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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Original poster

Starting a degree and DD is desperate to be home schooled, advice please!

52 replies

Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 06:36

To cut a very long story short, my eldest DD has aspergers and is in year 8. She has hated secondary since its start and we have already had to move her once as bullying lead to suicidal thoughts.
She has been so happy and relaxed in lockdown and she has stopped hair pulling for the first time in two years.
Yesterday she went back to school and when she got back her fingernails were bitten to the quick and she has been pulling again (eyebrows). As I'm disabled and clinically vulnerable to Covid they put her in a room, entirely alone with a teacher for six hours (I was told there would be a little bubble of kids). Clearly that's not healthy or sustainable.
She desperately wants to be home schooled again (she was home schooled for a whole in year 6) but I can't afford an online high school right now and I've just enrolled on a degree myself after already putting it off for years, so not sure how I would balance it all as I have two in primary as well.
My university have said I can study from home this year but it would still be a massive juggling act and, particularly where maths and science are concerned I'm worried I wouldn't be able to educate her properly.
Can anyone give me any thoughts/advice on what to do? I'm coming to the conclusion she will never be happy at high school.
Thank you!

OP posts:
JacobReesMogadishu · 05/09/2020 06:45

There are online schools which would provide the teaching and also some form os interaction with others. Could you afford this? What happens after a year when you’re back in lectures?

JacobReesMogadishu · 05/09/2020 06:46

Oh sorry, just read you can’t afford the online school.

Is she disciplined enough that if you download materials then she will do the work?

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 06:50

So this is my current idea..
I've had a look at my online schooling and I could stretch to paying for maths and science online.
In a year she would be 13 so I could be out of the house sometimes for lectures and my DH works from home three days a week. It would mean she would occasionally be by herself for two or three hours once if twice a week.
She would be at girl guides and a local drama school in this time so still seeing other kids her own age but without the stress of school. She also has a tight knit circle of online friends that she codes with/plays with and speaks to daily so I don't think she'll be too isolated.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 05/09/2020 06:51

You might need to defer your degree while you settle your dd. Does she have an EHCP? An EHCP can fund online school

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 06:52

I would feel confident teaching her history/geography and English with the help of DH but not sure about a language, although she already does Japanese from books and Duolingo.
She is quite self disciplined when she's interested in something and would do pretty much anything to be allowed to leave main stream ed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 06:53

No EHCP yet as it is a very recent diagnosis and it's too late to defer now due to the exam fiasco.

OP posts:
FecktheBoss · 05/09/2020 06:58

If you Electively Home Educate, you do not have to follow the national curriculum, term dates or hours of a regular school. Google Elective Home Education parental guidance and read the government guidance for parents. It will tell you what you have to do.

Scootingthebreeze · 05/09/2020 06:59

That's a very tough predicament to be in for both of you.

I'd suggest joining a couple of the autism pages on Facebook and posting your situation, as they can give guidance based on their experiences and research.

I hope you can find a good solution for you both

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 07:01

Yes I've read the guidance and know we don't have to follow the set hours but I just don't want her education to suffer because I've commited to this degree. I also just want to feel I'm doing the "right thing" iyswim as I think if I take her out now she won't go back until College, where I think she'll be much happier.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 05/09/2020 07:04

It sounds like you need to just go for it, if you're studying as well then you can study together. She needs to know the deal is she has to self motivate some of the time, it might take a bit more effort to get things set up for her, but I'd say lock down has shown this would be the right course of action and if her mental health is at stake here it's worth it. You've already done it once you can do it again, also there is no need to do things at the same pace or even study the same things. So go with what she's genuinely interested in as focuses, you can spread the exams out when you get that far. Even do some early if you want! Good luck.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 07:10

I want to just go for it but it's a big step and the council made it very stressful and difficult for us the first time Sad.
Oak Academy is also going to be free this year I heard so I could use that resource too.
I'm just sad for her, sad she hates school so much, sad I can't make her happy there.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 05/09/2020 07:44

I think if you have the resources in place for learning then it makes it harder for the council this time. Also you can make a big point about her improved mental health, that your home is going to be a learning environment. Sometimes school doesn't work and it is sad because the positive aspects of it can be great, but don't let your previous experience with the LEA put you off. Forewarned is forearmed and you know what they might pick up on. Also if you're lucky the EO might have changed and you could have a whole different experience with them.

