Taking my DS out of school again

[Angelface5]

Hi all we're new on here and would so like some advice from you all.
Have decided to take DS out of school again he is 7,he has been back a year. We HE before so not totally in the dark but nerves are getting the better and now starting to panic and I'm meant to be taking d-reg letter to school tomorrow.

DS is doing really well in school and it is a lovely school no probs with teachers or bullying or anything like that. It's when he gets home the problems start,he is climbing the walls so hypo and shouting at everyone and is really rough with his little sister. In school hols he is fine with none of this behaviour.
Really hope we are making the right decisions with taking him out of school x

Oh my goodness, pipinleaf -you are the epitome of when I speak about teachers 'not getting it'. I am a primary teacher and have been for 12 years, I also home educate my son who has special needs. Please do yourself and all who you teach a favour and do some research, go on courses, ask around and please for your own sake, open your mind .

Coolas, if it is an informed opinion I have no issue with it. If it is a view formed in assumption then I have more issue with it.

As I say, my problem is working out what to turn down for DD2. I could book her week 3 times over. I have 5 HE groups within 30 mins of us. I'm in a rural location. I can imagine in a city there would be even more.

Social opportunities in a school:
15 min break in morning.
30 mins if lucky at lunch.
Rest of time-either being told to be quiet or eat.

I'm not actually saying HE is better or worse than a school based education . I have 1 in each and for the moment suits each child for their needs. School is great for some kids but a living hell for others. My point is that children don't necessarily exhibit their true emotions at school but wait until they feel safe and secure at home to let go of all the tension they have held together at school. Any teacher should be aware of this and not make sarcastic comments implying the problems are at home. Not exactly rocket science but something a LOT of teachers have issues with.

Children at our school get 30 min morning break and an hour at lunch. Younger ones get an extra break in the afternoon. Plus before and after school.

Lots of socialising time.

If they know how to socialise!

If you were teaching someone to surf for example, , would you throw them in the open sea with a surfboard among a load of competent surfers and just expect them to cope? No. So why is it thought (by some) that for a child who finds social interaction difficult, the best remedy is to leave them to fend for themselves among 200 odd other children. How is this socialising?
Just as you would start slowly and start a step by step approach with the surfing, for children who find socialising difficult, meeting other children in small groups, on a1-1 basis or with children who have a shared interest generally has a more successful outcome than just expecting them to get on with it in a playground.Feeling lonely is very different to being alone.

Yes well ideally they will have done that during their early years with playgroup, mothers and toddlers, family, friends etc.

No one is left to fend for themselves. I'm sorry you've had such awful experiences.

Unfortunately not all children develop according to the textbook. Many many children with special needs or not find the lack of structure hard to deal with. Another unbelievable reply!

"No one is left to fend for themselves."

Absolute baloney!!

Compare MS primary with special school primary:

SS: Play time is part of the school day. All staff are on duty and have rules to promote play skills with the children.

Lunch time is part of the school day. 1/2 of the staff have lunch (30 mins) while the other 1/2 serve the children, help them with their table skills, etc., then they have their lunch while the other half of the staff assist with play skills.

MS: Play time is non-contact time. One teacher takes play ground duty while the other staff prepare for the next lesson/have a wee/grab a lukewarm coffee/make a phone call to a parent.

Lunch time is non-contact. Dinner assistants serve/clear up/try to keep control of children.

It can be like Lord of the Flies at even the nicest of schools.

DD2 found socialising incredibly hard. Now, out of school, she mixes with all sorts of people and has the space to work on her social skills at her pace, rather than being compared to other more socially able children.

DD3 thrives in a school environment.

Finally, I have found another parent with the same issues I have. My DS is a totally different child when he's on school holiday than at term time. He behaves fairly well at school although he is behind on his work and has his own learning plan but shows behavioural difficulties, anxiety, sleep issues, anger issues when he gets home.
We have tried karate, swimming, football, to let it out of his system. Nothing has significantly helped. I have attended a parental course, he's been assessed by the school psychologist, paediatrician his GP but no answers.
We are considering HE as he responds well working on a one to one basis but struggles in group work.
I would much rather my son be happy and educated at a pace that suits him than be anxious and unhappy at school. Yes, I may not have the knowledge and experience of so some teachers but no teacher has the knowledge and experience of my DS like I do.
Having said that, I am still deciding whether I HE or not....early days.
Let me know what you decide Angelface5. I know exactly what you are going through and so wish you luck with whatever you decide.

