Support thread for new home educators

[ToffeeWhirl]

There seem to be a lot of us around at the moment, so I thought it might help us all to have a place where we can swap ideas, chivvy each other along on the bad days and cheer for each other on the good days.

I have two boys, the oldest is 12 and is just starting out in home education. My youngest is 6 and is still at school. Fortunately for me, he has just told me he's missing school and looking forward to going back .

We have had a good summer, with lots of dog walking, excursions, get-togethers with friends and family and minimal rules on television watching and computers. I have had a lovely time ordering books for our home ed library (failed to reign myself in on this ) and planning what we are going to study .

The plan at the moment is for DS1 to do a bit of Science, Maths and English every morning. He has a tutor for English once a week and we are going to get him a Maths tutor too. We will spend the rest of the time doing projects, reading together, practising handwriting, art, etc etc. Fridays are going to be 'free' days for informal learning, such as excursions.

I have been in touch with the local HE groups and we are planning to meet up with other HE families.

I'm spending some time today organising everything - plans, timetables, files, folders, lapbooks, etc. We have a visit from the LEA next Thursday, which gives me a good deadline to work towards.

I would love to hear how the rest of you newbies are getting on. And words of wisdom from the more experienced home educators are very welcome too!

We're looking at schools for DS after half term. They're both excited. We've been doing a big replan of our family life because DH won't be away at all when we move. DS was 1 and DD was 5 when DH started working away so they've not really known "normal" family life. We've all been pitching in ideas. They want to learn to sail and they want to carry on our Sunday night movie nights. DH suggested we have a family book on the go and read a chapter together when we're together in the evenings (when neither of us is out). The children loved it. DH has fond memories if reading The Hobbit together with his family when he was growing up. He doesn't know but I've ordered a special edition of the book and plan to present it to him when we move.

Helen, fantastic.

You can't go wrong with the hobbit, and it holds fond memories for me too. This was the turning point for making progress with reading. It was a long hard battle with dyslexia, although I never knew this.
Your family nights sound so good and I know where you are coming from with dh working away. It will be a huge change for you all, and very exciting too.
I wish you well with the school hunt, hey and don't go all posh on us when you become a "suthner". We found we did alot of things together as a family but dh was a bit sad as he said he realised what he had missed out on. I made sure he got all the nice bits to do for a while and took a bit of a back seat.

It will be a HUGE change for us all. I've already had the "indulgent daddy needs to stop when you're not away anymore" chat. He does tend to bend rules and treat them at the weekends. He's listening!

Ah, I am so happy for you all and theres nothing wrong with an indulgent daddy, if he feels he's missed alot, lol.

We have never looked back since our move, it was 12 years ago now and the best thing we ever did. Where are your extended family Helen? I ask as ours were all up here and it was so nice to be near for regular visits rather than twice a year. If they are not near to where you are moving, do factor in lots of visits to them and them to you if possible. Our one regret was moving from family as dcs grand parents missed so much. However, they were quite old so perhaps a different scenario to yourself. By the time we moved back up here my parents were too old really to benefit .

morethan - no, I won't back down and I think DS realises DH and I mean what we say. This evening he said he has decided to wait until he's 14 before he plays 18 games . Must have been hard for you to have to manage different rules for different DC. Luckily, DS1 rarely lets DS2 in his room, so DS2 has no access to the XBox. Sounds like a lovely moment with your two DC today . Oh - and, hey, don't be cheeky about us 'suthners'!

Helen - that's a lovely idea to present DH with a copy of 'The Hobbit'. I love your idea of a family book on the go. Reading to my DC is one of my favourite things and I shall be very sad when they don't want me to anymore (no sign of that yet, thankfully).

morethan my family are in Staffirdshire and DH's family are in Wiltshire and Devon so we'll be a bit nearer to his and further away from mine.

Promise not to go posh when I go dahn sahth . Slightly worried that there might be passport control when I hit Berkshire!

