Ramble about considering HE, DP's attitude and general fears about starting the ball rolling

[PrimroseHall]

I've been thinking about HEing DS for a while now, but have been waiting, hoping that things will fall into place at school, basically just putting off making the decision.

He seemed quite happy up until the beginning of the new school year. I wouldn't say he was fitting in, but for a child with ASD he WAS coping and he WAS learning. This year everything has gone down hill and we both need some respite. I thought this was down to his new teacher at first, but other children are thriving so it can't be. I think it's more realistic to say that he's unhappy because he's not developing emotionally, academically or physically at the same rate as his peers - they're all maturing and developing friendships with classmates who they share interests with, whilst DS is spending breaktimes with the little girls from Reception class . His teacher did try to involve him in some of the little groups that are forming, but it quickly became apparant that the other boys would only play with him when they were being made to, and as a result DS is aware that he's not well liked

So, I have decided that he'd be better off being HEd. When I think of not ever having to make him go to school again I feel totally at peace, all the guilt I feel slides away. I feel like going and waking him up right now and telling him that he never has to go again. I know he'd be ecstatic.

The practicalities worry me though. Firstly, DP and I don't agree about DS's education. He thinks DS is better off staying at school and working through his problems. I think he thinks that HEing is setting DS up for a life of dropping out. However DP is not particularly in tune with DS emotionally. DS won't talk to his dad about school because he shows how disappointed he is. I don't think DP wants to accept that his son isn't robust. He's never really accepted the ASD diagnosis. I tried to discuss the prospect of HE last night and he said that it wouldn't work because DS would just think he could spend the whole day on the xbox 360 and that I'd probably let him. I wouldn't, but the prospect of having a happy child again, regardless of what he's learning, is still a nicer one than looking ahead at the next 10 years of compulsory schooling and a miserable, depressed child. I've always promised DS that we would stick together as mother and son throughout anything and that I'd always do my best for him - I feel like I'm failing him in the worst possible way. I've had jobs before that have made me miserable and I've left, DS doesn't have that choice - at the moment I'm choosing to make him go to a place that he hates, every day!

I think I will go ahead with my decision regardless of what DP wants. That's probably wrong but I feel instinctively that I should do this. The thought of informing the school leaves me cold though. What exactly happens? I have read up through the last 3 pages of threads on here and I realise I'm asking something that has been covered many times. I just need it confirmed if anyone could do that. I have a template of the letter that I write to the head requesting that DS is removed from the register. Do I just give it in and DS is not legally required to attend from that moment on (assuming that I give it to them on the date that I've requested he be de-registered)? Will the LEA definitely contact me? I understand that it is my legal right to HE DS if I choose, but will the LEA want to assess him to see if they think he's a good candidate or is it none of their business. Ideally I'd like him to spend a month or two de-schooling, but will the LEA think I'm an irresponsible moron if I tell them that I plan to visit places of interest and watch educational programmes and do home-cooking with him etc?

I'm sorry to ask questions that might seem so obvious, but I really need some clarification of what's ahead, or advice on how to prepare for this. If anyone has any suggestions for books or web-articles I'd be really grateful also.

BTW, DS is 7 years old and half way through year 2.

In answer to your Qs about practicalities:

1. Yes, you hand in the letter (saying you "are" providing an education otherwise than at school, not "will be") and that's it - no need to go back again (am assuming it's not a special school, and that you're in England)
2. LA might or might not contact you - I'm three years doens the line and haven't heard a peep from mine
3. LA can ask to visit you,you don't need to let them, they don't have any right to assess either you or DS for "suitability". You would be advised to respond to their queries, but in a manner of your choosing (i.e. don't need to fill out any questionnaires etc), but there's no obligation on you to contact them.
4. De-schooling is a recognised part of starting home edcation, and no LA ought to regard you as an irresponsible moron for takign your time as a family to settle into what's best for your DS (a month for every year at school is a general rule of thumb, plus de-schooling is often more for the parent than the child ).
5. Visiting places of interest, watching TV and cooking is education - just because ther are no workbooks involved, doesn't mean there is no learning happening.

