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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Has anyone ever regretted homeschooling their children?

78 replies

hugshugshugs · 11/03/2022 22:02

Hi. Just that. Has anyone ever regretted homeschooling their children or wished they had done something differently?

OP posts:
Poplob · 27/04/2022 22:22

I was home educated for most of my childhood, and no I don't regret it. I have excellent GCSEs and A levels, a first class degree from a good university and an MA. And no, I'm not "weird" or friendless or any of the other frankly tedious stereotypes. And now I home educate my own DC. DS went to school for one term in reception, and I wasn't impressed and neither was he. When his teacher wrote emails they were barely written in coherent sentences, with commas all over the shop, so I didn't feel remotely confident in her ability to teach my child. DS aged 8 and DD aged 6 are academically far ahead of their schooled peers and they're both sociable children with plenty of friends (both schooled and home educated). We do our sit down learning four mornings a week and the rest of the time we do outings, projects, see friends, read, and plain old play.

If they'd like to go to school at some point I'm more than happy to send them. I don't keep them locked in a box telling them school is evil. I simply think state education in this country is unimaginative, unchallenging and too focused on spoon feeding and teaching children how to pass exams rather than how to actually think critically and love learning.

TinyTornado · 29/04/2022 22:35

I do not regret being home educated in the 80’s. From 6 to 14. (Went back for GSSEs, as this was well before internet, and taking exams would have been expensive and difficult)
I loved my life at home, feel privileged to have been allowed a beautiful childhood.

I use the example of others squabbling over space at at sand pit, while I had the run of the beaches, lakes and rivers. Some of the strange little memories from very early ‘infant school’ stand out - not being able to chose colour for a craft project, having to screw up plasticine to put back in the box. Home provided a freedom and ability to express myself in way I never could at school. I had a need to move, to do and be outside that school just couldn’t provide then- and probably less so now we are in a data driven high stakes test culture.

For those who say that ‘home ed kids don’t have friends’ that may to a greater or lesser extent be true - I’ve never had a formal diagnosis but strongly suspect I would be what was known as ‘Asperger’s’. Could read, and did- anything by about 5, medical books, folklore. My small primary actually said ‘we don’t know what to do with her’. I didn’t socialise well with children my age, and found them boring and a bit annoying. I found a passion in horses, and through this a social circle, of people with a shared interest but not necessarily my age.
What I feel home education gave me was an ability to be myself, and have come out the other side of childhood with none of what people call the ‘co-morbidities’ of this. The ptsd, the anxiety or depression. I do wonder how much of this in adults is caused by having to ‘fit in’, to mask and pretend so you are not left alone, or laughed at for the sensory issues around clothing.

And, all this was done by my mother, who was a single mum, who left school with a couple of CSE’s as she went to her local comp. She would learn thing from the book before she taught them, and incidentally was far better at explaining than my ‘maths teacher uncle’.

Now, you may ask.. but how did that all work out? Well, despite the fact that ‘formal, sit down and work from a book’ work was about 5 hours a week (no, not a day, I do mean a week) I have subsequently gone on to gain a degree, a PGCE and a masters; am employed in a job I enjoy, and still have a love of learning and curiosity about the world, along with a belief that I am a capable learner and able to face new challenges as they present.

Magnoliayellowbird · 29/04/2022 22:41

OldWivesTale · 13/03/2022 06:53

The majority of teacher training is learning how to manage behaviour in a class of 30 children; I'm guessing this of not an issue for home schooled kids.

When I did my teacher training it was barely mentioned. That was a long time ago though and hopefully it gets more attention now.

BemoreDerek · 29/04/2022 22:55

Honestly? Some days yes, some days definitely not, there are upsides and downs just like anything else I suppose. I suspect it's been the least-worst option for DD, not perfect but better than school would have been for her. I've had (still have) times where I'm riddled with doubt that I've done the right thing but I'm pretty sure I would have felt exactly the same had I sent her to school, it just would have been a different set of worries causing the doubt if that makes sense.

FelicetteNasa · 30/05/2022 10:32

I have never regretted home education for my sons. They were autonomous and did no formal lessons etc. Now in their 30’s they’re both very happy and successful people. One chose to go to Uni, the other didn’t and they were both fully supported in their decisions. Both were working by 18 and in jobs they chose because they were interesting to them.

