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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Conflicted over home schooling

32 replies

Bacon1985 · 12/03/2025 11:51

I have a 6 year old DD, a 4 year DD and a 8 month old DD. I have been conflicted over home education for awhile. I am in the UK and feel that the education system pushes formal learning too young. I have recently changed my 4 year old to a outdoor nursery as she had become unhappy in her preschool setting that started to push the formal learning of phonics etc. At my girls ages I just want them to be able to be kids and play.

My 6 year old doesn't seem unhappy at school but she says she doesn't like it and wants to play and do art. Her behaviours is definitely better aswell when she is off school on holidays. I am considering home education or flexi schooling which I would also do with my 4 year old as I don't think she is ready to go to school yet.

However, I have concerns about whether this is the right thing for the family. The main concern is finances as I need go back to work and don't know if practically we could afford home education. My other concern is having the kids at home all the time, we don't really have family support and I don't know if I will struggle with adapting to them being at home all the time too especially with the different needs of the ages.

My gut tells me it would be better to home educate or flexi school. But practically I don't know how this would work for the family.

Any advice or information from people who may be in the same position would be great, thankyou.

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Eachpeachpears · 12/03/2025 12:00

No advice but absolutely in a similar position . My 6 year old son has ADHD and the classroom setting is not getting the most out of him but the financial and social implications are huge.
I am a sahm due to ill health so having him at home all the time would be a huge change for everyone because he would have to learn to adapt around my illness as well as his ADHD. There are so many ifs and buts with home Ed but only you know if this is truly possible for you. I think it's important to recognize that the days of forest picnics and practical science experiments will be few and far between in reality and you need to have the energy to remain exciting and coming up with engaging ways to learn for 3 different age groups.

MrsFaustus · 12/03/2025 12:07

I’m a retired primary school teacher and very involved granny. I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less than homeschool. My gc are very happy in their school, are learning well and don’t seem to be under pressure. Your daughter probably behaves better in the holidays because she’s not as tired and I expect the whole family is less pressured. Can you afford to give up work and to buy resources and join homeschooling groups? I’ll get flamed I suppose but the homeschool thing has become very fashionable as has the ‘education in the u.k is awful’ trope. If your child isn’t coping and/or has special needs okay but for most children school based education can be great academically and socially.

Bacon1985 · 12/03/2025 12:17

Thankyou both for the replies. It's nice to know I am not the only one in this position aswell. Practically I think it wouldn't work for the family and I think the idea of it may be better then what it would be. My 4 year is currently on a waiting list to be seen by a paediatrician as may have ASD so I think that has made me question things a lot as don't think she will be ready for school come September.

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ParrotParty · 12/03/2025 12:24

I wouldn't for social reasons, and regardless of how well you teach you can't get her used to a classroom environment and I'd imagine the jump to starting in year 4/6 or whenever would be hard without easing into it over time.

Shelbymom · 12/03/2025 12:28

I urge you to join the Facebook Group HEFA (Home Education For All). It is such a good resource, so much information and the replies are fast and helpful.

We decided to HE over 10 years ago before that group was even in existence and have never looked back. Eldest two now in sixth form (and predicted A*/A's) after being home educated right through including GCSEs. As social, well rounded, respective, self-driven learners as you like. Best decision we ever made.

minnienono · 12/03/2025 12:29

Whether or not your 6 year old attends school she needs to be learning phonics, maths etc as well as a wide curriculum of science, history etc in an age appropriate manner not just art and playing - even the education systems that start later are doing lessons at 6.

Be very sure you can manage her expectations if you opt to homeschool, I homeschooled when my dc were 6&8, the elder was a breeze and got far ahead of her peers in school, her younger sister wasn't interested in learning at all and fought any attempt to get reading etc on track (she wasn't coping at school either, withdrawal from school was due to a house move)

Monvelo · 12/03/2025 12:34

I think it depends on kids personalities too. My daughter is behind academically and would benefit from tailored one to one teaching in part due to being dyslexic. But in reality she won't do a thing for me at home so it's a non starter. She is a conscientious student at school.

Bacon1985 · 12/03/2025 13:48

Thankyou for the responses, especially the resource @Shelbymom Lots of thinking to do!