Can't help too much with your DH, but what would you normally let DS do during the summer holidays - play computer games all day, every day? No? Then why should he assume that's what's going to happen when you HE? There are some pretty good websites which are "educational" where parents can track "progress" if that might help your DH (thinking of Education City and similar) - it does take quite a lot of time to get out of the "school" mindset though.

Hi, really just responding here to confirm everything shrinkingviolet has said! As soon as you inform them that you are removing him from school to educate him yourself, that's it - he doesn't have to go back. You're not asking them, you're telling them.

It's not up to the LA to assess whether he's a good candidate - that's your responsibility as a parent. The only time that changes is for children at a special school, where parents have to get permission. But all other children in England, even if they have a statement, can be home educated without asking permission.

Don't hesitate to spend time deschooling. The LA should not start hassling you instantly for information, and if they do then you can respond politely explaining that you will are just starting out and will get back to them by X date (say 3 months) with more information.

Thirding the posts above.

And also wanting to say that there are times to say to an Oh "I feel really strongly about this. I may not be able to persuade you of it rationally, but my gut is saying that this would be best for him and all of us. I've gone with your preference against my instincts; now please give me the benefit of the doubt for the rest of the school year, at which point we'll revisit it as a family"

And I might also gently ask him under what circumstances he'd consider aiding a child to get out of a commitment that adults had made on behalf of that child without consulting child or offering equally valid alternatives if that child was clearly not thriving within that externally imposed commitment... your post shows that those are the lines you are thinking along

Oh, and find local HEers so your Oh won't be thinking that your son will have no opportunities to see other children if he wants them (though with ASD, that might well come later than at 7 years, or with people a lot older or younger than him, which is a lot easier to navigate if he is HEed than at school all day, of course)

Thanks so much, what a nice bunch you are on here

SV, thanks for the link to Education City. I've signed up for the free trial and I will be subscribing once that expires. The only reason I'm delaying the subscription is that it's giving me the option to switch between curriculums without extra charges whilst I'm on a trial, and that's useful to gauge where DS is up to academically.

We've had a really nice evening so far and I'm going for an early night soon. I told DS on the way to school this morning that some children don't go to school and instead stay home and learn with their mums. He was very inquisitive but he didn't make the connection that it could be an alternative for him. I've shown DP some of the work DS has done on EdCity this evening (he loves the site and I've only managed to get him off here by printing off worksheets for him) and he was impressed I think. Ideally I would really like his support, if not co-operation when I de-reg DS. I don't want to feel like I've made a rod for my own back and have lost the right to have a whinge when HE doesn't go the way I've planned (and I know that's quite likely). I think he is coming round to the idea, he knows I'll go ahead without his consent in the long-run anyway.

Thanks for clarifying the de-reg/LA situation. It's one thing for me to read these things on websites, but quite another for me to get to grips with the idea that I will be fully responsible for DS's education. It sounds wonderful (if a little daunting) but so at odds with our present situation at school. All we do at the moment is try to conform and minimise the problems that result. Without the clarification I kept going round in circles, re-reading, looking for the loop-hole that would keep us tied to the conforming and monitoring.

I know tonight is no indication of how HE might work for us, but it's such a positive experience to see him be enthusiastic about learning again. We've sat and worked out maths challenges together and he's so proud of what he's achieved. It's lifted my spirits I can tell you. I don't expect the enthusiasm to last while he's still in full time school though. I'm only really doing work with him now just to reassure myself that I'm not out of my depth with teaching him.

The socialisation does worry me ommm. I'm not a great socialiser either and I would have to really push us to meet other HEs. Mind you, I really hate the daily chit-chat on the school run but I'm getting through that so it's not impossible for me. As well as de-schooling DS I think I also need to de-clutter my head about what society thinks DS should be like. He isn't sociable and probably won't ever be. It's not as if his interraction with his peers at school could be described as positive. Surely it would be better for him to have a couple of meetings with other children twice a week (for eg) and possibly enjoy it?

