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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

DP isnt very happy, quite frankly neither am I

43 replies

peachybums · 04/01/2011 10:58

Basically we live in a three bed bungalow with 3 DCs and if we decluttered anymore we would have nothing left lol. I clean the living room, kitchen and bathroom daily. Washing gets done daily and ironing and putting away every sunday. Try to get kids to clean their own rooms Hmm. I feel really stressed if the house is untydy.

Im really struggling to keep everything tydy though and this is mainly down to having to run around after my 2 DDs who are 3 and 7mths!! How does everyone cope with a baby and a toddler?? Also over xmas ive had DS whos 8 at home so all hes done is fight with DD1 everytime i leave the room

DP went off on one yesterday because there was a bit of washing up in the kitchen and i hadnt got round to putting laundry away. I get this as he works nights and i stay home to look after house/kids and it should of been done. Hes also not happy the kids making a noise while hes sleeping. I feel like just screaming slapping him and saying i give up!

Any tips would be received thankfully, oh and we have no room for a dishwasher or tumble dryer so theyre not an option! We are also trying to budget so im trying to cook all the time too :(

OP posts:
Metherbumfit · 04/01/2011 11:01

This reply has been deleted

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MmeLindt · 04/01/2011 11:02

Send him around here. I have had a stack of washing waiting to be ironed for at least a week.

He sounds like an arse, tbh. You have a good routine, do everything around the house and all he does is moan.

If it bothers him that much, why does he not help you out?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/01/2011 11:03

Presumably your DP wasn't at work yesterday and could have done the washing himself instead of acting like a stroppy prick and going 'off on one?

As for the kids not making a noise during the day, tell him to buy some earplugs!

btw - you are a SAH MUM, not a bloody slave, do you do everything around the house?

rubyslippers · 04/01/2011 11:03

Er, why couldn't he put the laundry away?!

You both work - he has a paid job though

You older kids can and should help - the 8 year old should eb able to keep his room tidy

Your 3 year old can help tidy toys etc

moondog · 04/01/2011 11:03

Do you need to wash daily for a start?
Most peopel do too much washing.
Wears clothes out faster too.
Why od you put stuff away once a week?
Easiuer to do it straightaway.

For cooking, freezing an equal amount to what you eat is a good idea, as is keeping meals easy in the week. For example, my kids have school lunch so I am not too bothered about them having 'proper' meals at night.

The noise issue is hard. Can you not arrange a daily outing to conicide with at least some of his sleeping? He needs earplugs too.

Sounds like hard wor kfor you all.

aftereight · 04/01/2011 11:09

Just a thought - could you replace your washing machine with a washer-dryer? And lose a kitchen cupboard to fit a dishwasher? Both would make your life a LOT easier

In the meantime, delegate some of the housework to your H.

MmeLindt · 04/01/2011 11:13

Oh, don't get a washer-dryer. My mum has one and it is more than useless. Takes ages to dry clothes.

Original poster
peachybums · 04/01/2011 11:45

Yer we had a washer dryer and it was useless plus the electric bills have slashed since we got rid of it lol. We cannot remove kitchen cupboards as our house belongs to FIL and hes a bit funny about it saying we dont need a dishwasher Angry

Suggesting earplugs to DP will go down like a lead balloon i can see it coming haha. As for him helping he does now and again if he hasnt been working long shifts, if i complain his fave saying is 'other women manage it' and thats all i get out of him Hmm

I wash everyday as DD2 is weaning at the moment and DS plays footie everyday so hes always muddy! Plus DD2 is in cloth nappies, yer its extra washing but saves us a fortune! Plus its better for her too, i hate disposables. DS is good at tydying his room but DD1 needs a kick up the backside i think as well as dp

I should really let you lot sort DP out as you lot seem a bit more strict than me haha!

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 04/01/2011 11:57

Could you fit a dishwasher in, if you could talk your FIL around?

It is ridiculous that you are going without a time-saving device because your FIL does not believe in them. It is not about being lazy, it is not much less work, but your dirty dishes are out of sight until the machine goes on. It makes a huge difference to the amount of time you have then available for other tasks.

What time does your DP go to sleep? How long does he have between going to sleep and the DC waking? tbh, he is just going to have to lump it until they are older.

Other than that, if he says, "other women manage it" tell him that other women have helpful husbands, not lazy grumpy twats. It is hard work with two little ones. Try leaving him for a day with them and see how much housework he gets done.

purplepidjbauble · 04/01/2011 11:59

I don't see that a 3 year old is capable of keeping their bedroom tidy without help?

Kids make noise, if he doesn't want to hear his own children's noise then he can jog on - or he shouldn't have chosen to have children.

A bit of washing up is no big deal, it's not unhygienic to leave it for a few hours while you settle the kids.

