I feel totally useless - still can't keep on top of things :-(

[LilllyLovesLife]

I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe I need to train my kids differently or something, or maybe I am just useless at being a housewife.

I have always really struggled with housework. About 2-3 months ago I finally (after years of pondering) decided to pay a professional cleaner. I can't afford it but it was litterally ruining my life with the house the way it was.

BUT I still can't do it! How on earth, with a cleaner coming every monday - can I not just keep it all clean and tidy?! She comes on a Monday and by tuesday it's a mess and I am stressed and struggling to get back on top all week. I intend to invite friends round most weekends but it gets to the end of the week and realise I am far too behind. (Friends are all clean, perfect houses etc and would go mad if they saw it like this!)

I feel totally useless. I don't work, except for the odd evening babysitting. I have 2 little ones (3 and 4) and I am pregnant. How am I going to cope when we have a newborn? And I am not going to be able to afford to keep the cleaner on much longer either. I don't know how it gets like this. I don't sit around on here for hours or anything (honestly don't). I seem to spend all my time being busy and yet it looks like a bomb site daily. I tidied it all up yesterday and yet it still took me hours. We are moving soon and I really want to get this sorted before we get our lovely new house.

Any tips? The little ones bring their toys downstairs all the time, when they are meant to be stored upstairs. I don't know how to solve this problem and it is one big cause of the mess. I don't get any child free time except once or twice a month the girls go to their Dads for a few hours. I usually spend that time doing housework or clearing out their old toys etc.

I have booked to do an NCT sale in October so that should help and I do sell lots online to keep the clutter down a bit.
I really need help as it's getting me down :-(

I feel a bit like that sometimes and I only have the one ds! (2 if u include my messy dh)

I'm lucky enough to be a sahm but I feel like I'm drowning with the constant stream of mess! My childless friends seem to think I should be spotless with all this 'spare' time in my hands. And my friends with dc think that because i only have one it should be a piece of cake!

It doesn't help that there is always something going on in my life ie weekends away, weddings etc do I go away for a couple of days and the mess upon return ie unpacking is enough to drive me insane, it takes me a week!

I'm sympathise with you so much it's not an easy task xxx

Actually I can totally relate to the unpacking from weekends away and stuff - that really puts things behind. We were away Monday to Friday last week and then out at the weekend so maybe that's why I feel so extra behind this week. Plus I am sick a lot with the pregnancy sickness so sometimes end up in bed as soon as the kids are asleep. It just seems to come so naturally to some people. I struggled even before I had children and had no excuse then! It just doesn't come naturally to me. Maybe because my parents house was/is always messy, I don't notice the odd things getting messy, so I alloww loads of mess then suddenly look at it and panic!

I know exactly how you feel! I've nothing useful to say as my house is a constant bomb site and all my friends seem to live in show homes when then have twice as many kids and a job to juggle and I'm a single sahm to my 1 dd.

There seems to be no excuse for it but that seems to be the way it staying :(

Rather jealous that you have a clener though :p

Make sure you load dishwasher or was-up after every meal.

Wipe down all kitchen surfaces and table after each meal.

Food only to be eaten at table.

Invest in a handheld Hoover.

Buy a wicker chest to store toys in downstairs.

I am sat here, feeling the same!
I cannot seem to stay on top of anything.
There is washing, dirty and clean everywhere.
Toys, everywhere! I can't afford to get a magic storage system that takes up no space!
I have clothes everywhere; I tried to bag them up up and my bag broke!
and the kitchen needs professional help!
I have SPD and no energy at 22 weeks pregnant
Feel your pain ladies!

Laundry I was twice a day at least. One load as soon as I get up in the morning, one load after children are in bed. As soon as its washed it goes in the tumble drier, and folded and put in a basket once dry. It gets put away every evening.

I don't sort laundry,meverything goes in together at 40 degrees.

Change the day that the cleaner comes so that it is a Friday and that way you can have people over on a Friday or Saturday night without it being too messy.
Have one toy box downstairs with a lid on and store the toys brought downstairs in that. I put the dishwasher on at night and unload it as the kettle is boiling in the morning. Washing goes on at night so that i can hang it up before going to work or in the evening . When kids were little all food was had at the table and i would quickly use brush to clean up if it was messy. No drinks while walking around the house either. Of course now i have teenagers who take plates to their rooms and leave them there for a few days :( . Blitz a cupboard a week or day if you have the energy and get rid of the stuff straight away or put it out of sight. I am quite good at clearing out but it is a constant battle.

I think you probably just have too much stuff tbh. Can you invest in some storage and put half the DCs toys away out of sight? That cuts down on the amount of stuff they can drag out at one time. Similarly with clothes, cut down to the bare minimum.

Flylady (if you ignore the twee stuff) is really good when you're at the Drowning in Stuff stage - 15 minute bursts, 27 fling boogie and so on.

Also, if you're constantly tidying and not getting anywhere, have a proper think about how you are actually going about it - are you just moving stuff around, and not putting it away? Ad if so, is that because you don't have a place to put it away?