Sorry, I'm just musing now. Thanks again for you help.

Hi PrimroseHall
I'll 'fourth' what the others have all told you.

Also there is a book that might help
Home Educating our Autistic Spectrum Children :paths are made for walking edited by Terri Dowty and Kit Cowlishaw

and then there is the website Home Education-Special Needs with an associated email support list I can't recommend that list highly enough. Folks there will know exactly what you are going through-and there will be real experts there on home educating children with ASD there-parents who are already doing just that and they will give help support and advice on all aspects.

There is even a blog A month in the life of....... where different families explain how home education works for their child with SEN. At least a couple of those families have children with ASD. I admit to being biased about that blog though-I'm Ann from Worcestershire there. (must get round to updating that)

Just a quick point to make about the der-reg letter. Ask them for a receipt for it. Some schools have been known to "lose" them

We're in Croydon..anywhere near you?

Also, both dcs Dads were against the idea 4 years ago (one works for DCSF)and they both agree twas the best thing I've ever done.

Julie, thanks for those links. I'll get the book and subscribe to the groups. It's always helpful to see how other people are doing things, and to prepare, if only mentally for challenges.

Kaytee, I'm just a 2 minute walk from the borough of Croydon. I live in Mitcham - the Thronton Heath end. What a coincidence!

The area that we live is one of the reasons I want to HE. We're on a HA estate and DS is at the local primary. The school do a good job, but as the kids are getting older they're getting wiser and rougher and DS isn't mature enough for that sort of interraction. Next year his year moves to another building on the site, where he'll be with Years 4, 5 and 6 and I'm so worried that he'll be totally out of his depth. He doesn't understand about giving bigger kids a bit of space and respect. I can't bear to think about him going to the local high school [shudder]

I think being a very working class family, living on a HA estate might challenge ideas on what sort of family typically HE their children. That's a bit scary, thinking about it. I'm sure a lot of people will think I'm being pretentious, particularly friends and family, but I think it's right to protect DS from an environment that he can't cope with. I hope that doesn't sound snobby, DP and I both grew up around here and we wanted DS to go to his local school and grow up in sync with his peers. I'm only opting out because it's not working.

Hi PrimroseHall,

Lots of really good things have been said already, but a couple of things strike me.

Whilst I'm not exactly advocating taking major decisions without the approval of DP, I do know from experience that family who think it is a terrible idea at first often come round when they see the results. I was lucky that my DP was very supportive, but he was virtually the only member of my family who was! I had a load of hassle when I took my youngest out of Y4 (18 months ago) and unbelievable hassle when I took my eldest out of Y8. They told her I wouldn't be up to it, told me I was ruining her future etc. You should hear them now. You'd think the home ed was their idea all along, they're so in favour of it! So I think DP may well come round.

I never understand this idea that children have to get used to bad situations or work through them. Lots of people have said that to us, too. But if you were in a job you hated, with nobody you got on with, where you dreaded going to work every day, would you stay there for the next 12 years just to toughten yourself up? Of course not, you'd find a new job. So why children are supposed to suffer is beyond me.

My youngest daughter had lots of socialisation issues in school. She went for 4 years and never made proper or long lasting friends in all that time. The teachers complained about her lack of interest in the other children from the moment she started until the day she left. Forcing her to socialise didn't help her. Instead, she started to talk about how she hated other children and how she was never going to leave the house as an adult so she didn't have to mix with anybody.

Since being home educated, you wouldn't recognise her socially. She now, for the first time ever, has solid, genuine friends. She goes to parties (she used to rip up and hide invites at school) and has sleepovers, she genuinely enjoys the company of other children. I think the difference for her is that it's not forced upon her. She can see friends when she wants to, but if she wants a few days alone, she can have that too. You would never, ever know that she once said she hated children. I imagine that home education will be perfect for your son because he won't be so overwhelmed socially -he can go at his own pace.