I agree with the slapping him screaming at him suggestion Wink

DeckTheHallWithBowlsOfPomBears · 04/01/2011 12:05

"How does everyone cope with a baby and a toddler?"

Probably by not worrying too much about tidiness. You said you feel stressed when the house is untidy, but it's impossible to be honest, so you might as well let the tidying go a bit.

moondog's suggestions are very good.

moondog · 04/01/2011 12:07

He sonuds like a complete cock if he won't contemplate earplugs.#i use them quite happily if I fancy an early night and someone is doing something that makes noise.

Tortington · 04/01/2011 12:11

i had a 3 year old and newborn twins when DH was working nights as a security guard.

it was hard work keeping quiet, but i found that with the topsy turvy nature of the nightshift thing, he really took the piss.

so, he would work a 12 hour nightshift, get home at 7 am ish, and then sleep most of the day. getting up to go to work.

it took me ages to realise that actually 6 or 7 hours sleep is what most people do, then they help round the house.

anyway my advice is to tell him to fuck off and die.

if he asks why the washing up isn't done - tell him its becuase he hasn't done it

most other women manage it - either becuase they have cleaners, dont have spotless houes and/ or have partners t help.

dont give in to this I AM MAKE BREADWINNER WHAT I SAY GOES bullshit motherfucking crap.

tell him to eat his own ballsack.

catinthehat2 · 04/01/2011 12:25

Try not to beat about the bush Custardo, always best to say what you really think you know.

Grin
EdgarAleNPie · 04/01/2011 12:28

don't pussyfoot about custy, no need to mince your words like that!

EdgarAleNPie · 04/01/2011 12:29

effing x-post

MrsKitty · 04/01/2011 12:29
Grin

"Eat your own ballsack" - Love it! Grin

usualsuspect · 04/01/2011 12:33

I really don't understand why you don't tell him to wash the pots himself ...I would tell my dp to fuck off if he moaned about a few pots in the kitchen

ChippingIn · 04/01/2011 12:33

Custardo - do say what you mean!

Really - what Custy said.

Guacamole · 04/01/2011 13:13

Flippin' eck Custardo...
What Custardo said but in a less scary way!

Original poster
peachybums · 04/01/2011 15:58

Haha custardo i might try telling him to 'eat his own ballsack' next time!

Yer ive noticed he takes the piss a bit with this 'i work nights' thing. When he gets to bed at 6am he sleeps until about 1pm but when hes in bed for about 2am he still sleeps in until 1pm Confused. I however am in bed for 10.30-11pm and am up at 6.30am everyday so i think i do longer hours haha.

I did ask FIL if we could put a dishwasher in again this afternoon, he said

'whats the point? its like taking a quid and chucking it down the road!, do it yourself! If you really want a dish washer sort it out then but im not paying for no plumber' Think its him being tight to be honest! Like father like son lol

Sorted il do it myself then :D

OP posts:
makemineamojito · 04/01/2011 16:47

Oh my God, you really need your FIL and DP to understand how much you do and how much time it takes you. Definitely delegate some jobs to your DP; DPs who work during daylight hours help out around the house, after all (at least mine does). You have three children to look after and a house to keep too - you can't do all that by yourself (but do lower your standards a little - a bit of mess won't hurt anyone, and whoever complains can tidy it up themselves!)

MmeLindt · 04/01/2011 19:36

So he is getting a minimum of 7 hours sleep, sometimes up to 11 hours sleep? And moaning at the DC to be quieter.

He is taking the piss and you should do as Custy advised.

northerngirl41 · 04/01/2011 20:41

"other women manage it" - yes they probably did in the dark ages before labour saving devices were invented and there was no option but to have dripping washing everywhere and let the kids out from dawn till dusk to run riot in the streets and walk themselves to school and all eat the same thing or starve...

I just can't see that happening in real life nowadays though. Little Jimmy would get run over on the way to school and your neighbours would return the younger ones to you at precisely 9:10am because "I found them wandering". And our houses are smaller, with much more extraneous stuff than in the good old days, so there's no way you can clean once a week or hoist a pulley of drying washing out the way.

Original poster
peachybums · 06/01/2011 13:33

Thanks everyone we had a talk and he said he was mainly joking when he said other women manage and he did realise how much i was stressing trying to do everything.

Yesterday he got up and did everything i do and i stayed in bed :). He said he realsied just how much i did and hed try to help out more. He said he particularly found it hard to cook tea while DD2 was crawling everywhere, DS was winding DD2 up and i wasnt there!! He promised hed watch the kids while i made tea in the evenings before he started work, he also said hed help a lot more at the weekends with washing and tydying etc.

See how long the help lasts ;)

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