The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

[Solo]

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.

Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.

I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

Nice to see you cricket :) keep posting regardless.

I have just picked up a load of boxes from a Freecycler. Just have to fill them now! and find somewhere to store them.

Hello cricket :) we will still be here when you're ready even if it's quiet :o hope you are ok.

What are the boxes for solo? Is it to put piles of stuff in to sort out?

I have done nothing. A few weeks ago my ME symptoms increased a lot, I struggled on at work (stupid in hindsight) but finally went off sick on Monday. Not sure whether to force myself back today or not. I'm managing the school run but that's about it.

Trying to declutter in my head - I do that sometimes, coming up with some stuff I can chuck as soon as I'm feeling up to it.

Panicking because we are visiting a new park with DD's friends on Saturday (assuming I'm able to - thankfully it'll just involve sitting on a bench so hoping I can go for some fresh air) and I'm terrified they'll need to pop in to use the loo or something when they pick up/drop off, and I'm not well enough to tackle the mess at all.

AAAARGH

The boxes are for packing stuff into, but hopefully after I've sorted or it'll just be stuff that'll take up room in boxes that I need to get rid of. Does that make any sense at all? . In short, I intend to sort out, throw out, pack and seal the boxes.

I have those panics too. Invent a plumbing problem. I often think about scenarios too...but I do have a plumbing problem! . Or your Dp is in the bath...

I hope you are feeling a bit better.

I have spent most of the day boxing up Dd's toys and also putting more (recently laundered) clothing away. I'm going to have to go through Dd's clothing again I think as I can hardly close the drawers. It would be Ok if she had a wardrobe right now, but that won't happen until the room is divided into two bedrooms.

I appear to be getting somewhere, though the destination is a long way off me thinks!

Won't be able to do any on Sunday or Monday, but will be back onto it on Tuesday! I'm feeling rather pleased with myself :)

Hi Solo, I didn't realise you were still posting on this thread! I'll be back in the morning for a good catch up! :)

Oh yes! we certainly are!

Well done solo and hello to chipping :)

I didn't have any awkward situations with the friends, we just got straight in/out of the car :o it was a nice time and I feel a bit better for fresh air and stretching my achy muscles.

Very busy and tiring day on Monday so will probably spend the rest of the week paying for it - but hopefully I can do a little bit. I really don't want October to get underway with me still not making progress! Frankly at the moment it's been a huge achievement to keep vaguely up with laundry and cooking dinner!

The other day I did give DCs a huge bag and got them to shove all their toys from their floor in it. The bag is still there but I'm sure if I gave them a suitably large vessel they could do the rest!

AAAARGH! Am ill again. Up all night wheezing. This is not going to be a decluttery week :(

On the plus side though, I took back 21 library books yesterday! :o From now on I'm only borrowing something when I'm ready to use it!

:( fuzz
Well done on the books front! that has to have left a space/hole!

Today I have sorted through some more of the clothing and paired up some of the many odd socks! I also put some castors onto a small shelf unit that I didn't know what I was going to do with; it's going to house my pans and sit in the under stairs cupboard in my kitchen. because it's now on wheels, I can move it out when I need to! Chuffed to bits on that!

Loads more to do tomorrow.

I'm not in the same situation as most here, but near as makes no difference. I'm between homes at the moment - all my filthy clutter was slung into plastic bags, then randomly distributed around other people's back gardens while I waited for a HA place. I've been awarded one! Hurrah! But it's a tiny, tiny flat. I have to methodically go through a very-cluttered-house-worth's of stuff, decide what to keep, clean it and pack it in an organised manner, then get rid of the rest. I am paralysed by fear of doing this.

I'm not actually that attached to 'stuff'. I completely empathise with what you said about your books, fuzz, but cured myself of the emotional attachment a while back. Things have gone hideously downhill since becoming poor - there's a fear that I can't replace what goes. I also have ME/CFS and depression, which I manage quite badly (I only get 2 useful hours in a 'good' day) so am also daunted by the thought of approaching my bags of grubby belongings in tiny little bits each day. There, I've caused a slump just by writing about it ...

This is SUCH a lovely, supportive and sensible thread, I want to be on it!

I meant to say congrats on the pan shelves, Solo! I think you deserve extra special for actually putting the castors on, instead of leaving the castors on top of the shelves for attachment at 'some time'

Welcome Garlic! :) So that's at least three of us here with ME I have depression as well, it's more anxiety lately though and of course the clutter is both a defence mechanism and cause of the anxiety

Fab idea for those shelves Solo! Wheeling them out will be so much easier.

Welcome Garlic! Yes, fuzz and I both have ME/CFS and it's no fun and very hard to live with and what fuzzpig said is true.

Anyway, you do have a task ahead of you, but it can and will be done! one step at a time. It will be hard, but it can be done.
Are you able to get a gardens worth at a time into your new place and aim for as many minutes as you can during each day to go through it? you may have to push yourself a little further than is comfortable without having a relapse which is what I'm doing these days...it's hard Where abouts(ish) are you?