One more thing that is hard to get your head round at first. Even if he did just play with Xbox all day, you'd be amazed at what he learnt. He would also one day get fed up of xbox and want to do something else. My 13 year old tend to hole herself up in her room and go on a computer game forum. I despair a bit because at 13, I feel she should be getting on with her "work" more. But just last night she came and showed me all the stuff she did on there. I was blown away by what she was capable of doing! Here was a girl who used to come home crying from IT lessons at school becuase she couldn't copy and paste, who has applied to this forum for a "job" looking after part of their website - and she's doing it fantastically. How did she learn all that?

Have a look at this book for more ideas on this theme.

And good luck! I wish you lots of happy times ahead.

Primrose - Hi I am in a similar situation to you, though not in Croydon! My ds is 7 and we are seriously considering HE partly because of ASD partly due to all the other negatives I feel about school. I also worry terribly about how ds will cope with Secondary school, our local secondary has 1800 pupils and rising arghhhhhhh!

My other worry is dd who is 4 and fine at school........... decisions dont you just love them!

You are definitely not alone

We have lived on Housing Association estate for 6 years and HomeEdded for 4 years.(The only family to do so on the estate). We've had no probs whatsoever. Some parents have asked me about it and have actually seemed quite envious. It's not snobbery, it's just a different way of looking at education and what part you want to play in that.
I think you just have to see it in a way like changing your religion. You think people are going to be judgemental when, in truth, most people respect your decision.

Musicposy, that must have been very worrying for you to hear DD talk about her peers like that. Thanks for sharing your story with me. I really need to hear success stories at the moment as I've got so much self doubt about this. Your DDs sound like such positive examples of a good outcome from HE (I've been swotting up on all the recent threads )

Yurtgirl, it's good to know that someone else is feeling the same indecision at the moment, not that I'd wish it on you of course. What sort of problems is your DS having at school? What has made me consider HE now is the way the gap between DS and his peers is widening, development wise. I don't know if it's healthy or fair, but I'm making the decision with my own sanity in mind as well as DS. I don't cope that well with seeing other children reject DS, knowing that he's at the bottom of the class for everything but Maths, seeing him cry because he's the slowest physically in his class as well etc. He's so vulnerable and I can't protect him or even help him while he's at school.

Kaytee, thanks for telling me you live on HA too. It's probably stupid but it's comforting to hear that it's working for you under similar circumstances. I keep thinking the LA are going to look up my details and automatically deem me unfit and make my life hell. I know they can't do that really, and it's my own pre-conceived ideas about the type of family that HEs making me paranoid.

DP has had a complete turn-about WRT DS education. He's said he's happy for me to get DS de-reg'd and that he thinks it might be for the best. I've spoken to DS again today and he now understands that he doesn't have to go to school if he doesn't want to. So now it's a matter of when rather than if. Feeling a mixture of apprehension and excitement at the moment

Ooh Primrose,
I am all excited for you and your ds!!
I also wanted to add that I know loads of HE families from loads of different backgrounds from very poor to quite well off. You'll find that most of us, though, are on a low income as it's the nature of HE that one partner has to be with the children. It's par for the course it seems!
I remember the day we left. I was driving the kids to school and they were both begging me to HE (for all sorts of different reasons) and I just cracked. I drove round the roundabout about 4 times and then headed home. They were shrieking for joy and I was crying with happiness! When we got home they tore off their uniforms, changed into the brightest clothes they could find and put on some loud rock music! We really haven't looked back.

Hi Primrose

I am so glad for you that your dp seems to have had a complete change of mind that is fantastic!

Your ds and mine both have ASD but such different needs! Such is the diversity of Autism. He has a diagnoses of Aspergers - does yours?

My ds struggles at school essentially because he feels he isnt learning anything! He learns so much at home through reading books, conversation, the internet, educational tv etc

He has a very quick mind and an extremely good memory - therefore once he has learnt something or read about it he doesnt need to be reminded. Therefore I suspect he spends a lot of his time telling the other children how much he knows (and how marvellous he is he is very boastful!!)

