Has anyone taken a child out twice?

[flightoftheeasterbunyip]

I expect some of you know I took ds out of school in reception. He;s been at a different school now since september, but the work is a real struggle for him as I suspect he has dyslexia, and the school isn't attempting to address this.

He's really anxious, please see my thread here (last few posts)

and I can't think what to do to help.

He likes some subjects and has a couple of friends but generally feels quite awkward and the other kids are having a go as he is so behind.

Feel helpless - I don't want him to feel he's failed, or be lonely again (I struggle socially so school was good from that PoV) but he's crying at bedtime telling me these things, and it's breaking my heart.

My ds is similar, If I had the patience or felt I knew enough to do it I would take him out. I'm just hoping he will catch up. My ds is also anxious and will avoid anything to do with reading as he knows he can't do it. Its very hard

God it makes me so sad

He looks worried all the time. You know those stories where the princess has to spin all the grains into gold in one night, or the witch will eat her? He feels a bit like that I think. Not a clue where to begin and everyone else is just doing it.

Oh, I feel for you both

Imo, no child "fails" just because they don't fit in/like school. It's easy for me to say now, after years of Home-edding my 2 boys, but it's blatantly obvious to me why some kids hate school. I don't feel that it's a natural way to educate your dc anyway!

I say go with your guts. You know your dc better than anyone and you don't need to "know enough to do it" Fruitshoot. You know your child...that is all you need .

To answer the OP, yes I know several people who try HE, send them back and then deregister a second time. It's your right. You've given it another go and it's not something he likes. It's great that he can choose really.

Also, Fruitshoot,

My ds taught himself to read by playing on a pc game. He would not look at a book for nearly 2 years after we took him out of school. Other Home-edders suggested I just back off and relax about it. We bought him comics and World of Warcraft, which he was desperate to play so he wanted to learn (and did) when he was ready. He reads fluently now (at 8 yrs old) and loves it but I'd say he didn't start until he was about 7 yrs old.
hth

Thanks Kayteee. You're very reassuring.

I plan to keep reassuring and speaking with ds to give him some tools to handle the situation, but at the end of the day I can't alter the teachers' attitudes and behaviours, what worries me is that their expectations are SO HIGH of a little boy who just finds it all makes little sense.

His writing and reading are improved massively in the last year but he's still way behind, apparently.

I like his teacher but she does seem to have targets or something, he;s always worrying and it isn't right.

I'll give him the choice this time - i believe he is old enough to know. I think he;s in two minds though and obv we can't go back if we leave this time. But we are better equipped to stay in touch with the other families now, so that helps.

My DS1 learnt to read from the playstation but ds2 won't even try. He just shouts, cries and runs away.

Flight,
I think that sounds good, giving him the choice. I wish I had been given one when I was a kid!!

Do you have any HE groups near you btw?

Fruitshoot, you said ds2 "knows he can't do it" (reading) Do you know why he thinks/feels like he can't?

'He just shouts, cries and runs away.'

Oh I so know about this.
I tried everything for our youngest with similar results.
I knew she was very severely dyslexic and needed extra help big time.
I tried every reading scheme available. I tried putting a timer on so she would know we only had to do it for a very short time and she still was screaming hysterically within a min or so.

So I stopped trying. Finally I listened. Listened to my child and to the other autonomous home educators who told me to give her space.

Instead of doing any trying to read activities I listened to what she wanted.
We watched DVDs, television, I read to her whenever she asked me to.
We went out to museums, workshops, art galleries. I read everything to her (and being with the home ed crowd she was able to ask someone else to read to her if I wasn't there, this was not an option when she was in school, where everyone laughed and called her stupid) We did the activities together with me reading and she thinking and answering and me writing.
I tried not to bite the noses off the volunteers in museums etc who said 'a big girl like you should be reading herself.
If she asked what a word said, we told her. No "What do you think it says" or "You try and sound out the letters" etc. I stopped my mom and everyone else from doing that (that bit was hard!)

We talked and talked and talked.
Other home ed families were fabulous.
We got story tapes from Calibre to encourage a love of novels.
We bought more DVDs (off Ebay).

Finally after some years of this she began to get it.
The first time she read the word 'ladies' on a cinema toilet (with no picture) I danced!

She was 13 years old when she finally 'got' reading.
She began to read labels and notices.
Then trashy girl mags.
The first book she read was Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Grey as one of her home ed teen friends recommended it.
She started an OU starter course age 15-and achieved all of the outcomes.
She reads enthusiastically now, she has a book right now that she can't wait to get back into
She has been accepted to start FE college in Sept to do a BTEC in Music, which is equivelant to three A's apparently, but she may choose to continue with the OU.

She met the gentleman charged with reviewing home ed last month. She told him exactly what it was like to be severely dyslexic in school and how autonomous home education saved her.

No advice I'm afraid, but the school sounds awful.

Apparently it's a very good school. Just it operates as a school, I suppose, and that's not terribly condusive with the way Ds's brain works.

I took ds2 out twice, first last January 2008, then after 2 weeks of the autumn term in Sept 2008. DS2 had been insistent on going back to his school. He lost his sparkle immediately.

Then once I deregistered he did that lovely thing where all of a sudden I was the intellectual and emotional centre of his world again. The light came back on in his eyes.

Milou how lovely

I am afraid this time that he'll feel too different, because he is so involved with his little friends and will miss them - I'll arrange to keep in touch of course but it;ll be like he's the odd one out (more than he is already) and it'll be limited when he can see them as they'll be at school.

