I feel totally useless - still can't keep on top of things :-(

[LilllyLovesLife]

I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe I need to train my kids differently or something, or maybe I am just useless at being a housewife.

I have always really struggled with housework. About 2-3 months ago I finally (after years of pondering) decided to pay a professional cleaner. I can't afford it but it was litterally ruining my life with the house the way it was.

BUT I still can't do it! How on earth, with a cleaner coming every monday - can I not just keep it all clean and tidy?! She comes on a Monday and by tuesday it's a mess and I am stressed and struggling to get back on top all week. I intend to invite friends round most weekends but it gets to the end of the week and realise I am far too behind. (Friends are all clean, perfect houses etc and would go mad if they saw it like this!)

I feel totally useless. I don't work, except for the odd evening babysitting. I have 2 little ones (3 and 4) and I am pregnant. How am I going to cope when we have a newborn? And I am not going to be able to afford to keep the cleaner on much longer either. I don't know how it gets like this. I don't sit around on here for hours or anything (honestly don't). I seem to spend all my time being busy and yet it looks like a bomb site daily. I tidied it all up yesterday and yet it still took me hours. We are moving soon and I really want to get this sorted before we get our lovely new house.

Any tips? The little ones bring their toys downstairs all the time, when they are meant to be stored upstairs. I don't know how to solve this problem and it is one big cause of the mess. I don't get any child free time except once or twice a month the girls go to their Dads for a few hours. I usually spend that time doing housework or clearing out their old toys etc.

I have booked to do an NCT sale in October so that should help and I do sell lots online to keep the clutter down a bit.
I really need help as it's getting me down :-(

OP, I really feel your pain - I rarely let anyone come round as our house is just dreadful. Even good friends comment on it. It's awful.

I like you have two children (untidy ones) and am pregnant and lately I have been really feeling rough, so have barely kept on top of ANY of it. Things have actually got quite bad here.

The last week I have finally started to feel a bit better and done some tidying - still struggling to find the energy, but I am doing a little bit at a time.

I think the thing about everything having a place where it belongs is really important - I just can't work out where that place is!

Toys are particularly difficult as the boys share a tiny bedroom and all their clothes and toys spill over into the other rooms.

I have got rid of some furniture lately which was good, it made more space, but clutter wise I am still stuffed. I don't know where to begin.

I know it has been better than this in the past, I just can never seem to sustain a tidy house that is visitor-ready. I don't know how.

Sorry I'm not much help - I worry that it will affect my children's social life.

What I really intended to say was that you might be feeling particularly overwhelmed at the moment because of the pregnancy and feeling so ill - it makes you feel like you'll just drown under heaps of stuff because you cannot cope.

However as soon as the sickness starts to fade, you will begin to get that energy and momentum back and it won't seem so bad. By the time your baby is born, I bet you'll have things ready - you'll have no choice!

(we only just moved a car bumper that was sat on top of the new cot-bed. Not what I meant by a cot bumper!!!)

Thanks for all the replies - sorry for the late response - we have had a busy weekend.

Going to download the housework app in a min when I am done writing this - although I feel mega rough today so won't be starting it till tomorrow! Cleaner has been today so not much to do except cook dinner and clear up from that.

As for my Partner - it's a really complicated situation but he does do more than most men would in our situation. He doesn't live here, the girls are not his children, we have only been together 18 months, but the new baby is obviously his. He is in the process of selling his 1 bed flat and buying us a house so we can all live together before the baby is born. This is taking up a lot of his time at the moment as well as working overtime to raise more money for the move. He is very good honestly, and does his fair share with my kids (more than their Dad ever did!).

I will look into the expedit range for the new house and speak to DP about it for the new house. I remember looking into it a few years ago and not being able to afford it/justify the cost when we were mega skint but things are better financially now (until we move in together anyway when I will loose all my incomings!). I don't suppose any of you who have it would do a pic of yours for me would you? It's hard to picture how it looks in a normal family home when you see it on ebay etc with nothing in it! If I am being a pain asking then don't worry!

I agree with it effecting the kids social lives. There has been many occasions when I would let them bring friends over (at this age they seem to come with Mum too) but haven't as I am too embarrassed about the house. It's not THAT bad for the kids, but I think having their parents round would result in some judging going on!