Helen
I believe passport control used to be as far down as Watford, but after too many complaints they moved it to Birmingham. Anything north of this and it is flat cap, cloggs, and pigeon fanciers who usually eat anything with a crust on the top.

at passport control.

morethan - thanks to your advice on life skills, I have been spurred into action with DS1 and today I suggested to him that we pay him whenever he takes on a challenge (like the farm therapy or going to a home ed group) and it will be paid into a bank account for him, which he can manage himself. The only stipulation is that he is not allowed to spend his money on 18-rated XBox games! He really likes the idea of having his own bank account (comes with a debit card too).

Found home ed stressful today. We spent an hour on long multiplication with nothing to show for it at the end because DS1 simply couldn't grasp it and ended up wailing that he was rubbish at Maths. I felt useless as a teacher too. Then I told him that his handwriting had really improved and he stormed out . (I think he thought I must be being sarcastic ). Tackled some science, then we started on some Tudor History (partly because my mum is coming later this week and she's a great History fan and will be asking about it). The best bit of this was watching the Richard III song on 'Horrible Histories'.

We will be stopping formal work during half term next week, as DS2 is off school and DS1's best friend will be around in the day. Are the rest of you taking time off for half term or carrying on as normal? I know a lot of home ed families don't take any notice of school holidays, but we still have a foot in that camp, so it suits us.

Toffee.

So glad about the bank account, fantastic news. I found out rather late with ds2, thinking it would all fall into place like it did with ds1, how wrong I was. Sometimes he seems so useless where life skills are concerned and compared to his peers. I can't even get him to ask about job vacancies in the shops in town. He would be good as he communicates well with lots of people, but can't get him to make that move somehow.
I have been there with maths with dd and I know how you feel, but something my PGCE taught me was even what seems to be a bad lesson you learn something as a teacher. You now know a problem area, not to try again either in the method or the subject. So you haven't lost anything. You are also right if he likes history, its exactly what I did. We left the maths for a long time and did other stuff. Somebody here advised me, it might have been you.
We are having half term so dd can play with her school friends more and one is coming round wednesday which she is so happy about.
I'm not sure if this will help but dds confidence was shot with Maths and English and bit by bit I'm trying to build her up, but one step forward 2 back at times. I tell her that these are things that eventually she has to be able to do to be able to look after herself. Maybe she might not manage it yet but it will come one day. Nothing was going to placate your ds today, he had made his mind up he was rubbish, this is like my dd and at times seems really counter productive. Your praise of handwriting fell on deaf ears, but I bet if you tell him again when he's carm it will be a huge boost for him. I also write a list with dd of all the things she can do, not easy when they are in rubbish mood but you might get through eventually.

Oh, thank you, morethan - what an encouraging post to come home to . I will bear in mind what you say about learning something as a teacher even in the bad lessons - that is really good advice and makes me feel less hopeless. And you are right that nothing was going to placate DS1 today and he was convinced that he was rubbish. I like your idea of writing a list with him of all the things he can do. I'm sorry your DD's confidence in her abilities at English and Maths has been shaken. It's so hard to rebuild that confidence once it has been lost, but we'll get there in the end.

In contrast with this morning, I have just had a lovely before-bed chat with DS1. The difference, if I think about it, is that I was more relaxed. I had just come back from a couple of hours out with some friends, had had a few drinks and enjoyed good conversation and laughter, so I was in a much happier state of mind. This morning, I was worried about DS making progress with his work because he'd missed a lot last week by being ill, and DS probably picked up on my anxiety. I must try to be more laid back. Not sure how to stop worrying, but I think it might be the key to happier days if I can. Maybe half term will give me a much-needed break too.

It's understandable that you expected your second son to learn life skills as easily as your first. Hopefully, he will develop in his own time, just at a different pace to his brother.

Am looking forward to DS1 having a Maths lesson with a tutor tomorrow - let's me off the hook for a day!

Maths lesson with DS1's tutor went really well today . DS1 said, "I was really good!" and beamed at me. What a contrast with yesterday.

We have DS's weekly visit to the farm this afternoon, which DS has grudgingly admitted that he quite enjoys. So I hope today is going to be a more positive day overall.

