A Home Ed am I being unreasonable - HEers, please help.

[Callisto]

DP and I discussed in depth our relative feelings about school and HE and I found to my horror that he is fundamentally opposed to HE, despite acknowledgeing that I am doing an 'excellent job' teaching DD the basics so far.

His main arguement against is that we have the opportunity of a place at a very good primary and we would be mad to pass it up. The primary is good, as far as any state run school can be good, but I don't believe DD will thrive there - quite the opposite infact. DP's 'concession' to me is to make DD go for a month and if she still hates it by the end of this time we will pull her out and HE.

I know I'm being unreasonable and that it is a solution of sorts, and that if I insist on not sending DD to school it could mean a big rift happens in my relationship with DP, but, but, but, but...

I don't really know what I'm asking for here, I'm very down about it all and tired as I didn't really sleep last night so probably not thinking as clearly as I might. Maybe some help so that I can put together a counter-arguement? Thanks all.

PS If you think I'm barking and should just pack DD off to school please could you keep such thoughts to yourself? I know it's an open forum etc, etc, but I'm feeling a bit raw and could do without anyone else telling me I'm wrong.

Hi, probably most of what I will say has been said, but I just wanted to reiterate a few things.

You will lose the school place initially, but you won't lose the chance to go there forever. My eldest didn't get in to her first choice infant school. It was very over-subscribed with people coming from a 15 mile radius or more. She went on the waiting list and there were over 10 people above her. She didn't get to go in the September, but in January a place came up. Everyone else had dropped off the waiting list (which normally happens once school actually starts). She started there 2 weeks into the January term, and stayed there for the rest of her infant school life. She was very happy. My only mistake was sending her to the local school for that first term. She didn't like it and I should have kept her at home.

Even the most oversubscribed schools have places come up fairly regualrly - you just need to wait a bit sometimes.

If it was me, I would try the HE first, not the school. Trying HE won't damage her at all if it doesn't work to plan, but if she should be utterly miserable or unhappy, a month in school will do untold damage that will take you ages to undo. I'm not anti-school, my eldest was very happy in infant and most of junior school, but my youngest was much less suited to the environment and it took us ages and ages to undo the damage. I think just a month in school would be terribly unsettling.

Lastly, opposition to HE is usually borne out of ignorance. Therefore, the more you can teach her dad about it, get him in touch with others, the better. That's why I'd suggest HE first - because he will come round when he sees the results but persuading him to take her out of school will be much harder. Luckily my DH was supportive, but I had very fierce opposition to taking my two out of school from my family, particularly with my eldest. They said a lot of quite unkind things to me about how I was ruining their futures for ever etc. It didn't take very long for them to completely come round to it. The other day my mother said "I'm so glad they're at home, don't ever send them back to school, will you?" I reminded her of some of the things they had said to me at the start and she did look very sheepish. She said, "but in our defence, none of us understood it then or could see how it would work." I think that is true of so many people who are against it. It's not the norm, it's not what they knew as a child, therefore it's a scary or strange idea.

See how much you can educate him, and try to get him to agree to the HE first on the grounds that she WILL get a place at the school in the future should you want it, as long as you are patient.

Thank you so much everyone for all of your kind responses. It has given me plenty to think about and I am feeling much more comfortable about having an opposite view to DP about DD's education, and much clearer about where to go from here. Oddly, I'm feeling less scared of discussing HE with DP now too.

Musicposy - I've never discussed HE with anyone from DP's family, but they are all so ridiculously enthusiastic about this school that I can imagine their horror when they find out that DD is (probably) going to be HE'd. I think this is part of the problem with DP - he is very much toeing the party line, so to speak, and hasn't ever considered anything other than school. My motto from now on with DP will be 'education, education, education'.

whats the position now

Hi Athomeagain. DP and I have rather a lot on over the next 2 weeks, so have agreed to disagree until we have more time to discuss things again. We are going to see the school next month (there is some kind of open day) and I will see how DD reacts then and act accordingly.