M I L "your playing god with his life"

[BeNimble]

...because we're choosing HE rather than school.

any comments?

I never come on and say that people shouldn't HE, I only put the other point of view when people are negative. It is the equivalent of people coming onto school thread and saying 'why not HE if a DC is unhappy'.
I think you have to present school in a positive manner if you are intending to send them. Mine went from toddlers once a week and got a library book from the school library and one of the teachers read a story. I felt very sorry for the DC of a woman who wanted to HE but her DH had refused point blank, her poor DD was going to have to go to school and was full of fears because her mother had transfered her own negative views on school.
We seem to have wandered from the OP who just wanted to deal with her MIL (a woman like me!). My point was that if she told MIL it was not set in stone and was open to review then MIL would find it easier (something I believe she should do anyway). I also think the proof is in the doing of it well-then no one can complain.
I am not sure about all the people who HE having the patience of saints. Some are very touchy! I think it is a fascinating subject-sorry if doesn't always appear that way.

"It is the equivalent of people coming onto school thread and saying 'why not HE if a DC is unhappy'."

Only if people were posting here about how unhappy their children were being HEed. That would be the direct equivalent.

Or am I wrong? Do you think there is no double standard in operation here?

For the record, I have no particularly bad experiences of school, and no anti-school axe to grind.

We just chose to HE because we like spending time with our children, value the very close-knit relationships they build as they spend so much more time together, appreciate the flexible approach we can take to learning styles (my eldest learns very differently to my second eldest) and find it helpful to filter the big wide world for them as long as we can (yes, I know I'll get flak for the last one, but there it is).

It's not a second-best choice to us because schools let us down, it's an active, positive choice because it fits with our family lifestyle and general vision.

So, while I do appreciate the concerns others have (and I have heard many, both sensible reasons and out-of-their-gourd mad ones) this is a decision I'm quite confident is the very best for my children, and that's the best any parent can hope for.

I do feel that on a discussion board on a general parenting site I have a right to question posts which sometimes run along the lines of 'How dreadful and unnatural it is for children to be locked in classrooms with 30 other children' (a near direct quote BTW)

Far game to discuss the benefits of HE, fair game to query some of the downright blanket damning comments about school made by some.

Not everyone who HE's has negative views of school either, yet we are all tarred with the same brush by the people who post on threads like these.

OP- My MIL doesn't approve of many aspects of the way we live our lives, but it's really none of her business. I'm extra lucky in that she doesn't limit her comments to HE.
It doesn't stop her commenting in the same way that it doesn't stop others from commenting on these threads.

Snowy we don't have halo's we're immensely smug , that's where the patience comes from.

Even if someone posted wanting only positive experiences of HE you'd still get some who would reiterate their stance. It's simply part and parcel of a forum.

The HomeEd section often reminds me of those crackers Steiner threads.

I heart u marsha!

I did say 'made by some'. I don't think that I have ever tarred every HEdder with the same brush.

But if the comment is made, I do feel that I can discuss it. If for no other reason than as a teacher, i don't like being tarred with the same brush as those who have suffered from poor teaching

ooh I type too slow MB I didn't direct that at anyone in particular, but rather a glance to previous threads.

gosh i can tell you're a teacher, I feel proper told off

Well said, Martianbishop. I only comment because I dislike the statement made by a few that school is damaging to a DC.
I feel the need to stand up for schools that do a wonderful job and are exciting, vibrant places.

Fair point mb there have been some very blanket negative comments about schools and teachers on posts here - of course you (and everyone else) should have the right of reply to those kinds of remarks. I sure as hell exercise my own right to reply on any topic which I notice!

Good AMumInScotland-and so you should!It is a public board-you should be free to give an honest opinion.

Totaly agree AMIS

the trouble is that it seems to be impossible to discuss stuff in this forum without the thread veering into the pros and cons of HE

fine if the thread title is "should I HE?"

but that isn't the OP's question

Now yes we have restricted access stuff like yahoo groups where we HErs chat freely among ourselves, but a LOT of these OPs are from people who are quite tentatives asking questions.

I am really happy to engage in the odd pros/cons of HE debate if that is what people want . I like a good barney (sp?)as much as the next MNetter. Though you will NOT get HErs to agree on much, it is like herding cats with us

but tbh it is tiring to constantly have a good 50% of discussions on the HE board turn into the same old debate.

ohh kay there ARE shiny though

when we looked round schools recently we felt we could definately say, without question, that they were cleaned quite often.

Filly you said

'but tbh it is tiring to constantly have a good 50% of discussions on the HE board turn into the same old debate.' and I think that would be a very valid point, but a quick scan of the top 20 or so threads on the HE part of the site doesn't show that.

there are threads that have this discussion. there are lots of others which do not. far more, in fact.

There's a school a few streets away from us that gleams, I tell you.

I think the problem is that, when it does happen, we all sigh and groan because it seems so frequent, even if maybe it isn't really. And then we roll up our sleeves and counter-attack, and it all escalates from there! I do try to concentrate on answering the original question, in the hope of getting back on track, but it's very tricky...

But its quite simple, the reason that the op's mil feels like she does is beacuse going to school is the norm.

Now before anyone jumps, I said the norm, which is not necessarily to say normal or desirable.

A lot of people want their children to experience the norm.

That's it.

lol mb, I don't think its really a question of the proportion of threads on which this is happening.

I think the thig is, it is one thing if the OP says "I am considering HEing, please give me your views"

and quite another if they ask a quite specific question, like here-how to deal with inlaws-and the answer is basically , from some posters - "well HEing isn't really a great idea anyway". Thats NOT what the OP said.

It is a bit like someone saying "oh MIL is being negative about me bottlefeeding" and the response being "well bottlefeeding is fraught with problems, I would never bottlefeed" etc etc.

The trouble is, what I think is happening is that a lot of people who were quite active on these threads just aren't posting anymore.

I don't massively see who it is helping, to rehash the "is HEing a Good Idea" argument again and again on threads where it bears nbo relevance to the OP.

I do often envy the very clean windows of the local school btw

now that is one school relared experience my kids ARE missing out on, i do admit.

I do understand the 'siege mentality' feeling. I feel much the same way on September when the ed board is full of people who seem to want to tar and feather the entire teaching profession.

and so I do understand that having people post the positive of schooling may get faintly irritating. But that then breeds (in some) a feeling (that is sometimes expressed openly ) that school edders have no right to post the benefits. And indeed some go so far as to express the feeling that there simply are no benefits or advantages to school education. Which to my mind would be as silly as my posting that the student/parent ratios in HE circles not being advantageous

part of the problem of course is that HErs have very different approaches and experiences

but another part of the problem is that most people have very little experience of HE so they are frequently not giving actual negatives, just percieved ones.

eg-socialisation. this is usually raised as a problem, but isn't really, there are so many HE groups in most parts of the country that its quite possible to do something with other kids every day of the week. There are also various studies indicating that HE'd kids score better than average on tests of social interaction (lol at being able to measure this but still). Missing out on an inspirational teacher is another-most HErs I know have surrounded themselves with potential mentors with varied interests for their kids (often quite accidentally-HEing parents tend to be the type to do second, u-turn, degrees, volunteer in art galleries and bird santuries, etc).

I dunno what I am saying really. Of course people CAN post what they like. it just seems like the same things are being said again and again, it seems like a lot of HE threads just end up exactly the same , a pros/cons quagmire.with some of us on the side saying "fgs, not another pros / cos quagmire"