is it a good idea to be with your child 24/7

[pirategirl]

I was wondering, i know in some countries and cultures it is normal. In some countries kids don't start conventional schooling till 6 or 7.
Here its younger, and I was reluctant to let go of my girl, yet she has gone to school and enjoys it.
I enjoy the 'me' time I have now, after 2 yrs of being on my own since marriage split.

Yet, i know that my friend who is a HE, spends all day every day with her child. I was thinking, you nkow when she goes to her groups, her son always has her in the same room.
I just wondered , because my mate had a bad time at school, wether she is not somehow re-creating a new way for her son, because she didnt feel right her self at school.

Her son is 7 and very clingy, very bossy. I sometimes really admire her giving so much of herself, yet also wonder if she and her son would benefit by not being 'together' all the time.

is it good for the child - that should be the question.

not the mother.

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i guess i am soemtimes concerned about the child, in this particular case, good point. I think everyone should do what they wish, makwe no doubt about that. I even considered the HE way myself.

I just feel that the ds is missing out, as i say in this particular case. He doesnt mix with any other kids in the town, as the hE group is some miles away.

My child finds him withdrawn. yet i know this is perhaps his personality.

I have never ever questioned my mates decision, but as time goes on, I sense something amiss. Guess i'm too sensitive!!

depends on the child, I expect.
I think most home edders (IME) do activities where they are separated from their parents.

Do you know for a fact that they are together all the time? Many HE families swop children and so on to give each other a break. The children also usually pursue other interests such as music and sport and the parents wouldn't normally attend classes with the children.

"Clingy" and "bossy" are quite judgy words. You could say "Well-bonded" and "confident" if you were feeling more well-disposed towards him.

I would imagine your friend's experiences at school have influenced her decision to HE, yes. It would be odd if our own life experiences didn't inform our choices for out children, IMO.

I think the tendency to encourage early separation between children and parents in our country leads to an aggressive and competitive culture. It's not something that I view as necessary or healthy. Respect your friends's choices if you can and ask her about her decisions instead of guessing at her reasons. You may get some interesting replies

yes pruny ikwym, i am seriously not trying to antogonise anyone, just have a real concern, and want to understand.

I think its good for a parent to be around most of the time. Around the age of three I think its good for them to have a bit of time on their own. Not much just an hour or so here or there

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Of course, i talk to her, but i wanted opinions of he in a more general sense, so that I could understand what other he groups do, how it works, as I get the impression, well i know that he does not do anything without her there.
There are no swaps like you say.
I have always loved this kiddy, so know what i am talking about with the bossy thing, i am a very rounded person, but the bossy is rude too, and i never knew him to be like this.

Many of the he peeps are very unconventional in that they do not ever tell thier children off at all, and i think this affects him, and i have seen him be very horrible to his mum, who tbh, never says anything.

This was the reason for my op, if i think hard about it, i see change, and I am not going to stick my nose in, i just wanted some info.

Sure, I understand

It was hard to tell from your OP how much of your observations were based on reality if you know what I mean! People do tend to make assumptions (often erroneous ones) about HE families and make quite bigoted judgements about the children's welfare and the parents' reasons and so on

It really is quite an artificial construct in our society, of children going away from their parents at a young age and being segregated from the rest of society during the day.

in a more traditional culture children would be with their families almost all of the time, taking part in everyday life and learning hands on skills

I don't think anyone would suggest that children from traditional cultures are clingy - they seem to me to be very independent and capable people. I don't know if thinking about it like this helps at all?

IME when people say a child is bossy and rude they usually mean that he or she is more confident with adults than they are used to / than they approve of. This is very common with HE kids. Is it a good thing? I think it can be, yes. Is it annoying sometimes? Yup

the word most used about dd1 is "self possessed"
I take this to mean "precocious and annoying"

Besides, you can rise two children exactly in the same way and still get a clingy one and an extroverted one.

I will be home educating both my dd's, they have too many allergies to go to school or nursery/playgroup etc. They don't mix with any other children. My dd's are far from with drawn though quite the opposite. They are very mummy but its only me and them. They do go to my mothers to stay occasionally & my dd1 is very happy with that.

I would love the opportunity to be able to let my dd's mix with others but its not a possibility in our case.

Hillary, it's about finding the right place (DS's school has 12 members of staff trained in Epipen use, they have a quite strict nut policy and given the tutor-pupil ratio they can even afford to have an adult sitting behind DS at lunch times making sure "unauthorised" food do not make its way towards him). There's hope.

Hi Chandra, yes I have heard schools are getting better now, but my dd1 is allergic (anaphylactic) to egg, all nuts, pineapple, melon, mango, bees, wasps, oils, antibiotics to the extent of them even being in the same room as her particals and touch send her into shock, our consultant said it would be a much safer option to home educate in her case. She went into shock after playing on a climbing frame last year

I know Hillary, I saw your thread about it . DS is allergic to dairy, soya, fish, nuts and peanuts (also reacts by skin contact), wheat, kiwis, bananas, legumes, etc.

