I've been thinking about HEing DS for a while now, but have been waiting, hoping that things will fall into place at school, basically just putting off making the decision.
He seemed quite happy up until the beginning of the new school year. I wouldn't say he was fitting in, but for a child with ASD he WAS coping and he WAS learning. This year everything has gone down hill and we both need some respite. I thought this was down to his new teacher at first, but other children are thriving so it can't be. I think it's more realistic to say that he's unhappy because he's not developing emotionally, academically or physically at the same rate as his peers - they're all maturing and developing friendships with classmates who they share interests with, whilst DS is spending breaktimes with the little girls from Reception class . His teacher did try to involve him in some of the little groups that are forming, but it quickly became apparant that the other boys would only play with him when they were being made to, and as a result DS is aware that he's not well liked
So, I have decided that he'd be better off being HEd. When I think of not ever having to make him go to school again I feel totally at peace, all the guilt I feel slides away. I feel like going and waking him up right now and telling him that he never has to go again. I know he'd be ecstatic.
The practicalities worry me though. Firstly, DP and I don't agree about DS's education. He thinks DS is better off staying at school and working through his problems. I think he thinks that HEing is setting DS up for a life of dropping out. However DP is not particularly in tune with DS emotionally. DS won't talk to his dad about school because he shows how disappointed he is. I don't think DP wants to accept that his son isn't robust. He's never really accepted the ASD diagnosis. I tried to discuss the prospect of HE last night and he said that it wouldn't work because DS would just think he could spend the whole day on the xbox 360 and that I'd probably let him. I wouldn't, but the prospect of having a happy child again, regardless of what he's learning, is still a nicer one than looking ahead at the next 10 years of compulsory schooling and a miserable, depressed child. I've always promised DS that we would stick together as mother and son throughout anything and that I'd always do my best for him - I feel like I'm failing him in the worst possible way. I've had jobs before that have made me miserable and I've left, DS doesn't have that choice - at the moment I'm choosing to make him go to a place that he hates, every day!
I think I will go ahead with my decision regardless of what DP wants. That's probably wrong but I feel instinctively that I should do this. The thought of informing the school leaves me cold though. What exactly happens? I have read up through the last 3 pages of threads on here and I realise I'm asking something that has been covered many times. I just need it confirmed if anyone could do that. I have a template of the letter that I write to the head requesting that DS is removed from the register. Do I just give it in and DS is not legally required to attend from that moment on (assuming that I give it to them on the date that I've requested he be de-registered)? Will the LEA definitely contact me? I understand that it is my legal right to HE DS if I choose, but will the LEA want to assess him to see if they think he's a good candidate or is it none of their business. Ideally I'd like him to spend a month or two de-schooling, but will the LEA think I'm an irresponsible moron if I tell them that I plan to visit places of interest and watch educational programmes and do home-cooking with him etc?
I'm sorry to ask questions that might seem so obvious, but I really need some clarification of what's ahead, or advice on how to prepare for this. If anyone has any suggestions for books or web-articles I'd be really grateful also.
BTW, DS is 7 years old and half way through year 2.