It's so hard to know what's best for him. Ideally I'd like him to be at school but a very small school that catered for his individuality rather than trying to make him be like the others, and punish him for not being...he likes the feeling of belonging there I think, but some of the kids are very mean.

make sure he knows it's the school which doesn't suit him not the other way round. We deregistered twce and don't look back (with 5 aged 11,9,4,3 and 2) His childhood is far too short to be spoiled forever by the actions of a few. He doesn't need to be in school. Take him out and let him grow his own way. He'll thank you in the end.

oh flight I thought this would be you, how hard after everything that has happened. But how wonderful that you are still flexible and confident enough to make this decision.

I think at this age they need time and space to play more than anything. I think it is a real, profound need, and if they don't get it the consequences, at least for some kids, can be pretty awful mental health wise.

Did you manage to get together with any HErs btw? I don't want to patronise you at all but I wonder if what you all really need is a really strong support network of HErs. I'd be lost without my HE friends! Can be hard to develop a network but really really worth putting the time in.

(Where are you btw, you're not near me are you? I'm in South Wales)

or ANOTHER option-have you considered a Steiner school or a Montessori school? Or looked for local small schools? If you really really wanted a local small school maybe you could set one up, seriously, it can be done!

Can you try and find the money to get him tested for dyslexia yourself? I would also check first whether they would accept a private diagnosis. Could you ask to speak to the head teacher about it all?

cargirl, i am asking this purely out of interest as I have NO IDEA about these things but

can they actually refuse to accept a private diganosis?

I find that a bit tbh

Thankyou - have been aware I needed to come back to this but have been visiting HEing friends and haven't had a chance to get my thoughts together!

Filly how nice to see you, I rarely see you on here, maybe that's me being on the wrong boards, or not on at all...but thankyou for posting. You're in no way patronising, and I think you're right - I need a proper network, but that's hard to set up when you are quite poor socially, (did you read my posts about Aspergers a while back? I think that doesn't help)

Still we do know one hEing family, just a teenage lad and his father - very much on the 'far out' end of it but very kind and interesting. I'm also finding myself stronger with every day I avoid my mother (sadly - but in a good way iyswim)

so have higher hopes for the future.
I'm in Kent btw - used to live near Carmarthen though! Not sure about Steiner - could never afford it, plus our HE friend's boy went for a year and thought it was pants so am a bit hesitant!

Cargirl, thanks for your thoughts...I will speak to them about testing but I think they do it in yr 2 so only another term really.

Nappyelite, thankyou - yes, my mother did say (she has her moments of usefulness) that I need to emphasise he is right and school is wrong. This leads to some confusing elements in his world view though I feel. Why am I sending him there if it is so wrong?

I've pressed my mother on this topic this week, as she was the one who insisted he went back to school. She is sym[athetic but says I need to speak to the teacher and demand they stop keeping him in, and let them know he is fine as he is, and that thyey mustn't push him. Ha ha ha bloody ha. I told her if she thought she could get that across she was welcome to try...and also reminded her that whether they appear to agree or not, I have no control over the way they continue to behave towards my child, as I'm not party to the classroom environment.

I said to Mum, what if they refuse and keep him in repeatedly? She didn't wantto say 'Oh you can take him out then' but she didn't have another answer.

Thanks again all of you. I need to explore this here, it's really helpful - as you say Filly I'd be lost without you

Filly - Someone I know told me that her ds son refused to accept it so they pulled him out and put him in a different one!!! I can't see why she would lie to me about it though. It was a move from a very high SATS results junior to one that has a much broader spectrum of abilities due to its location (my dd1 school which I was very pleased with) so perhaps they just don't want non-achievers of SEN pupils there so aren't supportive?

Hi flight
If you are in Kent have you found Kent Home Educators?

I know the lady who runs that group, she says there a dozen or so families whose children have SEN in that group, so you would get plenty of support.
Ann is happy for you to ring for a chat if you would like to, on 08445 868839-she has children who have SEN as well.

Thankyou Julie

That's lovely, I think I have met them before - most of the group lived nearer London, we're right out the other side - so not much activity in my area.

Btw it isn't the kids who have SN, it's me!

Btw Ann was a very nice lady

cargirl that is just [shocking], I can't believe that is allowed, seriously I am coming over all outraged of South Wales.

hey flight again, am trying to break MN addiction but camping threads lured me back, it is that time of year!

Re Steiner, I know a bit about this, 2 things, first off from what you've said about your ds I think it MIGHT suit him? Might be very wrong. It is very gentle and calming but esp pre 7. Also not all schools are the same, REALLY not, every school community is different.

Here is the big thing too, a lot of schools offer seriously subsidised places, and in theory it should be to kids who can't afford it and who would benefit from it. Think you'd have a good chance if you were interested. At your ds's age he'd still be in the kindergarten, and it is lovely, also no reading/writing til 7. A whole-child approach, and (usually) a strong community.

I think HE is much better than Steiner but Steiner is worth a look if the local schools seem to academic.

I think it must be hard to break into the groups if you have aspergers or similar, as yes you need to be fairly proactive in organising stuff. HOWEVER there is scope to do a lot over the internet if you find face to face conversations hard (I do this because I am generally free to contact people at about 10pm at night and 6am in the morning, not phoning time! But my social life is pretty much organised online!). Also, tbh, a lot of it is just sticking the groups out, week after week, until you or they make friends.

hang on there is good advice somewhere about this, brb

how to join a new HE group

I think its right on the nose, tbh.

Thanks for that link Filly, I'll read it properly-and store it away for future reference , when I get a min after work tomorrow.

Flight, I made reference to the children having SEN, as I thought you said that maybe your son had dyslexia and his needs weren't being met?

These things often run in families, our three children definately get their dysleixa/dyspraxia and dysgraphia from me!