Taking my DS out of school again

[Angelface5]

Hi all we're new on here and would so like some advice from you all.
Have decided to take DS out of school again he is 7,he has been back a year. We HE before so not totally in the dark but nerves are getting the better and now starting to panic and I'm meant to be taking d-reg letter to school tomorrow.

DS is doing really well in school and it is a lovely school no probs with teachers or bullying or anything like that. It's when he gets home the problems start,he is climbing the walls so hypo and shouting at everyone and is really rough with his little sister. In school hols he is fine with none of this behaviour.
Really hope we are making the right decisions with taking him out of school x

I personally think you're mad. I'm a primary school teacher and probably once or twice a year we have a parent take their child out to home school them. We are a very large school so this isn't as many as it sounds!

I have no idea how a parent thinks they are able to deliver the rich curriculum and social opportunities that a school can. My to mention how to function in a mixed community.

This last year we've had two of our home school parents ask to bring their children back to school. We are full as we have a waiting list so both times they've had to disrupt their education again by taking them to a different school.

If has no problems at school why one earth have you decided he'd be better off where he does have problems?

He only has problems at home when he is at school. Like I said scho hols he is fine at home.
I believe children learn when happy he doesn't want to go to school but at school his behaviour is good coz that's the sort of child he is. But when he gets home he is so full of energy from his day he just explodes.
So is this your opinion for all home schooled children?

Have you tried taking him to the park for an hour after school every day? It can be hard for kids to follow all the rules of school and then they lose the plot a bit at home - the first term up to Christmas is usually pretty tough and essentially he's starting over as a reception child again.

Have you asked for some support from the school?

Why not try running it out of him- take him to the park on the way home and run and roar and climb some trees. Or go swimming? or martial arts? or ...
School is showing him that self control is something necessary and that's a crucial life lesson. If he can be himself ALL the time at home, how does he learn to adapt to the different ways he has to be in life?

X post!

I also wanted to add that when DS was HE before and we had LEA come out they were over the moon with the work that was being done.
He was ahead of other children his age and when he returned to school he new a lot more than his class mates his teacher was shocked and said he helped a lot.
I once sat in one of his classes and was shocked it took the teacher45 mins to do a task that would take 5 mins at home.
I love my son and want only the best and want a loving family for him but while in school he is a different child.
Any good words from HE mums please x

No experience of home schooling but my DS (6, Yr 2) can be really shouty and overly energetic after school. Think it's all the sitting still. We try to play on the park next to school for 20 mins or so after they've finished. He gets a good run round, uses up some of that extra energy then he's much better. I can usually find another mum there to chat too so it's win win. Might be worth a try if you're not certain about your decision.

Sorry x'd post too - all had the same thought

Why are you thinking it might be the wrong decision?

TBH I think you should look at after school activities and interests first before taking him out of school again.
Many bright children find school a bit boring, but, if he is happy, not being bullied etc, I think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Evening and out of school activities saved my DC, there are so many interesting and stimulating things they can do.
I would absolutely recommend (all from personal experience):
Cubs
Swimming
Martial arts
Gymnastics

Are you sure he isn't just hungry/tired/growing?

What you describe is pretty average behaviour for a 7 year old boy after a busy day at school.

Sorry - probably not what you wanted to hear, but as a parent of 3, now grown up DC, I would urge you to think very hard before taking such a drastic step.

What's the purpose of your post, OP? I mean, do you want posters to make suggestions with regard to helping your son expend his energy and stay in school, or do you want reassurance and support for HE?

I am wondering if there is more to it than his behaviour after school - surely no-one would remove their child from school just because their behaviour is a bit challenging for an hour or two after school? Are you worried about your DS and school for other reasons?

Sounds line HE has worked well for you before, but my concern is that you might prefer to keep him in school if you can sort the after school behaviour? If you do HE, do you have a network of HE families near you so that he can socialise, and do you feel confident with the KS2 curriculum? I don't mean that in an accusatory manner, I'm sure you know what you're doing if you've done it before.

I found the hardest thing about home ed was making the decision to do it. My eldest son was at a lovely school, in the nursery and was happy there. He probably would have been happy in the main school as well. I just think that he's probably even happier being home ed. I asked if he'd like to go and look at secondary schools, as he's now ten and he looked at me as if I were mad and said 'why?'.

He's had so many opportunities through home edding; done excellent science workshops at Royal Institution, attended so many home ed sessions at museums near us, been to some great home ed sports groups (basketball, tennis, football, climbing, gymnastics, swimming, scuba divng, ice skating, fencing, archery, table tennis), workshops at art galleries, been to lots of home ed social groups - with children from far wider backgrounds than he'd meet at our local primary school, been on home ed adventure camps, taken part in home ed nativity plays, sports days, music lessons and concerts. He has friends over a much wider age range and area than he would have done if he'd been at school.

We've loved being able to follow his interests and expose him to a far wider variety of trips out and social situations than would have been possible if he'd been in school. We've found that other home ed parents are often happy to share their particular skills and lead workshops for a group of children, or we've been able to get various experts in to do sessions either free or relatively low cost (when shared between a group).

The Ted talks from Ken Robinson and Sugata Mitra are interesting and give some clues as to why people might choose home ed rather than schools (although they are talking about the school system rather than home ed). You could also read the speech John Gatto made when accepting his award for New York teacher of the Year.

