

Have a wee think about the dehum. before you buy one. You might find that if you have a really good declutter & clean and there's more air circulation you don't need one. No, they don't suck the smell out - not at all (used to use the BIG commercial ones in my business and even they don't). Put them out on the line on a day like today, lots of sun & a good blowy day will do wonders - you might need to do it a few times. You can also try the odour eliminators but you need the ones that neutralise not cover in fragrance.

Hi chilling, I don't have a kindle unfortunately, otherwise that'd be a good solution. I might check my local library though

Our boxes of crap contain things like old bills and envelopes, hair clips (from when I cared about hair bits and bobs more!), plastic bits we've been given for free (like bottle openers and key rings), pens and pencils, old cinema tickets. Just things that clearly needed binning but we didn't do it when we moved

I used to feel bad about throwing things away as it fills up landfill, but now I'm more brutal!

Re the dehumidifier, this time yesterday I was thinking the same as you; less clutter will create more airflow. But I found mildew on one of our suitcases under the bed, which is one of the most uncluttered spaces in our house and it was on the end facing outwards, so would have the most airflow. We used the suitcase in Sept, so it's on had 1.5 months to develop. We also have single glazing and the condensation on our windows is ridiculous.

We sadly don't have a garden, so I have to dry laundry inside (!!!) and am currently airing the mildew-y smelling items. I had all windows open today and hopefully tomorrow will be nice too!

Captain Shame about the kindle (I don't have one either, I like real books!) Local library is good, I'm in the Hampshire 'set' & they're normally really good, but they only have 2 copies of this for all of the libraries, they mustn't get asked for it a lot.

That kind of crap. I could have boxes of it if I wasn't so determined not to! I do have a lot of 'places, boxes & bags' for 'groups' of stuff. I have a drawer for stationery (except pens & pencils), a clear bag for any hair stuff, a box for 'mementos', I have a box for pens/pencils & a filing system for bills. So I have the same 'stuff' but I know where it is.

Recycle, charity shop, freecycle or bin. You can't save the planet by keeping stuff you really don't need, all you can do is dispose of it in as 'planet friendly' a way as you can reasonably!

Bugger about the single glazing! Drying laundry inside does create an enormous amount of water in the air. I do it in the winter when nothing dries outside as I don't have a tumble dryer because I don't like them.

If you do get the dehu. just make sure everyone knows not to open the windows etc when it's on. My ex MIL used to leave them all open then complain that the dehu. filled up too quickly Of course it fucking does when you are trying to dehumidify the entire god damn planet

No progress from me so far this week, but it sounds good from everyone else :)

I too have boxes of crap. I am also being much more ruthless.

With all the stuff I've got rid of so far, I do feel that I should have much more empty space , but I seem to have less .

We've reached an impasse with our bedroom. It's nowhere near perfect but we need to do the living room in order to start sorting stuff out. So that's the focus this morning (have plans after lunch)

This week is going far too quickly!

Feeling a bit brighter today, going to put on a wash! Tidy sitting room

Oh god I am absolutely horrified and disgusted.

Finally tackling living room and discovered a lot of mould in places I thought were safe (like the game cupboard). We are gutted, really panicking and so mad at ourselves.

Oh Fuzzpig, you're doing a great job, don't be panicking over the mould, at least you are clearing it not! Don't let it get you down!
Have cleaned out fire
Tidied sitting room
Lifted clothes off floor
Hung out wash
Put in a wash

solo I've done sod all this week and I'm very annoyed with myself!

fuzzy :( shame about the mould, but don't be disheartened, you are both doing tremendously well! You can get rid of the mould, then you can prevent it happening again. PBS careful when dealing with the mould, it wouldn't hurt to pick up a couple of cheap dest masks if you can, pound land type places normally have them. Use damp not dry cloths. I think you need to get your landlord to invest some money in the place or think about moving.

I hope your plans for this afternoon are nice ones. Be careful not to overdo things and put yourself out of action again!

cike good to hear you're feeling a bit better too! X

Thanks we had a lovely afternoon - play date with a friend and her grandson who is in DS' class. :) I do find socialising tiring so not expecting much of myself tonight other than laundry as we have lots of bedding to sort through.

I haven't the first clue about how to deal with mould so grateful for your advice! Thankfully it's not on the walls but was on lots of stuff - even two chairs, but we were chucking those anyway as they're wobbly, and we have replacements coming (old ones from mum's) so no big deal to chuck them outside early (tip run on Saturday)

Unfortunately through nobody's fault but mine, one chair had a load of piano music on. I'd piled them up to sort through ages ago but never managed it. And yet today when I discovered that I needed to ditch some (the bottom ones were now mouldy) it was ridiculously easy to sort through! Why hadn't I done it before?!

Two of our DVD holders had caught it too. Have emptied them and chucked.

The worst bit - I think the game cupboard, a huge lovely bit of furniture, has caught it too. Don't think it's too bad but dreading pulling everything out. I've discovered you can buy packs of silicon gel sachets so may invest in those once I've salvaged stuff :(

Thanks chilling, didn't do a hell of a lot this aft, collected DD3 from Halloween camp, have organised her to stay on tomorrow for a few more hrs so I can sort out hall, so I can open the front door on Friday and not mind the trick or treaters looking in !

