Talk to me about flexi-schooling...

[Gracie123]

I think this is the right term to use.

I feel very strongly that I don't want DS to start school full time (particularly as the school D?H works in is 8.30am - 5.30pm and half day saturdays) as I think this is too much.

To be honest I would prefer to homeschool full time, and as a SAHM we wouldn't lose any income.

DH however thinks it's vital that DS goes to school to 'socialise' and 'learn team sports' and ignores all arguments that he could go to out of school clubs for these things. Although he does agree that for at least the first few years DS would be bored through a lot of school as he already reads competently, does basic math, understands different shapes etc...

TBH he can throw and catch a ball more accurately than most of the year 3/4 cricket group DH teaches!!!

I think a good compromise would be part time school, part time HE. I have a friend who is a supply teacher who mentioned that the school are legally obliged to consider my request for part time schooling - although that doesn't mean they have to say yes!!!

Does anyone else do this/know my rights regarding this?
Do you think it's a sensible option?
How do you get on with it?

I tried it with grandson when he was just starting school. It was actually at the school's suggestion when I told them I was taking him out of the school.
It didn't work out for us personally, but I think I've read somewhere that it has been a good solution for others.
I expect someone will be along to offer more advice.

IME of talking to other flexi-schooling parents, I think it can be the worst of both worlds!

You have no rights - you have to rely on the head of the school and the teacher in your DS's class being amenable to it, but I think it can be a bit of a pain for teachers, so be prepared for the teacher not to like it.

I personally don't think it's a sensible option, but then I, personally, can't find any reason at all that school would be a good idea for my own children who have loads and loads and loads of friends - schooled as well as home educated. They play rounders in the summer, and football and other team games at home ed meetings.

Can you ask your DH to be more specific about his concerns? Or to at least make more effort to really learn about the issue, rather than just say 'I don't believe you' as it sounds like he's doing!?

This is what happened with us, MrsWobble. The Head was all for it, but I don't think the class teacher was so keen.
And, apart from that, it was confusing for grandson and he would get distressed on the 'school' days.

It depends on the Head-but I think it makes funding difficult.
I think that it gives the worst of both worlds to the DC. School is about so much more than lessons and the rest don't go into a cupboard while he isn't there-they move on and do things, have friendships without him.
From the teacher's point of view it is a nuisance. It ties them into a straight-jacket of a timetable so that the parent can be flexible! e.g. days and times will be agreed and the assumption will be that he is coming on Tues morning for Maths but the DCs may have got really engrossed in history project the day before and the teacher wants to use the enthusiasm and carry on first thing the next morning. She is then stuck because Johnny thinks he is doing maths and he he hasn't started the topic and he isn't part of a group. Johnny himself will hear about all sorts of exciting things that are going to happen and then realise it is not 'his afternoon'.
I would go all out for one or the other. Let him be either full time, and getting the most out of school or full time HE and getting the most out of that. Not the poor DC who sits on the fence with a foot both sides.

I hear what you are saying Pisces, and I guess it depends a lot on how co-operative the school are then. I know at DH's school they do have a set timetable because they have different teachers for different subjects and that's how the timetabling works, but maybe a state school is different?

It's just so hard!! I really don't want to send DS to school 44 hours a week at 4 years old(!) but I really can't seem to get DH on board with this.

I guess I was sort of hoping that if we were able to flexi school for a few years we could re-evaluate how he was feeling about both and pull him into full time one or the other a bit later.

A set timetable at 4 yrs old?! Why not either start school later and keep him at home until 6/7 or send him to a more relaxed school for the first few years and change?
I think that you and your DH have a problem with completely different ideas on education-maybe you need to sort that out first?

remember that a child does not have to be in full time education until the
term after they turn five. So even if you did start "full time" school in
reception, your child could go as often or as little as it suited
you/them. And yes, it might irritate the school, but it can be quite
common for children to take a good while before going full time is a
positive experience.

Me, I'm evangelical about the benefits of HE for my own family. I'd be
inclined to be getting to know local HEers, getting involved in tiny tots
team sports clubs locally, making sure you have some good friends who like
to socialise at weekends (and then their children starting school wouldn't
interrupt the flow - three of our favourite families are like that). And
then when your Dh waxes lyrical about school, you can say "what, and lose
all this"??

piscesmoon, flexi-schooling doesn't make funding difficult - the school receives full funding for the child and marks any 'home ed' time as 'educated off-site' (so still has full attendance).

Having done it for 2 years with DS1, I wouldn't really recommend flexi-schooling. (Although it wasn't a great school TBH.) Reception worked OK but the year 1 teacher and the new Head were not supportive so we pulled him out at the end of year 1. DS2 and DD have never been to school.

Reception in state schools have to be more flexible now, I think. Education also doesn't have to start till the term following child's 5th birthday.

OP, can't you ask him to give you a year's grace? Try it for a year and then say 'look how much he's learnt, how fun he finds it, how many friends he has, how much sport he's played' etc. and reassess when he's 5?

I did say 'I think' on the funding-I really have no idea.
That isn't why I'm against it. I think it bad for the DC-they are an oddity to both sides.
I would be inclined to start at home and reassess later. I wouldn't want to have a 4 yr old in a school with a timetable anyway, which is why I think that you need some agreement with DH-you seem to have a vastly different agenda.

I will definitely be asking for a years grace!! I just thought flexi schooling might work out a good compromise that gets me a few years grace IYSWIM.

I think DH is embarrassed that we won't be sending him to school he works in (despite being offered a 90% discount) as it looks like he doesn't think he/colleagues are doing a good enough job!!