I am struggling with the cleaner as I can never keep it tidy enough for her to just do the cleaning, so it's untidy so she "helpfully" puts stuff away, all in the wrong places so I waste time looking for it and taking it all back out again and rearranging it. This I need to work on or I will have to cancel the cleaner. It's only a tempory Luxtury anyway. I need the money really but decided I would treat myself with the cleaner just untill DD2 starts nursery in September when I will have a couple of hours each morning to get some bits done.

Thanks again for all the replies - keep them coming, they are greatly appreciated and are really helping me feel better!

Is the Home routines app the one that costs £2.50? It's fine if it does, just don't want to pay it if it's the wrong one! lol

Scrap that, decided I couldn't wait and it's downloading now! Couldn't find a flylady one at all.

Don't know whether flylady has an app, but she has a website www.flylady.net and you can sign up for daily inspirational(!) e-mails that also tell you what bit of your house to spend 15 minutes on that day and also give some useful tips, amongst trying to hard-sell you all her products. I find them worth it though, it reminds me i am not alone in this sea (ocean?) of crap.

Too much stuff I think that is why everything will be descending into chaos, before of even begin to think about storage you need to get rid of a lot of stuff.
Less stuff= Less mess
If you feel like you can't keep on top of it I think minimalism is the way forward for you! Really, the less stuff you have the less work there is. You're not just moving stuff around when you're tidying.
I think the book Simplicity Parenting could really help you, it talks about decluttering kids spaces and how it can help family life. Also The Joy Of Less would help you do room by room. I've been drastically decluttering for a year now and the difference in the house work is unbelievable , it's takes 5 mins to pick up toys downstairs and they go back into baskets. There are no toys in kids bedrooms, just bed and books. The kids have very very basic toys. Again less stuff, less mess and more play.

I know - I can't get on with the flylady emails. I found it too much to go through all the clutter I ended up ignoring them all.

Really liking this home routines - just setting it all up now :-)

Poppyboo - thanks for that. I am decluttering and I am getting there but slowly! I have been selling lots so it does take longer. I know it would be a lot quicker to just charity shop it all and I will do if we still have too much when we get the new house but for now I am using the money to save for the new furniture etc of the new house.
My clutter weakness is toys - I chuck out lots but also still continue to allow it into the house!

www.amazon.co.uk/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507975

www.amazon.com/The-Less-Minimalist-Living-Guide/dp/0984087311

Lilly if you ever need support in decluttering message me, honestly I've gone pretty extreme but it has massively helped me, my home used to be a different place. That's why I had to reply to you because it has been life changing for me.

Lilly so you know in your heart your clutter weakness is toys, so I'd start from there. Identify any broken ones and get rid of them. Then get all the toys in a pile and see what gets played with. You might need to halve that amount and then do the same again. Talk to the kids about it, say we're living in chaos, we need to do something as a team. Ask them what they don't play with. They might surprise you.

I have got rid of loads of toys, they have about a quater of what they used to have. But they get loads of new crap all the time - mostly because their Dad is useless and so is his side of the family so they get bought stuff because it's easier than giving them attention

The trouble is, they don't have any that are broken/not played with etc. It's all lovely stuff that they play with often, which is why I struggle to get rid. I am doing an NCT sale after the holidays which is when I plan to have a final clear out for sale before I end up just charity shopping it all.

I think it all needs re organising since we got rid of loads as well but I just don't seem to get the time/energy.

I think with the summer holidays I will achieve more in the way of sorting cupboards out as the kids are happy for me to do that while they play in their rooms. They arn't very good at playing in a different room to me unless there is another adult with them. Currently got DD2 moaning at me constantly while I type this so I am going to head off to pick DD1 up from nursery, drop them off at my parents and go to my 12 week scan - very nervous but excited too

OP I will try and get some piccys to you of my Expedit in action. I will have to tidy up first

I probably said this before but I bought mine off eBay for £25 each (8 hole version)

Thanks for all the help. Feeling much more positive this week and house is not looking too bad. Have had day 1 of using the home routines app and I am loving it. All my jobs are done for today except those "before bed" jobs. I used the built in 15min timer for a quick clear up when the kids went to bed. Which, as I had been doing bits as I went along today, managed to get all of downstairs tidy and the kitchen clean - just in those 15 mins! And then I hoovered in the adverts of Emmerdale. I really hope it sticks. It's made a massive difference to my day today!