Fuzzy I'm glad it was a nice afternoon :)

There are lots of 'anti mould' cleaners you can use, but a weak solution of bleach is as good as anything really for most things that can handle bleach, just be careful, you don't want lots of orange/white marks everywhere! Definitely wet, whatever you use to stop the spores from floating around the place and preferably use something like jays cloths than you can just bin.

I don't know why you hadn't sorted through it before, the same reason we all procrastinate about stuff - it's either not important enough to us to do it or it's just too emotionally demanding. I hope you didn't lose too much that you would have liked to have kept?!

That's a lot of mould and re the cases in your room, happening very quickly - your LL needs to help you deal with it, there's clearly a real issue here beyond not getting enough circulation.

You can buy things that are better than the sachets - something like THIS I've never tried that model and I can't find the ones we used to use, they looked like room fresheners but they weren't.

The little sachets would be good for putting in smaller semi sealed things like a camera in a case, a box with photos etc, but they are so tiny and wont last long in an 'open' environment.

Cike booking DD in for longer sounds like a good plan :) Don't over do it though, so long as you have sweets the T&T's wont care about your hallway - and if you do, you can always cover it with a sheet and make it look like you're decorating or draw a ghost on it

Not worried about Trick or Treaters, they'll only want sweeties, it's the mammies that come with them!

In all honesty chilling the mould is our fault because it seems to be something spilled or left (by the DCs most likely) and not noticed by us because of all the clutter in the way. :( Rather than a structural issue IYSWIM. Hideously embarrassing but I won't get anywhere by kidding myself.

But at least it's a problem that can and will be fixed, what we saw today was only on clutter and not walls. It's a major wake up call. There are a few prone spots though like by the front door and we certainly will get LLs in once we've kicked some more clutter. Oven isn't working either. Things have really spiralled since I got ill. More so in the last few months since DH went back to work, though - I'm not coping at all.

cike Lights off, candle by the door

Fuzzy Are you sure? How did the suitcases end up mouldy then?

Are you coping OK without the oven? Is it just the inside or the hobs as well? (showing my age, I know a lot aren't one unit anymore!)

Don't be that things haven't been so clean/tidy since you got ill, it's hardly surprising, there's only so much you can do xx

The mould we found yesterday was not near walls and is sure to be spill related. This house doesn't seem to be prone to mould mostly (nowhere near like our first place which was awful and the LLs refused to admit it) - there are a few places though so we will mention it when they come round. There's a few things that need sorting but TBH if they'd come round over the last few months I am terrified they'd evict us. We'd deserve it! However we are making a difference surprisingly quickly this week as we are both on leave, so can invite them soon :)

The oven is a bit of a PITA but it's only the oven itself - grill and hobs are fine.

Thank you for your kind words I think just the less cluttered house will help me cope too, it'll be far easier to maintain without piles of crap to navigate! We CAN do this!

Not much time to declutter today as appts in the morning (going to ask for psych referral - long overdue as I let it lapse when I got the ME) and friend visiting after lunch (but she will be leaving with a bag of toys and 6 board games for her reception class! :o) but hopefully once I've shifted my arse out of bed we can get a bit done in a couple of hours! Suppose it's the advantage of waking up so early curse these energetic children :o

fuzzy. You can't help being ill, and even if you hadn't been, sometimes life just happens, don't beat yourself up about it. It's really good that you can see a big improvement this week, so often things get worse before they get better and at that point people stall as it's so overwhelming.

Yes, a less cluttered house is Much easier to keep clean & tidy, so that's something to look forward to! We were renovating earlier in the year and had furniture from all over the house I wrong places and you could barely get moved for stuff, it drove me batshit and the dust had a field day!

It's good that you don't think the mould is too serious :)

If it's only the oven itself it would have taken me quite some time to realise it wasn't working

I hope you get the referral and can get an apt sharpish while you are in the right frame of mind for it :)

Great that teacher friend is coming around so you can load her up with stuff, oh and have a chat ... Lol.

I have to take the car down to the garage now to get some stuff checked out that the sharks at quick fit told me I need doing, fortunately I have a good relationship with my local garage so they'll be honest with me. I only took it to KF as my garage doesn't have a machine to do the,wheel alignment. Wish me luck,I could do without spending £500 not eh ar, especially given its probably barely worth that!

Speak later...don't overdo it this morning!
X

Saw some of the little boxes of damp absorbing crystals in Poundland. They may help in cupboards etc.

Right setting timer for 15mins! Starting at front door!

First 15 mins didn't go to plan, DD1 (16) has severe social phobia has decided she would like to go downtown today, so cue tears and giving out cause she has nothing to wear! I have moved shoes out of the way, so will hopefully Hoover if she remains calm

Cike oh poor love :( Has she always been like that? Will she go now do you think or has that done her in for the day? :(

She has been extreme since 1sept 2011, she couldn't make the transition from primary to secondary! She has been offered all sorts of help and therapy but she refused them all! I've ironed a top for her so fingers crossed!