I let go of all of it again over the weekend. 
Things have become impossibly stuck at the moment with no end in sight to the ?sludgefest? and several other trying things, and feeling overwhelmed ill, and exhausted,(everyone here is ill and needs looking after) but there isn't enough time and not doing things and trying to give myself a break hasn't fixed it, it?s made it worse, so back to trying to pick up the reins and plod on.
Apologies for limited personal's but will never get going if I don?t.
Swan I hope you?re feeling better, those we care about the most have the greatest ability to accidently wound us.
Bitchy I?ve pm?d you. I seem to put my foot in it with everything I say at the moment, so if I have again, please excuse me.
Nicknacks I'm not the best person to talk about respect and men, because while I like men well enough, I'm so sick of the ?I value nothing that doesn't carry status? attitude, and I'm tired of men who say if they can?t cope they?ll leave, (who knew there was a choice as a parent? ) but as a LP 100% of everything?s down to me, so if I can?t do all of it, then it doesn't get done, but not sure if it is worse or better than expecting equality from someone with no concept of what that is. (I?m really not the right person, am I? 
)
Having proved I shouldn't have an opinion: I think the problem isn't going to be helped by ?my wages go on x, his wages go on y,? situation. It means you?re sort of ?billing? each other, rather than running as one unit. Changing it could be quite hard, but being able to set out what exactly you are both doing and what it costs, and what it saves, might change attitudes and help you both acknowledge some things? Doing a business expenses plan might be revealing.
If you don?t already then I'd do a serious analysis of your business costs, and what?s subsidising what, (include the invisible stuff like electricity, gas, water, and what decrease there?d be if you and the children weren't in the home most of the day) so you can lay out unemotionally and fairly what?s really happening, and definitely employ yourself a cleaner as a tax deductible business expense. (If he has any problem with that he could save the family some money by taking over their work!)
With how to use a cleaner, think about what are you finding hardest and most time consuming? Those are the tasks you really want her (or him!) to do. Time yourself doing them at a reasonable average speed, it will tell you if your list is reasonable/how many hours help you need. Look at what would you need to do or change so someone could walk in and do those things, without having to dig out or disrupt to get at them.
Still to do:
Ironing
Washing
Email
Get head round new SEN exam rules pink book.
Flask of coffee
Photographing stuff
Take to unit
Prep psychology
Shopping
Do psychology and English
Dinner
Get more sleep!