But he is also the tallest boy - so gets picked on by others who think jumping on him is a challenge. He is hopeless at gross motor and fine motor skills - cutlery, handwriting and climbing essentially

He regularly gets kicked by a boy, who having now been told off now riducules DS handwriting

He has a daily argument with the dinner ladies - which he then regales to me 20 mins plus every day - oh joy

We are at home today as his sister is ill - He is working on KS2 maths and is very happy

Kaytee, that's just how I feel when I'm taking DS to school. I'm always toying with the idea of walking up to the gates and then straight past, round the block and back home. DS hasn't been to school for the past couple of days because he's not well and the difference in us all is huge.

If lots of HE families are on low incomes does that mean that they're not all able to pay for tutors or classes? We could perhaps manage 1 thing each week (though, for the life of me I can't think of anything DS would want to do, he's certainly not interested in anything sporty or creative) but I'd have to get a part-time job to pay for it. I'm still working through my pre-conceived ideas of the typical HE family - bright kids who are not stretched enough at school and need the freedom of HE to make room for all the extra-curricular stuff they want to do.

Yurtgirl, DS was diagnosed as being on the mild end of the austistic spectrum when he was 3.9. His DX was given at just his 2nd appt. with a paed. and very little has come of it since then. The last time he was seen by a paed. (different one) he told me, off the record, that IHO DS wasn't on the autistic spectrum, just a "bit odd" . That was a couple of years ago and we've not been back.

He probably appears totally normal if you observe him with adults or younger/older children. It's only when you watch him interract with his peers that it's obvious he's different. He behaves like a much younger child even though he's one of the oldest and biggest and he doesn't have a learning disability, it does seem strange.

The thing that causes the biggest problem at school is him taking instructions far too literaly. Such as his teacher telling the class that they must tell her if someone else has upset them (I don't know how that instruction was given exactly). DS has taken this to mean that if someone isn't behaving exactly as he'd like that he must tell the teacher, and he isn't yet able to decipher what is urgent and what isn't. So, he'll be calling out in the middle of assembly because another boy isn't sitting with his legs crossed, shouting out during story time because a couple of girls are whispering, trying to get between 2 other boys at playtime because they are pushing one another around. He's like an over-zealous police officer that is never off duty

DP tried to help him with this by encouraging him to think about the outcome of telling on other people all the time. DS went in to his teacher the next day and told her that his dad had told him off for reporting people who are being mean to him (DP didn't mean that at all) and she responded with how shocked she was and just re-inforced how important it was for him to tell-tales. I know they were talking at cross-purposes, but DS won't have it.

Sorry that's just a long-winded example of how DS's ASD (or oddness if you prefer his latest paed's. opinion) makes school so difficult for him. There are so many other little things that make school unpleasant for him.

DS also does the boasting thing, although not about what he's learned. Whatever he gets (be it a crappy sweat band off the front of magazine, or a new wooly hat) he has to make a big thing of it at school. It makes me cringe because I can predict the outcome - they take it off of him to try it on, then throw it around as a game and then he cries and tells the teacher. I've now banned him taking anything to school that is not necessary, but I can't do much about the stuff that is necessary such as his handwriting book, which he shows to everyone not realising that he only has it because he's struggling and so his class 'mates' aren't going to be impressed because of it.

His fine and gross motor skills are also way behind. We've had the problem with a boy in his class picking on him as well. We thought they were friends and they were spending time together at the weekends as well as in school. It really hurt me when his teacher had a word, telling me that she'd separated them in class and urging me not to encourage the 'friendship' because the other boy was actually being very unkind to DS. It was even worse because I'd been telling this boy's parents how pleased I was that they were spending time together. Little did I know that this boy had forced DS's head into a bin that very day. I felt so awful that I'd been arranging play-dates especially as I'd noticed that DS wasn't that eager for me to do so. Feels like everything ends with a kick in the teeth with regards to school.

How are you getting on with making your decision? I don't know what's holding me back now.

Ruby, I must join my local group as well. I wdidn't know whether to leave it until DS was de-registered though. I wouldn't want the other HEs to think I was just being nosey.