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Saracen · 12/03/2025 14:03

Hmm, I think there are some misunderstandings here about what home education actually involves! It absolutely can be play based, especially for younger children. You do not have to make them "work". You don't have to plan lessons. You don't have to make learning exciting: learning IS exciting, when it is genuine learning which is done because the child has a purpose. If kids are used to having all their time structured for them, it can take a while for them to adjust to finding things to do for themselves, but they will.

Many families do somewhat change their approach as their children reach secondary age, in preparation for GCSEs. Not all families make this change: my two (now 25 and 18) drove their own learning right the way through. Anyway, it's certainly very common to let young children learn by experiencing life. It's good to take them out to interesting places, have good resources at home, read to them, offer them the chance to do projects, and so on, but none of that has to be a chore.

Finances are usually the major obstacle. What would be your plan if your older children went to school? Would you be looking to put the baby in nursery soon so you can return to work, or would you be home with the little one for a few years anyway? If you are going to be at home anyway, you could home educate for those few years and then send them to school when you have to. IMO the key is to meet their current needs as best you can. If they need home ed now, then let them do that now if possible. When/if the time comes that it's no longer viable, they can go to school.

People in the school system often have the view that home ed needs to be a long term commitment, but it doesn't. For a child who suits the school system, moving in and out of school is not a big deal. It gets easier as they get older. Four year olds do take some time to adapt to school, because they are four. Older kids are more capable of meeting the demands of school. They don't find it so hard to sit still and concentrate, or ask the teacher for help when they need it, or wait to use the toilet. My own older child and some of their friends have gone to school at a later age than usual, and found it pretty straightforward. I would say it took my nine year old about two weeks to really get into the school groove, to the point that their classmates and teacher kept forgetting that they'd never been to school before and would say "at your old school...". It's not identical to the journey of a four year old starting school.

On the other hand, for a child who doesn't fit easily into the school system, school is always going to be hard. But wouldn't it be better to let them start off in an environment where they thrive when they are little, and then face the challenges of school when they are more mature, understand their own needs, have self confidence, and have learned some coping strategies? Being thrown in at the deep end does them no favours. A child who is overwhelmed doesn't learn resilience. They learn that they can't succeed, they think it's their own fault, and they come to expect that school can't be a happy place for them.

My older child would have been okay at school or home, and just preferred home education. My younger child has special needs, and I was determined to do everything in my power to delay the time when she had to go into a setting which I knew would have been all wrong for her.

Saracen · 12/03/2025 14:09

Your daughter probably behaves better in the holidays because she’s not as tired and I expect the whole family is less pressured seems like a good reason to home educate! Insofar as behaviour is communication, better behaviour when not at school suggests that the home environment makes her happy.

FrenchandSaunders · 12/03/2025 14:09

I’m not anti home schooling but I do wonder how parents can provide everything a child needs. School is so much more than studying. Socialising, sharing, taking turns, drama, sport, residentials … the list is endless and I know I couldn’t have provided anything slightly near that. Even with outside groups.

If my child had seriously struggled I may have considered it but I do think it’s a bit unhealthy to have no break from each other.

howchildrenreallylearn · 12/03/2025 14:11

Hi @Bacon1985 I am an ex primary teacher turned home ed mum.
Don’t listen to the ‘I wouldn’t as how will they socialise’ comments. Home educated children socialise all the time. In fact mine socialise with a greater range of ages and types of people than schooled children. They certainly aren’t isolated at home. Far from it.

It sounds like your biggest hurdle is going to be figuring out finances. You say you have to return to work? Is that set in stone? Some of my friends who home ed work part time but it’s a juggling act. You need to find places you can drop off your kids whilst you work or work in the evenings and weekends. What is your plan?

WorkingHarder · 12/03/2025 14:21

We home ed after having been at school until year 9.

It's a really complicated judgement. My son had more access to other kids in school, but nowhere to actually talk to them so sat in silence all day for a year. In home ed, we have less access to kids, but he gets to talk all the time, which is much better for speech development and social stuff.

If I had home educated from the start it wouldn't have worked well as I had periods of really poor health and I don't know how we would have worked around that.

Also home educating now is really expensive. We have £13k from the council to home ed for this one year and that's just for tutors. There are so many opportunities at home to do really great stuff that is tailored to the needs of the child, but that does cost money.