I've just ordered a new bed for me! so I have to get sorted and cleared in order for the rewiring to be done and flooring to be laid and then furniture to be delivered!! I'm considering freecycling my current bed and just having my mattress until things are done just to get rid of another big 'thing' . Any idea's? Ds has just got a mattress right now (actually, it's been a very long time ), so it's got to happen soon anyway for me and Dd. Got to get riiiiiiid!!!!!!

Got to go! got things to do.

Still going here! a difference in places can be seen, but still much to do!!

Anyone else?

Big fat nothing here But I'm very impressed by you! for the lovely welcome.

I managed a little yesterday - some puzzles, activity books and underwear/socks gone.

Nowhere the stage of it making a difference to how the house looks though! Tis a mere droplet in the ocean! Trying not to get disheartened.

We've agreed to ditch an item of furniture (a chest of drawers where one of the drawers no longer fits) so doing some moving around of stuff but decluttering at the same time. Hoping to do more during the day (am awake at an odd time due to coughing, grrr) while DCs are at school.

Garlic, one thing I've found helpful as an ME sufferer is decluttering in my head.

When I am too unwell to physically go round collecting stuff to chuck, I sit in a room and look around it for stuff I can get rid of next time I'm well enough. Sometimes I even write it down. Then when I get a burst of energy (well, a burst of not-falling-over-from-exhaustion :o) I can make a beeline for those items. For example the puzzles and activity books had already been earmarked for chucking for a couple of weeks. It feels really productive and the anxiety is taken out of the equation because I've already 'let go' IYSWIM :)

That's a good idea, fuzz, thanks! I tend to sit & look at it, then go ARGH and log on to Mumsnet ignore it.

My sleeping's hopelessly disorganised, along with everything else. It always happens when I'm anxious (being homeless tends to increase the anxiety!) and then I take weeks to get any 'spoons' back. Hmm. I shall hold the thought that it'll be easier to do if I've already done it in my head ...

I do that too fuzz .

Garlic! take the bull by the horns and do a bit; be ruthless, be organised in keeping the things that are important to you. If you don't get cracking you will have to throw it all away as it will be rained on and end up in such a mess and the power will have been taken away from you.

I may have mentioned this before, but I'll repeat it anyway. Sometimes, I wish a freak wave or something big would destroy my house just so I can start again without the effort. how sad is that?

Right! I'm going to do a bit more whilst I boil the kettle and make a cuppa. Then it'll be sixty minutes tops and then lunch.

Oooh! Garlic that sounded rude and was not my intention, but I'd hate for you to lose it all :( so come on! take 2 bags and make a start. Maybe do 30 minutes, have a 20 minute break then 30 minutes more sorting...try to do a bit each day :) and come and share on here (even if you don't manage much or anything we'll be support for you.

If you don't get cracking you will have to throw it all away as it will be rained on and end up in such a mess

YES! This has happened so many times. You'd think I'd have learned from my beloved Enid Blyton books getting ruined in my parents' attic :(

I dread to think how much money I've wasted on stuff that's never really been used properly, but I've had to throw away because it's ruined as I didn't store it properly.

Garlic I totally agree with what Solo has said - a little at a time. Of course all three of us have to be very careful not to overdo things, and that can make it quite... demotivating? Because it sometimes seems like the little you can manage isn't enough and it makes it look pointless, unlike if we were well enough to do a massive blitz over a week.

But you HAVE to cling to the fact that even one small bag of crap thrown away is still progress!

We must repeat the mantra "it didn't get like this in a day, so it can't be fixed in a day" :)

I've managed a bit more today - more clothes ruthlessly chucked in a bin bag. Continuing to reorganise Trofast unit in our room. Also sorted out a couple of naice educational toys to give my teacher friend, who will use them for her reception class.

Airing out the upstairs, got the washing out and another load spinning, not too bad really :)

You're both right ... and sterling examples of teeth-gritting, bull-grabbing effectiveness!

Right - umm ...
Shower, hair wash, pull hairs out of face (all overdue) - 3 spoons
Wash up - 1 spoon
Cook dinner - 2 spoons
Write letter to doctor - 3 spoons
Today's spoon estimate - 8

• Don't waste borrowed spoons on MN

Garlic :( I'm sorry. I do understand about using your spoons. I'm sitting here in agony (legs) as I did a lot of bending today, so probably used too many of mine. I don't generally think of my own energy and the depletion of it in terms of spoons (used to have several pots instead and borrow from them all the time!), and I do push myself to keep going which isn't always good for me, but I am bloody minded! I will try to sleep in a few minutes though as I am very tired and it is very late...

I feel as though I got somewhere in my kitchen even though I have much more to do in there. Pleased though! very pleased!

No, really, I am VERY impressed, Solo, and wasn't trying to bring the thread down! Just slowly getting my head around the logistics I really hope you had a lovely sleep, and enjoyed getting up to the evidence of your progress!