TW2013 · 05/09/2020 08:06

I think actually you studying sets a good example to her. You can swap study skills ideas. She knows that you are going through similar experiences and it shows that you value education. You can have planned breaks where you met together and discuss how it is going. The demands for the first year will not be as substantial while you both get into the swing of it.

Jellybeansincognito · 05/09/2020 08:45

you would do it- whilst she knows this, you have no chance with school.

It’s tough isn’t it.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 09:18

Not sure what joy mean @Jellybeansincognito?

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Jellybeansincognito · 05/09/2020 09:23

Whilst she knows that you would homeschool her, there’s no chance of her loving being at school.

You could try removing the option of homeschooling and seeing if it helps?

Or just homeschool her.

KetoPenguin · 05/09/2020 09:25

Sitting on her own with a teacher for 6 hours is ridiculous! Perhaps the school will be glad to facilitate her home schooling if it saves them having to do this. I would join a home schooling group for support, the council had no right to be difficult before you are allowed to home school and I think they probably overstepped their role.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 09:31

I originally asked to keep her home longer and this was the solution but obviously not healthy or sustainable. I was told there would be a bubble but it was just her and she was only being supervised while doing the work on a pc, which she could have done from home!
I know they're doing what they can, but it just feels pointless. She could be learning more at home where she feels comfortable and secure.

OP posts:
SMaCM · 05/09/2020 09:48

Would the school agree to flexi schooling, so she could go in for part of the week, maybe including science lessons?

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 10:10

I could afford maths and science through my online school. Anything else might be a stretch. Flexi school wouldn't work as she relies on a 45 minute school bus to get there and back which only operate twice a day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 10:10

She had to get on it yesterday, was one of only two wearing a mask.

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Saracen · 05/09/2020 10:11

Once you get into the swing of it, home education does not have to require direct attention from parents for much of the time. I am sure you can make it work. Your daughter will have someone physically there to keep an eye on her nearly all the time, so she'll be safe - that's usually the main issue for older kids whose parents work/study.

Kids who are learning what interests them at their own pace with some one-to-one help need far far fewer hours of formal learning than they would at school. In fact she doesn't need to be doing formal learning at all; my kids just read and did hobbies and watched documentaries and did interesting things.

I think your setup sounds very promising. You'll find your way. Clearly she can't stay at school: it's destroying her.

Re the Local Authority: the law is on your side. Some councils are absolutely dreadful for misleading parents about their legal obligations. In reality they don't have much power. If you get good advice from knowledgeable home educators, you can stand firm against them, write them a few assertive letters "reminding" them of the law and there is little they can do. If you are on Facebook, there is an excellent group called "Home Education and your Local Authority: Help with dealing with officialdom" where the admins know everything there is to know about home ed law and are very generous with their time.

Saracen · 05/09/2020 10:20

Looking ahead, in a few years, college could be an option for at least some GCSEs. Some colleges have dedicated 14-16 provision, though what is on offer and the profile of the other kids attending can vary quite a lot, but it does suit some home ed kids, even if it is only for a few subjects. And it's free.

You can sort GCSEs (or more often the equivalent IGCSEs) from home, but there is a cost involved as you have to pay exam fees and fess to the centre where she sits the exams as a private candidate. I should warn you that that is the point when parents usually have to invest more time in home education - not necessarily the actual instruction, but the research in finding out which subjects are best to do, which exam board to use, where she can sit them, making sure she is prepared for them, etc. There is a lot to know. But other home educators will help you. There are lots of online groups where people discuss all the details. Most home educated teens take fewer GCSEs than if they were at school because they don't necessarily need more than five or six to get onto the college course they want or into employment. And they usually spread them out over several years, which reduces the stress and spreads the cost as well.

Anyway, you can cross that bridge when you come to it, home ed her for the next two years to give her a break from school stress and then see whether you think you can get her through GCSEs or whether some other arrangement would be better. It doesn't have to stop you now.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/09/2020 12:47

I've had a look and our local college do offer courses for fourteen year olds that haven't settled at high school. Sounds perfect for DD to be honest.

OP posts:
mrwalkensir · 05/09/2020 12:51

Have you looked at Khan Academy online for maths and science - free and structured and very good

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