I think if there are issues with SEND and the child is not going to cope in school, then starting them in school young is not going to help, it's just going to grind them down. That's what happened here. It wasn't helpful at all. The only thing that is got for my son was a sense of his own vulnerability and the fact that he was not in fact perfect or the best in the world. That is valuable in a way, but it wasn't a fun lesson to learn the hard way like that.

I think flexi-school sounds nice but I wonder if a send child would just be at a massive disadvantage in school part time, as they wouldn't be able to integrate socially and would always be on the back foot.

I'm interested in the hybrid schools that are starting to spring up where the kids all just go in one day a week and so they are all on the same footing as their peers. That sounds ideal to me.

WorkingHarder · 12/03/2025 14:22

We've found that Scouts is a really huge help. We're doing home school + scouts at the moment, and that is a very good compromise.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/03/2025 14:50

Monvelo · 12/03/2025 12:34

I think it depends on kids personalities too. My daughter is behind academically and would benefit from tailored one to one teaching in part due to being dyslexic. But in reality she won't do a thing for me at home so it's a non starter. She is a conscientious student at school.

In the same situation as you as a primary school myself I do a good job of explaining ideas, teaching her etc but she is much more receptive to other people teaching her. I know some home schooling families use tutors but then you'd need to do that x 3.

Please don't listen to scaremongering of schools are a mess. My school and my children's school isn't perfect but both are wonderful communities full of people who inspire and care.

Bacon1985 · 12/03/2025 18:47

Thankyou for your responses. Especially @howchildrenreallylearn @sacren @workingharder for your experiences.

I unfortunately do need to go back to work but we weren't planning on sending youngest to nursery yet and were going to try and juggle childcare between me and my partner who is self employed. The plan would be to keep my middle child where she is for now and until she is at least at compulsory school age (unfortunately she is just born outside the summer born criteria or I would have done that). It's a brilliant nurturing place and she is thriving there. My oldest we may be able to afford to just about send her to a forest's school near us for one day a week, although it would really stretch financies and then she be home education the rest of the week. Her behaviour can be horrible at home when she is at school in the week but I don't know if that's her communicating she is unhappy or she is just tired from school. She can be like a different child during school holidays.

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howchildrenreallylearn · 12/03/2025 20:31

Bacon1985 · 12/03/2025 18:47

Thankyou for your responses. Especially @howchildrenreallylearn @sacren @workingharder for your experiences.

I unfortunately do need to go back to work but we weren't planning on sending youngest to nursery yet and were going to try and juggle childcare between me and my partner who is self employed. The plan would be to keep my middle child where she is for now and until she is at least at compulsory school age (unfortunately she is just born outside the summer born criteria or I would have done that). It's a brilliant nurturing place and she is thriving there. My oldest we may be able to afford to just about send her to a forest's school near us for one day a week, although it would really stretch financies and then she be home education the rest of the week. Her behaviour can be horrible at home when she is at school in the week but I don't know if that's her communicating she is unhappy or she is just tired from school. She can be like a different child during school holidays.

All I can say is if you can pull it off financially go for it. It doesn’t have to be forever, they could always try school in future but at least you’ll have followed your instincts and given it a go.
Always follow your instincts. You’ll get so many opinions and there is so much noise around parenting/child rearing but ultimately you should always listen to your gut and do what is best for your family ❤️

pencilcaseandcabbage · 12/03/2025 20:49

FrenchandSaunders · 12/03/2025 14:09

I’m not anti home schooling but I do wonder how parents can provide everything a child needs. School is so much more than studying. Socialising, sharing, taking turns, drama, sport, residentials … the list is endless and I know I couldn’t have provided anything slightly near that. Even with outside groups.

If my child had seriously struggled I may have considered it but I do think it’s a bit unhealthy to have no break from each other.

When you are home educating, depending on where you live, there can be loads of groups/activities/opportunities to socialise with other home educated children. When I home educated DD in upper primary, she went to forest school, kayak club, play group, science club, orchestra... She actually had far, far better socialisation whilst being home educated than she ever did at school. And whilst doing all that, she also made it through 2 years of the national curriculum in just 1 year, with about 1.5 hours a day of sit down learning. Many people have this idea of home educated kids stuck in the house on their own all day, but the reality we found was the total opposite.

