is it a good idea to be with your child 24/7

[pirategirl]

I was wondering, i know in some countries and cultures it is normal. In some countries kids don't start conventional schooling till 6 or 7.
Here its younger, and I was reluctant to let go of my girl, yet she has gone to school and enjoys it.
I enjoy the 'me' time I have now, after 2 yrs of being on my own since marriage split.

Yet, i know that my friend who is a HE, spends all day every day with her child. I was thinking, you nkow when she goes to her groups, her son always has her in the same room.
I just wondered , because my mate had a bad time at school, wether she is not somehow re-creating a new way for her son, because she didnt feel right her self at school.

Her son is 7 and very clingy, very bossy. I sometimes really admire her giving so much of herself, yet also wonder if she and her son would benefit by not being 'together' all the time.

Good evening tilbatilba, funny you should say that I bumped into my old matron at my old secondary school last year and had my girls with me, I told her of my dd's allergies and she said the same thing as you.

I'd never trust my dd's in the care of people who dont understand anaphylaxis to its full extent especially whilst they are so young.

I really think it depends on the pparent and the child...I know that my lot would drive me round the bed in the long term!
I don't think a child is missing out by being home edded though!

i do.

i think the quality of education is bound to be superior, the amount of dedication to be applauded.

but theres a commonality about school which is much more than you can explain with a few anecdotes.

stuff that most sections of society experienced at school. not all of them good either. just a social commonality that i think home ed kids miss out on

dispite the protests of - we interact with other home ed kids and go to park often etc etc

hence why it isn't a choice i would consider full time - although i would part time.

I've been quite interested to read this thread as I have a close friend who home educates her children. I've known her quite a long time and when the children were younger I thought it looked like quite a good idea, but as they've got older I really don't think it would suit my family.

I have also noticed clinginess - and yes, I would call it clinginess when the oldest boy who is 9 refuses point blank to leave his mother's side when I go round or if they visit us, even when his mother shouts at him to leave her alone just for 5 minutes They have no family nearby and although they do ocassionally play at other HE family's houses this is pretty rare as far as I can tell. One of the younger children once asked me if I wished I could have some time on my own because he wished he could get away from his mum and siblings sometimes.

I'm not convinced that the quality of education is superior - none of the children can read very well at all because by the mum's own admission she doesn't have time because of having younger pre school-age children.

I know the mum is just doing what she feels is best for her children and I totally admire her dedication, but I don't think it would work for us.

I think a lot does depend on the child & the parents...but I personally feel that children do need to be with their families until they are happy to be more independent....whether thats at 5, 10 or 15 years. Schools dont really have any room for manouver with that as you start at a certain age & the child just has to cope with it, whether they can or not .....mammals are supposed to be close to their mums for a lot longer than we as humans (especially in western society) currently practice...babies in nurseries, prams & pushchairs, mums going back to work, wrap-around daycare, nurseries, pre-schools etc all separate children from their parents, even before they start full-time education at age 5...we seem to have somehow lost the fact that being around children & babies is a nice & rewarding thing to do, for both parents & children. Even before I knew I wanted to HE I wasnt going to send DS to nursery, reception etc. I simply dont think children need it...all they need is to be close to their loved ones & to be allowed to just play & explore their world.

For us personally HE will be just an extention of that....DS will be close to us when he wants...but can still have some time on his own if he wants...whether thats in another part of the house, round his Nans house or a friends house, at a club or activity such as scouts or football, etc.....certainly for us HE doesnt mean being in the house on our own all the time.

I dont think that schools are any better at encouraging independence tbh - children are constantly supervised and told what do & when to do it....teachers have just replaced the parents....

Hilllary,
How long do you plan to home educate for? Do you expect your children to go to work when they grow up. Are they likely to outgrow their allergies.

It seems sad that they can't get to mix with other children with similar allergies.

I don't think that being in a nursery makes children independent. Many of the children at my son's school are extremely clingy. A lot of them stay in the same room whenever their child does an out of school activity. I am not sure if this is because they are paranoid about paedophiles or whether their child is clingy. Its not just home ed children who are clingy.

I was shocked that most of the mums decided to stay at my son's fifth birthday party. I think that children are more clingy than twenty years ago. I don't think that my mother ever stayed at a birthday party.

Children make it clear when they no longer need their mummies around.

Frances5 of course I expect my dd's to go to work when they grow up, as they will be independant adults they will be able to look out for themselves but at the moment they are very vulnerable to contamination. My dd's will not grow out of their allergies they are anaphylactic, within 6 minutes of exposure to an allergen (even being present in the same room) they would be dead. They have to have a trainned epipen user present at all times giving them one to one care.

I will be home educating throughout their schooling years. My dd1 already has tuition and is learning french and spanish.

We have family they mix with but others do not understand the extent of their allergies and are a danger to them.

I was very concerned about how we would all deal with being together 24/7, in fact it was the only aspect that did worry me when we were contemplating the decision, but until you've tried it I don't think you can say "it would be a nightmare".
It's a little strange at first but in our case we kind of all drifted into a routine/pattern whereby everyone has a little time on their own during the day. My Dd will go off and read quietly somewhere, My Ds will play with his toys and the baby sleeps!
What we did was organise our time so that for 30 minutes or so in the afternoon everyone gets some quiet "me" time, it's evolved that way and this is where I catch up with phonecalls, cuppas etc. It works for us, my kids are fabulous people (not biased at all lol) and I really enjoy watching them discover life.
We go out everyday and the kids play together, playdates often involve the kids playing out of sight of the adults and my kids aren't clingy, but do often come back to "touch base" if you will at the HE groups. We have Spanish class, dancing and sports where I take them but wait outside.
I agree about the strange way we have of dispatching our kids at an early age in this country. I wonder if another way to look at this issue is when did we decide that it was best for the child to be separated from their family for 6-7hours a day/ five days a week? Is that really best for the child, personally for us it's not.

Hilllary,
I don't doult that your girls are having an excellent academic education. There is more to life than academic education. I find it strange that they can't even mix with neighbours children or other home ed children with you present.

Do you think with such a sheltered upbringing they will cope in the adult world with relationships and making friends outside the family.

in answer to the OP

not really, no

not once they are old enough to be mouthy

not good for anyone

few HErs are with their kid 24/7

Frances, do you think Hilllary hasn't thought about all that?

Obviously it's a compromise and I think she is probably doing everything in her power to make their lives as happy and rounded as possible within the extreme circumstances.