LesGiselle · 15/06/2022 15:58

My home ed children are just starting GCSE's, with a mix of self-propelled learning, me and DH teaching a couple of subjects and tutors for anything we don't feel confident with. I constantly check with them that they're happy, and make it clear that they can go to school any time they like Grin

We live in a very vibrant home ed area, with lots of groups and friends, so plenty of support at all levels. It makes the world of difference - if my DC didn't have a bunch of friends and lots of outside stimulation, we'd switch lanes.

fiftiesmum · 23/07/2022 11:32

I regret not having done it properly instead of the pick and mix I used for my DC's .
Admittedly I was working a couple of days a week during that time so would have needed childcare and DH was unsupportive so sent them into school for socialising, art etc
The law is that children should be educated according to age and ability and mine weren't at primary school.
I was happy for them to go to secondary school as I couldn't do the specialist subjects.

DeepSeededUrbanDecay · 23/07/2022 19:17

Lovely post tinytornado

OrangeSamphire · 23/07/2022 19:29

The only regret i have is not taking my daughter out of school sooner because it damaged her to the point of suicide attempts and PTSD.

Seeing her thriving now is like having my daughter back. She disappeared age 5 after starting school and only now she is 13, after 2.5 years out of school, had she recovered.

We follow the curriculum and she is mostly self-directed. She’s into GCSEs now in some core subjects because she didn’t want to face having to do them all at once and she is academically well ahead in some subjects. It’s great to have this freedom.

She works while i work and then we head out for various activities - climbing, guitar, a trip out with another HE family, sketching, hiking etc. She also is teaching herself oil painting and theatre make up/prosthetics. She reads loads, is outdoors loads and has a very enriching life.

(disclaimer: i’m not anti school - my other child attends a very excellent specialist school and i’d be doing him a disservice by home educating).

Titsflyingsouth · 23/07/2022 19:56

A lot of negativity on this thread towards parents who HE. I don't think the majority of HE families in the U.K. are doing it by choice. Our school system is failing whole groups of children - particularly SEND kids. SEND provision at secondary level is a mess. My son is too bright for SEN School but struggles in mainstream. How he will cope in an average secondary of, say 1000 kids. I have literally no idea. I cannot see any feasible secondary options in our area. Our local autism support hub takes in 3 kids a year. 3!! Across half the county.... It's pathetic.

Good luck to all those reluctant HE parents trying to help their SEND kids. I feel for you. The current system is a piece of shit...

XantThinkOfAnything · 26/07/2022 10:01

I feel exactly the same @Titsflyingsouth my DS is academically capable and none of the local specialists schools cater for GCSEs, they only provide basic functional skills. DS struggles socially in secondary school despite having friends and being a star pupil. He's burnt out by masking all year and his anxiety is through the roof. He himself suggested to attempt year 8 after the holidays and see how it goes (he likes most teachers, their well stocked library, playing football - all things he knows he won't necessarily have access to if HE). But if he is back to really struggling we will deregister.

It's sad that the support just isn't there in most schools and we have had no support from camhs/local charities as the waiting lists are horrendous or he isn't considered severe enough. Most parents have no choice but to HE as their SN child's mental and emotional wellbeing is always priority.

climbingqueenie · 27/07/2022 08:27

I agree there is 0 provision for academically capable SEND children.

Gruffling · 30/07/2022 17:15

Following

ToHelenaHandcart · 07/08/2022 20:09

Two of mine went to school and I don’t regret it, one a bit of both and two home Ed. The different approaches in schooling suited them in achieving their potential. They’ve had similar outcomes as adults.

Bottlesandjars · 07/08/2022 20:22

My dd (13) is HE. She does whatever she feels like each day (usually painting) . She has zero pressure on her and I just say to her to pick each day what she feels like doing. She has many complex needs. Her consultant was against HE and tried to block us as she thought dd needed to socialise , we had to remind her that Education was beyond her remit.

willingtolearn · 07/08/2022 20:24

Just a quick thing - you use 'home schooled' and you'll notice most of the replies use 'home educated'.

For many (most?) people in the UK 'home schooled' = what happened during Covid when the school environment and curriculum simply moved to the home environment.

Home education is a wider view - it can include 'school at home' style learning but the focus is on learning in different ways - autonomous education, Montessori style, child led, eclectic, classical - or a mix of all or none.

