How do you get zombie flesh out of carpets?

[EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls]

It's a long story but Sephrenia and I found it necessary to attack MNHQ with a zombie army, and MNHQ have asked me to start a thread for advice on how to get the zombie mess out of their carpets.

Any suggestions?

What about those teams that clean up gruesome murder scenes for the police? At least could we ask one for product suggestions?

DH is favouring spit on a tissue. Have told him this is bollocks, as
-yuk
-we're talking soft furnishings, not a small child in front of its friends
-how much spit do you have?
-my idea was better
There has been much bickering.

I like your idea Arkady and you're right, your DH is completely wrong

eaglewings, if that's what the vodka is for, then I can do that

Spit on a tissue????
Eaglewing, it's useful to know you have prior experience.
GentleOtter, it's a bit more awkward than my living room, it's the whole of MNHQ
I like the crime scene team idea.

Each room in my house other than the bathrooms seem to be infested, something to do with plants and zombies, becoming an expert

Good vodka should be used sparingly, therein lies my downfall

Corn on the cob seems a good defence, but once they have made it inside it's another mater

Corn on the cob? Do you throw it at them?

Flamethrowers work well. Once you've used a flamethrower you will definitely not be complaining about zombie flesh on your carpets any more.

I think MNHQ might be a bit uncomfortable with us using a flamethrower.

Look, they asked you to find out how to get rid of the left-over bits of zombie. If tgey were going to add in all sorts of silly restrictions about not using flamethrowers, they should have made that clear from the outset.

True...

I know it would work, TinyHerd. I'm just a bit worried that if we burn down MNHQ there might be no more Mumsnet. I think we go with the hazmat suits and a mix of everyone's suggestions (except Arkady's DH's spit) but save the piranhas and flamethrowers as our backup plan.

I've always wanted a hazmat suit.
A friend's flatmate took photos of crime scenes for the police and regularly wore one at work. He promised to get me one. Unfortunately he thought I was joking and so never did. :(

A labrador?

Or take out the carpet and burn.
Stripped floors are so much better anyway.

Ok. What exactly would you do with the labrador?

Problem is it's not just the carpets. The stuff got everywhere.

Oh sorry.
see all these suggestions have been taken.

Take it for a walkie with lots of poo bags, what esle?
what do you mean everywhere?
who looks behind the fridge and under the sofa anyway?

Now white wine is normally advised. However, may I suggest red wine - spread liberally around to disguise blood stains.

And gin - mother's little helper - to blot out the images.

Oh sorry, you're not suggesting the labrador as a cleaning method.

Well, the walls were in a bit of a state, and some of it got on the desks and computers. Although I think the ceilings are ok.

I am.
The poo bags will be required later.

Labradors eat zombie flesh?

It's scientifically proven that given the chance a labrador will eat anything, anywhere and in any quantities.

Sounds just like dachshunds.

No.
that's sausages.

I can't bellieve I'm posting in Good Housekeeping.
I blame the zombies and the night nurse.

Our labrador ate quite a lot of a rotting fox once, so it doesn't seem unfeasible that he would have eaten rotting zombie flesh.
Mind you he was flatulent at the best of times, and the fox definitely made him worse, so I dread to think what he would have been like after helping with the clean up.