When my house gets really bad I put baskets/bags in each room, and anything in that room which doesn't belong there goes in the basket just whenever I see it. Then twice a day I sort through the baskets, and each item gets put into the room it ought to be in, and ideally in the place it ought to be. If there isn't a place, then i have ot think why not, and work out where it ought to be,and in lots fo cases decide if I actually need to keep it at all.

Thanks everybody, all useful tips and good to know I am not alone. I do think I will change the day of the cleaner. Will speak to OH tonight and email to get it sorted soon.

As for storage, we will hopefully (money allowing) be investing in really good storage once we move. Currently just renting in a tempory house until we get our proper house which DP is buying so we can do what we like to it. I am going to start saving for it soon, hence why thinking of cancelling the cleaner to use the money to buy new storage etc for the new house. But having the cleaner does at least mean the house is throughly cleaned once a week and isn't a health hassard!

I like the idea of Flylady, but it's so hard to sort through all the crap in the emails/website to actually get to what you want. Is there an app or something yet for it? I have an iphone. As I can't stand getting the emails so I don't and then I don't remember to do it!

You need this system.
I highly recommend it.

Can you store things where they are used? So if kids bring their toys downstairs (and practically littlies like to play where you are) and you spend ages collecting, tidying them and taking them back upstairs... then you're wasting your time. Choose the ones they use most often and get a smart-ish storage solution for them downstairs.

I have Trofast (ikea) but lots of people have expedit (also ikea), but any bookcase/cupboard would do as long as there is a named place for each toy to be put back into so tidying up is quick and easy - they should be able to do it for themselves at the end of each play session and they can if this labelled bucket says 'animals', this says 'duplo' and this says 'cars'....

Any help?

Hey - don't forget to reward yourself when you do manage some cleaning/tidying/laundry! Important to get things in perspective and not be down on yourself all the time too - we're all only human after all. And let's face it, an untidy house isn't the end of the world! Your friends may have spotless houses, but they may also be miserable (and knackered!)

Thank you all for your help, definitely all things worth thinking about.

Re Flylady: there is an Android app, so I'd guess there is an Apple one.

You can do it all from the website, without the emails.

Or do what I did, do a bit of googling around how to set up email filters. Now all the Flylady emails, except the daily flightplan (the useful one) are filtered straight to spam.

Thanks. I will have a look for the app.

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I have 2 DCs and am currently on mat leave. DH works all hours and so doesn't exactly want to contribute to housework when he's at home. I totally recommend flylady as well. She has pretty much saved my life. I've fallen off the wagon a bit (had to have an operation which led to not being allowed to do housework for a fortnight! lovely relaxation, but monster house...) but am trying to get back to a clean kitchen for starters. Re: the kids, make it a game. If they need to take their toys back upstairs, time them gathering them all together at the bottom of the stairs and see if they can beat the day before's time, then you can all carry them up together, or something. My DS is 2 3/4 and is starting to get interested in tidying, but won't do it if you actually ask him to! We try and make games out it, to see how fast he can pick up all his books and things like that and he seems to like it. But don't worry. You are not the only person with a house like this! We are all struggling along together. But seriously. Find flylady x

I've bumped up a brilliant thread on AIBU for you OP - called "AIBU to ask how you became organised and together ?". It is one of MNs finest moments

Getting rid of clutter is the first place to start - not enough storage space is a recipe for disaster and our house has been so much more manageable since I junked lots of stuff.

There is one comment on the organising thread along the lines of "get rid of your clutter - it is weighing you down

zone cleaning and a daily cleaning schedule are also invaluable

Why is your partner not stepping up to do his share ? If you have and 3 & a 4 year old your full time job is looking after them so don't let him fob you off with "you don't work" bollocks

Lilly, there is an iPhone app called Home Routines, someone recommended it on a similar thread a while back so I downloaded it. It's very good, you can tailor it to suit you. It's not as overwhelming as Fly Lady.

Only problem is that I work every day so do find it difficult to catch up if I have to miss a day's routine because I've had to take the kids somewhere after school etc. but it is still very useful.

It is really difficult. I have 3 dc who are 5, 3 and 8 months. Downstairs is ok - ish. My upstairs looks burgled. Thankfully we have a toilet downstairs that guests can use.

I definitely recommend Ikea Expedit shelving. I have it in my conservatory and DS1 bedroom and a smaller one in DS2's. I have used colourful boxes (foldable fabric and mesh) bought when they were in the sale - £7 for 2 from Vertbaudet.

I also have Ikea Trofast in conservatory and DS2 room.

Billy bookcases from Ikea are also very good (and cheap) Again I have one in the conservatory (which is like a play room really) and DS1 bedroom.

I got my Expedit shelving off EBay.
I buy a lot of second hand furniture, much of it good quality and with nothing wrong with it. My most recent bargain was a second hand Ikea sideboard/ dresser (5ft) for £40! Oodles of storage.

Maybe when you get in your new house you can tackle the storage situation and keeping things tidy will be easier.

I found that too much stuff and clutter was weighing me down.
I got a friend round and between us I was encouraged to dump/ take stuff to charity shop. I felt really liberated,the house looked instantly cleaner!