With respect to Chandra I don't think Hilllary can be too cautious. My childs school is nut free. She has 3 children in her class of 15 with anaphalaxis. They all carry epipens and the teachers are trained.
However mistakes do happen. One of the mothers sent in a Nuttella sandwich...thought it was chocolate spread andn't realised it was hazelnut. regularly there are mistakes with kids bringing museli bars.
This school has been nut free for 4 years, the parents have been educated so have the children, everyone is compliant but there are still mistakes.
One of the boys in my daughters class had an anaphalactic reaction to a class toy that had been taken home by another child and returned with a trace of peanut butter on it left by sticky fingers.
In the court in Melbourne at the moment is an inquest into a little boy....Alex Baptist who died in a Melbourne kindergarten following an anaphalactic reaction to ? a peanut butter sandwhich in the same room. His parents had chosen the kindy because of its nut free policy. The trained epi pen teacher managed to inject herself by accident. A second epi pen was available but belonged to another child at the kinder therefor not prescribed to Alex. The teachers were worried about the legal ramifications of using someone elses medn. so didn't give it. Alex died waiting for the ambulance.
Last week also in Melbourne a 15 year old Scotch College boy died on the school camp. He was highly allergic to peanuts and somehow accidently ingested some. I understand there was a Doctor at the camp and he had an epi pen. He died a couple of hours later.

I know this is all deviating from h e but I think you must really trust your own instincts and I would never completely trust a school with a highly allergic child no matter how many inservices they have done.

Goodluck with home schooling Hilllary. I did it last year with my 2 daughters 6&7 and it was the most brilliant year of my life. They have gone back to school this year but I am sure we will do it again before they reach senior school. Tilba x

I think that at the end of the day, she knows what's best for her children. I would do anything to protect my son (like driving for 2 hrs every day to take him to that school). But... sometimes there are risks you have to take in order for them to have at least a slightly "normal*" life. However, I agree with you, it may not be a good idea now but who knows, perhaps in the future when and if the children become less sensitive to some of the allergens (I have lost hope of mine outgrowing peanut allergy, but the other ones seem slowly going down).

*NBTW, not that I'm saying home schooling is not normal , I can see a lot of the benefits on it (enough as to have it considered myself)

Oh, and forgot to say, Tilbatilba... the fact that a child have severe food allergies doesn't mean he/she should stop "living" in order to be kept alive. Risks are always present but there's more to the child than his/her allergy.

(Hillary, regarding the above and before this may explode into something it shouldn't. I know that you spend half of the time making sure things are safe, and the other half making that safety bearable (just as I do) So... please don't think the above is aimed at you, after all your efforts you are in the best position to know what is right and what is not for your children)

Hillary, I have also taken the decision to HE my 2 boys. The eldest just didn't seem to get on in a school environment. that is not to say that he wasn't learning, but he often made random remarks about the kids doing horrible things to him, being nasty to him etc. The teachers said everythign was fine, but his behaviour suggested otherwise, so he was removed before xmas. Now he is currently awaiting his first appt at CAMHS.

As for ds2, he also has mutliple food allergies. As far as we are aware, none of them result in anaphalaxis, but it is still too big a risk in my eyes (considering he has other health issues) to send him to school. He does mix with other children, we go out to places with lots of children, play area's, theme parks etc so he is not completely wrapped up in wool, but I feel better knowing that he is at home with me and I KNOW he's safe.

As for spending 24/7 with your child, I too agree that it depends on the child. Ds1 does go with the grandparents, does a sports activity class on a Saturday and we are looking at getting him swimming, into a football coaching class or cubs etc. We do spend alot of time together, but I think that has actually improved our relationship. I don't feel that I get as wound up by him as I would have done before and he is coming back out of his shell a little bit at a time. It is lovely to see, but then again, it is early days for us still and to be honest, we don't do that much in the way of "proper" schooling. We are still at the point of relaxing and having fun.

Of course there is more to the child than their allergy. I was really refering to what I understood was a young child and comparing Hillarys situation to my experience of young children with anaphalaxis. I am not talking about children that get a bit of eczema because they have eaten strawberries I am talking about children that can be dead within minutes following ingestion,inhalation or absorption of an allergen. These children are being supervised by teachers with a rudimentary understanding of their condition and I doubt many have experienced a major crisis like anaphalaxis presents. Although they have been shown how to use an epi pen it is a very different senario to actually use one on a child that is semi conscious and has an obstucted airway with a class room or playground full of little children milling around.

woops.....what I also meant to say is while they are so little it is so difficult to deal with anaphalaxis. As the child becomes more au fait with their condition then school is usually a viable option.I am by no means a cotton wool mother. I just know from experience that things can go very wrong in schools.

Tell me about it Tilbatilba, we live with these things every single minute of our awake time... do you also carry an epipen? because believe me... life feels strangely different as soon as you are prescribed one. Safer in a way but so very dangerous at the same time.

I take from your posts you don't because all that pesimism would be the sort of thing you would be trying to fight against if you did.

I have an epipen prescribed for me as I have severe allergy my daughters do not.
I am not pesimistic, far from it. I am a RN and do a lot of outdoor education work I also work as a school nurse.
My experience of teachers (trained in epi pen use/ the allergic child etc) is pretty woeful and because of my experience in working in schools with severely allergic children for the past 20 years made me decide if my children inherited my severe allergies there was no way while they were little could I trust an organisation to look after them.