Taking my DS out of school again

[Angelface5]

Hi all we're new on here and would so like some advice from you all.
Have decided to take DS out of school again he is 7,he has been back a year. We HE before so not totally in the dark but nerves are getting the better and now starting to panic and I'm meant to be taking d-reg letter to school tomorrow.

DS is doing really well in school and it is a lovely school no probs with teachers or bullying or anything like that. It's when he gets home the problems start,he is climbing the walls so hypo and shouting at everyone and is really rough with his little sister. In school hols he is fine with none of this behaviour.
Really hope we are making the right decisions with taking him out of school x

When mine were that age they were a bit similar - I think for some kids they find the constant social interaction of being in school overwhelming, but they are well behaved at school. When they get home they are exhausted and grumpy and intolerant.

I would try HE for a year or two and then reassess the situation - it may be that school would then be worth a try again.

Can I ask OP, what was the reason he went back to school in the first place? As it might help you figure out how to make things a bit different this time (eg more or less going to groups, or different structure or learning style approach etc)

I totally agree with those saying it's horses for courses. I'm still considering home ed for my 7yo DD who is overwhelmed by school. The kicking off after home time really isn't about needing to run off energy (which she does do - park every day etc), it's about the fact she is unable to deal with the pent up emotions that have been brewing all day and having no quiet time. I recognise it because I'm the same - if my place of work is more crowded than usual for example, I will melt down when I'm at home. Anyway, we are going to wait and see how she gets on in yr3 of her new (massive) junior school, and if it doesn't improve then we will be HEing. We have always considered it anyway so it won't be a hugely difficult decision although obviously a huge lifestyle change.

DS (5) on the other hand is fine with school. Any 'hyper' type behaviour is just that - he's running off energy and gets a bit silly. Despite me being far more worried about him starting school than DD, because he has a late August birthday and has a speech disorder, he is getting on reasonably well. Behaviour seems to have settled. If we home ed DD we will quite likely keep him in school as it seems beneficial to him. In summer he was a nightmare without the structure of school, DD however was so much calmer and happier.

Fizzpig that is so my son. He still struggles leaving me and tells me all the time he misses me.
He went back to school to give it a go which has been a year now and he still hasn't settled properly so my decision is to HE him again as school is too overwhelming and he is just upset,shouting and can not control his feelings etc. when he is out of school on hols etc he is a different child.
I don't see how people say you can't keep taking your son in and out of school. He went to school a year ago and hasn't worked for him so I'm HE him and this will be till he is mature enough to deal with certain situations so could be years now. Leaving him at school with how he is is damaging him. I can't sit by any longer and see him so upset as it's a whole year now.
My son went to school as we thought he was ready(clearly can see now he wasn't)
My son is very loving he has 4 sisters and when not at school the family life is great but when at school the whole family suffer and it's so upsetting.

Considering so many other countries don't do formal school till 7, it's not unlikely that he's just too young and struggles to contain himself for a full school day, hence the stressful type behaviour when he gets home. If you can HE and it suited him before, try if again. Can always go back to school when he's matured a big if he / you feel he'll cope better then

For the record my son is now at home and in only a couple of weeks I have my little boy back,which nearly makes me cry just thinking about it.
Everyone has to do what is best for their family. And every child is different. I have realised the last two years that too many of us just make do and put our children in school because we think we have to or because of work commitments.
I want my children to enjoy them selfs and be them selfs not have to be a number in a class room.
My son will now stay at home till high school which he will then get the choice,if we decides not to do high school he will study at home and do igcses.
All I can say is my son was well behaved at school but wasn't happy. Now at home we have had no upset no shouting no crying and a little boy who wants to help his sister instead of hurting her.
Wish I had never let him go back but it was a learning experience and we sure have learnt a lot from it x x

Well done angelface glad you're all happy :)

Really pleased to hear you've made a decision you're happy with. Good luck to you .

Have just read the whole thread. I'm so happy to read the happy ending.

Igcses? You're going to need more than knowing ur child best of anyone for that one, Hun.

Do you have much experience of home education, Nit? Have you come across many families who do it? You'll find that iGCSEs are a very common choice, and that actually, with text books, the internet, a motivated teenager and a network of friends, GCSEs are really not that massive a challenge. The biggest challenge is actually finding the money to enter the teen as a private candidate (where it's paid for through taxation or school fees for children in state and private schools, respectively).

Oh, and Angel - delighted you are seeing an improvement in your son's well being now you've removed him from school. That must really help to confirm that you've done the right thing :)

^ Agree with ommmward.

Besides, the little chap is seven! Fear of IGCSEs is hardly a good reason not to home educate him now. It isn't as if parents have to sign a ten-year contract to keep home educating right the way through. There is plenty of time to consider ways of doing exams (or bypassing exams) in the years to come. That could include school, though most families find that doing exams while HE is not really so daunting when it comes to it.

Thank you so much ommmward and Saracen again.
And Nit I have children from 17 yrs down to 17 months my dd1 done igcses, had the choice of college or apprentaship and has made her choice and is now doing an apprentaship.
Of course I know it's going to take more than me knowing my son best.
But it's a good start. His teacher didn't know his likes, dislikes, his little ways. They don't care and love and feel for your child as you do.
I see his unhappy little face and now see him laughing playing and smiling.
But who am I to judge as I have never understood why parents have children to send then off to nursery as soon as they can anyway.
And I am open to school and HE and like I said we will see what happens but for now he is at home until high school age.
We will take every day as it comes.

Some people still seem to think the only time a child can learn anything is sat in a class room with a teacher.
If this is the case is that where you put them to learn to walk and talk !!
And anything your not sure of you have the wonderful access to the internet. When my older daughter was HE if she wanted to study something that I only knew a little or nothing about we researched it together. It's also amazing how close it brings you to your children aswell.
As I'm amazed most days how some parents and children don't communicate.

I am an ex teacher and think that you can deliver a rich curriculum and lots of social opportunities as a parent. There is an awful lot of stuff going on out there that is free or very cheap for home edders.

My son is the samne as yours was in school; well behaved there but stressed and wound up by the time he got home. He has autism and the holding in the stress and sesnsory overstimulation at school leads to meltdowns at home.

I've sometimes thought that maybe my son has something more going on inside his little head but always held off looking into it as his behaviour at school was good and whenever I spoke to the teachers they always said everything was spot on and he was racing past all the other children on everything at school.
Since being at home he has totally changed.
Before if he was tired we would have a total melt down and would certainly not leave the house as the upset would be too much.
But today he was really tired and we popped to the city done what we needed to do and all he said to me was "mummy I'm so tired"
I nearly melted
He has gone from screaming fits and crying and being so mean to his sister, to calmly saying mummy I'm so tired. And the worst it's got is him having a little cry and then a cuddle and saying I'm fine now. I'm amazed that my ds has changed so much in 4 weeks.
Still can't get my head around how he was at home when he went to school !!

It feels so emotional for me to sit and listen to him talking to his 4 year old sister aswell as he is so sweet to her, and she adores him.
I have missed all of this and am so happy I have it all back again. I feel like I lost my ds for a year, yet so well behaved at school.
Thank you everyone for your advice it helped me so much

That's so lovely to read, Angel. Well done you on seeing what wasn't right for your son and making the changes to help him.

Glad to hear it is going so well Angel .

Oh Angel, how lovely. You've made me cry

Really delighted for you and your little boy. And his sister, of course.