Gagaandgag · 15/03/2025 16:06

pencilcaseandcabbage · 12/03/2025 20:49

When you are home educating, depending on where you live, there can be loads of groups/activities/opportunities to socialise with other home educated children. When I home educated DD in upper primary, she went to forest school, kayak club, play group, science club, orchestra... She actually had far, far better socialisation whilst being home educated than she ever did at school. And whilst doing all that, she also made it through 2 years of the national curriculum in just 1 year, with about 1.5 hours a day of sit down learning. Many people have this idea of home educated kids stuck in the house on their own all day, but the reality we found was the total opposite.

Exactly! Home educators are so exhausted with this narrative! My children socialise every single day!
They are very confident and have friends of a variety of ages.

Lots of my home educator friends work part time. What is your field?

pencilcaseandcabbage · 15/03/2025 18:29

Gagaandgag · 15/03/2025 16:06

Exactly! Home educators are so exhausted with this narrative! My children socialise every single day!
They are very confident and have friends of a variety of ages.

Lots of my home educator friends work part time. What is your field?

It's the variety of ages too that was so much better. We found that children socialised based on their interests rather than their age. And often socialised as a mixed age group where the older kids would help out the younger ones - rather like when I was young and all the kids on the street would play together in a big group.

We don't home ed any more (DD is 18) but I remain very defensive of it and think it's essential to have as an option, for parental choice and particularly for the many, many children for whom school is a poor or even traumatising experience.

littleluncheon · 15/03/2025 18:57

Your children's childhoods go by so quickly and if you are able to spend the time with them when they are young, I would.
My youngest is a similar age to your oldest and does plenty of socialising, art, drama, sport or whatever else people with school children worry about.
School will always be there is you want to try that later.

Educationmarketing · 16/03/2025 12:03

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Bacon1985 · 16/03/2025 14:05

Thanks everyone. @gagaandgag I work for the NHS in the community so there is some flexibility but not a massive amount.

I suppose I am probably 80% certain we are going to home educate my middle for abit as I don't think she is going to be ready for a school setting and I worry about the impact it will have on her. For first year she would be able to attend her nursery for a couple days (they go up to 5 years of age) which is like a forest school then we would have her home. I suppose my question is if we are doing this for our middle child/our youngest not going to nursery yet, should we pull out our oldest to home educate her. I just worry because she is some what settled at school this would be the wrong thing. But also feel guilty that we are giving my middle child more time at home and should we also be trying to do this with our oldest. But i am aware as she is older she has different needs. However I think my oldest would like and benefit from home education. It so hard to know the best decision at times! I did think about this last year as was going to be off on maternity but she seemed more settled in reception/start of year 1 then she does currently. I think they have reached up the more formal learning which she is finding difficult. Thankyou for all your input so far.

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Dontfightnature · 22/03/2025 21:36

Hey! Second generation home schooler here! Never went to school until college. Graduated with honors when I did and now a registered nurse since 10+ years.

Homeschooling works 100%.
Go for it.

No one knows your kids better than you and the fact that you want to pursue this for the benefit of their wellbeing shows you are up for it.

Home ed in the UK is very easy as there are thankfully no rules in place. You're free to teach them what you want. Teach them the things they actually need to know and when theyre old enough, teach them what they need to pass GCSEs.

You dont need to teach them everything that kids learn at school. You can however, teach them things they DO need to suceed at life. Like life skills. Homeschooling is awesome as you will know how your kids learn best and can make school fun. We never did more than 3 hours of school a day. And then we played. Had the best childhood ever. Never had issues socialising. My mum made sure we were enrolled in sports and choirs and other extra curricular things that were fun. We had a hobby farm.
In college I had As in my english classess where school kids had Cs and Ds. And we never learned grammer just read tons of books.

Kids love to learn. You feed their interests in a fun way and they will excell.
The school system kills creativity. It is a proven fact
Watch this: j

If you can afford it, do it. Homeschooling doesnt cost much. Get a twinkl membership for £7/month and a printer. Buy books at charity shops or on vinted. Get in touch with home ed groups on fb. And most importantly: follow and promote your kids interests! They'll likely never be a math teacher if they hate math.

We're going to home ed out 2 kids as soon as old enough. Good luck!! Xx

Bacon1985 · 23/03/2025 20:51

@Dontfightnature Thankyou for your comment and advice. In my gut I think it's the right thing to do but it seems like a very scary decision and like I said practically I don't know how we will work it exactly. I am going to give it some more thought and hope I can feel comfortable with a decision.

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