What's the protocol on 'disappearing' some of the dcs' stuff?

[phdlife]

Both my dc's (nearly 3 and nearly 5) have inherited packrat tendencies from their father. They will never, ever, consent to getting rid of anything - not that bit broken off the plastic tractor that's been missing for two years, not a single drawing, not the snipped-up pieces of paper or yarn, not that baby board book that's been chewed up and ripped in half and can't be fixed.

If my dc's catch sight of something going out - say, baby bottles, or a rattle, or even size 1 clothing - they dig them out again for a play (cue tantrum as nearly 3 can't get the size 1 shirt over her head, or does get it over, but can't get arms in). Cue more tantrums when I find the size 1 shirt in my washing basket again, after it has been kicked from one end of the house to the other and back.

I'm not talking about beloved teddies or lego or the elaborate artworks, obviously.

But that giant basket of soft toys they periodically strew through the playroom to discover just how boring they are? A third of the 1001 renditions of 'humpy-dumpy' in orange crayon? Ds's vacuum cleaner, that's missing all its parts which have broken off (ie can't be put back on) and doesn't work, even with new batteries? That scrunched up sticker book with no stickers cos they're all on dd's door? How do I get rid of that crap? I mean, treasure?

Gather it all while they're asleep. Black bin bag. Hide it somewhere they can't find it. If they haven't specifically asked for anything by name within a month-bin it all.

Or play stupid-that broken bit of plastic tractor; I can't imagine where it's gone:)

Start by bagging up the worst items and putting them away for a while. Then dig out some of the forgotten gems that you found at the bottom of the toy cupboard/box and show them to the dc. A week or so later dump the bagged items in the bin or at the local charity shop and reintroduce more old toys to the dc.
As I keep reminding my dc of old toys they don't suspect for a minute that I am binning others

I need to know the answer to this. We're moving house next weekend and I, being the kind mother I am, thought I would give ds3 a chance to get rid of some of his own stuff (so when I dump 3x more he might not notice). Totally pointless. Everything was his 'favourite' - even a WWE wrestling ring of ds2 that ds3 has never even played with or understands what it's for. All the McDonalds scratty toys, a squashy fake Haloween arm and a broken light up stick thing from a 4 year ago Haven holiday, all favourites that can't possibly go to the dump.

What to do?!

Get a bigger house....?

All of the above. Especially dump the crap art, and, having done so, get them a frame for their favourite piece of art and stick it up somewhere?

Also good for toys: hand them a plastic bag and give them a story about children who are so poor and deprived that they don't even have one doll or tractor or teddy bear or...something. Then ask them to give those children...ooh, five things from each of them? Dump the rubbish, take the rest to the charity shop, and you've at least got them started on giving stuff away.

Then, if it works, ask again every couple of weeks to give three/five/ten toys to the poor children/sick children/sad children/whoever, till toys reach manageable levels.

And throw out the broken bits when they aren't looking. By the time it leaves your house, you really don't know where it is, after all...

Good advice - now I need to act on it

I bagged up a load of the 3yr olds at the weekend. When he saw some of it for the first time since we moved (10 months!) he had a play but I distracted him with the "big boy toys" he got for Christmas.

6yr old was told he had no space for new toys (it's nearly his Birthday) so he suggested we threw away the broken pirate ship and he gave his brother Tracey Island. He then tidied everything and showed me lots of empty space for potential new toys.

Various bagged up stuff (I swiped a few bits as 6yr old was tidying) has been hidden in case they mentioned anything but the only thing was a game I'd moved out of 6yr olds room to go in the new game cupboard.

Do it by

what viewofthehills said - bag it up and get it out of sight when they are asleep or elsewhere, and if they haven't asked for it in a few weeks, out it goes.

We are drowning entirely in rubbish toys, artwork, etc - but not as much as we would be if some stuff didn't mysteriously disappear every week just as I am putting the rubbish out.

I desperately need to get rid of some too-good-to-throw away stuff though, in some direction or other, which is harder as it involves finding all the bits of any given toy at the same time .

yeah, sneaky, sneaky stealth....

sneak odd bits and pieces out every week into a big black bag in the garage..then let it fester for a month to give them the opportunity to ask "what happenned to my precious dolly that you had assumed was junk ?" and you can happen to find it!

Top Tip....take them to a charity shop a LONG WAY from home

When the DC were little, DBro and SIL gave us loads of toys that their DC had outgrown. At the time I thought it was very generous of them. Now, knee deep in tat, I understand ...