Everyone's different, but I found that getting out and going to lots of home ed groups and reading quite a lot on the subject gave me a lot of confidence when I started out. I think the whole family have probably had more fun and learnt more together (I know I've learnt loads) than we would have done if the children had gone to school. I guess it's impossible to know how things would have been if you'd taken another route though and it's really about making the choice you make work.

Good luck!

It is really really common for people to say that their children's behaviour and general well being improves DRAMATICALLY once they are removed from school.

It is also a very common discussion on the Special Needs boards about how their children seem to manage to hold it together while they are in school, and then completely melt down when they get home. That doesn't just mean they are too tired or hungry or need exercise - it very often means that school is an intensely stressful experience for them, for various reasons. I suspect it is more common than most think, but it's often more acute in children with Special Needs because the stress levels can be through the roof.

What you're going through is very like what parents of reception aged children go through. Only you can't write it off as him being "very little" or "only getting used to being away from parents for the first time" or whatever. Me, I'd take it seriously, take him out tomorrow, and rejoice in having your sunny, calm, eager-to-learn child back within a week or two.

Personally, I think it best to take advice in this situation from people who have first hand personal knowledge of home education, and especially those who have experienced a happy child becoming much less happy when they've tried school. They'll be along soon; it's just that HEers are often not particularly early risers :) #smughomeeducatingbastard

I would ask him what he wants, at 7. Unlike most children he has experienced both HE and school and will be able to contribute towards the decision.

It seems a strange reason to HE. Lots of 6/7 DC are wild when they come out of school. They have to concentrate on being good pupils, good friends and doing as they are told at school. They feel safe to be pitas at home.

Just because he's good in the holidays does not mean he will be if you try and imposes any reasonable amount of work and routine in term time.

Being at home, doesn't stop him growing up and realising he's an individual who wants more of his own way.

HE might spread this into small incidents through the day, rather than all after school, but you can't stop him behaving like a seven year old because he is seven.

And no I have nothing against HE, one of my DFs HE her 3 DCs untill they went to secondary. However, it certainly didn't mean her bright lively DS was any different to how he would have been going to school.

Seems as though he's well stimulated at school, which'll be as much about the sights, sounds, smells(!) of other children, adults, equipment, building, as much as the actual learning. It's afterwards that he needs to be able to wind down. Home isn't doing that for him.

Agree with park, walk, cycle. Nothing too stimulating though - he needs to wind down physically and mentally.

yes what does he want.

my dd is 12 and still trying to settle back.

I'm a HE mum, in fact my children have never been to school, and I know plenty of other thriving HE children. OP, do you have specific concerns that you want to talk about, or more general reassurance that yes, normal families HE, and their children do well and are very happy?

"I have no idea how a parent thinks they are able to deliver the rich curriculum and social opportunities that a school can. My to mention how to function in a mixed community."

Pipinleaf, may I suggest you try to find out?

I HE DD2 because school was a disaster for her. My struggle isn't 'what to do', it's what to leave out! We are meeting with three distinct HE groups this week, from three very diverse populations. I'm lucky that my County is quite supportive of HE.

Opportunities she has this week:

Massive adventure playground with sand, a stand pipe and building materials. Around 20 children of mixed ages. The children entertain themselves, building dams and moats, forming rivers. They often create a shop where they sell random finds in return for stones, creating and negotiating their currency. Problem solving and cooperation. A chance to join in with a mini science workshop.

French class with a tutor who is fantastic. Degree in French and experience of living in France. Only 6-8 in the class.

Forest group, ice skating, diy/science group, bowling, museum visits, etc., etc.

She's made me progress in maths in two weeks than she did in two years at school. Finally starting to understand numbers and be able to do sums without panicking.

Don't knock it just because you are invested in the school system. incidentally, my youngest is still in ms primary. My eldest is in special school. I don't have anything against school but I think it's 'horses for courses'.

I'm sure it's quite true that many schoolchildren show the sort of behaviour you describe in your son, OP. But I don't see why that should affect your decision. The fact that many other kids also find school stressful as he does may mean it's "normal", but it doesn't mean it is ideal, or is something you must accept as inevitable for your child.

In practical terms not everybody has a choice about where their kids are educated and whether to spare them this sort of stress, because not all parents are able and willing to home educate. But you are lucky enough to have that choice.

You have seen for yourself how your son's wellbeing improves when he isn't going to school. The behaviour you see is a barometer of how he feels. Not all children find school hard going, but yours does. It isn't good for him - or more specifically, this school isn't good for him at this time.

You haven't mentioned any reasons why you are hesitating over HE; do you want to talk about that?

My ds is 13 and still needs a bit of exercise after school.

There are loads of good reasons to HE. Not sure that needing to let off steam after school's one though.

If you want to HE then do so.
I wouldn't keep swapping and changing though OP as this can cause more disruption. If you feel that HE is the right thing to do then you need to commit to it at least until he is ready for senior school.

I don't see that HE (or school) has to be something people commit to for a great length of time. Many parents do have their children in and out of school over the years according to what the child needs at each point in time, how well the available schools match that, and whether the parents are able to HE. It's a bit of an adjustment, but no, you don't have to commit for the rest of primary school!!

Often it isn't possible to guess how a child will respond to a particular school, to to home education, and you have to try it in order to find out.

Why did you put him back into school the first time? Are those reasons still valid?