Primrose - that was a really interesting read about your ds.

Our ds's are very similar and mine has a definite diagnoses!! I wouldnt settle for a bit odd tbh - sounds more like aspergers too me in your ds (in my humble and not at all professional opinion!

Have you applied for DLA - you should, we get it and it makes a huge difference financially - and would help with extras he may need

RE tutors: I wouldnt worry to much about that he is only 7 (as is my ds!)

Get him into some sociable activities he is really motivated to enjoy - swimming beavers whatever

I have found my ds is much happier now that he has several hobbies he is really into - birds principally.

Got to go ds is bugging me for 'nice pudding'

PrimroseHall said
'If lots of HE families are on low incomes does that mean that they're not all able to pay for tutors or classes?'

The majority of home educating families that I know are on a low income.
I gave up my career to do this and we manage on dh's pension and my very part time job at a much lower rate of pay than I used to earn.

I'd say lack of money is the only downside of home educating for us.
BUT the positives of home education outweigh the negatives 100 times over!

We definitely couldn't afford to pay for tutors. Parents at our local home ed group organise workshops/theatre/gallery/museum visits, physical activities like sailing/swimming/ice skating etc and we get them all at educational rates.
This has made accessing activities much more possible.
However even then the children have had to be aware that we haven't been able to do everything they have wanted to do and they have learned to prioritise.

I remember one year the The Electronic Wizard came to HesFes dd2 and I were fascinated with the stuff he was doing and I asked dd2 if she would be interested in his Electronic Wizard Apprenticeship, where you get a box of experiments through the post at regular intervals. She asked me the cost and I told her and she replied that although she would have loved to do it, she thought that music and singing lessons had to be the main priority for her.

We still have to prioritise and choose between piano/guitar and singing lessons sometimes, depending on the money situation.
Paying for lessons in one of these areas takes some budgeting. We simply could not have afforded to employ tutors in other areas as well.
Though I am sure you will see if you explore the websites about home education and the books about home education there are different ways of home educating successfully-for us, we have followed the children's interests and not done any formal work-let alone got in tutors.

We look all of the time for alternative ways of getting resources.
I use Ebay, Amazon 'new and second hand', charity shops and car boot sales a lot!
Locally we have regular resource sales between the home ed group.
Folks bring resources they no longer need along to one of the meetings and the group gets to keep 10% of the sale price, which then goes to help pay for group meetings/activities. We have had some brilliant useful bargains that way and the seller got some money to go buy some more.
I think Freecycle is wonderful, we have had loads of stuff from people there, from there including a mountain bike, computer games,two kayaks-which we share with the local home ed group, and last week we got a piano for dd2! We couldn't afford to pay for one.

As our children have reached teenage, we couldn't afford to do the distance learning courses.
So we used FE colleges for DS to do A levels, post 16 when it was free.
DD2 is not doing GCSEs/A levels at all and is instead using the OU. She has done a starter course-and we used Tesco Clubcard vouchers to pay for it (£25 worth of vouchers paid for £100 worth of course) now she is over 16 we should be able to get her courses funded.

Holidays wise, we only go to home education camps and gatherings-which vary in size and price according to what is being offered. We go to one fabulously cheap site which costs only a couple of pounds per adult per night in the glorious Peak District. The site is very basic and little is organised, but we have fabulous fun with good friends.
The only other way we go away is if we get a Sun Newspaper Holiday for £9.50 or get a Travelodge deal We are going to Devon in April for £9 a night for 4 of us in a family room, on one of their sale deals.

We also make good use of Megabus and travel Birmingham to London from £1 each way (plus 50p booking fee] WE go very early in the morning and return on the 9pm bus.
Sometimes we have done things like The National history Museum and Science Museum, sometimes we have done a tour looking at all of the sights-and other times we have joined with London Home Educators and seen musicals on the west end at the matinee for an educational price.

The possibilities are endless when you start to look and become a little creative and think outside of the box

Sorry this has turned into such a long post but
hth to give you some ideas about affordability of home ed.