As to regrets, whilst home educating I had lots of regrets about what I wasn't doing right, how I could have done better.

Many years on now and having worked in schools as well as seeing my child have different experiences in and out of school, I think I gave my children an excellent range of learning experiences, which have influenced their ability to learn independently as young adults/adults in a positive way.

Bottlesandjars · 07/08/2022 20:25

Sorry I posted too soon I meant To add

I do have days where I dont regret it but I wish dd was well enough to have stayed at school. It is what it is though we are just trying to keep her calm, well and happy and managing each day to do something

fiftiesmum · 21/08/2022 20:47

My children were home educated at primary level - they actually went into school but on the whole did not receive education appropriate to age and ability (had some very poor teachers but also some excellent ones and it was pot luck which one my DC's would get for the year)

Scarlettpixie · 25/08/2022 15:03

I made the decision to home ed a year ago after my son had been out of school for the best part of 2 years due to health issues. We use a mix of courses and online resources and he largely self studies. I work full time and am more of a motivator and facilitator than teacher. In addition to the academic stuff we do life skills and have interesting discussions including topics covered in PHSE. His health has improved massively since we deregistered from school and he has just taken 2 IGCSEs (a year early in year 10) and got As. He will take the rest next year. He is engaged in his learning journey and planning to go to college and then uni. No regrets here.

TilesAndPoop · 21/02/2023 00:26

@hugshugshugs this is a year old thred you started but i am keen to hear how it panned out for you. Are you still home ed’ing?
My situation is complicated. My son has been home schooled for nearly 2 years now and i am not happy about it. He lives with my ex and there us no structure from what i can see, he does what he wants. He doesn’t work towards his iGCSEs and i am worried sick. I am at the point of wanting to challenge this with ex through the court but this will start a ww3😭

MrsMikeDrop · 21/02/2023 01:27

homeedregret · 13/03/2022 06:41

@lemonnandliime, a teacher only does one year training on top of their degree, so they haven't spent many years learning how to be a teacher. Primary school level education is quite basic, but I'm still on some home Ed Facebook groups and some of the parents posting there have frightening SPAG. Not being able to use there/their/they're correctly, and one mum keeps asking for recommendations for a 'tudor' 😅.
Monitoring depends on your LA, some are ardent and others won't come to monitor you even if you request it. Mine had a home Ed officer and she came out once a year and was always very happy with the dc's work. You are not required by law to even follow the national curriculum.

That's shocking, how can that even be legal!

Saracen · 21/02/2023 16:04

MrsMikeDrop · 21/02/2023 01:27

That's shocking, how can that even be legal!

Which part of it is shocking to you?

I'm happy to chat more about how home ed works 🙂Many people find aspects of it quite surprising because they are so used to the school system. Even many home educating parents often need a number of years before they realise that there are other approaches to learning besides what they use or what they saw during their own school years. After 20 years I am still discovering that it can look different from what I expected! Having made a good start on home educating my eldest, I thought I had it pretty well sussed until my second child taught me that different kids need a different approach 😆

EmbracingAutism · 26/04/2023 14:36

Hi, I am trialling a questionnaire for doctoral research into parents’ experiences of home-schooling their autistic children.
If this is you, I would really value you sharing your experiences and feeding back on the questionnaire by completing it.
Full information about the study, and the questionnaire itself can be found by clicking the link below.

Thank you in advance for your time, it is very much appreciated.

Krista

docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfK3UYnNBMmVmEYhKf6DgMmbKR9EWm5bV6JxdwOCpx2540bA/viewform?usp=sflink

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/04/2023 14:58

OldWivesTale · 13/03/2022 06:53

The majority of teacher training is learning how to manage behaviour in a class of 30 children; I'm guessing this of not an issue for home schooled kids.

It’s not.

Its learning how to differentiate. How to adapt. How to question and do group work. How to deliver the subject so that it’s accessible and understandable.

Class control is a tiny part.

Skynorth · 26/04/2023 17:55

Both my sons were home educated, they did no formal lessons and learned from whatever they were interested in. We had a good home ed community locally. They socialised normally with friends, they definitely weren’t “hot housed”. They went to college at 16 - eldest then went into employment and youngest went on to uni and now also has full time employment.

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