Starting a degree and DD is desperate to be home schooled, advice please!

[Beebityboo]

To cut a very long story short, my eldest DD has aspergers and is in year 8. She has hated secondary since its start and we have already had to move her once as bullying lead to suicidal thoughts.
She has been so happy and relaxed in lockdown and she has stopped hair pulling for the first time in two years.
Yesterday she went back to school and when she got back her fingernails were bitten to the quick and she has been pulling again (eyebrows). As I'm disabled and clinically vulnerable to Covid they put her in a room, entirely alone with a teacher for six hours (I was told there would be a little bubble of kids). Clearly that's not healthy or sustainable.
She desperately wants to be home schooled again (she was home schooled for a whole in year 6) but I can't afford an online high school right now and I've just enrolled on a degree myself after already putting it off for years, so not sure how I would balance it all as I have two in primary as well.
My university have said I can study from home this year but it would still be a massive juggling act and, particularly where maths and science are concerned I'm worried I wouldn't be able to educate her properly.
Can anyone give me any thoughts/advice on what to do? I'm coming to the conclusion she will never be happy at high school.
Thank you!

You don't need to do anything much.
There are free resources for all levels and all subjects online.
We never bought anything, honestly.
But, we did have the time to dedicate producing resources and monitoring progression.
But as for teaching, we didn't, we facilitated.
Bitesize is good for all subjects, especially Maths, it even shows you where you went wrong and shows the right methods/ answers.

There is absolutely no way I'd send one of mine to school in your dd situation.
Maybe put the degree on hold for a few years.

I can't put the degree on hold. I'm fully enrolled and due to start in two weeks. I've put it off for years already.
I can do it at home this year though and if I was careful I could manage it time wise. Honestly college at 14 sounds like the perfect solution for her.

Go for it! She sounds motivated and not hard to have around. It will be fine.

College at 14 is great for some students but do be wary. If your dd is capable of getting good GCSEs it might limit her future career as they tend to be level 1 and level 2 course but not actual GCSEs.

Why don't you take this year to home ed and decide what to do next year?

Is your DH the father of your DD? If he is then this isn't just your problem to solve. What can he do to help with home schooling?

DH is her dad yes and seems to be on the same page as me about this. He works long hours and is the main breadwinner though so it will mainly be me facilitating everything. He's very good at maths and computing though so could help with plugging the gaps there.

One of our local colleges runs a course specifically for HE kids who are 14+. They attend 1 day a week and do GCSE English Language, Maths and Combined Science. This gives them plenty of time for other subjects that they can sit elsewhere as private candidates.

The college near us seem to offer functional skills maths, English and computer science. I think I would really like her to do GCSEs as she's very bright academically and wants to go to a RG university for computer science (has it all planned out!) if money wasn't an issue she would be going to interhigh but we can't afford that right now.
Really with the massive spike in cases I expect we'll be removing her this week and I'll just have to do my best this year.

I don't know how much myonlineschooling is but if you're only looking for maths and science then there are several other companies that do online courses for home ed kids in individual subjects. Often they are very reasonably priced and offer payments spread through the year. If your DD is set on a computer science degree then I can recommend LearnTec as my 13 year old is doing his GCSE with them.

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing !

Thank you. She had changed her mind yesterday and wanted to give it one more go when all year groups start back tomorrow but she's spent all night having a panic attack about it so tomorrow we'll be calling in sick and having a really big conversation on next steps.
She's afraid to leave as it is a good school generally and much more supportive than the first one she attended, but she has said the social side of school together with the long bus ride in a mask and all the disruption Covid has brought is just too much for her.
Feeling very sad and conflicted tonight. Its almost as if she's too anxious to make the decision iyswim but I'm worried if I take that choice out of her hands that I'll choose wrong.

I think its defibitely worth exploring if the school can do anything to make things easier for her before taking her out x

Her ht has said he wants to work with us on a phased reintegration over time so going to wait and see what he means by this before we deregister.

Kids are very resilient and colleges flexible. If you are able to get her through 5 GCSEs to include English, maths, a science then she can do a level 3 course at college equivalent to 3 A levels and get into University. Her UCAS application can emphasize her ability to self study, engage in clubs and hobbies. Homeschooling will be great for her and in no way impede a future course in computer science. What degree are you enrolled on ?

Sometimes knowing there's an option to leave school helps them with their school attendance. It relieves the pressure on them to make it work and makes it feel less like a jail term to these struggling children.

I know of a child who was miserable at school and really struggling, but when offered home education she said she'd give school another go and never looked back.

Just do what is best for you and your DD.

Sometimes knowing there's an option to leave school helps them with their school attendance.

I agree! Just knowing she has a choice may help.

Do you have a UTC anywhere near you, pupils can start there in year 10 (I know that's a while off for you now!) but it would be worth looking into.

Think we are going to deregister her tomorrow. The transport to school is unsafe, she's sat by herself in a room all day. It just isnt going to work. She's anxious and miserable. I don't have a plan, I'm really quite scared of the lea due to past experiences but I just don't know what else to do. It's just not working .

Good luck with the future. She can always go back to school at a later date if it doesn't work out. She might need a bit of time to de-school.

Thank you, my main worry is the council getting involved with a back to school order. It just feels really overwhelming.

When parents get good advice and stick to their guns, it is very rare for LAs to win in court. When I say good advice, you don't need a solicitor, just other home ed parents who know home ed law inside and out. They are out there and they are helpful. You can do this. LAs usually back down in the face of parents who send assertive letters and write a good report.

Honestly, in law the bar is pretty high for an LA to force a child to school. You don't have to prove you are providing an excellent education or even an education better than your child would get at school. It just has to be adequate. You can get help with the report too.

Many parents DO end up returning their children to school under pressure from the LA. It tends to happen when parents don't have good support and feel intimidated by the LA. Parents may not realise how rare it is for an LA to actually win in court, so they back down and enrol their children in school "voluntarily". That emboldens the LA to keep bullying other parents.

Is is certain that we would have the LA involved? It is just for a year and then we would be sending her back.

It is highly likely they will approach you at an early stage asking for some information about your provision. You can then write a brief report describing what you have been doing, which should satisfy them. What were your previous bad experiences with them? Did they try to demand something else of you?

A number of rogue LAs do engage in bullying tactics and the Dept for Education refuses to get involved and rein them in, which is immensely frustrating. But the law is on your side. They cannot force your child to school without taking you to court. They aren't likely to push it that far if you demonstrate that you know the law. If they do take you to court they will almost certainly lose.

I have only read your posts, does the LEA have any local provision for DC that can't attend regular school on medical grounds?

This are often very small and they have a main classroom for most lessons. It can be a good alternative for DC with autism as it's not got the constant changing and large volume of pupils etc.

I haven't explored what other provision there is to be honest, because right now it doesn't feel that she is up to anything other than being at home.
I didn't deregister her yet, I have sent an email asking for a little more time to make a decision and to see what happens wrt to Covid.
The experience I have had with the LA in the past was mainly just bullying and intimidating language. She was offered a school place at the same school as the girl who threatened to kill her and it all just sort of went downhill from there, that was the end of year 6. We moved house to give her a fresh start but high school hasn't really worked either. She's found it impossible to make friends and her anxiety is just getting worse and worse . I'm just not sure she will ever be happy at regular school but at the moment I just really want to put zero pressure on her. Just have to wait and see what her head says now.