There has been some lovely replies from some of you on here and some really negative ones!!! But hey no comment there as don't have the time for those small minded one sided people who think they know best for everyone.

I also have taken my son to clubs which he is at now and swimming lessons. We are never not doing something always busy with children's things.

PassMeAPasty-your so right when you say no one knows your son like you do.
You don't need knowledge and experience all you need is a positive attitude and love for your child which no teacher can give, and you can do it.

I have done it before and am going to do it again my son isn't going back to school. I can give my son more at home and so can you. X

Sorry, I can see arguments for home schooling, in some circs, but all this chopping and changing seems like a bad idea really.

And I have to take issue with the idea that 'you don't need knowledge or experience all you need is a positive attitude'. Whipping the kid out after five minutes because he's hard work after school seems all wrong, but as you say you're only interested in 'lovely replies' and you think anyone who doesn't agree with you is 'small minded', I'm sure you won't mind that.

I do think it's a bit sad that you label everyone who isn't wholeheartedly agreeing with you as "small minded"....................not sure why you posted, to be honest.

Haha, I've worked in SS and MS schools for years. Obviously in a parallel universe to some of you on here who know enough for all of us.

I know what it was like when I was at school. I know what I observed at two schools which are 'outstanding'. I know what it's like at DD1's SS.

Horses for courses. Not everyone suits every environment.

But he's happy and doing well, just full of beans when he comes home after a busy day!

Littlemissunshine72 love all your posts on this thread and in total agreement.

We have chopped and changed a lot as different needs have become apparent. Ds was home ed for all of year 4 - he went back to school and was ahead like yours OP. I saw no problem with it. He was HE again for year 7 and 8. I would say the later break from school has disrupted his education for some subjects. The earlier really wasn't a problem. The disruption was worth it however in term of ds' well being. My dd thrives in a school environment but has been to 3 primaries due to various circumstances. My dp went to so many schools he cannot even remember them (RAF kid). He says it makes you adaptable and dd agrees. This is similar for going in and out of HE particularly if you're happy to keep up core skills. So from my experience I wouldn't worry too much about disruption but concentrate on your reasons for HE and your concerns about it.

The reason for the small minded refs is a teacher saying you are mad to home ed full stop (which is very rude too!!)

Glad to hear that the discussion has helped you feel more comfortable with making a definite decision, OP!

Good luck to you and I hope all goes well.

Children behave differently (behave well) when at school because they are in a 'scary' environment and they have to hold in their emotions.
At home, they have a good attachment with the parent and they feel safe enough to show their emotions. So sorry to upset all the school teachers who think that because a kid only misbehaves at home, the problem is at home. In fact the problem is at school and the child only 'tells' (lets it show by physical means) once they get home.
Of course there are children who misbehave in all situations but this thread isn't about one of those.

"Children behave differently (behave well) when at school because they are in a 'scary' environment and they have to hold in their emotions."

This is not a universal truth.

"Haha, I've worked in SS and MS schools for years"

God help us all! Lol

Sorry my two-pennorth.
HE is fine - I know friends who have HE'd and have wonderful, competent, social children.
School is fine too - children can be tired of an evening as it is very intense. Lots of socialisation and sensory demands as well as a lot to learn. Sometimes exercise after school can be the answer, sometimes it can be some alone/down time. Also do consider low blood sugar (may eat little lunch as anxious to get out and play) and even dehydration even if they have a water bottle at all times. Lots of children don't like school toilets and restrict their drinking, so they don't need them.

Changing from one to the other can be fine!

However keep swapping is not ideal. Changing schools too much is not ideal, after all this is why school fees are often paid for the children of Service personnel. Neither is it good to keep changing from HE to school and back again.

So think: Why did you send him to school?
Why are you taking him out?
How long do you expect to keep HEing him?
What about secondary? GCSEs? A'levels?
What are you going to do differently than before? Do you have more support and resources? What opportunities for socialisation are you going to organise?
What will you do if he is still "he is climbing the walls so hypo and shouting at everyone and is really rough with his little sister", when you have taken him out of school? Or if he is like this when ever demands are put on him?