Yurtgirl, yes I think sspergers too. I don't have the heart to take him back for more asmts. though. It almost broke me the first time round and it was a bitter exercise as he's not received any help extra support anyway. We did get DLA up until just a month ago, but I let his claim expire because I couldn't face getting a report from a paed. or his teacher. The extra money is needed now more than ever, but I'm not going to reapply - those bloody forms make me feel depressed.

Julie, thanks for your post. Please don't apologise for writing at length, all information and support is extremely valuable to me at the moment.

DS hasn't been to school since Monday as he's had a tummy bug and a cold, but I told him today that I thought he was well enough for tomorrow. He told me again how he thought he'd never be able to spell and write and I was trying to be positive but we were both crying in the end. I told him outright that he could stay home and learn in a different way and he jumped at it. DP and I had a long chat and he is 100% positive about HE now, even suggesting ways that he could help and places that he wants to take DS to. So, the de-reg letter is sitting in the hall, signed and packaged up with his reading books, ready to be hand-delivered by DP tomorrow afternoon. I won't lie - I'm absolutely shitting myself . I know instinctively that this is the right move, but the worrier in me is making me think up all sorts of stupid scenarios, like social services interference and court orders. I'm being stupid I know.

If there's anything that I should do before the letter is handed over please tell me. I think I'm prepared, but... Oh, some idea of how long the LA take to get in touch would be good, although it probably varies I suppose.

Can't believe we're actually doing this...

I rememebr being terrified about handing in the letter (it was during the holidays, I'd posted it, but then emailed the head as well in case it didn't arrive first thing, and I didn't want her ringing me up), but I settled down quite quickly after it was all done.
I haven't had any contact from my LA in the three years we've been HEing, it's a real lottery whether you end up with a "good" or "bad" LA as far as I can see. When/if they do contact you, remember that you don't need to meet them if you don't want to, and you can provide info in any means you choose (i.e. if they send you a questionaire asking about timetables and tutors, if that's not how you HE, then tell them that).
Good luck - I've seen HEing described as taking a stop off a clifftop into the unknown - terrifying but tremendously exhilerating.

LA's are very variable - I've seen posts on here from people who have had them in contact within 3 weeks, but others never get in touch at all, so I'm afraid there's no way to guess.

I'm glad to hear that your DP has switched to being so positive about it - of course you could have done it in the face of opposition, but parenting is so much simpler if you're all heading the same direction!

There isn't anything you need to do, in fact it can be better not to have too fixed an idea of how you're going to go about it, because that way you can be lead by what DS finds works for him. But just spend time doing nice interesting things with him, and you'll start to see how he picks things up.

When we started homeschooling, I felt as though I had tucked a child
under each arm and jumped off a cliff. Imagine my surprise to discover
we have wings. - Maura Seger

julienoshoes...that's it in a nutshell!!

In an effort to get DP on your side & as it's the school hols why don't you hilight the chages in DS mood & happiness etc.
I guarantee if you talk about all the positives of HE, he will come round to your way of thinking. It's also a good idea to talk about what others are doing & how successful it is for them.
Society has been indoctrinated that school is the only way to be successful & don't really think of other way, society has blinkers on! The whole world is a classroom but people don't always see that; well at first they don't until an alternative is pointed out.
My DH was against HE until I gently talked him round & hilighted the benefits of HE to him & now he never wants them to return to school.
If you take DS out against DP's wishes then it will just create major probs. Just be patient & DP will come round.

I just wanted to revive this to say thank you to all of you for helping me make the decision to HE. I've had network problems for the past week and haven't been able to get online, that's why it's taken so long.

Today is really our first day of HE - I'm not counting Friday before last as the de-reg letter didn't get to the school until lunch time. It feels ever so weird to be sat here typing in my dressing gown while DS has a lie-in, watching all the other children walk past on their way to school - it would be nice if I didn't keep thinking that SS are going to knock down the door any moment and march us off to school.

I suppose I'd better get DS up and start breakfast. Thanks for the support, all of you