DO IT NOW !!! it will only get worse. My 14yr DS went on holiday with the school last year and while he was away I cleared 6 bin bags of rubbish from his room, 54 dirty socks, 4 swimming snorkels?.......... it went on and on - I am not joking with the stuff I removed you could write your own version of the twelve days of christmas.

Pammie:

In the twelfth hour of Clearup my DS gave to me:

12 dishes moulding
11 action figures
10 forms for filing
9 pizza boxes
8 empty bottles
7 Nerf guns blasting
6 bin bags bulging...

FIVE BROKEN SPRINGS!

4 snorkels and
3 pairs of shoes
2 tinsel bits
and a broken set of Monopoly...

I'm an awful mother, mine just gets bombed, unless they see. And I keep impressive works of art (but usuallydforget to date them :() but bog standard drawing go in the bin when they go to bed

Binned not bombed
And by that I mean charity shop/bin

We used to suffer the gifting of family toys suena. It came via MIL and it now gets politely refused. When she insists we stop being polite

It's a form of assault really, the infliction of clutter upon the unwary. They groom you with smiles and generosity then slowly destroy your house and your sanity

Agree with the others, just bag it up when they're not looking and hide the bags. Leave them for a week or two, and if they haven't asked for anything in the bags get rid. Sorted.

I wouldn't do this to older kids but younger ones forget very quickly what they own!

Older kids are easier though as their stuff gets smaller. Aside from Action Man's boat, pretty much everything the 6yr old owns fits in the craft drawers I bought from Hobbycraft. One drawer per Lego model and they're not huge so we'll buy another drawer stack when he needs one.

I have filled four sacks from the 3yr olds room as each thing was huge (eg. giant bus with four buttons took up a third of a sack).

I know its easier to lose/bin things when they're sleeping and play dumb, but is it not better for the DC to force them to give stuff away? I'd fear some of these 'hoarders' will end up being on one of those tv hoarding shows one day!

I've never tried to give away anything DC absolutely love, but I do involve them in taking things to the charity shop. As we walk down there, we talk about making space for new things/giving away things we don't need/giving to people who have less than us/not needing X as it is for 'little babies'. DC quite like personally being the ones to hand over the carrier bags to the charity shop staff, so hopefully standing them in good stead for the future?

[Disclaimer - I'm really not being smug - my DC are still pretty small, so I'm aware it may well change as they get older. :)]

Having seen his reaction to a "book swap" for book day one year, I fear DS is a lost cause already - he was spitting - the note said something about "books you don't want any more" - he was and at very concept of giving away a book merely because you had read it already or grown out of it. I did manage to find some duplicates, which he did agree to.

Fortunately DD is a bit more ruthless, since we no longer have any duplicates as I have got sneakier faster at disappearing duplicate books / toys as soon they are received so that I can "re-gift" them.

Broken stuff bin;
good stuff black bag, keep a while in garage before donating to charity.

I've currently got a bagful of the old bath toys in this state -DD doesn't seem to have noticed their absence yet.

With books, DD didn't want to relinquish any till recently (big clear out before her 13th birthday - deal was she could have sleepover if there was actually room for her friends). She divided them into 3 piles: keep, boxes in garage (ones she loves and may want for her own DC), charity. I never quite forgave my mum for disposing of my Beatrix potters and other loved books without even asking me.

Yes, there is that refrain from DS2 since he could speak 'I want to keep it for my children...'

Must admit, I have myself snuck away some toys & books over the years for the future grandchildren

Ithink you need to explain that we only need so much stuff and that in order to make room for new stuff old things have to go.

If you make the rules now it should be easier going forward. Removing by stealth just put off the problem for the future. (Packrat husband)

Charity shop donations and the message that gives is a lovely idea.
Giving to friends, my dd loves this.

The world is drowning in stuff! Mrs guy my dh kept lego and maccano- love him for that!! The rest of his crap binned.

Yes, leeloo obviously it's much better if the kids are in on the decluttering.
BUT they vary as much as adults in their ability to do so!
DD1 is very tidy by nature, but she keeps every thing. She recently moved rooms and there were 50 extra lovely, too nice to throw away bags from shops, 7 yrs worth of other stuff etc. She rarely loses or breaks anything.

So at least enjoy being in control while they're little. Pleas to give stuff away to the poor/sad children didn't work on dd1 .She would give them all her pocket money, but no more than one little bit of plastic tat!