The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

[Solo]

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.

Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.

I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

Wow! and welcome Sillylass you sound like you've worked really hard!!
I have OCD tendencies too and find it hard to let things go. I've been struggling my whole life with hoarding, but it has been really bad for about 5 years after suffering huge losses in my life.

Can I ask how you got to go to CBT with this condition? I had counselling for my losses and other things and since then have got rid of a lot, but I do find myself getting other things instead...

Just giving the thread another bunk up!

I've been busy, but not as busy as I should be. Some of gardens cut down. More clothing to C4C and still more to go!! thrown out loads of old cosmetics and smellies today. Very pleased with myself!

Been busy for a bit and ignored my hoarding.

Did some serious clearing of paperwork last week though. Had time and space for once so just did a file at a time. It was slow but steady. This is not the stuff I find difficult though as it is mainly easy to decide whether to chuck out a five year old gas bill.

I have cleared a space in the living room and it is looking better. I have a storage unit full of things I can't bear to part with though.

Hi cricket :) you sound positive though, and don't underestimate how much you have actually done; it's far from easy ~ except the old gas bills! I used to keep two years worth of utility bills, but have started to shred all except the last 12 months worth. I love that you have a space in the living room! hopefully, that space will grow in size :)

I have been trying to sort my bedroom some more, but it's a case of everything on the bed, then sort some stuff, then it's bed time and everything has to go back to where it was, so it feels like I'm getting nowhere with it.

So today...sorted out some more of my bedroom. Currently looking for the cot fittings so I can try to sell on Dd's cot. And her toddler bed. And my maternity clothes. And Dd's good clothing. It seems endless.

I do feel as though something is happening in this room though :)

Anyone else still here?

my last post seems to have disappeared. Maybe I didnt press the right button.

no time to post now. good luck today

Hi everyone. Thought I'd post as at the moment I could cheerfully strangle my H! We have got the house cleared out (hurray!) and on the market - all the stuff is boxed up and in storage. I'd estimate 90-95% of the boxes in storage are H's things.
And he's now swanning about, saying how nice the house is without all the rubbish clutter and how we should have done this years ago.
And then wonders why I'm slightly irritated by that, given that I've felt like i'm suffocating under the weight of all his crap and have been asking him for years to sort it out.
He still thinks I have as much stuff as he does. deluded

LizzieMint - that is a good sign, a really significant achievement for you and for your H. I hope that you find the perfect house - with lots of storage space????

I have just read back through some of the posts - had missed the recycling fire Solo!! That must have been bad - one of those lucky escapes though.

As for the bedroom, I understand exactly the "heaping on the bed and then back onto the floor at bedtime" routine. Frustrating. I have a heap on the floor at the moment. I did manage to chuck out some clothes this week and my DD helped with some of her clothes and a huge pile of books.

The books had been stored in a garage and the mice had got into the boxes. Some of the books had been reduced to shreds!!! A lesson there. If it is not in view, being used and loved, it may well disappear!!

One of the things that is really important is a"future" - generally why it is easier for the young to throw stuff away. I am still struggling with what the future could be - hence hanging on to stuff.

Your new house Lizzie is a wonderful motivator. I need to focus on looking forward and that will certainly help.

Goodnight

It has certainly helped to have a deadline - although I know the battle isn't over as the stuff is still there, just in storage. But he did say he was committed to getting rid of 'some' of it. We do need a house with storage but at the same time, I don't want it to feel like a storage unit? He already has more books and games than he could possibly read or play in his lifetime, I don't get why he buys more.

Were you able to throw things away more easily when you were younger cricketpitch? I have always found throwing things away easy, and I wonder why that is, as my parents both have hoarding tendencies. Or maybe that's why?!

I could throw things away more easily when I was younger - although I have always been a bit of a hoarder. I found that as I got a new job or a new house or a baby I felt I was leaving stuff for something better, going from strength to strength - I don't really feel that now.

My DD sees my hoarding and swears she will never be like this. She is quite ruthless with her stuff - maybe having hoarding parents tends to do that. I do know that she and I have worked well together and she will coax but when I say "no" to throwing something she will put it back in the pile in a matter of fact way without criticism.

She was very good yesterday about talking me into taking clothes to the charity shop - and how it is so much better to do some good with the stuff than let it "rot" in storage.

You sound as if you are working well with your H - understanding him is so important.

Wow wee!! there seems to be some good things going on here! :)
I've done nothing for several days now and I'm faced with going to a friends for a few (3 or 4) days, taking Dd to the cinema x 2, taking my Mum shopping for carpet/laminate/blah blah, making best friends birthday gift OR doing some more stuff here at home. I really want to do stuff here, but I feel like I should do the above....

I so want to be able to ask people in for coffee or lunch or to stay. I want to find a man. Dd's First Holy Communion is next May and I have to not only have it all de cluttered, but also I have to have all the work done on/in the house too before I find myself a job.

I feel so alone. Ds was 16 yesterday and I rarely see him, but I feel that if we could open our front door to guests, he could bring friends home...but I wish he'd help. Dd hinders more than she helps...

Solo, that's tough to have to do it alone. I'm not a hoarder but I am quite untidy and i deliberately invite people around at times just to force me to tidy up! Could you invite a friend for lunch or a coffee at some future date that isn't so far away as next May and use that deadline as an incentive?
cricketpitch not sure I'm doing so well on the not criticising front , I find it so frustrating. I will try harder. H likened it to trying to lose weight, my MIL is dieting at the moment and my FIL is very critical and unsupportive so I try and keep that in mind. It's almost a habit though to try and point it out to him, as I've been trying to get him to tackle it for years, but now he is facing it, I need to change the record!

