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Home ed

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M I L "your playing god with his life"

98 replies

BeNimble · 20/05/2008 23:17

...because we're choosing HE rather than school.

any comments?

OP posts:
KayHarker · 22/05/2008 10:31

Oh, and it's not Latin psalms - it's the original Hebrew, of course.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 12:12

KayHarker-what would you do if your DCs asked to go to school?

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 12:32

Say, 'No, dear.'

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 12:35

sorry, mildly facetious, had a brief emergency to chase after. I shall add further that of course we would have a slightly bigger conversation about it, but that would essentially be the answer.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 13:21

I am all for HE if it suits your life style and your beliefs but to tell your DC that they can't even try it is too controlling. Your DCs are not clones of you! I would find it very hard to forgive my mother, as an adult, if she had stopped me going to school. I know of one university lecturer who hasn't forgiven her mother and had to take the dire step of leaving home at 16 to get her education.

julienoshoes · 22/05/2008 13:26

"what would you do if your DCs asked to go to school?"

And how many schooling parents, who now about home education,would even consider asking their children if they wanted to be home educated instead of going to school?

I hear this several times a week when others dicover our children don't go to school.
"Hey mom can I be home educated too?"
"Not on your nellie you can't!

or
"Icouldn't possibly home educate you"
or
"I wouldn't want to home educate you"

No-one questions these parents-and neither should they.

I'll say it again, I am passionate that families should know that home education is a viable option, with equal status in law to schooling-then they can make an informed choice about what is right for their family at that time.

julienoshoes · 22/05/2008 13:27

and telling schooled children that they can't even try home education, is not too controlling AbbeyA?

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2008 13:28

But what about parents who tell their children they can't even try HE? Why is that OK? If a child seriously thought it through, and told their parents that they had decided they really wanted to be HE, no matter how the parents felt about it, would you say the parents had to let the child give it a go?

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2008 13:33

X-posts there Julie

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 13:38

lol, hey look at that, everyone else has posted my answer for me.

Saying 'no' to something a child expresses interest in isn't controlling, it's just part and parcel of being a parent. We're not going to get a dog either, no matter how much my second eldest tries to convince me it would be an enriching experience. No doubt she will resent me and get a dog of her own when she's an adult.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 13:40

If my DC didn't like school and wanted to HE and gave me very good reasons then I would let them try it. (I am not just saying this, I would -but they would have to be good reasons).I find it very sad that you HE a child and you are so set on it that you won't let them even try school. I said earlier on this thread that I really admire a woman who was a firm believer in HE and hated school but she let her daughters try it aged 10 and 8 when they asked. It lasted about 18 months and no doubt she was thrilled when they chose to go back to HE but at least she was led by them and she supported them.(she bit her tongue and kept anti comments to herself).
Most people couldn't give their DCs the choice for financial reasons.
I loved school.(I don't care if this makes me sad in your eyes. I had a very happy home life but primary school remains full of really happy memories).

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 13:42

You will have to wait until they are adults then Kay before you get a true picture. I would have given my mother a very hard time if she had kept me at home! My mother was home educated for part of her childhood and hated it-she loved school.

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 13:50

Who would think you were sad for loving school?

I appreciate my parental choice is one you disapprove of, but that's kind of the way it is with parenting. Given that my children have expressed no wish to go to mainstream school, it's all a bit moot, really.

I'm a bit about the old 'you just wait' argument. It would be a rather mean thing for a HE parent to say to a parent who has chosen school for their children.

Yes, my children may well end up hating me and writing big books about what a harridan I was (well, maybe not that, because I'm not Joan Crawford, but still). I'm quite sure any one of my parenting choices might have the potential to turn my children against me. I shall just have to do what I think is the best, won't I?

julienoshoes · 22/05/2008 13:51

and the people who could home educate-who have no finacial restrictions, but just choose that it is not right for them and their family??
Are they not too controlling for not allowing their children to try being home educated?

julienoshoes · 22/05/2008 13:54

" I shall just have to do what I think is the best, won't I? "

That's just it, all parents should be allowed to make informed choices about what is right for their family-taking all sorts of things into consideration.

School or home based education. It is the parents choice-and rightly so.

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2008 15:20

I think that most reasonable parents would take their children's views into consideration, but that doesn't always mean doing what the children ask - that's part of the deal when we are the parents and they are the children. At different ages, how we negotiate between the children's wishes and other factors will vary - most parents would over-ride a lot of a 3 year old's wishes, but rather less of an 8 year old's, and ever fewer of a 15 year old's. But we still maintain the right to veto decisions which we believe are simply harmful, or too impractical.

