Talk to me about flexi-schooling...

[Gracie123]

I think this is the right term to use.

I feel very strongly that I don't want DS to start school full time (particularly as the school D?H works in is 8.30am - 5.30pm and half day saturdays) as I think this is too much.

To be honest I would prefer to homeschool full time, and as a SAHM we wouldn't lose any income.

DH however thinks it's vital that DS goes to school to 'socialise' and 'learn team sports' and ignores all arguments that he could go to out of school clubs for these things. Although he does agree that for at least the first few years DS would be bored through a lot of school as he already reads competently, does basic math, understands different shapes etc...

TBH he can throw and catch a ball more accurately than most of the year 3/4 cricket group DH teaches!!!

I think a good compromise would be part time school, part time HE. I have a friend who is a supply teacher who mentioned that the school are legally obliged to consider my request for part time schooling - although that doesn't mean they have to say yes!!!

Does anyone else do this/know my rights regarding this?
Do you think it's a sensible option?
How do you get on with it?

That only works if you think that school is for parents who think children should be seen and not heard though, don't you? Which is very much a preconception/stereotype of school-using parents held by some people who HE, rather than what people who send their children to school actually think.

Most people don't HE their children, because their default belief is that they'd be letting their children down educationally if they didn't send them to school. That might not be a view you'd agree with, it's not even one I agree with (I think it can go either way, it depends on the child, parent, and school), but it's theirs. They're certainly not sitting there thinking as they fill in the application form "well I know HE would be better for my child but I want my child to be seen and not heard so I'm going to send them to school instead"!

Oh FFS! I was just using it as an example of how you're more likely to have a similar idea of how education will work for your children if you have similar ideas about how the early years will work for your baby/toddler.

Can you just re-read my post and tell me where I said that parents who send their chidlren to school think that children should be seen and not heard?

I was talking about how parents will inevitably disagree about most things, including education if, for example, they both see things a different way from the word go. If one says 'children should be spanked daily just in case they've done something wrong' and the other says 'children should be listened to and punishment is bad', then they're probably going to disagree on everything and were stupid not to discuss those things before they took on the enormous task of parenting.

I think that it is vital to air these things first MrsWobble-never assume. I would think that it is misleading to assume that a certain view on baby care will lead to a certain view of education. Or that a certain view on babycare makes the person open minded.

I am a fervent co-sleeper and extended breast-feeder. Fervent to the extent that I often have to remind myself that other views are valid and it's absolutely fine for other people not to do either of these things!

We are starting this in Sept.DD will go to school in the mornings and come home in the afternoons.

She is 11, in a special school and has attachment disorder. The school are very supportive and have offered resources and access to trips for both of us.

Our reason was, DD needs intervention now, before she gets any older. Her behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic and, at times, violent.

Those few hours in the afternoons will give us the chance to do some real nurture work without DS around. The sort of thing she should have experienced with her birth mum as an infant.

For us this is an intervention, we wouldn't even consider it for our well adjusted DS. We want him to grow up appreciating what school has to offer... friends, opportunities, sports teams and a good and varied education, backed up and enhanced by all the things we do at home. Having said that, we are lucky, in that he goes to a fabulous school.

I'm a bit that a private school wouldn't stretch a child with obvious ability and that your DH admits this.

Gracie123 if your child is still two then you have a couple of years before the decision has to be made. It is good that you have introduced the idea to your dh now but it may take him longer to 'get it' than it did you. Why don't you agree to keep your options open for now? You could start to meet up with other home educators to get a feel for the local scene and let your dh put you childs name down for the school if that makes him feel better. My dh would no way ever have agreed to long term home educating when dd was three (when it was first discussed) but was happy to agree to skipping nursery, then reception, then the early years etc. Dd is now 7 and occasionally he says that she must go to school (usually in a bad moment) and I tell him that if he feels strongly about it I will support him but he must be the one that does it. I'm pretty sure that if you and your family spend the next couple of years meeting and socialising with other home educators then you'd both find it very difficult to choose school at the end of it.

Seeker and Piscesmoon - it wasn't the views on education I meant, but the desire to be child led. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, that you've both said that if you're children weren't happy in school, you wouldn't insist on sending them. It's that sort of thing I am referring to. I often speak to mums who say they know their DC isn't ready, or their DC is desperately unhappy in school, but they can't HE because the dad doesn't believe in listening to their child and says that they need to stay in school . That sort of impasse is less likely to happen if both parents think it's best to be led by the child's needs or if both think it's best to insist on children carrying on with (or starting) something they're not ready for or unhappy with.

I'm all for being child led. However OP's DC is 2 yrs and has no concept of education or schools. OP and her DH seem poles apart so it is a good idea to start working towards a solution/compromise now. Have you actually been in to the 4 yr old class Gracie-in the same way that you would without connections? If not I would ask for a tour and chat.

Pisces you are right that I haven't been on the 'tour' as a prospective parent. I have spent a fair amount of time with the class (we live on site, so when my husband is supervising recess or a sports class, DS often joins in).

I think this is the reason DH thinks it would be so beneficial for DS. He is an extremely sociable kid and loves playing with the older boys and girls. My concern is that playing with them and joining them for lunch now and then is not the same as being there all day every day. I don't think liking school when you spend an couple of hours a week there is the same as enjoying full time education.

I also think it will be much harder to justify removing him from the school than it will be to just say that our parenting choice was to have him HE'ed. Removing him sends the message that we think the school is failing in some way, whereas HE from the beginning makes it clear that it's a parenting decision IYSWIM

I don't think that it reflects on the school. Some people think that if teachers teach in the state sector they shouldn't send their DCs privately. All rubbish-teachers have the same choice as everyone else.
Schools have to suit the DC-it can be an utterly fantastic school but it doesn't mean that it is an utterly fantastic school for your DC. One size doesn't suit all.

Gracie, my children are also extremely sociable and spend at least as much time as school children playing with lots of other children of all ages over the course of a week

Only just joined mumsnet so I know this is a bit out of date, and I posted it on a less appropriate thread first by mistake, but I find flexischooling great. My son spends 2 days per week at Educare Small School in Kingston which is very flexible about most things. Because it is small, and groups children by readiness, not age, it seems to work well (so far). It's also far cheaper than most independents, perhaps because you're not paying for sports fields, pools and science labs. I prefer to use specialist teachers at local clubs for sports (ballet, fencing, football), the local pool for swimming and my hob for a bunsen burner anyway! I've heard that Hampton Court House (set up by ex- Harrodian head I think) offers it too, in a more academic style, and local gossip suggests that more and more independents are offering it.

Just a little update then, DS is now 2.5 DD is 7 weeks
We've moved to a much bigger town with loads of schools and home ed groups which is great, but the one thing is still seem unable to access is flexi-learning.
Met with head of very good local state school for 2nd time today. He admits that DS is G&T ( so not just my pfb syndrome!) but says only option is to move him up a year or possibly two!! I'm extremely unhappy about this. Just because he is academic does not mean he is emotionally mature enough to socialise with children that much older than him.
It looks like we may end up HEding full time after all...