It is tough yes!! but no, my place is far too awful to make any near plans! but having May as a target is very good as hopefully, all the work will have been done on the house too :) so I will be proud of my home and happy for anyone to drop by!!

The weight loss analogy is a brilliant one!! and I'm doing both!!!

Hi everyone,

May I come and join you? I am a hoarder and really need to declutter. I have made a start and I am pleased with the bits I have done. I feel really overwhelmed by some of it though and find it hard to let go of things sometimes.

Hi ColinFirthsGirth - great name by the way!
This is a wonderful thread - a bit slow as people are doing a bit at a time - but it isn't simply a "must tidy up" type thing. There is an understanding of how hard it is to let go of stuff - for whatever reason and that the task is huge and can be so overwhelming.

My house was almost uninhabitable last year - and resulted in a lot of pain and hurt. This thread has helped me feel that one step at a time can mean progress. (Others do it differently but this is working for me).

I had also felt ashamed and useless but I am feeling a bit better now. I am not alone. Solo is brilliant at motivating and supporting.

I am currently listing a few things on ebay - just a few........ one at a time..... Good luck

Welcome to our thread CFG :) cricket has said it all really :) so that's a good start and welcome.

You don't need to feel alone with this 'problem' as we probably know how you are feeling. Cricket said "My house was almost uninhabitable last year - and resulted in a lot of pain and hurt." and I can relate to that statement. It's very hard to admit to anyone in real life that you have a 'problem' like hoarding. It's not easy to admit it on here either, but admit it you and we have and that is a good start on our way to getting it sorted out.

It is often little steps that are easiest to take.

One at a time.

Set a small goal and aim for it. Don't overwhelm yourself with looking at the massive task ahead ~ it won't help and will probably hinder your progress instead.

Personally, my 'mess' is preventing me from doing far too much and I don't want my children to have to make the excuses that I do .

I have changed an appointment to have my meters inspected 3 times now and I'm not sure I'll have the guts to change it again.

I haven't had a man in my life for 6 long years and I'm sure that part of that is because I can't let them in (emotionally as well as physically into my home).

I worry that if I or the children were ill or had an accident at home (very possible!), I couldn't get the help that I would need.

On that note, I am just going to do a little more in my bedroom :)

But before I go; please keep posting and sorting, posting and sorting. Short bursts of a pile/box/drawer/shelf at a time. We will get this done together!

Thankyou Solo and Cricket,

I also feel ashamed and I hate that my kids can't really invite anyone around and I feel awful if anyone turns up to the house unexpectedly. My Mum just nags and tells me it is just a case of doing it but this doesn't really help me at all. My husband just shouts at me about it - even though he is a dreadful hoarder too! I often feel that I have to build up the motivation to do all of it in one go - which of course is impossible. I find it really hard to break it down.

I have OCD and have been trying to get assessment for adult ADHD - my area wont pay for me to have an assessment out of area. As this assessment will probably never happen I really need to develop tools and ways of doing things that help me to declutter and to not hoard in the first place.

CFG I feel your pain. I have OCD tendencies too, mostly counting issues, but I've never seen a professional about it, never told anyone particularly irl, though last month, I discovered my Cousin does it too, though she's not a hoarder, but we touched on the subject of OCD. My late Dad and my Brother also had/have this kind of OCD and we all hoard. I think hoarding is classified as an OCD illness isn't it?
I let no one! absolutely no one into my house; not even my Mum :(
You are very courageous in seeking help and I hope you get the help you are asking for :)

I have been better in recent months about not getting more 'stuff'. I used to get a bit from Freecycle, but it's now rare that I make a request. I have bought clothing for myself this summer, but mostly because I did not wish to spend another hot summer in jeans.

I steer away from charity shops, but if I do enter their doors, I'm now quite good at turning around and walking out empty handed, even after looking around. I have got this result on my own, just by telling myself that I don't need anything else. That has taken a lot of willpower, but I think I can do it now without too much trouble or mental conflict.

It's a shame that your Dh is a hoarder too and worse that he doesn't see himself clearly...although, I am good at telling my Mum off! just can't get straight myself , so I'm as bad.

I don't know if This or This or even This might be worth a try? I think I will have a go with these too. I'm a big McKenna fan. He's helped me lose weight and I'm continuing to do so with his help.

Keep posting :)

Fed up.

Still going.

Anyone else?

Hi Solo, I am still here. Up late.

Sorry that you are fed up. It is hard going especially when things are tough otherwise. Don't give up - just take a break.

DD is doing her room. She wants to chuck everything out. I sold a large piece of furniture on ebay which was good but the rest of the mess has had to wait. I lost some very precious stuff and it has upset me deeply. Too tired to talk but this mssge popped into my inbox and I wanted to respond.

Step by step. Take a break and get some sleep. (You are not alone - even at 1am!)
GCSE results tomorrow so probably a lot of sleepless DCs and Mums, (including in this house)

Hi cricket thanks for the support.

What has happened to your precious things?

Good for you re ebay sell.

We too are getting GCSE results today. Ds is still in bed! but said he's going in at 12 so I'd better get him up.

Hope 'your' results are good!

Results fine thanks - DD got what she needed, luckily, - hope yours were ok too.

Taking a break from decluttering today but did take a big bag of clothes to the charity shop and some rubbish to the tip. (Stuff we had sorted earlier)

It is a slow process and very hard work although the more you do, the easier it gets.

How are the rest of you getting on? LizzieMint? ColinfirthsGirth? How is it going?

That's good news cricket :) Ds's results not so good. No idea what he'll do now :(

Sold Dd's toddler bed today :) so another thing gone!