In my case, I did not give my DS any say in going to school when he was 5. I gave him options about changing schools when he was 8. He was an equal partner in the decision to go for HE at 13. He will have the main say in what he does for education at 15. If he had hated any of those choices, I would obviously have reconsidered them, taking that into account, but that doesn't mean I would have let him have the final say.

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 15:23

yer callin' me unreasonable, AMiS?

[the-I'm-not-being-entirely-serious-emoticon]

Squack · 22/05/2008 15:27

AbbeyA you are a teacher are you not?

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2008 15:34

Oh I'm sure you take their views into consideration Kay, then do what you think is right

KayHarker · 22/05/2008 15:40

Wink Grin

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 17:23

I would love to HE. My ideal life would be to have an old house in the country, grow my own veg, have a few hens and ducks and I would be really good at HE at the primary stage (yes I am a teacher but that it irrelevant, except that I became one because I liked school and love working with children). In reality I live in a modern house in a suburban village in an over populated area, HE would still be an option and there is a large EO community. However it is not about me, it is about what suits DCs.
A very good friend took her DSs out of school aged 7 and 5 (the 3rd never went). I think she has done a good job but she has given them choice. The older 2 both did flexi school from 14 (not cherry picked just local comp). The went in for lessons they chose. It was successful but a bit tricky on the friendship front because they were not there all the time. They both went into 6th form full time (2nd DS there now) and that worked really well, once they were full time they had a lovely circle of friends. Youngest has still never been but has had the option at any time and may do the same as the others once he is 14.
The important point to my mind is that they chose. I can see that it is OK to choose for them, Kay ,while they are small but from about the age of 10 they should have some choice. I have asked mine if they wanted to HE but they all said they didn't, so I didn't have to go any further. My youngest 2 are less than 2 years apart in age and as different as chalk from cheese , they have their own very different set of friends and I don't think they would want to spend large parts of each day together.
I am not against HE at all, just against imposing your own negative views of school onto your DCs.

onwardandupward · 22/05/2008 17:49

I agree with you in principle Abbey: the most important person in deciding where a person should be educated is that person themself. I don't even see 10 as the age of being able to make that decision. If a 4 year old of mine was keen to try school, I'd support them in that decision. I'd make sure I gave them the information they'd need to make that decision wisely, and I'd make sure they had a trial day or two before committing.

I would add that HE from the start as the default option is just as valid socially, intellectually and LEGALLY as school from the start as the default. To say "we intend to HE" should not invoke a chorus in others (including you Abbey, several times here on Mumsnet) of "oh, but maybe your child would really love school, mine do, and I did too myself, you really should be giving them the choice" unless you also feel comfortable with HE advocates jumping in on every thread in the primary/education/secondary sections saying "oh but maybe your child would really love to be HEed, mine love it and so do all the other HEed children we know, you really should be giving them that choice and that opportunity you know". Worth thinking about whether you are holding us HEers to a leetle teeny bit of a double standard?

It's not as if those of us who home educate have never heard of the benefits and convenience of sending our children to school... we have it drummed into us on a daily basis by the media, our in laws, our friends, random old ladies in bus shelters... in fact, by practically everyone we encounter except other HEers. And our children have exactly the same drip feed about the joys of school coming in, from TV shows and the adults they encounter in daily life.

And no, I agree, parents should not impose their own negative school experiences on their children. But equally, parents should share with their children their best theories about the society in which they live, and if they are opposed to, say, the Christian ethos of the Boys Brigade, they'll be wanting to share that with their children before they run out and buy uniforms. Same with school, no?

And, while we are at it, I don't think parents should be sharing with children their own POSITIVE views of school. As I've said before in a thread here, that's a real kick in the teeth for the children who find school doesn't suit them for whatever reason - not only are they miserable in their environment, but their misery is in direct contravention of what their parents have told them the school experience will be like. It does not take long for such a child to be convinced that there isn't anything wrong with that school, or with school in general for them, but that there is something dreadfully wrong with them themselves.

snowymum · 22/05/2008 18:09

As a frequent lurker on the HE boards I do think that the regular HE posters have the patience of saints to be constantly challenged on their educational approach, and to reply with such good grace - and in a space which is named "Home Ed", not "Home Ed - a valid choice?"

And their responses make me even more determined to HE myself, as they are rational, clearly argued, thoughtful and given in good humour. I want to be like them, and I imagine their chosen lifestyles play a large part in such clearheadedness.

onwardandupward · 22/05/2008 18:27

polishes halo

and now, snowymum, I have in my head "I wanna walk like you, talk like you, shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo"

so thank you for that.

Fillyjonk · 22/05/2008 18:36

I did like school

I got good grades and had lots of friends

my kids are NOT me and I do not think that they would like school, especially not at age 4.

Also, I went to rather eclectic schools before the NC and bascially just messed about all day for YEARS (and yet oddly have 6 A levels and a first class honours degree)

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