Toffee

Visits to the farm and good Maths lesson, you are going to be skint . Really pleased that he feels better about Maths. I worry sometimes about Maths and English as everybody needs these subjects for life. I still don't think school would be addressing her problems though. They'd still be saying "she's fine", "slightly above average".

I have just contributed to a thread in education about H.ed, here we go again. Can somebody tell me why I can't resist getting involved? I have no idea, I'm not usually confrontational by nature and there is a certain person who always seems to want to confront me, lol.
I suppose I could do something else, but somehow I'm drawn.

Best to avoid the inevitable arguments on those threads, I've decided, morethan. I think it's a shame when either side of the home/ed versus school camp are judgemental. Both suit different people and situations - they don't need to be an attack on each other (I don't mean you - and I can see what you mean about certain posters).

Formal home ed is winding down here in the Toffee household. DS1 was very happy when I left him to get on with BBC Bitesize and his own interests today. Half-term is approaching and we are looking forward to the break.

I'm finding this week hard. Dd seems to have a mental block about English. She tells herself she can't do it then strops when I say she can. This afternoon I shouted at her that she'd have to go back to school .

I think I need a break tbh. In the last 24 hours a friend's dd has been listed for a heart transplant and another friend's DGS died.

Hi Toffee.

I know you are right, and I'm going to make a huge effort not to get involved again [hgrin] it is so pointless and a waste of time.

Glad ds1 is ok and I like Bitesize too, it will do you both good to have a break. Friends to play is a brilliant idea.

I am looking forward to a break and dd isn't well atm with a streaming cold, she missed her play date today and is gutted. She might miss thursday music night as well which means she'll be inconsolable. [hsad]

I have also decided that I am going to be alot more formal next half term and look at improving specific areas especially in Maths and English.

Helen your poor friends.

They are going to need your support so a break from H.ed is what you need. Don't worry about your dd she will be ok, I think they all do this as maybe they think they can now. I often think when dd does it that she wouldn't strop at school because they wouldn't allow it. This is one reason I'm doing a bit of planning to show dd what we need to cover. I thought this was good as the things she is aware of she will remind me we need to do. So perhaps it will enable her to be in control of what we are doing and also make her think she is deciding, iykwim.

Sorry you are having a hard week, Helen. You must be very upset for your poor friends and it is bound to affect your patience with your DD. What with that and your move coming up, it sounds as if a break from home ed is an excellent idea and has coincided perfectly with half term.

Sounds like English is to your DD what Maths is to my DS. He also gets cross if I praise him . And I also once threatened him with going back to school when I was at the end of my tether, but it has no impact on him at all. He just shrugs at me and says, "Well, I won't go".

morethan - yes, I'd stay out of it if I were you. To be honest, as I said, I hate either camp being smug about their choices. I am reading Ross Mountney's book, 'A Funny Kind of Education', about her home-educating experience, and am so disappointed by it so far because it is so critical of the school system and evangelical (and smug, I feel) about home ed. Personally, I don't think all children are crushed by each and every school (I can see how some children flourish at our local schools), but I do know that some children cannot cope in the school environment, which is one of many reasons why there should be a choice.

Bitesize is useful, isn't it? DS1 often asks to go on it, but I tend to say no because I like to work with him and ensure he's actually doing something (he tends to slide into Minecraft or YouTube if he's left on his own ). Discouraging it for so long has had the unexpected bonus that DS1 now sees it as more desirable than ever and is delighted if I say he can go on it. We both love Questionaut - has your DD ever played it? It's revision for KS2, but it is so delightfully illustrated and we love the music. It has a neat little storyline too.

Your poor DD having a streaming cold and missing her friends. I hope she will be better by Thursday.

It will definitely be a Bitesize day tomorrow as DM is arriving, which means I have to do a crisis clean. I'm going to get DS going over material that we have worked on this last half term in Maths, Science and English and then that will be that. Phew. Holiday time!

I tend to steer clear of the HE vs school debates too. I have a foot in both camps and can see good stuff on both sides. I see first hand what DS's school does for children from very challenging backgrounds. HE in those families just wouldn't work and would probably harm the child.

The structured vs autonomous debates are no better.

Hi everyone, sorry not to be on much but I'm just so busy driving here, there and everywhere.

