What do you think of people with messy houses?

[Willthisworknow]

I wanted to ask as I am no domestic goddess! I try to keep the house tidy but with 3 young children and working full time, it just does not happen. I tend to gravitate to folks who don't care about a bit of mess - but I know folk who are lovely but when you go over to their houses, they are super uber tidy (how do they do it? I lose the will....) and a bit precious when your one year old goes over to smear sticky fingers on their window, it puts you on edge an you feel less relaxed. What do you think of folk with messy homes. Would u be friends with them, steer clear or would you like to think that as long as you got on well with the person at a social level, you don't care about the state of the house. The kitchen/bathrooms etc are clean, we simply find it hard to keep tidy!

I don't really mind how other people decide to keep their house, or manage to keep their house, as long as I can have a cup of tea and use the loo without cringing. :)

I keep my house so people will feel the same, although I am a quite clean and tidy and anal :)

I really don't care about a bit of mess. I generally try to keep our house nice, and it is immaculate when I know people are coming over. I know some people with immaculate houses, some with ok houses, and one (who I dearly love) whose house is usually a pigsty. I try not to look like I'm "picking" my way through the mess, but sometimes it's hard. Her kitchen has food and crumbs all over. The bathrooms can be pretty grim. Wouldn't stop me being friends though - I'm there for her company.

When a bit of family mess turns into dirtiness then it's uncomfortable....bits of food stuck to the floor and/or the furniture, laundry everywhere, unkempt bathrooms, grimy litter cans etc.

I think there is a tipping point for uncomfortably clean too though. I have a friend who's home is immaculate. You would never know they have a kid - not one toy, not one craft out, not one item out of place (I think she accomplishes this via compulsive decluttering). It leaves me kind of cold TBH....but also a bit jealous because I've never been able to achieve such a feat of magazine perfection myself

Messy houses don't bother me at all my house is a shit tip atm I feel more uncomfortable in spotless houses tbh

I'm not bothered by a bit of mess or dust. I have a friend who often has crumbs and stuff on the floor because her 2 year old has been eating and she hasn't rushed round with a dustpan and brush immediately and that doesn't bother me. I'd rather a little mess than really neat and clean as I tend to worry more that I'm making it look a mess if I put my cup of tea down!

I get really annoyed with MIL's house as she keeps most of it like a palace except the bathroom we use is usually dusty (it's as if she makes a point of letting us know we're not guests iykwim) and the kitchen is never just tidied and wiped, there is always some mess in there and it's the one place I'm fussy about.

One of my friends invited us to a BBQ at the house of one of her friends. This was a couple who both work, the man in particular always looks clean and well dressed and OMG it was like something from How Clean Is Your House. Every surface was covered in inches of dust like it had never been touched. The bathroom was also covered in dust apart from a circle in the sink where the water obviously ran when you washed you hands.

I'm maybe to cheeky but I've got a really close knit circle of friends and were in and out each other's houses none of there homes are dirty but if there's stuff needing done like dishes etc I'll stand and do them while they make the coffee!

My honest opinion? I think there's no real excuse for it. We dropped some children's birthday presents at a relative's house recently and I was shocked. It wasn't just muddles and a bit of dust, but out and out Mr Trebus style squalour. And it absolutely stunk. Of dogs, other animals and even the children weren't that sweet-smelling.The piles of stuff were in the hall, sitting-room, kitchen. OH used the loo and said it was awful, couldn't bring himself to dry his hands on the towel. I couldn't accept a cup of tea and couldn't get out of there quick enough. I honestly don't know how they can live like that. My relative actually said 'sorry about the squalour' but seemed totally unabashed. So it's not as if they don't see it. If I'd done a day's work, I wouldn't want to come home to that. The most uncomfortable and distressing house I've been to (and that includes my PILs', which is saying something).
Whatever happened to 'a place for everything, and everything in its place'?
So what do I think? Lazy tossers!

I grew up in an extremely messy house but DM always had us clean like mad when we had guests. I'm very houseproud (my lifelong friend who grew up in a spotless home is now a total slattern, go figure!), probably as a result of growing up in a mess and it being stressful, and I confess I do feel uncomfortable visiting friends and family who are very untidy and, unfortunately, rather dirty. Clutter and a lack of organisation are one thing, but dirt is the thing I can't cope with. I try not to let it show but I have mild OCD and I can't stop my heartbeat from speeding up when, for example, I put my hand down on a surface and it comes away sticky. I try to arrange to see those f&f out and about, and I certainly wouldn't stay over there. But it's not about judging them, it's more about managing my own reaction, IYSWIM. I don't want to upset them, and everyone has the right to live as they see fit.

However, I should hate for people to feel they can't make a mess in my house. I love to have people over, and encourage them to be at home, as it's easy for me to clean up when they've gone! As another poster said, I don't ask them to remove shoes/use coasters etc. I also like to make a mess myself when baking or crafting, and then enjoy setting the place back to rights afterwards.

Don't do dirt.

Toys and sticky fingerprints everywhere is fine, don't mind.
Don't like allot of mess though.

I have 2 very good friend's who's homes are excessively cluttered with piles of stuff. So bad that you have to clear a small space on the sofa in order to sit. There is a clear path from the front door to the sofa. One of them has a 3 year old.

Makes me feel stressed & unsettled. They both genuinely dont seem to notice it. I cannot fathom this at all as the smell is awful.

I think it's laziness as it boarders on squalor. Both have had family members come into their homes to clean, within a week, both homes are back as they were. They just can't be arsed.

