PLEASE HELP! WE ARE THE SMELLY FAMILY! WHAT CAN I DO??

[debka]

My mum just said that my house, me, DH and DDs have a distinctive and not-entirely-pleasant smell. DD1 is 3 and my mum is worried that she will be The Smelly Girl in school :(

I am horrified at this. I had no idea.

DDs are small and I am a SAHM. I probably don't clean enough- probably a good going over once every 3 weeks a fortnight. Clothes all washed frequently. Girls bathed daily, I shower every other day.

DH, however, is another matter. He has a wash and cleans his teeth every day, but only showers about once a month, if that. Underwear changed daily, t-shirt probably twice a week. I don't notice him smelling, but apparently he does :( I will talk to him about it but I doubt he will do anything. If I get the house and linen etc in tip top sparkly condition will he infect it all with smelliness? :(

Please, any ideas, advice, encouragement very welcome.

Would DH prefer a nice hot bath rather than a shower if the bathroom is too cold for him? Our bathroom always seems cold but I love a hot bath every night - showers are just for when I'm in hurry.

I think you're very brave to ask MN for advice and I think Mumsnetters have surpassed themselves at giving it without too much hoiking of judgy pants.

Good luck Debka - and your DC's are gorgeous

As someone with depression, I can understand not caring for one's own personal hygiene. The more down I am, the more I struggle with this, but the flip side of it is that I know I feel worse if my hair isn't clean and I haven't showered, so even at my worst, I don't shower less than every other day.

Debka - is your dh having any treatment for his depression? If he isn't, I would honestly suggest that he does seek some help - anti depressants have really helped me to cope with life. If he is, maybe he needs to go back and get his treatment reviewed and changed, because it does sound like he has some complex issues going on.

I hope that you and he can sort this out - it is absolutely shit living with depression, as I know, and I also appreciate how difficult it is for the people who have to live with me and put up with me.

Having a shower every day, a routine which makes him feel fresh and invigorated, is going to help his mental state massively.

That's what you need to work towards.

What smells does he like? - incense, candles, shower gel with his favourite kind of smell (sandalwood/fruity/whatever)

Warm bathroom. I think it probably is already! - doesn't sound like the cold is really a problem!

Fresh fluffy towels.

Make it a routine. Think about what your breakfast routine is now and change it so that 'shower and dressed' are two words that just fit together.

Hmm that might be a better idea to start - bathtime 'time out' relaxation for DH every (other, to start) evening?

• Warm bathroom

• Hot bath

• Book/magazine

• Radio

??

• Glass of wine/beer?

Oh and from what you have said, it is likely that a huge amount of the smell just is your DH, and you are too used to it to notice him as the source, iyswim. He must absolutely stink, and so will the sofas, the towels, his clothes, your bedsheets - it will permeate everything over time.

One tip might be to wash the sofa covers?

for carpets, rugs, softy furnishings you could sprinkle them liberally with bread soda last thing at night, and hoover off in the morning. Like shake'n'vac but neutral rather than scented.
The house bit is easy once you've identified the trouble spots.

But your DH is another matter. things may be coming to a head there, but it's for the best to face up to his issues. They may be easily solved, once he's on board.

Would the idea of your kids being picked on and bullied as the smelly ones at school ( when they get there) hold any sway with your dh? Ie taking responsibility out of love for his kids, even if he isn't feeling much love for himself at the moment?

Glad you got the windows open! I'm away to do mine now!

I would wash your clothes on a hot wash and run the empty machine on a boil wash (chuck some bicarbonate of soda in). This will help clear any musty smell.

Also get your carpets cleaned. You can get whole house deals or do a few rooms. Really makes a difference!

Also turn your duvet down in the morning to let your bed air and open the window at the same time.

i have not had a kitchen bin for years, i use a bag on the draining board and chuck it out when full, this is usually only after one meal so nothing has time to get smelly iyswim? i dont have loo brushes either, i use steam cleaner every couple of days and wipes every day, no smell, no skidders (that would make me furious!) open your bedroom window at night, you are breathing out moisture that will become mouldy spores, make you all ill and smelly - as to your dh, nag him till he gets it, tbh you are doing him a favour, depression can leave a person feeling worthless, being clean and comfy is part of self care and will only raise his self respect.

Yes, that is something I do, beds are made after lunch, and are turned down to air for a couple of hours.

oo yes, never make your bed until at least an hour after you've left it. I get up, shake'n'plump (feathers) and then make it later. Or it's just festering .

I never make mine at all, unless it's sheet changing time. they are very very well aired

Good for you Debka, your DDs will hopefully never have to know what it's like to be picked on for being smelly.

I have a friend who used to really, really smell - I think he washed fairly regularly but just not v well, and it was just the smell of young man-sweat as he wouldn't use deodorant. In the end he was banned from some other friends' houses, as they complained that after he had been over their whole living room reeked for literally days, so a personal bad smell can really permeate a house, and probably your/your DDs' clothes as well. Often it is the soft stuff like bedclothes and sofas and clothes that hold a smell - I knew another girl who washed every other day, but would wear the same clothes for ages, and the cumulative sweat smelt awful.

I think you should start showering every day, as well, and invest in some really nice products that have a lovely smell. Lush do some good shower gels, there's one called The Olive Branch that has quite a perfumey smell, really warm and pleasant.

OOH the other things that make houses reek are those lean grill things, where the fat runs out and collects in a little disgusting tray thing. They basically act like the gross version of those gel air fresheners, and radiate the smell of fat into the air. So if you have one of those, wash it out after using it, for the love of god.

You need to air your house, open the windows every day, even nif it just for 10 minutes.

And your DH needs to wash himself, after a month he must smell very bad.

My house sometimes smells doggy and now and again I catch a whiff of the bin if it needs emptying and in our house we shower every day, wear deodorant and clean clothes etc. I think in your case this is where the problem lies. You need to sort your dp out pronto as showering once a month is not normal. I'm surprised your sex life isn't suffering

We open windows, febreeze soft furnishings, use plug ins and make sure our bed clothes are changed regularly.

If you do this along with regular personal hygiene then things should improve

Surely the fag smell must be contributing a bit Debka?

There is no way I could even sleep in the same bed as someone who only showered once a month let alone do anything else with them . A wash of his head/hair would not suffice imo, I'm cringing just thinking about it.

You don't need to have the windows open for ages and ages. The most efficient way to air your house is to open everything for 10-15 mins to exchange all the air once or twice a day. If you leave windows open, the exterior walls will start to cool down and it will become more expensive to heat the house.

Aww, maybe your mum is worried about you and your kids. It could have taken her a while to pluck up the courage to tell you. Its not a nice thing to be told. I was the smelly kid at school. I was a bedwetter and I lived in a pub that served food. My mum wasn't a natural housekeeper so I stank of fags, booze, grease and wee. From the age of 10 I became extremely embarrassed and started doing my own laundry and bathing/showering most days. Your house will smell bad if your dh doesn't shower more often. He has to do his bit.

HE'S IN THE SHOWER!!!!!!!! [SHOCK] [SHOCK] [SHOCK]

Bugger.