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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

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Original poster

DP isnt very happy, quite frankly neither am I

43 replies

peachybums · 04/01/2011 10:58

Basically we live in a three bed bungalow with 3 DCs and if we decluttered anymore we would have nothing left lol. I clean the living room, kitchen and bathroom daily. Washing gets done daily and ironing and putting away every sunday. Try to get kids to clean their own rooms . I feel really stressed if the house is untydy.

Im really struggling to keep everything tydy though and this is mainly down to having to run around after my 2 DDs who are 3 and 7mths!! How does everyone cope with a baby and a toddler?? Also over xmas ive had DS whos 8 at home so all hes done is fight with DD1 everytime i leave the room

DP went off on one yesterday because there was a bit of washing up in the kitchen and i hadnt got round to putting laundry away. I get this as he works nights and i stay home to look after house/kids and it should of been done. Hes also not happy the kids making a noise while hes sleeping. I feel like just screaming slapping him and saying i give up!

Any tips would be received thankfully, oh and we have no room for a dishwasher or tumble dryer so theyre not an option! We are also trying to budget so im trying to cook all the time too :(

OP posts:

mrsshackleton · 06/01/2011 14:12

yay, that sounds positive so just hold him to it. Well done for talkign to him. Get that dishwasher put in now

alemci · 06/01/2011 14:36

the nights thing is so difficult. I had that when my children were younger and my husband used to do 2 days 2 nights shift. He was tired but made such a fuss about doing stuff. it is a man thing as my friend worked nights as a midwife and still got up to see to the kids and put washing on.

I used to go out so he could sleep with my 3 and weekends were worse as kids were not at school etc and i could not get in the bedroom to clear up or do anything.

if you can try to get a dishwasher. it is marvellous (i had a slim one) which did help. your dp should not complain about stuff as it is really hard for you. my house is still messy with 3 teenagers.

jamieoliverfan · 06/01/2011 16:22

Do you really have no room for a dishwasher (often you can get second hand ones which are cheap and perfectly fine). Plugging it in is usually quite do-able even if you have to put a few pipes in. In our house I do all the plumbing (put new oil boiler before rules changed), installed power shower, outside taps, new pipes for dishwasher, etc. just with the help of a good DIY book and renting tools at hire place where professionals go (I have no plumbing qualifications whatsoever, but really most things are not as difficult as people think).Quite happy to explain how to do it if you are interested.

DreamTeamGirl · 07/01/2011 00:01

Oh well done on talking to him about about it- and hopefully getting him understanding it all a bit more

Dishwasher will help honestly, so great that FIL has consented to it
Good couple of days work for you I reckon!!

HaveAHappyNewJung · 07/01/2011 00:12

Hang on, did a man just admit he was wrong?!?

rivi · 07/01/2011 19:25

See I have come in rather late but just wanted to say you both have it hard and sometimes we cope better than other times but it is really difficult. working nights really does take it out of you more than regular daytime working while trying to do housework but not make noise and also manage little ones is difficult. Can you not both try to acknowledge that life is as it is at the moment and cope with how it is best for you both? remember that when we are tired we are at our worst for being reasonable. Best of luck.

Doramustdie · 07/01/2011 19:37

My BIL worked nights for ten years ( no idea how he did but he did!). he'd get home in the morning in time for breakfast, help out SIL with before school admin, take DN to school, then go home to sleep. He would get up in time for school pick up, collect DN then go home and sort out tea etc and do chores. sIL got home at 5pm cleared up tea stuff did bed and bath time, and BIL went off to work. she then finished whatever he'd started before going to bed herself, I.e ironing etc. They ran like clockwork!

cruelladepoppins · 07/01/2011 19:37

Re the earplugs - could you maybe ask him to try them for a couple of days "to see if they make a difference"? I often find an idea is more readily accepted if it's on a trial basis.

Appreciate you can't do that with a dishwasher mind you!

Can't believe the cheek of men who work a measly 40-hour week and expect their DPs to do everything with house and children. Have you counted up the hours you work? Might help you stand your ground and bring in some changes.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 02:33

sorry but if suggesting a logical solution to your DP for blocking out sound goes down like a tonne of bricks then his attitude is your problem. if he doesn't say "good idea love" then he isn't actually bothered about sound while he is sleeping, he is just using the kids as an excuse to get at you.

he sounds like a shit partner.

nooka · 08/01/2011 03:11

My sister had a counter top dishwasher for a long time, and although I know many people don't think much of them she said it was great. I think she pretty much had to run it after every meal though.

DozyDoll · 08/01/2011 03:28

Glad to hear DP has seen error of his ways. It's tough going but fail to see the need for a dish washer TBH. Dryer - yes couldn't survive without one, I'm afraid. Hope the help continues - love a happy ending!

Original poster

peachybums · 08/01/2011 14:57

Well hes been doing a little more, he wasnt working last night so he got up this morning and tydied up the living room and hallway. When DD2 woke up he changed her and dressed her for me. So he is doing little bits.

I dont want him to do it all but the little bits he is doing now is def helping. I think it was just a case of me keeping quiet and not telling him how knackered rushed off my feet i was.

He read this post too and said some of you women sound scary so i told him id be same if he didnt carry on helping

OP posts:

MrsFlittersnoop · 08/01/2011 15:03

Hey - result!

If there is any backsliding though - just point out to your (completely reformed I'm sure ) DH that he wouldn't appreciate you turning up at his workplace, mooching around the office, going through his paperwork, commenting on the "pending" pile and criticising how HE does his job.

IAmReallyFabNow · 08/01/2011 15:03

He is not helping! You are not helping him when you run the house and sort the kids.

violetbouncer · 08/01/2011 15:10

DP has been doing a job which involves night shifts for the last couple of months, and we have a 3.5 yo and a 3 mo. I just bought him earplugs and told him to wear them because I'm not vacating the house for 8 hours a day when it's -15 outside. If noise is disturbing him then he can't be that tired anyway so he needs to get off his arse and help you.

DP gets in at 7am having left the house at 9. He helps with the DC while I shower then goes to bed at half 8. He's up at 4 to give me a hand with dinner and bedtime then gets an hour or so to himself before he leaves. It's not that bloody onerous.

violetbouncer · 08/01/2011 15:13

Also, he says he's LESS tired when he's on nights because he gets uninterrupted sleep and doesn't have to share the bed!

hobbgoblin · 08/01/2011 15:13

You've bigger problems than the tidyness. Your DH is an arse. What's with the workign to rule? Would it have killed him to give you a hand? Christ what a miserable set up. Sorry for you.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 17:50

"When DD2 woke up he changed her and dressed her for me. So he is doing little bits."

erm, no, he didn't dress her for you. he dressed her because she needed dressed and he is her parent. i hope he isn't coming to you and showing you every little thing he does expecting a pat on teh back, and i hope you aren' offering it. he should be tifying round the house as a matter of course. he lives there too, he helps create the mess, dust, dishes, washing. all that isn't up to you just because you are mum or female.

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