I've decided to send DS to a conservatoire junior department on Saturdays so I can have a break. I'm hoping he will start in January. Other developments is that he now feels so free to be himself that he's died his hair. Unfortunately it turned out ginger rather than blonde but he's not too bothered as he said, "who's going to bully me in HE group?"

We still argue, but we are both spirited!

Hi Colleger. The music course on Saturdays sounds like a great idea. It will be good for both of you to have a break from each other. How brilliant that your DS feels relaxed enough to dye his hair (even if it was an unexpected colour!).

Helen - agree with you on structured versus autonomous ed. All have their place.

I met a RL home educator today. I took the boys to a book swap and she overheard me mentioning that DS was being educated at home and introduced herself. We had a very interesting chat and what she said gave me food for thought. I mentioned the difficulty of getting DS1 to go to any home-ed groups so that he can make more friends and she said her Dh never had more than two friends throughout his childhood (also loved computing, like my DS), but functions well socially and has an excellent job which involves travelling the world and mixing with all sorts of people. It has made me think twice about insisting DS go to the home-ed group next month (which I know he doesn't want to go to at all).

It's good to have put the home ed material away for now. On Thursday, I went over what we have studied over the past few weeks and - surprise! - DS seems to have retained most of it! I was so relieved to know that he is really learning.

His work on the farm - which he is enjoying in spite of his initial reservations - has had an unexpected consequence: he can no longer eat lamb (having worked with the sheep last week) and is considering becoming a vegetarian. I said that is fine if that's what he wants (I was a vegetarian for 10 years - breastfeeding DS1 turned me back into a ravenous carnivore ).

Hope you are all enjoying your half term.

Starting home ed again after our half-term break. I'm hoping to be a bit more relaxed about it this time round. This week, we are just going to take it easy and have fun. DS1 is having his weekly Maths lesson at the moment. He really likes his teacher and she is doing wonders for his confidence with Maths, so that's a good thing. He has farm therapy this afternoon, which he loves. In between, we'll continue reading 'Millions' by Frank Cottrell Boyce, which ties in neatly with our recent discussions on managing money.

Helen - moving is so stressful - I hope it's going as well as can be. How is your friend's DD at the moment? I suppose she might have a long wait for a transplant.

colleger - DSs and I have been enjoying Eton's 'Gangnam Style' parody on YouTube. Is your son in it?! And how is the Saturday music school going for your home-ed son?

morethan - I hope your DD recovered from her cold enough to enjoy her holiday. Have you had any more thoughts about being more structured for Maths and English?

Hello all.

Just a short post till later as we're off to dancing, tap and modern tonight. Bloody awful weather though and don't want to walk and get wet. Grrrr, the things we do for our dc.
Hope you all had a good holiday. DD still has sore throat and I'm getting a bit worried about lack of practice as she has an exam next month. Also loads of concerts coming up.
We have started a bit more formality in Maths and English but just until I get her to a reasonable level, then I'll drop it off a bit.
See you all later.

Colleger.

Well done to your ds with the jd, its by no means easy without hard work and commitment.
I'm not sure which one but given your location, theres only a couple I think.

DD is still working hard and practices well, but I don't think she will be of standard for jd at 11 especially on violin. She will be about gr5 then but theres 8 year olds who are.
She is determined to go to the well known specialist music school we have in our area but unless she can make them over turn their general ruling on voice not accepted until 6th form, she will be disappointed here to. I'm not pushing her at the expense of everything else though so we'll wait and see. It would be a shame as its why she wanted H.ed and the reason I panic quite a bit. Its like if she doesn't do it I have failed in some way. I guess at least its a difference from the parents who want dc to do it for them and not for the dc themselves. .

We're away at the moment but doing a bit of HE.

Using a great creative writing resource called "rip the page". I was a bit about some of the exercises but the children have really got into them...which just shows how little I know.

DH has been commuting daily this week so it's been a taste of life as it will be. Proper family meals, help with reading etc. DS was a bit baffled at the start of the week but now he's loving having daddy home every night.

Thursday is trip day and we're off to the V&A.