Both lovely lovely people, great friends.

Oh my God, some people are so uncharitable and so narrow in their experience.

It makes me very sad to think I was totally right about being judged for this.

And no, I would imagine in many cases it is not a question of people being lazy fuckers. More that they just cannot cope.

Well Rooners there are two grown adults (in their forties, fit and healthy) in the house to which I was referring and it was an absolute tip! 10 minutes max to clean the downstairs loo and replace the hand towel. They are are not inadequate in any way. Young children but no babies. It's beyond me. They must be totally inured to the smell. Really vomit-inducing. So I say again, in their case, lazy tossers!

We don't have enough space so our house is a mess but clean. I have laundry piles but I don't have anywhere to put them like a utility so they are in my dining room. I have paperwork piles but no desk or study to put them in. I have toys all over my sitting room but have three young kids who share a box room.

My house is styled in a 'lived in fashion'
It gets dusted, hoovered and the bathroom/kitchen cleaned once a week.
I'm currently using the dining room as an office as I'm working from home for a few months plus I have nowhere to store Christmas gifts so they are lined up on the side. It is tidy enough, certainly not to show home standard, plus there are 4 rooms that I don't touch (teenagers bedrooms, their bathroom and DH study) you wouldn't want to go in there.
I grew up in a old house with mulitple animals and a casual lived in feeling, I was a truly messy teenager too, DH grew up in a ultra tidy house so he even hangs his clothes up as soon as he takes them off, its brilliant I don't have to clear up after him. It's very relaxing to visit.
My younger DS house is similar to ours although there mess is more toys than teenagers as the DC are younger. However our other sister lives in a perfect show home, your glass/cup is whisked away as soon as you have finished and washed up, it's not relaxing at all.

Piles of stuff everywhere make me want to tidy up. I can't relax.
Dirty rooms especially bathrooms and towels - I have been known to lock the bathroom door and use loo roll, wipes to give the room a quick once over...

Do I judge - no, I just want to help get it sorted and have to supress this. I have a cleaner who comes in once a week and it's a never ending battle to keep paperwork under control even with electronic billing for everything. tons of rubbish through the door every dayIt makes me physically anxious to live in tons of clutter and crap though.

I don't mind.

Certain types of untidiness will actually gain my admiration (food prep, craft projects, artistic endevours of most kinds).

But out and out dirt is a bit offputting.

I think I must confess to being a bad person, I actually cleaned a friends bathroom once, i'd gone round, needed to use the facilities and just couldn't use it without first giving the loo, sink and mirror a going over!

If its messy fine but dirty i really cant understand why anyone can live in a dirty house my house is v v clean just the usual toys ect about but no dirt at all

See I can't understand the piles of STUFF people have!
If you have no office surely you try to work as paper free as possible? It's the digital age, very little paperwork needs to exist. Piles and piles of laundry? Surely if you have that many clothes and not enough space you just need to get rid of half of them and wear something more than once.

We live in a small place with children, but honestly have never even thought about buying half the stuff friends have.

Artandco - But we dont have that many clothes...it still needs washing and ironing though. I have a two year old who still wets herself so she often has a couple of outfits, we have swimming stuff, we have bed linen with bedwetting 5 year old, we have sports kits, beaver uniform...my kids have one drawer each for their clothes.
As for paper, yes in an ideal world it would be nice to get rid of it but I am treasurer for the PTA which is all paper based for certain reasons and also have a lot of paperwork to do with moving house soon. I also have kids who love to draw and i can't constantly go through their creations and recycle/ file them.
Thankfully I am so busy not coping that i dont have time to have people over...so nobody is offended by my piles of stuff.

Brambly - could you not use potty training reusable pants? Like the mio ones? On youngest so if wets clothes don't get soaked, and eldest so bed doesn't get soaked? They look and feel like pants but with a towelling layer. Obviously if they wee lots as if a nappy it will be wet but for odd accidents they are good. Pants v entire bedding wash.

I'm also prob mean but I throw kids stuff after a few weeks. I do take pictures of it though so have a digital record still. They can use 100 pieces of paper a week! I don't have space for that x10 years

I used to feel uncomfortable in my school friend's house. She had quite a few young siblings and her mum had a busy social life. They had lots of visitors.

The hallway table was overloaded with papers, bags, jackets.

The kitchen was terrible. You could never see the surfaces. Drinks, cereal boxes were just left out. There were always dirty dishes.

The toilets were grim. They definitely were not cleaned on a regular basis.

at backforgood my fella thinks I'm nuts and quite rightly pointed out how mortified they probably were! Ooops!

I think transient stuff is fine but if it's got dust on it or needs dusting then it's gone from transient to do things to not really having a home or that home is being ignored!

I discovered a ruthless side when I was given a smallish wooden chest, this is now keepsakes box and if doesn't fit it doesn't gain entry!

I'm a bit shocked at some of the responses here. Yes, I can understand not feeling comfortable about dirt, but the level of judging that goes on over messy or cluttered houses is !

What's wrong with cereal boxes on the side? None of our kitchen cupboards are deep enough for them. Same with coats, shoes left out etc. Yes, it's not to everyone's style but it's not damaging anyone.

My house most probably belongs to the clean and tidy camp. Of my three best friends, one is clean but messy, two are messy and a bit mucky. As long as it's not out and out dirty, I really don't care. Some people don't prioritise housework and I sometimes think that maybe I should try spending more time doing interesting things and less time cleaning.

What really gets my goat though is that DH is uber-critical of messy houses despite never lifting a finger and being an untidy bugger himself.