Also, I think that he thinks I want to HE because after DS was born I had an anxiety disorder and found it very difficult to let other people hold him etc... and I am still a bit funny about who is allowed to babysit (DS is only 2.5). I think he sees this as an extension of my fear of letting someone else take care of him.

I don't think so, I genuinely think the one-to-one attention at home cannot possibly be replicated by any school (even if there are only 5 kids in a class) and that DS would learn more and enjoy learning more at home, with his siblings (one with more to come ) and choosing what sports/extra curricular activities we get involved in.

Sent him to your nearest state primary school. The early years curriculum puts huge emphasis on play, and the school day is 9 to 3.15.

No 4 year old should be made to fit into 44 hour week set timetable! Barbaric in my opinion.

He would be perfectly happy at the state primary and his timetable would be play, play and play. As a 4 yr old he would most likely only do half days to start with anyway. You could also volunteer to go in and help in the classroom.

my friend is inadvertently flexi-schooling - her son has a late August birthday and wasn't enjoying reception, so he still only goes for half days. I think the school are a bit mean putting pressure on him to attend all day, as legally he doesn't need to be there at all until september! she's thinking about taking him out and HEing. maybe I should send her to this board

I don't think you'll be able to prove anything by flexi-schooling. If he does well your naysayers will say it's because he's half in school and how much better he'd do if he was in school the whole time. If he does poorly it'll be because he's half at home and how can you keep him at home knowing he'd be better off in school!

You'd be far better off getting your DH to read lots and lots of books about HE, and saying that you want to HE until it stops working, and then send him to school at that point.

I never understand this 'I need my DH's permission to HE' malarky. Why isn't it the other way round ever? How come he doesn't have to get your permission to send him to school? What happens if you both dig your heels in and say 'no' to the other one's preferred choice? I think if you can show him you're being open minded about school, and ask him if he can give you some really, genuinely good arguments why school would be better than HE for your DCs, then he should afford you the same respect and you can discuss it in a more open minded, and less defensive way.

It's a bit pathetic if he's taking it personally - teachers are trained to impart information to a large group of children. You don't need training to impart information to one, or a few children, at that child's pace. I don't know why that is embarrassing to him - you're not suggesting you could go in and teach a whole class full of children.

I don't think he is taking it personally at all, but wonders what message it sends to the parents who pay a lot of money to send their children to that school when the staff choose not to send their kids there.

He doesn't feel like it's a slight on his teaching, he just feels it's bad PR. I don't think that's really our problem, but he seems to think it should be. If we don't represent the school in a positive light he is hardly going to be promoted etc...

I think he is over thinking it to be honest. I'm not convinced the head master would really care that much.

It's also not really a case of 'I need my partners permission to HE' as it is that as parents, we make parenting decisions together. We talked through how to discipline him, what type of diapers we would use, when to wean him, and it's pretty normal to discuss his education.

DH is not able to put his foot down any more than I am, so yes, we are at a stand off. He's only 2, so we have a while to agree, but that's why I feel the need to start discussing it now. I don't want one of us to make a decision without the other being on board purely because of time constraints in the future.

Well done Gracie-it should always be a joint decision and that might mean compromise. It isn't a case of permission-you can't just bulldoze it through! It is a good idea to think it out early. DH and I are consistent on bringing up DCs and have the same ideas. Have you really looked into the early years at your DHs school-I find it difficult to believe that they are timetabled to such an extent and have such a long day.

Well done Gracie-it should always be a joint decision and that might mean compromise. It isn't a case of permission-you can't just bulldoze it through! It is a good idea to think it out early. DH and I are consistent on bringing up DCs and have the same ideas. Have you really looked into the early years at your DHs school-I find it difficult to believe that they are timetabled to such an extent and have such a long day.

I think you're really right to be discussing it now. Sorry I sounded so harsh - I have a lot of mums ringing me desperate to HE their children, but the dad is putting his foot down for reasons based on misapprehensions about HE, so it's difficult not to assume all reluctant dads are doing the same thing!

I'm sure you have done this, but sometimes it helps to remind yourselves that your DS has to come before anything else including what other people think of the decision you make. If you and your DH do end up feeling that HE is best for your DS, and the only thing holding you back is the PR thing, then maybe your DH may think twice when you look at it as a 'which is more important?' question IYSWIM. That approach helps us with lots of the decisions we need to make but we do find we need to remind ourselves of it at times!

I agree that the school's PR is not your problem. And 90% off whatever, still means you're paying 10% (which you wouldn't at state school or EHE).

Also, does your DH know much about EHE? If your DS is only 2, I'd get along to EHE groups and meet some real people doing it. Is your other DC younger?

If your older one is doing what you say in the OP, then school will almost certainly hold him back.

I think that you should discuss it before you have DCs. There is no way that I would be prepared to HE (unless DC unhappy with school)so it is just as well to air it first and make sure that you are of the same mind.

"If your older one is doing what you say in the OP, then school will almost certainly hold him back."

I think you can only say this in relation to individual schools. It certainly wouldn't be true if he went to our very ordinary large state primary!

You can't discuss it before you have DCs if you're not aware of it though, can you Pisces?

Having said that, one can discuss how you want to bring your children up. It's likely that if you both say you think children should be seen and not heard that you'll both think similarly about schooling. On the other hand if you both are keen on natural term bfing and cosleeping etc. then you're both more likelyt o be open minded if you hear about HE.

I think that's where I get frustrated talking to parents about HE - I just don't get it that two people can go into parenting without knowing that you're both on the same wavelength.

I'm not keen on co sleeping and extended bfeeding so it was just as well we discussed it first!

"On the other hand if you both are keen on natural term bfing and cosleeping etc. then you're both more likelyt o be open minded if you hear about HE."

Really?